toxic waste

Malcom Lyall 24 years old Werewolf Bricket Wood "It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for; I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill."

[woodericka]

“Not a single thing. You know how I am, I start to talk and then it gets all confusing.” She laughed as she looked around, trying to make him forget she was indeed speaking her mind.

“Awesome, hoping for a better night than it seemed you were going to have.” 

[maliciousmalcom]

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you have A.D.H.D or something?” 

“Fight or no fight, I always know how to have a good night, Ericka. Don’t go doubting my abilities now.” 

[lxdyloupe-blog]

“If you’re going to insist on staring at me like that, then you should at least buy me a drink first.” 

[maliciousmalcom]

“I don’t think my girlfriend would be too pleased to hear me doing either of those two things.” 

[klaroline-secrets]

[woodericka]

“Yeah… like I would the one having thoughts about you. Aiming the wrong way, buddy.” Ericka pretended she didn’t say anything, after all it was just assumptions she had on her mind, Lucy and Malcom were always together and deep down she always thought there were sparks there. “Anyway… No, I’m not like Lucy. But I hate whiskey, so vodka will be my choice.”

[maliciousmalcom]

“What are you trying to say exactly?” he asked, tilting his head to the side in amusement. 

“Vodka it is then,” he nodded before motioning the bartender over, ordering her a vodka tonic and a double shot of Jameson for himself. 

[vcngexnce-deactivated20161219]

Cassandra sighed turning to look at the intoxicated werewolf. “I’m pretty sure you asked for that handle of Jack. Don’t blame the bartender.” She rolled her eyes before she turned around and made the shot, though it wasn’t nearly as good as she wanted. “Yeah, I’ve considered recording you so I can listen to your voice later when I’m not around you.”

[maliciousmalcom]

Poking his bottom lip out in a fake pout, Malcom shrugged his shoulder before handing to bottle to her. “Well in that case, this drink is on me.” 

“If this is you trying to seduce me, then its working very well.” 

[maliciousmalcom]

Let Me In || Lucy & Malcom

[lucygardnxr]

The sight of Malcom alone was enough to make Lucy feel as if she had lost her own brother, even if the both of them were still alive and well– or as well as one can be in this town. It was like they were connected to each other. She genuinely felt like she could feel his pain, his sorrows in her own body. The loss of the alpha was something no one expected would happen. Conor was strong both physically and mentally. Lucy honestly thought he’d probably be one of the last ones standing on the Bricketwood side when full out war breaks out, but due to a couple of hunters, this was no longer a potential reality. 

Lucy held onto Malcom tightly as he released all of the repressed feelings he kept hidden for the past two days. This was the first time she has seen him cry, not counting from laughing too hard, and she felt like it was only going to make them stronger. Her shirt was getting wet from his tears, but Lucy didn’t mind that. The shirt could dry– and it wasn’t like she was dressed up fancy anyways. Her hand absentmindedly rubbed his back in a soothing motion, helping him through the tears that filled his face. Lucy’s eyes locked onto his as the last few tears rolled off of Malcom’s cheeks, her mind wanting to speak but held back because she didn’t want to ruin the moment.

You’re too good for me. Those words sent a pain through her body. Lucy didn’t believe those words to be true in the slightest, neither did she believe his next statement. Malcom was a good person. His personality and attitude didn’t always make it obvious to others, but nonetheless. It hurt her to think he didn’t see himself the way she saw him. Her hand moved downwards and grabbed hold of his as he spoke. Their night together made it clear about their feelings, but it still made Lucy swoon. Of course it occurred to her that she never outright admitted to feeling the same way, but :Lucy just assumed it went without saying. “…I think i’m falling for you too.” Lucy spoke, the words more honest than any phrase prior. “You’re grieving right now and I haven’t moved an inch away from you. You don’t have to stay strong all the time. It’s alright to break down once in a while.” Men typically buried their feelings deep inside, but Lucy wasn’t here expecting Malcom to do that. “I’m not going to run off. I’m not going to be pushed away. I’m here and i’ll always be here.”

[maliciousmalcom]

“You better be falling for me,” he teased, letting a small smile pull at his lips. The cocky grin that was usually on Malcom’s face twenty-four-seven was starting to make its appearance again despite all the sadness he felt inside. Would Conor look down at him if he knew that Malcom was already smiling, merely three or so days after finding out he was murdered? The werewolf wanted to believe that Conor would understand, that he would rather Malcom let himself find happiness quicker so he could be the alpha he was having to become than pretending nothing had happened. That was one thing Malcom knew Conor would be upset about, the fact that Malcom thought he could pretend everything away and deal with it when he wanted to. 

“But what if I run off? What if it becomes too much and I become unsure about what to do with us?” he asked, needing to express how he felt before he closed off once again. “I want to be with you, Lucy, but there are so many things that are going to make that hell. I don’t know If I can just be your friend anymore, not after everything that has happened in the last week.” Lifting her hand up again, he placed it over his heart. “This belongs to you, broken or not its your’s for the keeping. That’s how much I trust you, Lucy. I trust you more than I trust myself half of the time and it fucking terrifies me.” Malcom swallowed noticeably, nervousness taking hold of his body. “My brother-- Shit, Lucy, I don’t even know what to feel or do anymore. How can I take over my brother’s position as alpha and not feel guilty over it? I can’t stand thinking about feeling guilty over how much I care about you, but I need to know if you want this as much as I do.” 

Leaning forward, Malcom pressed his lips delicately against her forehead. His chest felt less heavy now that he stopped pretending he wasn't hurting inside. The werewolf knew he could deal with the death of his brother, especially since there was no other option. But if he were to lose Lucy too, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to move on. His fear of inadequacy had always been a problem for him and he just wished he could conquer his fear before he ruined what him and Lucy had. “I know you might think I’m just saying this because of the circumstances, but I do mean it, okay? I would give my life for you, Lucy, but I need you to understand that this is going to be hard. I can’t promise you that I won’t freak out or try to push you away. I know its not fair to you, but its the way I have been for the last five years and I won’t be able to change over night. Tell me you are willing to fight this with me and I’ll promise to make myself be worthy of you.”

[klaroline-secrets]

[pretty-tribute-hybrid]

[into-the-jungle-kim]

Kim had gone through much tradgedy in her short life and had learned to contain her emotions. Even on the outside it might show that she had gotten over the recent tradgedy but in the inside she was broken and her beast also wept for the lose of their beloved alpha. She stood up straighter when he mentioned Cameron and she was instantly ready to do not only her job but what she needed to do. “Where is he? I’ll go talk to him right now”.

[maliciousmalcom]

“Woa, slow down. The last thing we need to be doing is barging into his hospital room and demanding he tell us what happened,” he replied, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Let me talk to Alice first, and then we’ll go from there.” 

[maliciousmalcom]

Let Me In || Lucy & Malcom

[lucygardnxr]

Lucy had never seen Malcom so vulnerable before. He’s had moments where he let his walls down, such as after she was attacked by Anastasia, but this was something entirely different. Usually it was the opposite for them. Malcom was the steady one, and Lucy was the one needing someone to lean on, a shoulder for her tears, or just merely someone to vent to. Then again, Malcom also never felt the loss of a loved one before, so maybe things were just changing all together.

Her arms squeezed him tightly, afraid to loosen her grip on him. Everyone had a different way of mourning their losses, and seeing with her own eyes that Malcom grew angry and self deprecating, Lucy didn’t want to leave him alone. She knew this was more of a job for his pack, but Lucy didn’t think he’d want them to see him as anything less than his best. The werewolf never wanted this, just like Lucy hopes she doesn’t get dealt with the position of high priestess. They were both qualified for the positions, but the responsibilities put on them were too much. It’s why Lucy found it easy to connect to Malcom. They were both content with their elder siblings taking care of everything. 

The sight of the single tear broke Lucy’s heart. Her hand removed itself from his arm as she reached over to gently lay it on his cheek, her thumb wiping away the tear that fell from his eyes. She nodded as he spoke, “You’ll get through it. Let me help you.” Lucy knew he’d never forget Conor’s death, as she didn’t forget her parents, but eventually time moves on and it was best for everyone if he moved with it. Her hand could feel his heart beats, and she wanted nothing more than to heal him– even if his wounds werent physical. Instead, the witch allowed her lips to kiss his cheek where the second tear rested, tasting the salty substance as she let the moment sink in.

[maliciousmalcom]

With the soft kiss Lucy pressed to his cheek, Malcom’s walls completely fell down and tears spilled down his face. Turning into a wolf every full moon didn’t feel as bad as the pain over his brother’s death did. Was it possible for him to move on, to take leadership of the pack that his brother had built and create a whole new life for himself? Pretending that Conor wasn’t dead was so much easier for Malcom but he knew he couldn’t pretend anymore. He couldn’t wish away the pain because in the end it would always be there. A sob broke from his lips as the man’s shoulders shook, leaving him to be the most vulnerable he had ever been in front of someone. He was just glad it was Lucy and no one else. 

Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Malcom let himself release all the emotions he had kept locked away for the last two days. Crying was something the werewolf never did and it made him feel completely pathetic, but that didn’t stop him from letting the tears fall down his face and soak into Lucy’s shirt. He didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, allowing Lucy to take care of him with her soothing touch. Eventually the tears stopped and a calm numbness fell over him and he sat back, finding Lucy’s eyes with his own. There was no denying how intimate the moment had been, pushing them emotionally closer together than they had ever been. 

“You’re too good for me,” he whispered, sadness filling his eyes. “I don’t deserve the kindness you always show me.” Malcom had always felt like that and he did’t think he would ever stop either. How could he deserve someone like her when most times he was a malicious, cocky asshole? Lucy always saw the light in people but Malcom wasn’t sure there was much light left in him anymore. The fear that she would walk away never left him. “I’m falling for you,” he told her, a sad smile on his lips. “I think I’ve been falling for you since I first laid eyes on you and even then I knew I didn't deserve someone like you. I don’t know how to grieve for my brother and not lose you.” Though they had a talk already about how he felt about her, she had never really said the words back and it left him completely terrified. Would she still stay if he cared for her more than she did for him, or pushed her away even after he told her everything? 

[vcngexnce-deactivated20161219]

“If you could shut up… I can’t concetrate with your blubber in my ears!”

[maliciousmalcom]

“That’s what happens when you’re shown you brother heart cut out and then given a handle of Jack from the bartender. And anyways, you love the sound of my voice, so get over it,” he grinned, clearly drunk. 

[anastasia-beckett]

Ana flinched at his harsh tone. She opened her mouth, trying to find a response to his questions. But she couldn’t find one. Not one that he would accept. He was poking holes in her argument like it was tissue paper. “I don’t know Malcom. I was scared. I was so scared. Deep down I was afraid they would come after me at some point in time if I ever truly left them.” She sighed, hanging her head low in shame. He was right. But she never knew any other way. “That’s how our pack operated. You were stuck at your rank unless you could provide boys. Boys made the pack strong. It meant you were strong.” She knew listening to herself how backwards it sounded but it was the truth. Something Ana had been avoiding most of her life.

Her heart clenched at his admission. Now that she was broken and open his words stung just that much more. She had everything she could have wanted but she threw it away and for what? For two people who never cared about her. For a mother and a father that never saw her as more than a burden. She bit down hard on her lip, trying to hold herself together. “I was too blinded by my own ambition to realize what I had. I thought that I needed power, needed influence. That was our family motto. Power, without it you are nothing. It’s what I grew up on. I don’t know what a family really is.” She could feel a tear run down her face. “I’ve never had any form of caring from them. So I just accepted it as how things worked.”

“I just did what I had been trained to do. Push everything away. Emotions were what made you weak, kept you from achieving what was necessary. I pushed them deep down and tried to act like they didn’t exist. It didn’t work, not really. They were still there, just buried and sealed away.” Anastasia looked away from him. No longer able to take seeing exactly how much she had ruined. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness Mal. I understand. I’ve hurt you so deep. I finally had someone who cared for me and didn’t know what it was worth.” She stepped back, though she should have known that was his reaction. “Y-you’re right. I… over stepped a line there.” She couldn’t believe she was catching herself stuttering after all this time. “Though I don’t take it back. But I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry Malcom. For absolutely everything.” She tried not to let her emotions get the best of her but she could feel her shoulders start to shake.

[maliciousmalcom]

Pain tore at Malcom’s chest as she spoke of her pack, empathy for what she had gone through filling his whole body. Finally hearing the truth changed everything between them and Malcom wasn’t sure how he felt about it. For so long he had let his hate for her drive him, plaguing him with a toxic anger that never ceased to leave him be. His days had become consumed with his need to take his revenge out on her, wanting her to feel that pain he had. But now that wasn’t the case and it made Malcom feel like his whole world was crumbling. The werewolf knew without a doubt that she had gone through so much more than what she had put him through, that her pain exceeded his by tenfold. There was no need for him to seek revenge seeing as she was dealt so much worse than he had ever been in his entire life. 

“My father used to say the same things to Conor,” he told her, a sad smile pulling at his lips. “I think that’s why he was serious twenty-four-seven. He never got to actually live a normal life and now its too late.” Malcom’s eyes became watery as he talked of Conor, his chest getting even heavier with dark emotion. How someone could feel so much was beyond Malcom and he wasn’t sure how much more he could handle. “You don’t need power to be of value, Ana.. Everything you have is enough, okay?” It was weird to hear himself reassure her after all the years of anger, but at the same time it felt nice-- for once Malcom felt like maybe he could be a decent Alpha. Though he knew he would never amount to the alpha Conor was, he was okay with that, never wanting to replace who Conor was in the pack member’s lives. 

I just did what I had been trained to do. Push everything away. Emotions were what made you weak, kept you from achieving what was necessary. I pushed them deep down and tried to act like they didn’t exist. How much those words sounded like his own sent an unsettling feeling down Malcom’s body. If anyone could understand what she meant, it was Malcom. Taking a step forward, Malcom eliminated the space between them and turned her around so he could pull her into his arms, embracing her tightly against his body. “You do deserve forgiveness, Ana, and I want to give it to you. All I ever wanted to know was the truth, okay? I just needed to understand and I finally do. So, yes, I forgive you. I forgive you for lying to me from the start. I forgive you for plotting against me to get to my brother. I forgive you for breaking my heart and forcing me to make you leave. I forgive you for making me hate you, turning me into a man that was worthy of no one. It’ll take me some time to believe that you are truly sorry and that you had really cared about me once, but I forgive you,” he finished, pressing a lite kiss to her forehead. 

[caught-firee]

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[into-the-jungle-kim]

Kim took a couple deep breaths, closing her eyes to prevent the tears from falling. This was a hard time right now and she needed to be strong for them; for herself. Opening her eyes she lifted them to Malcom and nodded her head at his words. “Yea we will and we are going to find these guys; I will do whatever it takes for find them”.

[maliciousmalcom]

Malcom hadn’t expected Kimberly to pull herself so quickly and it threw him off slightly. Was it really that easy for people to push grief away, to pretend it was’t really happening? You’re doing it, aren’t you? “We need to talk to Cameron, he was with Conor on the mission.”

[maliciousmalcom]

Let Me In || Lucy & Malcom

[lucygardnxr]

Lucy felt a pang of disappointment when he pulled away from the kiss. Truth be told, their minds were headed in two different directions. While Malcom wanted to push away the events and bury them in other things, Lucy wanted to bring it out into the light. She wanted to discuss it, help Malcom move forward as best he can from it, but clearly that wasn’t what he wanted. Lucy was always more sensitive with her feelings. Her eyes easily gave way to what her emotions were. Her brothers developed the gene of being able to cover up their feelings from the world, not her.

Seeing Malcom heading for another bottle of whiskey made Lucy internally cringe. He wasn’t his best when he was drunk, and she knew he was just attempting to drown away his sorrows– something that doesn’t work. Lucy jumped when the werewolf threw the bottle against the wall, a small squeak exiting her mouth when it shattered into a thousand small pieces. She knew the bottle wasn’t directed towards her seeing as it was thrown at the other side of the room, but it still got to her nerves. 

Lucy immediately raced over when Malcom cried out. She fell down to her knees as he did, her arms instinctively going around his shoulders as he tried to control his pain. The pain… it never really goes away, but it doesn’t lessen by keeping the feelings bottled up inside. It just builds and builds until it eats you up alive. “You can do this.” Lucy reassured, though she wasn’t even sure if he was listening to her anymore. Lucy watched as tears threatened to fall from his eyes, her heart absolutely dropping. “Just let it out. There’s no need to act tough here. It’s just me.” Lucy said softly, drawing soothing circles on his back. 

[maliciousmalcom]

Lucy was like an angle in the dark, calling Malcom away from the darkness. She had always been the person that kept him stable and whole, never letting him stray to far from redemption. She was his north star, a lightening bug in the dark, always leading him to where he was supposed to go. It probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but Malcom had never relied on it as a crutch but as instead as a motivational force.

Feeling her delicate arms wrap around his body, Malcom felt something break in him. The wall he had firmly built up came crumbling down as all the emotions he had been pushing away spilled out of him. To say that it hurt would be an understatement and Malcom never wanted to feel suck pain again. He was one of the lucky ones, and probably one of the only ones left in the town who had parents that were still alive. Here he was crying over the one brother he had, while Lucy had lost both of her parents in the same day. 

Its just me. Lucy’s voice called to him softly through the haze, reassuring him that it was okay to feel and that he wouldn't be weak if he let someone see him in such a state. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he pushed himself back to look at the one person he wanted to let in. “My heart broke once and I was able to fix it, but I don’t know if its fixable this time,” he admitted, grabbing her hand and placing it flat against his chest as another tear rolled down his face. 

[anastasia-beckett]

Anastasia shook her head. If only it would have been that easy. If she could have just told him what had happened to her, maybe things would be different. But that was then and they were living in the now. Where she hadn’t told him, couldn’t tell him until now. When she was finding herself at the end of her rope. “I couldn’t tell you Mal. Then I’d never be anything. I wouldn’t be able to prove that I could make my parents proud. That I wasn’t the reason the pack walked all over us. Don’t you get it? All I’ve ever been is disappointment after disappointment to them. This… this persona? This isn’t me. It’s never been me.” Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold herself together. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. Malcom was never supposed to see this side of her. No one wanted a weak willed, emotional woman as their other half. But that’s what she was deep down. What she hid from everyone.

“How would you have helped me? It hurts enough to admit it now to you. You would have had to take down my entire pack.” She shrugged a frown tugging at her lips. “That pack was all I ever knew. Then I joined your pack and everything was different. But I had to act like none of it matters. I pushed it all away. I was so determined to prove my parents wrong that I was blind to anything other than that.” Anastasia’s hands clenched tightly. The pain it brought helping her to anchor herself in this moment and not in the memories threatening to swallow her whole.

Ana’s frown changed into a sad smile. “I know that now. But back then I pushed all that away. I couldn’t think like that. Couldn’t think of escaping the brainwashed pack feelings I had grown up with.” A small sob came from her before she could stop it and hold it back. “You don’t get it Malcom. I never really wanted Conor. Going after Conor was my mother’s idea. I wasn’t supposed to get with you. Even if you had never found out, I never would have cared for him the way I cared for you.” She shook her head, unable to look him in the eye when she continued. “You had my heart Malcom. I was just to afraid to let you know it.” She sighed. “I won’t force you to feel it but you have to someday.”

[maliciousmalcom]

“No, don’t you fucking try and justify what they did to you,” he snapped, outraged by the way she seemed to think it was all normal. “I get that they are you’re parents, but you were out, Ana, why didn’t you just stay out?” You could have left with us and left them behind. Left the pain behind. Fuck them. You can’t possibly believe that it was your job to make them something, that’s not a child jobs.” If Malcom were to ever meet her parents, he was afraid of what he would do. As much as he felt like a disappointment to his own parents because he wasn’t like his brother, he always knew they loved him. 

“I would have done it for you though,” he admitted. It was like all the anger he once held for her completely disappeared, leaving him cold with confusion of how it all had turned out. “I would have done anything back then for you. I would have given up everything for you and you threw it in my face . I know that pack is suppose to be family, but a pack like that is no where close to what a family is suppose to be. Can’t you see that?” 

“I don’t get any of this!” he yelled out in frustration, pulling at the ends of his hair. “I don’t get how you could do what you did and pretend like none of it mattered. I want to forgive you, Ana, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t see that you weren’t even helping yourself.” In a way though, he did finally understand. They were more alike than he had ever imagined, both wanting to prove themselves. “No,” he shook his head again, “I can’t hear you say that.. not now, not after everything. You don’t get to say that to me.” 

[maliciousmalcom]

Let Me In || Lucy & Malcom

[lucygardnxr]

Lucy often felt like the mother of the coven due to her empathetic ways and desire to see everyone up and smiling. Malcom didn’t feel like her child, but she felt a need to get him through the tough time he had ahead of him with Conor’s death and the fact that he’s next in line for the alpha position when Lucy knew he never desired the role. The feeling of his arms wrapping around her made her happy, but the happiness died down when she remembered the circumstances it was over. Lucy felt his arms shaking and tightened her grip a bit, hoping it would help him calm down. She wasn’t going anywhere. Malcom was someone she cared deeply about, and if he was hurting, she’d be beside him until the pain lessened. Lucy knew he’d do the same with her if it were James or Dominic.

I’m not ready. The words hit her hard as her mind flashed back to the day her parents were killed. Lucy wasn’t sure about her brothers, but she said those exact word upon realizing that they’d have to step into the role of carrying on Bricket wood. Luckily she didn’t have to take any of the high up positions, but she at least knew the dread the came along with it. “No one’s ever ready.” Lucy spoke sincerely. It wouldn’t help his confidence, but at least the statement would help Malcom realize he’s not alone in this. Lucy had the desire to ask how he was killed, if they had found the body, but she knew better than to pry. It wasn’t her place to make the werewolf more upset than he already is. He’d come out with the story, or it would be dropped just on its own. Lucy felt the now-alpha’s lips on her own and her arms left his torso, moving upwards around his neck as she kissed him back with less heat than his own. She didn’t want to sleep with him– not when he was like this. She just… wanted to be with him. 

[maliciousmalcom]

Though she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, she didn’t do it with quite with the same emotions as he had. While Malcom’s lips were hungry and demanding, her’s were lite and careful. The werewolf instantly pulled away, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. No one wants to be with an emotionally crippled drunk, the voice laughed at him. Taking a step back, Malcom removed himself from her embrace and turned his back on her. He knew she deserved more than this-- more than a man who’s lips tasted like whiskey and eyes that weren’t as bright as they used to be. 

Making his way to the bar, Malcom instantly grabbed a half empty bottle of whiskey and put it to his lips, swallowing a good amount of what was left. Don’t drown yourself in a bottle, Malcom, that’s not what Lyall’s do. The alpha’s head snapped around to where he swore he heard the voice of his deceased brother. Looking down at the bottle in his hand then back to where no one really stood, Malcom lifted the bottle and hurled it across the room. Glass shattered in a thousand pieced, resembling what Malcom assumed his heart looked like. At least, that's what it felt like: a completely unfix-able, broken mess. 

A anguish cry tore from Malcom’s lips, his hand reaching out to grab the bar to steady himself. “I can’t do this,” he choked out, not wanting to feel the emotions demanding to be felt. Falling to his knees, Malcom dropped his head in his hands as his shoulder’s shook. “I can’t do this,” he whispered again, wanting the numbness to come back. With numbness he could pretend, he could hid and continue on without feeling like he was going to suffocate to death. Tears threatened to spill but Malcom held them in, afraid that if he let one fall they would never stop.