yourlocalbillie @mallorywick - Tumblr Blog

Trigger Warning: Death & Sewerside

Most of the time I think dying is an escape. It will be easy if I just die.

No pressure. Not thinking of what can I do? What should I do? I’m thinking that If I die, It would all just stop.

The thinking.

But we all have thoughts, don’t we?

I thought it’s pretty normal to think about it every now and then but when a thought has become constant. A daily reminder. It becomes scary.

My problems are not as severe as the others, I don’t disregard it or belittle it but rather I am acknowledging the fact that somehow I am still privileged. But there are things in our life that doesn’t cover that privileges’

ohandreagibson

Etiquette Leash I want a good heart I want it to be made of good stuff I want the stain glass window builder to be my drinking buddy I want to drink only the punch of a million gender queer school kids taking free martial arts lessons to survive recess I stopped calling myself a pacifist when I heard Gandhi told women they should not physically fight off their rapists I believe there is such a thing as a non violent fist I believe the earth is a woman muzzled, beaten, tied to the cold slinging tracks I believe the muzzled have every right to rip off the Bible Belt and take it to the patriarchy’s ass I know these words are going to get me in trouble It is never polite to throw back the tear gas Just like its never polite to bring enough life rafts They crowd the balconies where the wealthy shine their jewels But sometimes love Sometimes real love Is fucking rude Is interrupting a wedding mid vow just as the congregation is about to cry To stand up in your pew to say “is everyone here clear on how diamonds are mined?” Hallelujah to every drag queen at Stonewall who made weapons out of her stiletto shoes Hallelujah to the blues keeping the neighborhood awake To the activist standing in the snow outside of the circus holding a ten foot photograph of a baby elephant in chains when it’s probably some little kid’s birthday Hallelujah to making everyone uncomfortable To the terrible manners of truth To refusing to clean the blood off the plate Bend this spine into a bow I can pull across the cello of my speak up Love readies its heart’s teeth Chews through the etiquette lease Takes down the cellphone tower after millions of people die in wars in the Congo fighting for the minerals that make our cellphones Love blows up the dam Chains itself to the redwood tree To the capital building when a trailer of Mexican immigrants are found dead on the south Texas roadside Love insists well intentioned white people officially stop calling themselves color blind Insists hope lace it’s fucking boots Always calls out the misogynist, racist, homophobic joke refuses to be a welcome mat where hate wipes its feet Love asks questions at the most inappropriate times Overturns the defense of marriage act then walks a pride parade asking when the plight of poor single mothers will ignite our hearts into action like that Love is not polite deadlocks our rush hour traffic with a hundred stubborn screaming bikes Hallelujah to every suffrage movement hunger strike Hallelujah to insisting they get your pronouns right Hallelujah to tact never winning our spines To taking our power all the way back to that first glacier that had to learn how to swim To not turning our heads from a single ugly truth To knowing we live in a time when beauty recruits its models outside the doors of eating disorder clients That is not a metaphor This is not a line to a poem An Indian farmer walks into a crowd of people and stab himself in his chest to protest the poisoning of his land A Buddhist monk burns himself alive on the streets of Saigon A US soldier hangs himself wearing his enemy’s dog tags around his holy neck May my heart be as heavy as a tuba in the front row of the Mardi Gras parade five months after Katrina May it weigh the weight of the world so it might anchor the sun so it might hold me to my own light till I am willing to sweat as much as I cry Till I am willing to press into the clay of our precious lives A window Might our grace riot the walls down May the drought howl us awake May we rush into the streets to do the work of opening each other’s eyes May our good hearts forever be too loud to let the neighbors sleep

Andrea Gibson “Etiquette Leash” (via ohandreagibson)

wholeheartedsuggestions

reminder: relapses don’t mean the progress you’ve already made never happened

Both of my parents won’t accept me for who I am.

And I am not fine with that.

Disappointed, but not really surprise due to their upbringing.

I am not coming out. I never will.

You know what?

You don’t deserve to know that sometimes I still think of you,

You don’t deserve to be missed by me,

You don’t.

sosuperawesome

titsayy on Instagram

tolerateit

before the new year begins

share your favorite memory of this year.

what was the highlight of your year?

list the top five books you read this year.

list the top five movies you watched this year.

list the top five tv series you binged this year.

what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)?

top three albums that you played this year?

your spotify wrapped #1 song

your spotify wrapped top artist

your personal song of the year.

what is an achievement that you are proud of this year?

what are your goals for the next year?

any three book releases you are excited for next year.

any three upcoming movies/tv series that you are excited for next year.

if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be?

did you manage to stick to your new year's resolutions this year?

do you have any new year's resolutions for the next year?

favorite meme of the year?

favorite viral trend of the year?

list any three new things you learned this year (could be recipes, a new skill, etc.)

how would you describe your year in a word?

mallorywick

memorizethisday

International Women’s Day Celebration ♡ day six: favorite relationships →

Santana and Brittany from Glee

Adora and Catra from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Marceline and Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time

Nico and Karolina from The Runaways

Luz and Amity from The Owl House

Korra and Asami from The Legend of Korra

mallorywick

WOMEEEEEN~

traumasurvivors

Affirmations for Trauma Survivors

I am worthy, as I am. And I always have been and always will be.

My trauma and feelings are valid.

I am enough no matter where I am in my healing process.

I am not weak for having feelings, or struggling.

I can get through this. I can heal. I won’t give up.

I didn’t deserve any of it. It wasn’t my fault.

thoughtkick

“I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.”

— Meredith Grey

Entry #38

What's wrong with the date to settle mindset? Are we supposed to at least meet 0.0000005% of the earth's population until we find the one we are sure of? That's 40 people in your lifetime. Will it approximately take 40 people to know that you are ready to commit with someone?

Entry #37

My heart has been enticed as it left my body unsliced.

It felt like a shelf with a borrowed book.

I only plea it to be returned whole to my now shattered soul.

Entry #36

So, here's a glimpse of my conscious mind.

How in the name of galaxies can a speck feel like an unpopulated planet?

urparty

@keuhkopussirotta / fleabag / jamie anderson / holly warburton / richard siken / mitski / aracelis girmay by @heavensghost / philip pullman

urparty

glennon doyle melton / @eshraqh / joey comeau / rebecca makkai / anne carson / maria ines gul / @heavensghost / @dogmotifs / sylvia plath / ilenia tesoro / wandavision

iclosed

i full on cried while i was going through these…wow. this really plays on my soul strings

Entry #32

I’m sorry for always avoiding all the hard conversations where we could’ve addressed the thoughts that makes us crazy and sleepless day and night.

#letterforme

Entry #31

This day is ending with me having a content heart and peaceful mind.

I got to exercise for an hour and a half; I was able to eat a delish dish cooked by my mom; I was able to fold our clothes and organize it in my closet while binge watching Grace & Frankie; I sewn clothes that should’ve been accomplished months ago (lmao); bathed twice; concocted matcha and milk and drank it cold.

I was able to survive this day like a normal day without giving much attention about it and still caring for myself like I always do, tho today might be a little too extra because i went too far from organizing things haha.

Anyway, I just want to congratulate me for going this far in my life. I always wonder what its like being a 22 years old woman still in college, with little knowledge about life, love, and being a lesbian.

I may not be where I want me to be at this age but its totally better than the situation im in 10 years ago and Im sure that my younger self would be thrilled that I’m happier than ever.

And even though I’m happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time, I’m glad to be born.

xoxo