Mama Needs a Drink.

Not here for a long time, just a good time.

[mamaneedsadrank]

Ring Rust is Real

Go ahead. Put anything, prompts the blank page starring at me. What am I going to put though? That's been the problem with me. I don't know what to put- or more so what I want to put. I have a gazillion ideas in my head, and am scared of them all. So as of late, I have turned into that skiddish cat that only comes out when they feel comfortable. Comfortable to trust, to feel safe, and loved.

WHO BROKE YOU!?

Dearest Homosapiens, I think life has broken me as of late. Now, I could indulge you in some pity party notes that may steer the direction of where this utter patheticness has taken me. Losing a job that was not fulfilling - but paid bills, losing a family member whom noone actually seems to miss, arguements about how to raise children, arguements about priorities, sick family memembers, and knowing that in less than 18 days you have to edure a surgery that will finalize not being able to create human life. And don't forget the opportunites and continuous oversight of moving further in a career you had thought you had always dreamed of.

It's taken a bit out of me. A bit is an understatement. So Alot. It's taken quite alot out of me. It feels like I am in a constant loop of this commercial, Dr. Strange Dormomu style:

I know. This isn't the Sam Bam Sparkle that you may have been expecting, but its honest, raw and truthful. Maybe writing it out has the sort of exorcism my body needs to rid all of it to help. The power of words compell you. Or something.

Anyways. That was a toughie and needed. Here's to moving forward and to keep fighting the good fight, as everyone has their own battles they are going through. You're tough and probably dealing with it with grace and less booze. Or more. Whatever. We are human. Cheers.

[mamaneedsadrank]

Scammin' Sammin'

Greetings Earthlings of all sizes, shapes and colors. How in the blasted universe are things in your realm?

Ah- here in the Cheese realm things seem to be very, raunchy. And not in the good, sexy-kind-of raunch. And not the raunch you put on your salads....(hehe).

As we all know, things that sound too good to be true, probably are. Cynical Sam, happiness is for the youth! Wow. My depression and overly caffinatedness is showing... (rein in your your tits m'am!)

Any hoosiers!

I received a text message this week from what I thought to be a legitimate job search engine. It was regarding a freelance writing gig.

I did not think this was weird as I am

A. Setup to receive texts from this specific search engine. B. Had been applying for freelance content writing positions.

So I replied back to the message, and an automation came back instructing me to download Zoom for an interview. My excited optimistic heart fluttered. I contacted the email address that had been sent in the text -message, and boom- I was in biz. I started chatting with whom I thought to be the HR woman of the San Diego Zoo. I know, very random as I am in the cheese realm- but again, at this time the excitement was flowing out instead of the logic flowing in.

The woman stated a face to face zoom call would come later, but right now they are operating under Covid-19 restrictions, which meant that the interview would only be conducted via questionnaire and that I had 40 minutes to answer the questions.

Am I shmuckercup for not catching on ASAP? Or is my Midwestern Good faith that let me experience a taste of Covid-19 Employment fraud? OR is it my unknowing knowledge of pandemic protocols for companies?

D. The answer here earthlings, is D- All of the above.

I submitted my questionnaire to the Zoom perpetrator, and she thanked me. I heard from her the next day offering me a position as a content writer. She stated that they were sending me a contract in which she actually did. She also sent a copy of a $2000 check. She stated that the check was for supplies for my home office that I needed for the position. At this point, my brain became uneasy of the situation.

Why would a company send a check via email without a signed contract? Why wasn't this copy of the check password protected? Why was the company on the check not from the Zoo? Does everyone ask these questions? Or know to?

So I asked the faudster on the other end of the screen if this was a scam- as it sounded too good to be true, and that it had been a very unusual way to conduct business. She assured me that it was a real position and a real opportunity that I could be excited for. I trusted that. Like the beautiful bonehead I am.

I took a picture of the check, front and back and attempted to deposit it in my account. I got notification from my bank however that the check had not cleared and they were unable to deposit it. I spoke with the operation department of my bank and they informed me about employment fraud, and believed that it was happening to me.

I called the bank on the copy of the check, and it confirmed my suspicion. The account was indeed fraudulent. I contacted Scammy Pammy and told her the check did not clear, and she asked why? I said, "Well- this is a scam. And the account is fraudulent." And she was never to be heard from again.

^actual footage of my reaction because we earthlings can be too cruel to one another.

I realize this is not the norm way my stories take place. I believe it is important to spread this awareness though. I understand struggles for all and the need to make an income, but why does it have to be so villainous and schemey?

Someone pour me drink. Cheers, and stay smarter than your average bear.

**Disclaimer: I did contact the search engine and let them know of the fraud, and did not give Scammy Pammy any personal info that was made public***

[mamaneedsadrank]

But Seriously, you don't look 32.

That's right earthlings. Ya gurl is gon'be 32.

Time the eff out.

(If you know who that is and loved that show- you are in your 30's, and we should probably be best frenz.)

I remember looking at 30 year-old's when I was in my late teens thinking it was old. Soy old. I couldn't fathom the thought of it. And let me shout it from the rooftops baybeeee's, I am 100% good with it. And past me is an imbecile.

My Samness creates mottos for each year that I turn older:

29 Drink more wine

30 Stay sturdy

31 and takin shit from no-one (I realize this rhyme is as as poetic as LiL Wayne's raps...) 32 Do/Be You.

Short, aggressive and to the point. ( Just like me. )

Many fancy Holidays. I however, tend to fancy birthdays more. Call me a Grinch-pumpkin-slaying skank all you want, but it's the truth.

When someone hatches, they come into the big-ole-messed up- scary-ass world! That's something that deserves a MEGA celebration. Every year. On that day. For as long as they roam the earth.

Celebrate it. Celebrate others' days with them. Does that mean buy lavish gifts, over the top experiences, and smother them so much they may burst ?

Sure. If you are into that. Ultimately though mate, do you. You logged the man hours for the year on that ole corpse, take time to appreciate and celebrate you and all you bring to the table.

This has been a shorty, but a goody.

Until next time Earthlings! Celebrate on the 16th with me :). Shotgun your finest, shitty light beer and throw on the new Solence album. It's a banger!!!!

Or don't.

[mamaneedsadrank]

Fem-alien

Sunday Funday. Funday Sunday. Fun In Sun Day? Sun Fun Day? Say that 10 times fast.

Greetings Earthlings.

I normally try to stay away from topics that can cause controversy. However, the world right now ,earthlings, is unlike any other. Wars, Pandemics, Civil Right Movements, Trafficking, and the constant battle of politics in the nation.

(....Can we at least bring Woodstock Back? Asking for a friend......)

It's a lot.

Too Much.

Just like Chocolate Cake. Chocolate Cake with its mass amounts of chocolate frosting. You sink your teeth in, and within seconds the exuberant amounts sugar instantly sends your body into shock mode. It makes your hairs stand on end, you stop breathing and pass out due to the mass amount of sweetness that entered your massive gob.

Head for the hills, that stuff ^^ is what nightmares are made of.

Or is it this: "The First Woman to:"

What?

"The first woman to" is the sentence as of late, to make my insides hurt as much as chocolate cake. The fact that women are still breaking barriers to be the 1st of things, makes me feel like an alien.

I have a daughter that will transform into a full blown adult woman someday. The fact that I, or anyone for that matter, have to answer the question of, "Why are they the first girl to do ____________?" is un-fucking-comfortable. How do you answer without sounding like a mad-braburning-feminist?

There is nothing wrong with a mad-braburning-feminist by any means. You do You, and bless your spirit dicks.

"There hasn't been an opportunity until now," I answer uneasily, holding my breath for the rebuttal of "But why ?"

In that instance, luck had been on my side and the rebuttal never came. And to be 100% honest lings', I was def not sure how I would have answered it, and still don't know how to answer it for myself.

But why.

Exactly BUTTTT WHYYYYY. Man vs Woman, Woman vs Man, who is more superior?

Neither. Buncha Bony Flesh Bags. I could go on spewing of my wants and dreams of equality, but the truth of the matter is I am yelling into the void. I want better for all. Pop a Tiara on my head, gimmie a sash, and stick me on a float. World Peace Bay-beeeee.

My apologies earflings, as my Samness is lagging in this post. Time for me to take off to a galaxy, far, far, far, far, far away.

Until the next post- be a kind bonebag please. My extraterrestrialness wishes you to live long and prosper.

[mamaneedsadrank]

Buh Buh Buh Bonus Post

Drinking Buddies!

I come to you this Wednesday with news. I wish I could stop the world from spinning for a millasec to tell everyone that Halestorm dropped a new song today! And let me tell you how badly you neeeeeeed it.....

Lzzy Hale.

When that name is uttered from anyone's mouth, my spidey senses kick in. Goosebumps resonate through my body as this badass beauty belts her lyrics. Vicious vocals that are incomparable to anyone else in the music biz. She is the radical rock goddess that we all need.

Their new song Back From the Dead is the pandemic comeback song of the century. I can't sum up in words as well as the ultimate Rock Goddess Can, so here. Enjoy her words as much as I did:

This woman is a trailblazer, and knows how to empower.

Now that gushed about my #1 woman crush, I must go, (As should you to listen to Halestorm) ,whack balls and pretend to be more coordinated.

Until next time, Churrs!

Ope! Here's that playlist link ;)

http://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ECR90Q91bnApy2zZtYIs?si=2tZLDi1gROaoXHc0JLYIWw&umt_source=copy-link

[mamaneedsadrank]

Can't spell Karma without Ha!

Sunday Funday Drinking buddays! MMM. That sun. She feel good on the ole fleshbag! #amiright? Nope. Not up for debate, so kindly keep opinions in your gobs.

This may have a diff feel because I need to just spew the Sam-botical feels errrr something. As of late, it seems there is more judgement on one's age. Maybe its another millennial rant. Maybe its just a rant, that happens to be written by another millennial.

"Wow, you can't really be 31, can you?"

What does that statement even mean? Please. Are there age restricted clothing items now? If I want to roll out of my house in a Shark Tee and leggings, does this automatically make me not 31? Is it my 5"3' stumpiness? Red Hair? Big beautiful cheek bones? Or is it the fact that I didn't take 100% of my time to put myself together today?

I stupidly ask as nicely as I can, "What do you mean?"

"You Just Act SO Young."

Blankitblankblankblankstares

How would you have responded to this cashier?

I felt my insides hulkafy. I was offended, though it did not show on my youthful face.

I smirked and replied with, " Well, I am sorry you can't be as lucky."

The woman stared at me dumbfounded. Verbally Fishslapped was this broad. Good.

She rang up the rest of my things in utter silence, and I bid her a good day.

Might I have overreacted? Hell yes.

As of late though, I have felt very uneasy. I am not even sure that's how I would describe it. Others often like to interject in my life, and give unwanted/unneeded guidance. I understand that to an extent. Coaching/guidance is/can be a very positive thing when it is needed/wanted/accepted. However, when it is not wanted by the individual, it can feel belittling, and can cut down on confidence. Confidence to just be whomever they want to be.

I am definitely guilty of this though. Especially, when it comes to raising a spawn. At times, I find myself asking her questions that can cause her to question herself. I can sometimes see the defeat in her eyes, and that's when I feel the most awful. I hate breaking her spirit even if it's for a few moments.

SO- can we all just be kinder, more open to one another, and less judgmental? I am going to work on this myself. Patience, and thinking before injecting my-oh-so-wiseness.

Whew. Rant Over. Had to get that off my chest.

This calls for a beer of the super light shitty nature. And of course

Rock Music!! WHICH brings me to the Eargasm. An Eargasm of the Harder Rock nature by these charming fellas:

ATLAS HOUR

Atlas Hour formed in 2019 out of Dallas Texas. And you know what they say about Texas.....

Oh. I really actually don't know what they say about Texas!

These 4 formulate an appetizingly scrumptious sound leaving your ears craving for more! Parker Devlin, the band's lead vocalist, crushes it with the lyrical game.

Check out their song Reality. Its been added the Maiden of Musical Mixes playlist on Spotify.

The song Reality was written about Parker's own tastes with anxiety and the pressure felt to move his artistic passion forward. As he compiled the lyrics, he created a dialog in the song, calling himself out, and admitting to his own flaws in the chorus.

Well, Mr. Devlin and Friends, the song slaps, and is now one of the most rotated songs on my own current playlist! I cannot wait to hear more.

Also check out their rendition of Dancing with a Stranger. Mmmm. Soy good.

Until Next Time my drinking buddies, be kind, and don't do meth.

Or do. The choice is yours.

[mamaneedsadrank]

Onions aren't the only food to make you cry, Lettuce hit you with a coconut to test this theory.

Hey Drinking Pallies! Did you see? 15 Followers now! Holy shmokes! That is more than the CDC recommends in a room. Too Soon for Pandemic Jokes? Oh. Right.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Delta Variant, we see you.

In case Sunday Funday is lit and you're feeling a smidge shmamamered from a booze cruise; that my friends, is a Jonathan Cena gif. (Okay, John, for the non- formal)

John Cena. What a stallion of a man. Aside from hunky good looks, mad mic skills and his ability to give attitude adjustments, (that's one his finisher in case you aren't a die hard wrastling fan like myself) he happens to give a hell of an interview.

Woah. No. Not with meeeeeee. #newgoal Yah hear that John? Call me.

I don't have the source in my paws directly, but I will give you a brief overview:

Boyfriend was talking about his new role in the Suicide Squad. He plays a Super Villian named Peacemaker. Peacemaker is a violent extremist who believes in achieving peace at any cost no matter how many people he has to kill for it in the process. He also is a cocky-lovable mofo that hits you straight in the gigs. Cena has grown, and he knows it. In the interview that was really good and that I cannot remember verbatium, he went on to say that his older films sucked and he appreciates his 2nd chance at Hollywood. He talks about his mental health and how he makes time for himself. If you follow him on the Twitter, he always has the most encouraging, uplifting thoughts.(Wait -thoughts are tweets....whatevskis, ya get me!) Those are his own thoughts going through in his mind, that he shares with all to help inspire.

The idea of just tweeting and inspiring others is so wholesomely badass, and just plain nice- I wish I could do that as a job.

I also really enjoy the idea of being Mr. Cena for a day. If we Freaky-Fridayed, I do not think I would be able to leave my reflection , nor would I be able to not touch my massive....

BICEPS pervs.

Cena and I seem to be drinking from the same Koolaid pitcher. Being authentic, and true to yourself brings so much joy into all parts of your life, and I am realizing that more as the summer passes.

SPEAKING OF SUMMER.

Why is there Halloween Candy out? School supplies, okay. But Halloween Candy?! You commercial hookers need to calm your metaphorical tits and lettuce just enjoy August before the world closes again, Saavy?

^Actual footage of Commercial Hookers slapping my handsome pirateness.

So, be your true self, don't be afraid to let yourself fail, and don't buy Halloween Candy quite yet.

Or DO. You do you, and it will be equally as beautiful.

[mamaneedsadrank]

My patience just tested negative.

Anxiety, am I right.

[mamaneedsadrank]

There are different variations of friendship symbolism in all cultures. Each different, distinct and beautiful in their own way. Did we choose one of those? No. Absolutely not. Have you met the 3 of us? Quirky, endearing, lovable, and unforgettable. That is who we are. 🥰 Pacts were made. And pacts were kept. Triceratops tattoos of the matching nature were branded on our flesh earlier this week. Our 15 year oldselves are at peace, knowing we kept our promise: Matching tats when we turn 30....er 31 thanks Rona.😜 Why don't people ask what your favorite dinosaur is anymore? #dontforgetthedinosaurs #triceratops #tattoos #bestfriendtats #crotchsquadtats #threehorn #favoritedinosaur #ireallyliketriangles #crotchsquad #somanyhashtags (at Mad World Tattoos) https://www.instagram.com/p/CR-DottsNE2/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

In order to be Numero 1, you must be Odd.

Good Day to you fine drinking folks of the various variety!

Today I am bringing this post to you from WORK. That's right. I said it. ( no dranks except of the Dansani Purified kind)

I am blogging at work. AND, do you know what? It is 100% allowed. ENCOURAGED even.

WHAT Kind of life is this!??!?

Life is Glitter.

Sparkly, Enchanting, Annoying, Messy and Unforgettable.

(I mean glitter is the Satan's Spawn of Crafts- but analogies can be hard- just like cleaning up glitter. I recommend a high powered leaf blower and doing all glitter crap crafting outdoors.)

Like glitter, life goes in directions unexpected.

So why the post of glitter, bad analogies, and urges to throw on some craptastical noise of Mariah Carey? ( #sorryMariah - Know you are still a guilty pleasure around that Holiday that-is-not-to-be-named until after The Turkey one.) Because. Because I, The Sam, lost my full time job.

Before the alarms are sounded and the, " Oh Sam, I am so sorry! " messages start transpiring on your keypad, continue reading. I normally dislike using the word I so much in writing, however to tell the tale, I must use I. Aye-Aye Captain?

Where were we? Oh right, my unemployed ass.

I am not one to ever give up on things. I am like lady John Cena of the working world...but you can see me.

Tending to be tenacious, this was one job I wasn't fit for. It wasn't the work that challenged me. It was the atmosphere, and the lack of energy. The energy stale like those saltines in your cupboard, made me turn into somewhat of stale saltine myself. I lost that sense of belonging, and hindered my Samsplosions of greatness. Becoming unrecognizable was hard. Was I really becoming just another corporate bunny? Hopping from day to day, the realization was clear. I was so unhappy. Why do we let ourselves get to that point? Pros and cons aside, I feel for all in the position.

What contorted position may that be?

Yes, that one.

The one we put ourselves in because we believe it is the only way to make ends meet, provide the bacon, and take care of loved ones. I myself believed this was the only way to provide security, and safety for my fam. Maybe its the societal and instilled values/norms that push us here, but lettuce agree that taking on a job that rots your core can be utterly exhausting to your very core.

So now what bodacious bum?

I am taking time to heal. Relearn myself a bit and figure out what I want and do for myself, and family. Right, Wrong or Indifferent- don't yuck on my yum, and remember there's no wrong way to eat a Reeses.

I continue to sit here in pure euphoric bliss as the music plays, and the soundboard glows. I am on the track to what I have always wanted.

Now it's your turn. Pull out that glitter, sprinkle that shit everywhere and leave your own marks.

Or Don't.

XO

The Sam

[mamaneedsadrank]

Are we there yet?

Friends, Family, Loved Ones, Non-Loved Ones, ALL of Earf's kin, it is Tuesday, July 13th 2021. Now, for some terrified of that Prime Punk # 13, you shall not find this day as lucky as my dame-like self. I know. Why do all this back and forth and non constancy of the posting? I am like the How-I-Met-Your-Mother of blog posting. A little Charming, A little Trashy, a little heartfelt, a little annoying, and the constant cliffhangers of the Will They/Won't They!

Alright enough about Barney and his legend...wait for it....ariness. I have been distracted. Distracted by Pokemon Snap on the Nintendo Switch (If you have any tips on how to unlock the level after the Ruins please tell a broad!), summertime and its chaotic schedule, and finally....

I did something.

Something unorthodox, sexy and a little out there....

I wrote an email.

I know. It wasn't playing a boombox outside the station window and throwing rocks declaring my love, begging for a a chance. It was astounding, earth-shattering and persuasive words. My eager- Mcbeaverness landed my bodacious bum into the "Job/Career" of my dreams at the local radio station. Having bombass advocates in your corner that admire your passion really brings a sense of belonging. Especially when you are and have been just that weirdo, wearing dinosaur shirts listening to Avenged Sevenfold while watching DVDS of Guns and Roses swooning over Axle's massive..... Talent.. on silent.

Yo welcome.

So, I got a job. No not even a job. Jobs are things that you have to do. This is what I actually WANT. Where I want to be. How does one keep composure in times like this, and not get full of themselves and think they are too cool? Whallllee Hale...

Lettuce listen to an Eargasm for some inspiration!

(Gurl, that segway was slammmmmmmiing- #credityoself !)

Not So Hollywood- By Throw The Fight

Yummmmooo! These sweet, next door neighbors from the Grand State of Minnesota know how to continuously make love to your earholes. Staying true to their roots, these Minnesota fellas know that with fame comes temptations, and with temptation comes choices. The choices made; stay authentic, be you and don't corrupt yourself.

If you're in the good ole state of Cheese this up coming Friyay, Throw the fight will be at Rock Fest in Codott, July 16th! Check them out live, as they are not only fab musicians, but great entertainers. 5 stars and then some as we matched in our plaid/checkered sleevelessness when I saw them. Twinned so hard!

Oh man. I almost forgot.

This post is brought to you by wine chilled with ice cubes. This delicious pairing goes well with your tastes buds when they want nothing more than a buzz to the nog.

I wish I had more words to sum up my feels on the opportunities ahead of myself. I haven't been one to ever believe in myself to my full potential, (I know, quit whining;you're fine) . The door has opened, and I am tiptoeing quietly into the room.

Don't let yourself hinder your greatness. Stop standing in your way of trying anything new, supposedly scary or that you may be leery of the outcome. Don't be like the band LIT, and be your own worst enemy. Trying new things is good for you. Except for Meth. Don't do Meth.

With that said, in my humbly unhumble-can-come-off-like-a-cocky-dillhole ways, I just want to say thank you- yes you, 3 (maybe 4 could even be 5 fans), and followers. I am just getting started.

Cheers Drinking Pallies! Go forth and Prosper.

Or don't.

[mamaneedsadrank]

In advance, this post maybe a little lengthy. #solong#thatswhatshesaid 😘😁 Sometimes, (more often than not!) Life creates different plans than the ones our brain conjures up. It can be downright frustrating when obstacles continously get in the way of our wants, desires, passions, or whatever your beautiful self would like to call it. This can leave you feeling incomplete, insatiable and overall unsatisfied. But, it doesn't mean give up. Ew. Another inspirational flunkie preaching. #influencer #notalicensedinfluencer https://www.instagram.com/p/CRCCOOWMD3U/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

The kind of Murica to get behind: Red Wine and Brews, and Good Charlotte's The Anthem for the Anthem. 💀😂✌👏🇺🇸🎆 #thisistheanthem #murica #4thofjuly #drinkup #goodcharlotte #itslaps #nevergetsold #somanyhashtags #getweird https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ8w-_XMbtS/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

Sheesh, that's more like it. 😘 #redderisbetter #redhair #diditmyself #rock947 #represent #kimdonepostingtoday https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ2BX0csgX8/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

Incase you forgot.... Nom. Do you taste that? It's the good life. ❤✌ #OnceInALifetime #eatyourheartout #windsofchange #whoamielsa #disneyreference #goalgetter #tastethemagic #getahaircutyahippie #getweird #somanyhashtags https://www.instagram.com/p/CQd8WgzMZyb/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

Work = Hungergames. Okay, I maybe being a smidgeon dramatic🤣🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤐😘! #mamadrama #isit5oclockyet #beerme #toomuchcoffee #2008called #katnisseverdeen #hungergames #getahaircutyahippie #somanyhashtags #getweird #beyourownhero #positivevibes #amidoneyet #someonegetthisgirlagig #somanyhashtags https://www.instagram.com/p/CQL3a_MsdWi/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mamaneedsadrank]

So, I am not one to ask for things.. It's in my Samish nature to not ask for help, and to be able to figure out things myself. Good, bad or indifferent, this is MY trait. I tend to play things safe, as I can be my own worst enemy when it comes to taking chances. Well, I did something out of my comfort zone. And GREAT SCOTT, there could be a fairytale ending... ❤😯🥴 So I am stepping out of my comfort zone, not once, but twice- And hear goes: Send some positive vibes, juju, witchcraft, blessings ,prayers, karma or any other finger-licking good things my way today. #dreambig #goalgetter #thisisthemoment #shootyourshot #sendgoodvibes #positivevibes #liveyourdream #fairytaleending #ownit #musicblog #professionallistener #influencers #beyourownhero #toomanyhashtags https://www.instagram.com/p/CP_DYoBsD0J/?utm_medium=tumblr