Mama Tell me something nice.

I am a multimedia artist.

[mamatell]

[mamatell]

In @caboforte's speech at my brother's wedding he quoted that "Love is spelled T-I-M-E." With my parents and siblings serving as 5 direct examples of strong & successful relationships (now all marriages) that have withstood the test of long distance... I have faith that if it's meant to be we can too 😊 Today marks 3 1/2 years... Love you bro 😉 #teamjpma #whyrush #730happydays

[mamatell]

#tbt freshman year. #mamatellart #selfportrait #painting #vcuarts #afo #surfacestudy

[mamatell]

Selling my Canon Vixia HF G10 32GB HD Camcorder $975 OBO Contact me at [email protected] for questions! Pass the word on :)

[mamatell]

Yesterday the wise @caredawg reminded me to surround myself with Hustlers&Dreamers. What a refreshing thought. Thanks lady ;) #artists #crossroads #progression #doodle #mamatellart #marinated

[mamatell]

Heard it was healthy to free write.

Been traveling for a while now and my footsteps are growing weak The prints I leave on this earth no longer sink as deep as they did before Lightly treading on silk dotted lines I have run out of chalk and ground to call mine Someone bring me back down to this earth Open my eyes and show me the beauty I'm missing Somebody please.

[mamatell]

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My roommate, Aubriel, just turned me on to this website called Fortydaysofdating.com  From first read I already took a liking to it. Timothy Goodman had some good words: "I love teaching because it makes me articulate a process that isn’t easy to define. Creativity is not predictable. And since I enjoy working on an diverse range of work, the process is constantly in flux for me. (I suppose this runs parallel with my dating history, too!) As I continue to get better at my craft, it’s important for me to remember why I loved it in the first place. So many of us set this aside and simply do what others suggest, never finding our own voice, and forgetting why we set out on this journey in the first place.

I always tell my students that they should approach design as a practice rather than a profession. We can’t forget the place we started from, and we should always be looking for new ways to connect with people through our work. I recently re-watched It Might Get Loud, a documentary that I love. Jack White talks extensively about the reduction process in music and art, and how hard it is to find the truth in its simplest form — something I’m always trying to work at. He goes on to say, “Technology is a big destroyer of emotion and truth. Opportunity doesn’t do anything for creativity. Yeah it makes it easier, and you can get home sooner, but it doesn’t make you a more creative person. That’s the disease we have to fight in any creative field: ease of use.”

He also wrote one of my favorites, a 50-second song entitled “Little Room.” It consists of nothing more than vocals and drums. For me, the lyrics tally up one of the critical difficulties in the creative process." After graduating from college I've been going back and forth on what changes are necessary for my transition to "adulthood." Just off the top of my head here's some things I listed: - Get a REAL job, preferably 9-5 to get away from the crazy hours of a college student's life - Get a new car - Don't live at home - Develop a regular workout routine - Sign up for a credit card - Get my own phone plan - Pay off student loans

Labor day usually marks the end of summer for me and I truly feel like I've had some amazing progression over these past 3 months.  I used to cringe when the question "so what are you doing now?" would come up in conversation. I have been blessed with many opportunities since graduation, but that doesn't mean that those "pressures to succeed" don't still effect me. There are millions of people that will always have an opinion about what you should be doing and what could make your life better. Especially being a creative... there are so many people that will tell you about how you should use your craft, what defines being a "sell out" and countless things trying to drain your juices and water down your work. Go ahead and let those people waste their life away worry about yours because guess what? They're not living it, you are.  Everyone takes a different path in life with different things they want to accomplish in a variety of time frames. I feel like the greatest adjustment I have made is being able to accept that our life goals come true with hard work, not through fantasizing and reflecting on shoulda coulda wouldas. I don't need a luxurious life with fancy doodads hanging on my walls and down my earlobes. My main goal is to live a comfortable lifestyle, love what I do and share my adventures with my friends and family. Through all the haze things are becoming a bit more realistic and attainable.  Here are a new set of goals I have set out for myself - Sleep at a reasonable time as often as possible 8 hours is luxury, but 5-6 is plenty. - Save money more Word hard, save up then spoil yourself with a deserving and  event filled trip. It's better than always spending dough on little things here and there. - Cook at home more In line with saving money, I need to take advantage of the fact that my parents can cook and preserve their recipes!  - Add to the flavor Find great books, follow more blogs and experience new places. - Love close friends I've always recognized the value of good friends, but I've noticed that I'm starting to shy away from always being surrounded with large groups of people (by large I mean 20+). - Buy an Ipod Music gets me through the day and singing alone in the house is probably my favorite types of "me time." - Say Thank you more often Good or bad, we should be grateful for the things we experience because you never know when those moments will happen again. You can't buy life lessons. - Be more responsible with my technology  Phones, media equipment, etc. If you know me... you know my difficulties. - Live healthier  Diets are troublesome. With food as one of my best friends, being conscious of my portions, avoiding grease here and there and staying active with sports is good enough for me. - Don't make excuses Spend more time doing than explaining why things did/didn't happen.  There are plenty more, but that's enough to list for now. Lesson of the day: The more time you spend stressing, the less you're spending laughing, loving and exploring the world.

[mamatell]

(Played to the tune of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y) Dear Ms. Interviewer,

Take my hand and let’s take a little trip back to Monday June 17 at 12:50pm. You see I so desperately wish to start over. So let's go back to that low ceiling room with nothing but two black chairs and that 3 x 3 table that barely had enough room for my folder and yours.

Once again you can start off by saying..

“So tell me about yourself.”

and instead of giving you that awkward Tina Fey stare and then word vomiting all over your newly carpeted floors.. I would tell you that I’m more than just one page of mildly written evaluations and titles of former success. I would tell you that i’m the daughter of two brave souls who dropped their hometown prosperity to move to a country unknown and take a gamble at the trials of five new ones. I would tell you how joyful I would find it to walk into a room of 3ft tall troublesome faces each and every day. I would tell you how I firmly agree that collaboration is key to success. I believe that one person can most certainly bring a good idea to the table, but only a team can take away a great one. I would tell you how I avidly serve as a supporting hand for those who spend nearly all of their lives getting knocked down and shut out without ever realizing that they were never supposed to have a chance in the first place. I would tell you that my greatest weaknesses is my ability to build people up with the highest of confidence in themselves, while still finding it hard to give myself reasons to jump. I would tell you how I’m a magnet for distraction, but I always find a way to wind each moment back in for the bigger picture. I would tell you that I secretly enjoy traveling alone on long bus rides because it forces me to take time to myself while still being productive. I would tell you that I am the owner of a playlist that shuffles from Thao Nguyen and The Get Down Stay Down to A Tribe Called Quest, Rufio to Funkmaster Flex, Amy Winehouse to the tramped out divas of disney, and endless amounts of you tube videos because I believe that people create amazing things when they think no one is listening... and when I’m really stressed... I blast this playlist and clean like there’s no tomorrow. and lastly, I would tell you how the day I quit trying to tame my long, frizzy and out of control curls was the day my reflection became a little bit clearer. You see I wasn’t able to tell you all of this the moment you wanted to hear it because I was so bottled up with the idea of how an organization that does such amazing work would give me the chance to join their team. The very idea that I would be in the same room of those who have traveled the world and built mountains of aspirations within those who may have thought their lives were only full of unattainable dreams... made me trip over my words, fall into a pit of torment and melt into an awkward pile of disdain with nothing left to do but smile. I wish so badly that I could have spoke to you while diving out of a plane or being chased by a pack of rabid wolves because maybe then the tension wouldn't have been strung so tight. Regretful as I am... I can only let the wind take over from here. Sincerely yours, Mary Anne Matel

[mamatell]

An old essay I found under a muck of emails. Still holds true today. to I den ti fy (m a) I must say that this is one of the most difficult papers I’ve ever had to write. I have a million and one thoughts swarming around in my head and I’ve be fighting back and forth with myself trying not to write a definition of what I want people to think of me, but instead putting out the honest truth. I know that defining who am I is not an impossible task, but I am well aware that I am still in the stages of finding my true identity. I am bottle collecting scattered thoughts, waiting to be shaken, and spilled out onto an empty canvas. On the first day of class most teachers have an icebreaker activity for students to introduce themselves. I tend to use the same introduction fact for each activity stating that I am the youngest of five children and the only one born in the United States.  I never realized it before, but that statement represents how I have always felt like a lone soul searching for a class of my own. For the longest time, I wasn’t convinced that I could define myself without knowing where I came from. So I began to look more into my family’s traditional Philippine culture where I ran into a few boundaries. I learned that in America people defined me as a Filipino, but in the Philippines I was clearly an American. I struggled with this idea of being Filipino American for a long time but soon enough I embraced this identity and was able to enlighten others about my unique culture. Up until now, I feel like this is one of the very few things in my life that I am truly certain of. As far as a career, I have always known that I wanted to be an artist. My parents always fought with me convincing me that I’d be better of studying medicine. I grew up taking advanced art classes and always had it in mind that I would be a studio artist. I soon grew a love for teaching and became more curious about art education. Then one day my roommate said “Those who can’t do, teach.” It wasn’t until recently that I told her how that one conversation set me off track for a long time. I fought the idea of teaching, but I felt out of place with the other studio artists. Soon enough I learned a way to incorporate both my studio art and my passion for teaching. I am now researching how I can get more involved in the documentary field. I have developed a love for meeting new people, learning about their stories, and finding ways to translate them to others. When given the assignment of creating a self-portrait I almost always take a completely different path in doing so. Before, I would easily reveal a number of my likes and dislikes and call it a day. More recently, I have begun asking people to describe their own definition of me and I reflect upon that. I still don’t have an exact definition for who I am, but I now have a clearer vision of who I want to be and what I want to achieve.  One day I would like to become a mother, an educator, and a true advocate of building within small communities. I also hope to travel around the world and create something that will be passed through and admired by many generations of my family. For most of my life I have been a sponge adapting to any circle I’m thrown in and desiring only to please the needs of others. I feared being judged wrongly and leaving people with everlasting negative impressions of me. I have slowly began to learn that accepting myself and finding out what makes me happy is more important then confining myself to one definite label. My father always told me that I was too curious for my own good, but I know that I can use this to my advantage and learn great lessons from all of my experiences. I am finally learning how to live life for myself and I believe that I am on a better path to finding my full true identity.

[mamatell]

And so that's what you think?

Floating through nonsense and building a fence boarding my closest thoughts, fears, and hopes. Am I closing off again? The wounds were never mended, only further bended, and splitting towards an abyss of anonymous theories. Read me up and down, you will never know the truth. Experience me in and out, you will never know the truth. 

The truth is... I'm  forever changing. Sister of the wind. Don't try to catch me... just run with me.

[mamatell]

This experimental video is an exploration of the endurance and strength displayed by the communities of Guatemala and the physical, mental, and spiritual toll that it has taken on their lives. Through observation and from various dialogues that were exchanged with the members of the community, we were able to learn about a few of the challenges that they have had to withstand over the past centuries. I have used their traditional practice of textile weaving with the foot loom as a metaphor for the process of survival. The interaction of the tension and contrasting colors of the threads symbolizes the struggle and triumph over the challenges they are presented with. Each thread is positioned with such meticulous precision and refined detail. A strong force is then applied on the loom pounding each thin thread into the textile, representing the tolerance that they have become accustomed to. As no two textiles are exactly alike, each final creation then serves as a unique and one of a kind official documentation of their stories. I have also inserted layers of physical portraits of the members of the communities we visited.

[mamatell]

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Assignment: Create a pieced based on your 3 favorite places to be. Messing around with audio. Rough draft.

[mamatell]

FALL 2010 University 200/English 200: A research intensive course at VCU basically designed for students to spend an entire semester learning how to appropriately research and record. (16 page paper at the end of it)

My research question... "How has the assimilation of first generation Filipino Americans into mainstream America effected second generation Filipino Americans in redefining their culture?"

My main claim (made to have an argument)... "Many second generation FIlipino Americans have either abandoned or neglected to fully retain their family's traditional Philippine values in order that they may have a chance to receive equal opportunities and be accepted in the American society."

As many of you know, I am very active within the Filipino American community.

Did you know that... - I am the youngest of five children - Of those five children I am the only American-born - I don't know how to speak/barely understand Tagalog  - I wasn't raised under Roman Catholicism or any common form of Christianity, so during my childhood I was never exposed to many "Philippine traditions" (I was the kid who did know what blessing your lola/lolo meant)

My freshman year at Salem I joined the Filipino American Culture Society (FACS) where our dearest Obiwonton (Ray Obispo) enlightened his students about the ins and outs of the term Filipino American. I never knew the term existed. When I stepped off the plane onto Philippine soil, I was automatically identified as an American or a 'cano.' Then of course in the states, I was considered Filipino, not American. With all 4 of my siblings being Philippine-born, there was already a disconnect. I was the "selfish, ignorant" child. FACS allowed me to explore this issue of finding my identity without any confrontation or discrimination of the religious background I was raised under.

 In FACS we performed various pieces that spoke on things such as Marginalization, Brain Drain, the Watsonville Riots, Ihotel, the Manongs and Mangangs, the Alaskeros(sp?), and the Bataan death march. We went on as others did and began to dig our roots deeper in the community. I became a part of the Hampton Roads chapter of the Filipino American National Historical Society (FANHS-HR) and helped run my first National conference. Last July I flew to Seattle, WA to give a presentation at the FANHS 2010 biennial conference. I assisted in the creation of groups like FACADE, FAYA, and I'm now a part of FIND inc. and FACT@VCU. You can only imagine what those acronyms stand for. Anyways, I went on and on and kept getting involved, performing, and preaching about something... I didn't really know all that well about...

Yes, I understood the "struggle" or the "experience" behind identifying yourself as a Filipino American... but... I didn't know the history. So for my research paper I decided to do just that. I would do my own research everything that I had been preaching about. 

With just about every source I read from I shed tears. Sometimes it was a lot, sometimes it was very few. Why? Well it wasn't like I was researching about whales, the rocky mountains, or whatever whatever. Each and every source directly hit home with me. I began to think about how much I had taken for granted and what type of sacrifices the generations before me had made. Generations that are still living today! People who I see around the community centers all the time who I may fail to acknowledge their presence. Not to mention that I had to read and write about these sources back to back so I had very little time to reflect and let the information sink in.

Excerpt from my reflective essay: For example, my father was a veterinarian in the Philippines, but for twenty-one years he has been working at a company repairing wires. Comparing my standard of living to the rest of my friends and classmates, I resented my father for not continuing his career and being able to provide me with the expensive things that my friends had. All my father told me was that when he got to America, they told him he would have to go back to school for two more years. Filipinos and Asian cultures both have a strong sense of pride and believe in “saving face.” So I immediately concluded that he had too much pride to go back to school. It wasn’t until I read Barbara Posadas’s chapter, Contemporary Issues among Filipino Americans: Filipino American Adults, that I began to understand why he had to make that sacrifice. I then asked my father again why he didn’t go back to school and he told me that he couldn’t afford to go back to school because he had four children and one on the way he had to provide for immediately. I tried so hard to hold back my tears as I thought about how selfish I had been for all of those years and how I took his sacrifice for granted. I am now beginning to take my school work more seriously and anxiously await the day when I can repay my parents for all of their efforts in making sure that my siblings and I could receive such opportunities in America.

I am truly thankful that I took the opportunity to do more research on the immigration of Filipinos to America. This will help fuel my writing and my role in my community.

Perfect Match: I am currently taking a winter intersession class called "Textual Analysis." Most students don't know what type of course it will be until you get the syllabus. One of the courses is about twilight/vampires I believe. Basically it's a literature class and I figured I just get it out of the way. Reading long passages is really hard for me so it's better for me to focus on just this course. First day of class I got really excited as I found out that we would be studying works of poetry, short stories, etc. from the 20th postcolonial times. Basically... everything I have been studying with my Filipino American community, except with other cultures! My professor is really down to earth too and thoroughly explains each piece.

This will definitely help my writing!!!

I don't want to jinx myself, but I have loved every moment of attending this class. Most won't admit it, but I love school. It's something about being in an environment of eagerly collected minds, who are hopefully equally as excited to actively participate and take advantage of their freedom of expression, and sharing a debate on political and societal issues that really gets me. Fall, winter, spring, and summer classes. I'll be there.

P.S. debating on minoring in crafts, business, or education. Current major: Kinetic imaging

(Courtesy of Kris Nario and Mariam Eqbal) Examples of VCU K.I. Alumni   Paul Cantor- http://vimeo.com/3076448 Jordan Bruner- http://www.jordanbruner.net/reel/reel.html

My work will be up shortly.

[mamatell]

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The presence of the absentminded.

I want to run, Release these feeble limbs. Arduous and sunken, Holes drilled through.

My hands, Transparent, A solemn sanctuary which once embraced my nobility I want to run.

Blinded, Vision cold, Eyes grazed over blue. Where is the purity I once found in the world’s raging rhythm? I want to run.

Protruding, erecting, Blanketed fictional dreams. You may watch your painted walls And live out the dying age. I want to run.

Rebirth of thy soul Come new, come without, Not a care bothering me.I want to be free. I want to run.

Run until my feet are no more, Til I’m picked up by the wind And cradled by our shared father. Stop me now and I swear you’ll face a cry left ringing for centuries. I want to run.

By the stroke of midnight she’ll disappear once again. Who knows when we’ll see her, Doesn’t matter when.

She runs, Let her. She falls, Let her.

To catch is the duty of a naive soul I shall stand and wait no more.

She runs, Does not stop to breathe, And her no longer do I need.

-Mama Tell

-------------------------- Haven't written in a while. Need to break down the accent and work on my articulation a bit. 

[mamatell]

Up for interpretation. Here's mine.

1. Know what your organization stands for.

2. Know why you're involved.     Passion > Pride.

3. Understand what TEAM means as well as a unified goal.     "Selfless before Selfish needs." -J.Millete

4. There are sacrifices that must be made.

5. Organization and understanding of process is key.

6. Time for play, time for work.     Lead by example.

7. Be active.     Observe, Address, Plan, Execute and Follow-Up. 

8. Get involved and take responsibility in your events.

9. Know your limits. 

10. Listen, remain open-minded, and be sure to conduct clear (detailed) communication.

11. Ask questions.

12. Be observant. Network and recruit.

The guidelines for being a good leader in ANY organization.  Don't forget: -Remain approachable. -"Leave your ego at the door." -Uncle Ben Manor -Remain innovative. -Develop good problem solving skills.  -Don't leave anyone behind. Ensure that you are ALL on the same page.

I'm sure i'm missing a lot more. Becoming an effective leader is a life-long learning experience. I hope I can efficiently continue to learn how to work with and for the needs of others.  I need to work on 3 main things: Learning to compromise, be humble, and have patience. One can have all the ideas in the world, but with out establishing the proper support system with a common goal... FAIL! 

I have so much learning to do! Let's get to it!

[mamatell]

tis vhat ti tis

I’m tired of teaching I want to learn I’m pleading and bleeding for a message unrightfully earned Reading the words of a time before Theres nothing more to mimicking the soul one part of the whole split down the middle just sit back and twiddle my thumbs a little longer and maybe by sitting and glancing through this realm of serendipity my chance will make it's way back and kick me in the ass yet at this moment we both know it I'll just stare there an unbelievably bare glare thin as air I wouldn't spare the care to a soul so unkind  it's mine  but instead I'll just wave good-bye.

[mamatell]

Something about this video.

"Congratulations Mamatell." For those who know really know me, those who know what I want, those who know what I shouldn't do but knew exactly what I would do... here's your "I told you so."

I'm in a place I was SO CLOSE to preventing myself from being in. And I gave in... gave in? or stepped up? If it was stepping up then I should feel better right? Why does it feel like an obligation? Why am I questioning whether to call this something i'm passionate about or something I'm being guilt tripped on? There's no doubt I have a passion for it. No doubt. I know it's hard to believe with all that I just said, but believe me. That's why I work so strenuously. But I don't feel like I'm growing..

Those whom you surround yourself with will be your biggest influence. And that's what I'm doing, holding myself back. And I feel it. The cut is getting deeper and I'm getting weaker. I want to be bigger, badder, better. but how can I learn when I keep myself in this routine. I know what I really want to do... and I just let it walk by.

Today my dad told me, "Learn how to treat yourself good."

I really wish I could. Believe me. I really wish I could.