rune•they/them•dying (literally)•read about my story here
DO NOT REPOST/MODIFY/SELL ANY OF MY POSTS OR WORKS! i am dying please do not steal from me. in fact i would much prefer you pay me.
ko-fi.com/rune
love me some:
•Good times
•Animes
•Video games
•Memes
Check out my tribute album, Songs for Rune, made by folks who made Homestuck! Name your price (free)
Do your best today!
2025 has wound up being a rough rune year. awful and stressful circumstances at mickey's dick smasher have had me stuck here since early 2025 with no break, and a lot of people in my life are going through hell, myself included. it is wearing me down, I am much sicker here than I need to be and in a lot of unnecessary pain every day, but having transportation and some friendly company online have made a mountain of difference.
I am going to keep doing my best. thanks for being here with me. I cannot respond to everyone but I always enjoy hearing about fun things going on in other people's lives. someday I will be able to move somewhere safer, for good. I know I will. you hang in there too! live as hard as you can, as well as you can! please!
if you want to help support my quest towards financial independence from an abusive situation that is seriously jeopardizing my health, you can still toss some spare coins to my ko-fi!
all of my checkmarks were gifts. I am very ill. they are like flowers to me.
why did you change your pinned post?
there are a lot of people asking me for advice for their medical emergencies. I appreciate that you think so highly of me and I am not mad at anyone for being scared. but I am not a doctor, I am not an EMT, I am not a medical helpline, I am not trained to handle this much grief, I am a terminally ill person who tells jokes online.
hey I have a new and sudden heart thing/chest pain/fluttery feeling/heart weirdness going on. what should I do?
heart disease is the most common cause of death in the world. the only way to know if your life is in immediate danger is by being checked out using specialized hospital equipment. minutes can be the difference between life or death. go to the emergency room.
should I ask for your opinion on whether or not I should go to the emergency room?
no. just go to the emergency room. you will get a free bracelet
I have an urgent medical question! should I ask you about it?
no. I am not a doctor. see if there are any nurse hotlines or insurance advice hotlines near you that may be able to give you advice.
you are cool and funny and I am financially stable and will not hurt from sending you some cash, where can I send some hot dollars?
fuck yeah I love money as high fived to me by people who will not hurt as a result. here is my ko-fi
I also have a health amazon wishlist and a non-health amazon wishlist! these go to me and are addressed to john as in, john doe.
I have an urgent medical question! should I ask you about it?
no. I am not a doctor. see if there are any nurse hotlines or insurance advice hotlines near you that may be able to give you advice.
why are people sending you urgent medical questions?
in the process of staying alive this long, I have had to learn a lot about a lot of medical things. I have also posted a lot about the medical things that have kept me alive, and I try to raise awareness about some medical things that can make life better for other people. that makes me the only person a LOT of people can think of when they have an immediate urgent health thing happening. people panic and ask me for time-sensitive help and that makes me panic because I am not online all the time, I am not able to respond promptly all the time due to my health, I am not a doctor, and it freaks me out to have someone put their life in my hands. which is not great while being terminally ill. I am really struggling with balancing helping people in one way or another and not making myself sicker as a result. I have not yet found that balance. this pinned post is a step forwards
who is the character in your avatar?
mamoru from megaman battle network 3
are you roleplaying mamoru from megaman battle network 3?
no, I am rune. call me rune. I am terminally ill in real life. mamoru is just one of my blorbos. he is a great blorbo. play megaman battle network 3
are you cool with me venting about how I have given up on medical treatment?
no, my doctors have instructed me to avoid as much stress as possible. I am not even supposed to be watching live news.
are you cool with me venting to you about my medical trauma?
no, see above
are you cool with me sending you a fundraiser?
no, see above and above above
are you cool with me telling you about how your blog has helped me get medical treatment/live better/saved my life/get diagnosed with dysautonomia?
ABSOLUTELY YES. I always want to hear about this. I will never get tired of getting messages about how me swearing on the internet has been able to help people.
I had covid-19 and now I feel like shit months later. what are the chances that I am chronically ill now?
30%-50% of all people who get covid-19 will become chronically ill or get worse if they already were chronically ill. even if you had a mild or asymptomatic case of covid-19. the united states has authorized over a billion dollars of federal funding towards studying chronic illness from covid-19. pro tip: most of it involves post-viral dysautonomia. going to doctors recommended by dysautonomia patients is generally a good start
longcovidresearchfund.org/whatweknow <- source
my doctors are shit but I need treatment. what should I do?
unfortunately, many medical conditions are only adequately treatable by prescription medication. if at all possible, make sure you are going to doctors recommended by other patients who have the conditions or genre of conditions you want to be evaluated and treated for. when in doubt you can just google “[genre of condition] support group [your region]” and that is where you can find the best gossip about good doctors. it is better to have a doctor that listens and is willing to learn than to have a doctor that makes you feel unheard.
I have had heart scans and blood work but my doctors cannot find anything wrong with me even though I am miserable and in pain. when I stand up fast or for long periods of time my heart rate spikes/my heart rank tanks/my chest hurts/I get dizzy/my vision goes dim/I feel like I might pass out/I do pass out/I feel like shit in general. and this gets a little better when laying down and way worse when showering. what should I do?
orthostatic intolerance means conditions that get worse when upright and better when laying down. there are a lot of them and they are some of the most common conditions in the world. you may have heart of things like POTS, orthostatic hypotension, orthostatic hypertension. they are diagnosed with a tilt table test. I recommend going to doctors recommended by other patients. see above
dysautonomiainternational.org/
can I thank you publicly on medical groups?
NO. PLEASE no. PLEASE do not EVER talk about me on any public medical group or support groups or anything. do not mention mamoru, do not mention rune, do not mention me at all. I am not a doctor. I am not a support group. I do not want to run a support group. I am not trying to be a fancy sponsored influencer here or anything. I am just a patient and I am overwhelmed already. :(
why do you swear so much?
lowers the property value. I want my posts to stay on tumblr.
who should I contact if I want to send letters or cool exciting packages to your PO box?
if you are a follower of mine, please contact @kawaiijohn to send me something in the mail. I love getting mail, whether it is something big or small, something hand made or something ordered online, something intricate or just a postcard. for letters, I want to hear about what parts of your life make you happy, no matter how obscure. tell me about cool facts about life where you are, maybe something about your pets, or even a cool cloud you may have seen. please print and do not use cursive if at all possible.
I can not respond to letters because my life is very busy trying to manage my health and every new weird circumstance that keeps popping up. so do send me things with that in mind. but thank you so, so much, for bringing any part of your world to mine. after a while of not being able to leave home, screens meld together. it makes me happier to get a short postcard than a long internet message. because it is a physical part of someone else who remembers I have lived. and when I mostly only see my own walls or the inside of hospitals for years now, it just. hits way different
he~wow some stuff is happening so I need to stay up and keep watch. having, dare I say, a bit of fun with it even.
and appreciating my ever-growing collection of ~#7EB197 colored tools and trinkets
I wish I could just filter out the dogshit and see which products are in that color and actually high quality! it makes me so happy when good and necessary and also color™ line up
I have a really high tolerance for what counts as that color to me. it really just kind of needs to resemble it I think, because more important to me than the color being exact is being able to identify what it represents
and it represents kindness, survival, and doing my best! (it is my blog background color) it represents you and it represents me
I originally picked it as my background because I saw it being used in healthcare. or I mean I saw teal-adjacent colors being used and then closed my eyes and threw a dart at the tumblr hex picker and said eh close enough.
these days that color registers in my brain as safety and as an identity. I have never wanted to own things for their color as much as now. it keeps me grounded! hopefully one day literally, apparently anker had some awesome surge protectors in a color pretty close and they got discontinued. color™-adjacent colors, regardless of context, are often a limited edition!
never fuck around with unfamiliarly branded chargers, cables, and power banks. not that I can talk much, I had an old anker power bank start smoking a decade ago. but if I could talk out of my ass for a second, power banks with wireless charging, and wireless chargers themselves, seem to have a higher failure rate and seem to be more dangerous than cable style. if you have to get a suspiciously branded power bank or charger, do NOT let it be wireless!
I read a lot of recalls and safer products dot gov reports and all!
what else <- trying to pass the time
my friends are worried about me because bad things keep happening to me. but this is nothing compared to before, and I am still having fun. in my eyes, every experience is another part of a life that I have been waiting forever to live. problems solved with friends is just a normal life! it feels good to be allowed to solve problems!
sure beats my family constantly poisoning me on purpose at Mickey's Dick Smasher! man how the fuck did I survive all that...
and when I can see the color, it reminds me that I am somewhere better.
what else...
right now is a bad time to be interested in setting up a home media server, huh...
unrelated, a philosophy I live by is that I reserve the right to have fun even if nobody else is. when a bad day looks like being hospitalized for hostile unnecessary mold again a whole lot of things can feel like good days. more than anything I am just happy to be here! living through hardship means being alive. being alive is one of ny favorite things to do. especially if I get to do it around my friends!
something is making a high pitched buzzing sound somewhere. my head is throbbing I probably need to close my eyes for a few minutes...I really look forward to when we have a couch. or any kind of furniture I can lay down on other than the air mattress. just need to be able to go into a store first! to touch it
smell it
Experience
I need to put my phone down before I drop it. that would be a little less fun
try to add some fun to your day, whenever you are! okay yeet for now
I might not have stable footing right now and I might not know what my future will hold but I fucking swear that whoever I become next will be funnier than whoever I was before
some combination of circumstances involved with me moving out and escaping years and years of life-threatening abuse has really made me dissociate from everyone and everything that came before
my brain and body are some some format of antique wobbling slot machine and with each yank of the crank I find icons and combinations I have never once previously seen
I thought moving would be the feeling of exiting a tilt-a-whirl but it feels more like getting on a different one from another planet and watching the other one explode behind me without even knowing if anyone was still on board
and as a flying sheet of frayed metal passed in front of my face I saw my reflection and said goodbye as I noticed I was smiling
farewell you old decrepit bastard, now I have an air fryer
as someone incredibly skilled at spewing from every limb and pore of flesh, is hydrogen peroxide still the go-to to de-crimson soft items and objects? it is only a matter of time before my fresh abode becomes bespattered with the spoils of war. and by spoils I mean, heh, my blood
okay before I ask this question I want to remind everyone that I have at least thousands of hours in the bag of being alive, going places, and maybe even watching videos. BUT due to a spectacular (thoughtfully pondering) bisection* from all I have ever known, my memories once held in confidence have become distorted fuck-style
how does ehler's danlos syndrome flare. what the f. fuck does that do and how does it begin. my body is suddenly ultra fragile and misaligned and weak and I looked at my skin ripping like toilet paper and splitting at the seams and thought huh is there ant way I have #scurvy. and now my fragile neck and spine have declared: Not Today
I forgot what else I was going to ask. I had to negotiate with a spider not to approach the toilet any further and luckily the diplomacy was fruitful
yesterday I managed to rend my delicate flesh to yield a handful of glimmering blood and after I dressed the wound assuming more would be spilt it closed as surely as the sun does set
I dropped a full glass style glass of water directly on the hard floor and nothing was damaged . duralex : for the people in your life who miss the table
how the fuck does anyone order a new couch when they all seem to take weeks or months to arrive? I guess my current ideal couch is
brand new (whether purchased in-store or ordered online, used or thrifted can worst case kill me)
elevated off the floor enough to vacuum under and reduce chances of dust mites and bugs
as machine washable as possible
does not bleach from 220ppm hypochlorous acid
at least safe-ish for MCAS in some way. apparently a lot of furniture additives stopped being used in the US in 2025
some kind of sectional (?) that can be expanded or rearranged to some degree and has at least one long layable part (??)
there is so little decent furniture designed to ever be cleaned and disinfected. how do other immune compromised people use furniture? and there are so many "MCAS safe" sleeper couches where the unwashable cushions go directly on the floor. why
elevated sleeper couch and washable seem to not be able to coexist so I guess washable is more important (???) and then I can get some kind of extra dedicated sleeper thing(???)
elevated sleeper couches often have some kind of attached and possibly non-removable/non-washable mattress from what I have been able to find. which just eventually makes the whole couch disposable...? or at least that segment of it?
I had to stop searching for more information about MCAS-safe and washable furniture beyond spoon tested and my chemical free house because I kept winding up on posts from other patients being suicidal
hey, for some reason i haven't seen your posts in a really long time. i hope you're doing okay. from what i can see you seem to be and i'm really really happy. i'm really really happy about that. i hope tumblr lets me start seeing your posts again
thank you! this should be my 20th post since my hiatus a few months ago including the hiatus-end announcement, does that seem right? are they showing up or is something going funky style
ok pivoting does anyone have a good guide on television speakers? speaker sets? passive, active, uhh... surround...? I can mostly find soundbar reviews but if you talk about soundbars in the speaker subreddits they send an assassin
but a lot of them say "just" go to a thrift store. right now I cannot even get to a grocery store
I cannot really go anywhere much so lifelike sound would be really nice. I was able to see orchestras a few times and each time they pierced my soul
I want to feel that again
edit: to be clear I would rather not get a soundbar. bigger speakers is usually better sound for cheaper right? even if I go with soundbars there are plenty of soundbar reviews that I already know about. I need help finding not-soundbar reviews and information
I lived so much of my life thinking that my life offline was for tolerating and only my life online was for celebrating. that I would just be abused and suffer offline and online I could help people and make people laugh. and that was just my reality
and a few times a year those would intersect when I got to hang out with people who liked my internet points
as my family became more controlling in 2020 and I stopped being allowed to see most people, I decided to just lean into trying to help as many people as I could online
I told a friend it felt like being food safety batman
although, batman at least has memories of feeling loved by his family
I abandoned offline me for online me and I forgot how to interact with people and not talk like a blog
I abandoned most of my relationships and hobbies to be as helpful as I could in any way I could and help as many people as I could because that was the only fulfillment I was permitted in life. and also I just did not want to upset anyone I cared about because mostly bad things happen to me and I always felt like I was on the verge of death
but now I am somewhere new. and I have no idea who I am anymore, and I cannot remember who I used to be when I was around most other people in person, because it has been so many years since I felt like a human
sometimes I have to suffer through the nonsense™. but in between that nonsense is me.
the nonsense hurts. my brain tries to claw its way out of my skull and I feel like a cornered animal. but the nonsense is getting shorter and rarer. so there is more and more of me. more of me than I know what to do with!
PTSD is easier to handle with hot food, clean air, and good company. still debilitating, but...I am safe.
