Man Complains

About Everything

[mancomplains]

Radio Isn't Dead, But It Should Be

If you were wondering if there was anything more mind numbing than the forced banter of two colleagues who secretly hate each other discussing their favourite pasta dish; the answer is yes. It's Janette, 57 from Dorset... #radio, #gem106 #mancomplains

With everything going on in the world it’s easy to close yourself off in your own little bubble and close the big picture outside. You see it all the time; people complaining about their bus route being shut during the midst of a global pandemic. American’s protesting their ‘encroached freedoms’ because they desperately need a haircut.

This blog tries to be different, we don’t shy away from…

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[mancomplains]

Things You Should Hate - Summer Special

The UK had its cursory 2 days of sunshine last weekend. I wanted to die. Nobody can enjoy sitting in their gardens being slowly cooked alive surely. #mancomplains #summer #britishsummer #thingsyoushouldhate

Anyone who moves to a hotter climate so they can relax in the sun is clinically insane. The UK had its cursory 2 days of sunshine last weekend and I wanted to die. Nobody can enjoy sitting in their gardens being slowly cooked alive surely…

On Saturday I was playing with my kids outside and could feel the back of my neck reaching medium rare. How is that pleasurable? What is wrong with you…

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[mancomplains]

Things You Should Hate - Click Bait

There is nothing more frustrating than realising you've been suckered into an article where the entire contents can be summarised by just the title. #clickbait #mancomplains #longread #marketing

In today’s ‘Things You Should Hate’ we drill down on the insufferable online marketing ploy of click baiting.

Click-baiting

(on the Internet) content whose main purpose is to attract attention and encourage visitors to click on a link to a particular web page.”these recent reports of the show’s imminent demise are hyperbolic clickbait”

Google search results for clickbait

There is nothing…

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[mancomplains]

Healthy Eating Sucks

I have two young kids and have to make some semblance of effort to survive until they're no longer financially dependent on me. Which given the current outlook of the economy could be their mid 40's. #healthyeating #mealplan #diet #mancomplains #fat

As I sit here and ponder the contents of this blog post over a coffee and a discount Easter egg, I wonder if it’s worth another failed attempt at healthy eating or if I should just accept who I am like an addict sliding out the rehab centre window and go get another pack of haribo.

That may have sounded a little like the opening paragraph you’d see on an article called “how you can eat what…

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[mancomplains]

Sleep Training - A 5 year program

If you're sitting here thinking to yourself, oh yes that first night where we put Oliver down in his own bed was really tough, he didn't go down for almost 30 minutes. I hate you. #sleeptraining #toddlers #bedtime #babybedtime #mancomplains

Today’s blog post is inspired by incredibly current events. The event of both myself and my wife losing any remaining semblance of sanity as we attempt to sleep train our 1 year old in the same bed as our previously sleep trained 3 year old.

I have written in passing about sleep training before, and despite being a subject that will immediately alienate any readers who do not have kids. I…

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[mancomplains]

TikTok The Lowest Form of Expression

To give context one of the most popular recreated videos of all time on TikTok is people pretending to walk forwards... When actually they're not moving forwards at all! #tiktok #mancomplains #vlogger #depressing

What The Fuck is TikTok

What the fuck is TikTok. I mean really, and this isn’t grumpy old man hearing about it for the first time as his adult daughter lip syncs to a film from the 90’s. I have sat and I have scrolled through the torrent of addictive human garbage that is TikTok for many hours… I still don’t quite understand what it is.

Imagine getting to a point in your life where…

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[mancomplains]

Covid-19 Tracing Apps and The Chamber of Personal Data

The NHS have decided that failing to upgrade their computer systems from Windows 95 for literally 2 decades and having more leaks than it's metaphorical sinking ship should not deter it from creating it's own tracing app #nhs #tracingapp #covid-19 #google

With Covid-19 wreaking havoc on the global economy and you know… Killing a bunch of people; governments have been pushing ‘big tech’ to come up with ‘outside the box’ solutions to help the testing and tracking of people who may be infected or high risk. Apple and Google have both stepped up to the challenge with a joint effort to create a tracking app compatible with all major smartphones that…

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[mancomplains]

Things You Should Hate - Facebook Edition

To remedy the lack of pure unfiltered bile I have added this new sub-series "Things you should hate" . In today's edition, we look at Facebook and what parts you should really hate. #facebook #mancomplains #socialmedia #thingsyoushouldhate

As a blog dedicated to complaining, I feel I’ve been missing the brief a little bit lately. A lot of my posts have been about my kids and as such I haven’t wanted them to be exclusively horrible, because one day my kids may read this and I don’t want them to switch off my machine (I made a promise to myself that I would outlive Meghan Trainor by any means necessary ).

To remedy the lack of…

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[mancomplains]

10 Tips For Surviving Lockdown (With Kids) - Part 2

Here are 5 more tips to help you survive the Covid-19 lock down without having to pave your children into the base of the new conservatory that you're undoubtedly now working on. #anotherlist #mancomplains #parentingadvice #badparent #sleeptraining

5 Tips weren’t enough for you? You must be an absolutely terrible parent. You’re probably too strict, or not strict enough. I bet you give them way too much attention or the right quantity of attention but at the wrong time. You probably haven’t even taught your kid(s) a 3rd language yet. You disgust me.

Anyways, never fear because I; a competent parent, am here to save the day. Here are 5…

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[mancomplains]

10 Tips For Surviving Lockdown - Part 1

No McDonald's / soft play or open shopping centres for you to 'lose' your kids in. This post is full of practical advice for how you can survive parentine! #quarantine #mancomplains #peppapig #lockdown #kidslockdown #educatingathome #covid-19

I have already written one post on the horrors of parenting during quarantine already, but that was mainly just me wallowing in self-pity and despair. This post is different. This post is full of practical advice for how you can survive parentine!

Below you will find the first 5 of my top 10 tried and tested methods for dealing with a world without McDonald’s / soft play or open shopping…

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[mancomplains]

Gaming Fatigue

A library of 300+ steam games yet nothing to play. The perils of getting older and realising that you just can't be bothered to crouch behind another chest high wall. #gaming #mancomplains #letsplay #gamingfatigue

When I was a teenager I had a PlayStation 2 and maybe 15 games MAX. I had completed or gotten monumentally fucked off with all of them. I don’t remember not knowing what to play.

Now, as a 29 year old parent of 2 with minimal free time. I like to spend my small gap of freedom between 8pm and 10pm staring into the abyss that is my steam library and pretending i’m going to play something. 300+…

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[mancomplains]

The NHS: Funded by Applause

Matt Hancock's 'promotion' The reshuffle equivalent of pulling a set of keys from the bowl in the annual Tory swingers ball and realising you're going home with Rees-Mogg's nanny. #nhs #clapfornhs #boris #trump #matthancock #fuckingtories #mancomplains

#clapforthenhs

Imagine you were asked to go to work specifically with sick infectious people. Given minimal protective equipment, increased hours and an ever reducing supply of resources. Failure to do so would result in unemployment during one of the worst recessions of all time.

Then imagine that you’re watching the news to find out how you might be supported or rewarded for this…

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[mancomplains]

Isolation Induced Exercise

Thanks to you people worrying if you'll be able to stay marathon ready when confined to your homes I am now trapped in a guilt induced exercise regime that's genuinely less effective than just giving away my last Rolo. #lockdown #exercise #fat #justdance

For some completely fucked up reason. I am doing more exercise during lock-down than I have ever done on a regular basis. It’s like getting buff in the prison yard… Except I’m dancing to ‘I Kissed a Girl’ by Katie Perry on Just Dance.

I say for some reason, but I know exactly what has caused this horrific change in routine. My social media has exploded with joggers, cyclists and gym freaks…

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[mancomplains]

10 Tips on How to Panic Buy

Here's a hint, it doesn't involve living in a house made entirely out of Andrex 4-ply. #panicbuying #lockdown #toiletpaper #houmous #lists #mancomplains

I currently own more than 50 toilet rolls. Does that make me a bad person?

To clarify, I live in a 7 person household and I can use half a roll a day on my own (if you don’t wipe until it bleeds how can you be sure it’s clean?). Personally I had a problem with both the panic buying and the reaction to panic buying but then, if I didn’t what would I write about.

Whatever your feelings on…

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[mancomplains]

Parentine

[Pair-en-teen] - The act of being quarantined with miniature demonic versions of yourself. It's like the summer holidays but all of the soft plays are closed. #quarantine #quarantinekids #mancomplains #parentine #stayathome

[Pair-en-teen] – The act of being quarantined with miniature demonic versions of yourself.

It’s like the summer holidays but all of the soft plays are closed. Now you can’t abandon your demon seed in a giant bouncy castle full of snot and old plasters while you have a cappuccino with Karen.

I personally have two young girls (1 and 3, yes we do regret it) neither of which were at school…

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[mancomplains]

Is MasterChef Topical? Actually I don't care

A highly topical breakdown of the previous season of an Australian cooking show. Can I quit my day job yet? #masterchef #masterchefaustralia #cookingshow #mancomplains #cravat

Boris Johnson has been released from hospital. UK deaths from the coronavirus have surpassed 10,000 and show no signs of slowing. Meanwhile China has reported its highest individual day of new covid-19 cases in weeks; suggesting that efforts to ease the global lock down that is turning millions of homes into glorified prisons may in fact result in a complete resurgence of this horrible disease…

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[mancomplains]

Man Complains About More Things!

A man complaining about things! Now that's what 2020 was missing. The non anticipated return of the blog you never knew existed. #mancomplains #blogrevival #unoriginaltakes

That’s right, you’re not mistaken; the UK’s least acclaimed blog is back. Over a year since my last blog post and with a new empty website due to forgetting to backup my previous hosting; I decided the world (and by that I mean the 5 people who read this shit) needed to hear my much unchanged opinions.

So prepare yourselves for some entirely unoriginal takes on topical ‘finger on the pulse’…

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