I changed my age in my bio to ~30. This blog is 10 years old this year.
When I made the blog, the concept of genderfluid was far from new, but it was newly in the spotlight, along with Gender in general. It was 2016. Local politics resigned to the newly legalized gay marriage and shifted their attention towards trans people. At the same time, Tumblr especially was having a Cambrian explosion of gender identities. Serious identities, silly identities, hyperspecific identities, intentionally vague identities. Even the Attack Helicopter jokes were evidence of the new way people were learning to see gender--not as binary physical categories, but as a part of an intangible self, or as a social identity, or as a persona, flexible and limitless. There were suddenly infinite new words to describe gender. I adored it, and still do.
A big argument from people was, "It's just a phase." And that always annoyed me. Everything is a phase. Life is a phase. Childhood is a phase. Adulthood is a phase. Relationships, passions, homes--all phases of life. Why would it even matter if someone's gender was a phase? What a beautiful thing. I hope anyone who had a Weird Gender Phase had a nice vacation before finding the next phase of life.
It was also a silly thing because there were trans elders who had come before us with their own creative specific labels, or who had found a home in the flexibility of vague labels. I remember thinking, "Well, if I still feel this way when I'm 20, it'll be proof it isn't just a teenage phase!"
It certainly was not a phase for me.
I'm so glad I found the label "genderfluid.". It was such a relief to realize I wasn't alone, and that it was fine that my gender changed. It let me stop worrying, "What am I?" It was an important question back then. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, and I needed to have words to describe myself so I could find others like me. I worried a lot about my gender and my sexuality--and my future, my choices in life, what kind of person I was versus what kind of person I wanted to be. Finding the word "genderfluid" let me set down my worries about gender, take comfort in the fact that I wasn't alone, learn about how other people like me found joy in their gender and their life, and helped me feel comfortable so I could focus on other things.
It's been nice to have this blog. I try to reblog some stuff to it now and again, but it's a lot quieter. It's been a fulfilling project. I know it always made me feel less alone to see people making and sharing genderfluid pride art and relatable posts.
It's been strange to watch the social view of gender change. I remember I didn't learn the word transgender until a college psychology class. I prefer the way it is now, where kids can find labels and community. The visibility isn't all good. I know a lot of trans people were hurt by it. It makes it harder to go stealth. It's brought about countless anti-trans laws. But there's no going back. We just have to find a way forward.
I hope the world gets kinder towards trans people. It's been nice to see some areas settle down about gay/lesbian/bisexual people! I moved to a slightly less conservative area a while back. I can now talk about my wife without getting weird looks half the time. I even take it for granted. I mention my wife casually. It's amazing to not have to call her my roommate, to not worry about a manager overhearing me say "wife" and treating me worse for it, to not worry about holding her hand. I hope the world calms down about gender soon, too. I don't really know how that will happen. It seems impossible a lot of the time.
But we have to find a way forward. To the next phase of life, of society, of the world, of humanity. I hope we make it a kind phase. I'll do what I can to make it kind for us, and I hope some of that kindness reaches you.
