Caregiver Rob’s newsletter
Our Caregiver Rob writes a weekly newsletter, and this week’s was a Fathers’ Day one. We thought some folks might appreciate it (read: it’s a bit caustic. He’s not a fan of Father’s Day generally). Also, if you want to receive his newsletter, just send us a message!
TW: alcohol, implied abuse
It’s father’s day! I had a keen dinner with my step dad who is a keen guy, and then I was like, “Oh I know, I’ll write a father’s day poem! That will be A) heartfelt because it’s poetry, and B) quite quick because it’s poetry!” But I have this rule I try to stick to where I don’t write things about people I like, because I used to write things about people I like but it turns out that it’s really hard to know what people would like to have written about them, and since I never preview my Newsletters with anybody, the only sure way to be a good pal is to skip on exposition entirely. So I wrote something about someone who isn’t my step dad, because that didn’t break my rule. Also because they don’t call me Mr. Jolly for nothing or at all not even when I am pretending to be a horse.
Did you know horses are, without exception, teetotalers? My sample size is one, but so far there’s 100% covariance between I Am A Horse and I Am Not Drinking. And the sample size is much larger if you consider that, time wearing us down moment by moment as it does, I am a different horse every day.
Oh, blood may be thicker than water -
Though the phrase has diluted with time -
But it’s still not as thick as my father
Halfway through a bottle of wine.
Every boy needs a strong father figure,
One who he can grow up to resemble,
So that as he gets bigger and bigger
He more frequently rages and trembles.
And every lad ought to be grateful
To the man who would feed him and clothe him,
To juxtapose how he’s grown hateful
With the things to which dad would expose him.
Oh, it’s a grand day to remember
The dad’s who are lovely old bastards!
But may we not also dismember
Dads brutal and frequently plastered?
---------------------------------------------------
Oh, spare a thought for drinky dad!
He knows not what he does
Because he does not wish to know,
But deigns to call it love.
Oh, send a thought to drinky dad!
Any kind thought will do -
But use the kind of kindness that
He used to use on you.
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