Pieces Of Me @maomaozedong - Tumblr Blog

Wednesday, 18Sep

Ang sad. Ang sad sad lang. Naiyak ako ngayon. As in. Ang problema kasi, asa ako ng asa. Kaya nasasaktan. THe problem with this kind of relationship, is that you can not demand to see him anytime you want. Why? Because you can not just show up anywhere near where he live. Wait, ni hindi ko alam kung san sya nakatira. He never told me. I did not bother asking, kasi ayaw naman nyang pupuntahan sya. For some godam reason na hindi ko maintindihan.

After not seeing each other for more than a week, I am really missing him. He came back naman na kahapon, tanga ko lang to expect na magkikita kami today. Pang Sunday nga pala schedule namin. Bakit parang nahihirapan nako sa ganitong set up. At first it was okay, but now it feels like hindi naman talaga parang relatioship to. bakit parang sobrang afftected ako sa mga nangyayari, I even cried looking at him habang VC kami. I mean, nag uusap namin kami pero gusto kong nakikita sya at nakakausap ng personal.

Ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam.

Sunday,15Sep2019

I don’t feel okay. Mabigat parikamdam ko. So he has been out of the country for more than a week now. Most of the time we find time to talk, atleast mag kamustahan. Due to time difference, I think I had to somehow adjust. I think we both do naman.

6 hours ahead dito. So, most of the time I sleep almost 12midnight na para maabutan ko syang kakauwi lng ng hotel. So we could talk atleast a few minutes or an hour man lang. Then I wake up at around 5:30am para maabutan ko syang patulog palang (11:30pm sa kanya) Tapos, during lunch break naman 12noon, its either hindi muna ako kakain, or kakain ako ng maaga para makausap ko sya at mag good morning naman.

Pero today, ewan ko. Parang nag good morning lang talaga then wala na. Gabi na yung next. Hindi ko alam kung may reason ba ako para magtampo or magalit. I mean, mag kalayo na nga kami, tapos ung hinihintay ko na sobrang short time na makakausap ko sya, nawala pa. Siguro ngayon, ako na ung pinaka hindi understanding na boyfriend. Pero hindi naman masamang maging selfish minsan. Mahal ko yung tao, gusto ko naman kahit ilang minutes ng time nya, para saken. Everytime naman na naalala ko sya, nag oonline ako, nagchecheck ako kung may message sya. Namimiss ko eh.

Nag sorry naman sya, pero bakit ang hirap mawala ung tampo. Bakit feeling ko limot nya ako, feeling ko hindi man lang nya ako naiisip, samantalang halos buong araw ako nag aalala kung ano na nhyare sa kanila.

Sana man lang nakikita nya ung effort ko mag adjust sa oras nya para lang makapag usap kami kahit pano. Para man lang kahit pano mafeel nya na baka need din nyang mag effort para saken, kahit konte...

Tuesday, 10September

Narinig ko na ung kinakatakutan ko. He does not want to talk about future, kasi he’s not even sure kung ano ang future nya. He said, he’s happy naman sa present. I don’t want to pressure him or anything, pero I think na I’m already old. Feeling ko I have so little time na lang to do everything I want to do. ... mali ba ako to think about my future with him, kasi happy ako? Hindi ba dapat, kung happy ka sa taong mahal mo dapat taaga nag paplan ka na, or atleast nakikita mo future mo with him?

I don’t want to pressure him, pero pano ako? Pano kung sa sobrang pag eenjoy nya sa present, tapos marealize nya na hindi pala ako kasama sa future nya. San ako pupunta? The pressure is now with me now. It is really on me.

Things to do para marealize ng taong mahal mo, na karapat dapat ka sa future nila:

1) Humanap ng stable nna work, na kikita ka ng malaki. Nobody wants to be with someone, who can’t provide atleast your needs. Meaning, kelangan yumaman.

2) Kelangan maralize nya na ikaw ang taong gugustuhin nya makasama por-eber. Kelangan mong malaman kung saan nya attracted. magandang ilong, magandang mata, skin, maputi ba, mafacial hair ba, etc. Kelangan makita nya nag nag eeffort ka to gain his attention.

3) You have to make him morwe comfortable. Wag mo ipressure na magkwento sya about family or work. Iba iba and relationship natin sa parents natin. Wag mo ipresure na mag out sya sa family nya. Let him do it slowly. Kasi, you need to know din the family personally. Para if ever mafeel nya na pede na, ipapakilala ka na. Malay mo, maging legal kayo sa family in time.

4) Always ka mag effort. Iparamdam mo na mahal mo sya, na sya lang gusto mo, na kahit madami lumalapit sayo at nagpaparamdam, sya lang ang gusto mo. Na arang walang ibang tao sa mundo kapag kasama mo sya. Na you feel complete with him.

5) ang last, you need to secure him na no matter what happened, you’ll be there to support him with anything and everything he does. I may know too little about his personal stuff. Kasi i think he does not what to talked about it. Pero I make sure, I’m always there parin to support him kahit mejo hindi mo alam ung point nya.

Like sa mga previous relationships ko, I may not be able to give all the material things na you need. Pero I can promise my loyalty and to be always faithful. May gugustuhin ko pang ako ung lokohin, kesa manloko ako. Papatayin ako ng kunsensya ko. Hehe

Sun,8Sep2019

Mejo naninibago ako sa ganitong set up ng relationship. I don’t get to ask him out whenever I want. Hindi ko sya pedeng makita kapag gusto ko. Hindi ko sya pede isurprise. Kilala ko lang parents at sister nya based from his stories, may kilala akong friends nya, based also from his stories.. Hindi ko alam. I guess I want more? Ganon ba yong feeling ko? Or I just because ganon ako sa previous relationship ko?

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung he want me to be in his life, or just to be part of it. I don’t know. Am I over thinking? Am I just too old, kaya masyado akong nag iisip ng future? He does not make plans for the future. I remember, one time na sinabi nya “ang bilis mo mag isip, enjoyin muna natin”. What does that even mean?

There is no doubt na mahal ko sya. I feel genuine happiness with him. He makes me laugh at masaya ako. But I feel happier kapag napapatawa ko sya.

He’s out of the country, with family. I was thinking it was a vacation thing, pero it’s work daw. He’s been very busy lately with work, and I understand everything. Ung idea na busy sya dahil sa work, nagets ko. Pero ung bakit parang hands on sya sa lahat, and worries so much about work, un ang hindi ko gets. Hahaha. Well, he never really explain what he does, what his work is, sang company etc. I have given up na the idea of asking him. I’ll just let him tell me kapag feel na nya sabihin.

Minsan I envy ung mga nakikita kong couples. Sa mall, sa street, jeep. Sa lahat. Haha. Bakit hindi ko sy pedeng makasama lagi, bakit hindi ko sya pedeng kausapin lagi, bakit hindi ko pedeng hawakan kamay nya kapag gusto ko. Bakit hindi ko sya pedeng ikiss kapag gusto ko. Bakit hindi kami pedeng magkasama lagi... We always talk naman thru text and call. Our calls convo, always get interrupted kapag may kumakatok sa room nya. Haha. It’s okay, pero, ewan.

...

26Aug2019

Why do I feel na he’s very skeptical on telling me things about his work, his life. I mean, I have been an open book to him. Pero he seems a bit held back sa mga bagay bagay. I think naman na if you really love the person, you can tell him anything naman about your life and all. Hindi pa din siguro sya sure saken, sa kung anong pedeng maging kami. Kaya ayaw nya masyao magkwento. Everytime may tanong ako, his answers are all very general. To the point na nafefeel ko na ayaw nya magkwento, kaya ako na naglilihis ng topic. Mahirap lang siguro ako pagkatiwalaan.

I had a very long weekend, and long day today. Masakit katawan ko dahil sa mahabang byahe galing Zambales. Masakit legs ko dahils sa paglalakad sa buhangin sa shore, kasi don ungg way pauwi. Masakit ulo ko kasi kulang ako sa tulog. Masakit ang likod ko at pwet ko kasi hindi maganda ung upo ko sa van sa buong byahe. If meron man na dapat mag matulog ng maaga dahil sa pagod, ako na siguro yon. Pero, ayoko pa. Ilang araw na kaming hindi masyado nakakapag usap ng maayos at nakakapag kwentuhan. Actually, sobrang excited to umuwi today, kasi alam kong makakapag usap kasi (thru phone call). Pero hindi. Ilang beses nya akong tinutulugan sa phone habang kausap sya.

Whole day din syang busy sa work, kaya hindi kami masyado nakapag text. When he got home naman, delayed mga reply nya saken. Sabi nya nag brbrowse daw sya sa lazada ng about sa work parin nya. Hindi ko alam. Mukhang ako lang excited makausap sya. Napaisip tuloy ako kung nag stastart na ba sya mag bago saken. :( Hindi naman sa pinagdududahan ko ung feelings nya. Baka lang nabawasan ung excitement nya na kausapin ako. Nakakaworry lng. Wala pang isang buwan kasi, parang ang bilis naman yata...

21Aug2019

First “away”. Ayon. I don’t know. I think it has something to do with my previous relationships.

Everyone! Be very sentitive! If you’re with your boyfriend/girlfriend DO NOT look at any onther girl/guy. Even if you feel that someone is looking at you, keep your eyes with the one you are with.

So when we are goining out from the resto we had dinner, I caught him looking at someone. So I did not really mind, because I thought it’s normal. But when we are already outside, he glanced back. I knew what I saw. I dont know. I just felt hurt. I mean, I always have my eyes on him, because we really seldom meet and see each other, and I wanna make most of our time together looking at him, yet he’s looking at someone else. I might be over reacting so I just kept quiet.

When we’re driving home, he said “he’s cute” to someone who just crossed the road, while pointing at the guy. REALLY? SERIOUSLY? I just did not feel comfortable at all. Sabi ko na lang, “linaw na mata mo ah” I’m pissed. Maybe i’m already jealous with those simple aactions, but I’m hurt. I mean, I’m with you. Atleast be a bit sensitive and have some respect, maybe.

I don’t know. So technically, hindi ko muna sya masyado pinansin. Kasi naiinis ako. Pag uwi nya we talked about it. Though I think, we’re never going to be on the same page, kasi he said he just appreciates others looks and all, and I think maybe he can appreciate others if he’s not with me.. EWAN. Basta I’ll just never act so jealous and insecure kapag meron syang tiningnan. He said he’ll try not to look others. Ewan. Basta ayoko lang maulet ulit yunng ganong feeling.

14Aug2019

I think I’m in love.

This guy I’m dating is constantly surprising me. I really don’t know how and why, pero it just feels right. Lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya how perfect I think he is. Pero ayaw nya maniwala. I think he’s the sexiest guy I have known. Aside from the fact that I think he is physically sexy, there are tons pa ng qualities nya na I think makes him more lovable.

He loves his family, he have this very genuine smile, he laughs at my corny jokes, he is funny and smart, he is very humble, he is very dedicated to his job, and he have a very kind heart.

Though, I know little about his family, where he lives and work and other stuff (which for some reason, I think he does not want to talk about) I can feel that he is a good guy.

He is the sweetest! I can already imagine my life with him, and making future plans with him. Feeling ko my life will be more happy with him. There will be no dull moments with him kasi we talk about almost everything. I think I really am in love with him, and I’m more thank willing to do anything para maprove sa kanya ung feelings ko. I know it’s a bit early para sabihin na mahal ko na sya, pero that’s how I feel.

Everytime napapagusapan namin ung topic about being together, he sighs. I think hindi pa sure sa akin, or sa feelings nya saken. Pero I always tell him na I can wait for him to be sure.. Also, another factor din kasi siguro na hindi sya out sa family nya. I don’t wanna pressure him din naman sa mga plans ko. sabi ko nga “advance lang ako mag isip”.

Pero I’m geetting old and I want sana to find someone I can be with for the rest of my life. ung kasama ko pag tanda.. I don’t want to tell him na ganon na ko mag isip, kasi he might felt pressured sa mga bagay.. I don’t want him na aman na iwan ako dahil don...

As of now, naiiisip ko parin about settling down, pero hindi ko nlng ,una sinasabi sa kanya..

11Aug2019

Update: dahil hindi sya out, I’m keep on thinking how can I show him I really like him, without sending him flowers and chocolates. I mean very stereotypical nga naman na way ng panliligaw yon, pero I mean having the courage to give someone flowers and chocolates in front of other people (specially sa tulad namin sa lgbtq+ community) malaking bagay yon. Pero you know, we have to understand that not every gay men, likes being seen na may manlilligaw.

So we decided to meet na lang sa apartment. I told him we’ll watch movies, and I’ll cook for him. Just a simple way to show him na I really like him. Mejo maaga pa kaya we just stayed sa bed, cuddling, at nagkkwentuhan about almost everything. What ever topic na maisip. It was just very steady. Ung walang kung ano ano. He is very humble and very funny. Ang cute nya kapag tumatawa at nagugulat. I laughed at almost every reactions nya kapag nagugulat sya. Hahaha. Nakakainlove.

It was another surprise for me na gusto nya sumama saken mag grocery. Very seldom ung tao na likes doing grocery. I think that’s very sweet. So ayon, bumili kami ng mga need para don sa lulutuin ko. Tinulungan nya ko magbitbit ng mga binili. Iba talaga sya. Naiinlove na ko. So I cooked for him. He said mejo matapang yung amoy ng ganito, ganyan, so mejo worried ako na baka hindi nya magustuhan. Mahilig ako magluto kaya naisip ko na sweet siguro na ipagluto ko sya. Tinitingnan ko lang sya habang kumakain kasi, worried talaga ako. Hahaha. So far nag enjoy naman sya sa niluto ko.

After dinner, nag pahinga kami at nagkwentuhan ulet. Mejo naging seryoso na ung usapan whhen he said about how complicated it will be to have a relationship with him. For now hindi ko pa masyado nafefeel ung pagiging complicated kasi, technically hindi pa kami. We’re still dating. gusto ko kasing ipafeel sa kanya how much he means to me and how it feels na mahalin ko. Gusto ko ung sure na sure sya na gusto nya ako, before kami maging official. NOTE: hindi pa kami, pero it does not mean na I can date and talk to anyone. Hindi ako ganon. Kahit sa dating phase pa lang, faithful ako. Ganon ako. Ewan ko sa iba. Hahaha

Mejo naluha lang ako sa mga sinabi nya, na it will be a bit difficult if magiging kami. He said, tulad nung niyayaya ko sya mag Zambales. Hindi sy pede kasi may work sya, kasi hindi nya alam how to tell his parents about that, they might be asking who’s he going to be with etc. Another thing is ung idea of dating, hindi sya madalas pwede kasi may work sya, unlike nung ideal relationships na pede mag movie at dinner anytime. Umiyak ako. Nasad ako, kasi i’m looking forward to those thing he said, na adventures and moments na kasama sya. Pero naawa din ako sa kanya. Mahirap ung situation nya, and ayokong mas mahirapan sya if i’ll insist sa mga gusto ko. Sabi ko, “kung ano lang kaya mo, ok lang saken”. masakit, nakakalungkot, pero gusto ko sya, kaya ok lang saken. I mean i dont want to be selfish, to the point na masisira ko relationship nya with his family. I’ll be okay sa ganitong set up. Happy ako sa kanya at gustong gusto ko sya. I’ll just have to make sure na susulitin ko ang bawat moments na magkasama kami.

7Aug2019 (Continuation)

Nagulat nga ako kasi sinurprise nya ako. Feeling ko tuloy may chance ako sa kanya.

I told my workmates/trainees na uuwi na kami. Hahaha. Ng biglaan dahil nga nasa mall na sya. I do not want to keep him waiting there. So nagmadali ako, para puntahan na sya.

So first time ko sya nameet in person, almost same kami ng height. Moreno, maganda eyes nya. Maganda nose, Maganda lips, maganda ngipin. Naconscious ako. Parang ang perfect nya. Mukha sya nerd na cute. Ewan, basta mas nagustuhan ko pa sya. We stroll around and talked a lot of stuff. We had dinner and nag kwentuhan. Ayun. He said he needed something from a bookstore so ayon, we bought something there. Nagulat lang ako kasi bigla nya hinawakan kamay ko habang nag hahanap kami ng need nya. HAHAHA! Pero patago, so ayon. Kinilig ako. Hahaha he looked at me and smiled. Basta ewan. Sarap lang sa feeling.

I enjoyed every second na kasama mo sya. Sabi nya may I’m confused kung namiss ko lang may nakakausap or dahil gusto ko talaga sya, infatuation lang daw. Pero iba talaga, gusto ko talaga sya. Pero minsan natatakot akong isipin na baka mamaya tama sya. Pano kung ganon nga, namiss ko lang ung idea of being with someone. Ewan ko.

It was our first time na nagkita at nagdate. Nung pauwi na kami sabi nya ihahatid ko daw ba sya, sabi ko oo naman. pero sa terminal lang ng sakayan pauwi nya kasi wala naman akong car. Hehe mejo nahiya ako at nanliit sa sarili ko bigla. Pero ok lang yon. Atleast hindi naman ako nag sinungaling. Hehe. Natawa lang sya. Sabi ko san ba sakayan nya, sabi nya may dala daw sya. Nasa parking. Shhet, lalo akong nanliit. I thought na baka ung mga previous nyang dates, may mga car and offered him to drive him home. NAKAKAHIYA. Wala ehh, mahirap lang ako. I support myself lang, I don’t have my parents na din to support me. hahaha. Basta ang mind set ko, to be myself and show how much I value our friendship and his company. Sya pa tuloy nag yaya na i-drop ako sa inuuwian ko. Hahaha

Sa parking, he was very nice to ask me if pede daw ba mag holding hands. I dont see anything wrong naman kaya I said yes. We talked sa loob ng car nya for a few minutes. Kung ano daw first impression ko sa kanya, I asked him the same, etc. It was never boring with him, we laughed at kung ano ano pa. Basta, this guy has something na hindi ko alam kung ano.

“Gusto mo mag kiss?” Feeling ko lumaki mata ko ng slight nung tinanong nya yon. I did not expect to hold hands with him on the first date, pero I said yes, and now? Kiss? Haahha! Hindi ko alam kung natutuwa ako or naeexcite. Hindi yata ako nakasagot for a few seconds, pero “hmmm.. sige..” hahaha. Bumigay din. When we kissed. NO. 1 RULE, if magkikiss sa loob ng car, make sure hindi naandar ang vehicle, attanggaling nyo seat belt nyo. Ang hirap kaya! Hahaha. Pero it was okay. Mejo naninibago ako. my last kiss that I can remember was probably around May of 2018. So more than a year na. Hahaha. Kinalawang nko.

“Hindi din ako magaling mag kiss” sabi nya. So may din, so hindi sya nagalingan saken. Hahaha sabi ko, may “din” haha. He reacted weird na parang nahiya din sa sinabi nya, hahaha. Ang cute nya. He said hindi un ung ibig nya sabihin. Hahaha. So we gave it another try. Haha. Feeling ko malandi ako. It was the same. Haha. Siguro dahil hindi ko inexpect. Kaya hindi ako ready. Hahaha. yung totoo, I don’t really care and know how a good kiss should be. Basta it is with someone you feel ready connected to. Saken lang naman yan. In a way proud ako na hindi ako magaling, ibig sabihin, wala talaga akong practice. Hahahah

In short, he kept surpirising me today na in a good way naman. Mejo kapag naalala ko lang ung about driving him home and owning a car mejo nasasad ako. I mean, wanted him to experience din na idrive home pero wala eh. I’ll make this as my motivation na lang. Na someday, I buy a car, and drive for him. Someday.

7Aug2019

KINILIG AKO! For the longest time, sabi ko sa sarili ko, tang*na now ko lang ulet nafeel to. Hahahaha

I don’t want to go further on details kasi he’s not out and all, pero there’s something about him talaga. So ayon, nag work lang ako buong araw. Then, siguro nung simua nung nag usap kami nung Monday, inaabot kami ng 1am to 2am maybe, kasi naguusap kami. Hahaha. This is really something. I really enjoy talking to him, I mean meron dead air/time pero gusto ko lang makinig ung paghinga nya. Pero most of the time kasi napapasmile nko knowing na he’s just on the other line.

So ayon, he does not talk much about his work, I don’t even know his real name. Hahaha. Pero that’s ok, I think he’s just not that comfortable about that yet. Which I really don’t mind. I like him just ike that. He’s very genuine, he loves to laugh, I love making him laugh. He’s smart, he thinks about his family a lot. I mean, he’s not out and worries about his family, kaya hindi nya masabi sa family nya. He loves his family so much siguro kaya ayaw nyang mag bago tingin sa kanya ng family nya, with that, he already owned me.

So ayon, since I like him that much, I wanted to surprise him. Plano ko sana na puntahan sya somewhere near him. Nabanggit nya kasi one time na gusto nyang Jollibee, ang I asked him anong pinaka malapit ng Jolibee sa kanya. Kaya ayun, may idea ako kung san ano pede pumunta. So I asked my friend na taga don sa area kung how ung papunta don sa knila. Haha. Sabi ng friend ko sabay nlng ako sa kanya pauwi para hindi ako maligaw. HAHA so ayon, around 6:30 aalis na kami. Pero biglang nagtext tong guy. na tumawag daw ako. Iba na feeling ko sa text nya. Hahahaa. When I called, he said nasa mall na sya walking distance lang sa office where I work. HAHAHA. Ako ang nasurprise!

6Aug2019

Just an update, I’m still talking to this guy I met on OKC. I downloaded Whatsapp because he said we can talk there, and I did ng Monday (5aug) morning. That’s the first time na nalaman ko how he looked like, kasi merong pic sa profile nya. He’s cute, moreno, looks smart. Mejo intimidating na nga sya sa pic nya. Well, that’s a bonus. I mean I really enjoyed talking to him naman kahit hindi ko alam ang itsura nya.

He sent a selfie and deleted the photo even before I looked at it. Haha. He said it will consume memory daw. Hahaha. And I joked about I have huge phone memory kasi nag delete na ko ng porn. HAHA. I made him laugh, iguess.

Basta we talked a lot, about not having social media accounts and night/social life. Were pretty much the same. I’m at awe, akala ko wala ng tulad nya, tulad namin hahahah. Pareho kaming work-bahay ang buhay. I told him about my presentation sa work and ohter stuff.

In short, I think I like him. I like this guy. He’s funny, smart, even supportive kahit ilang days ko pa lang nakilala. Ewan. Minsan, siguro ganon talaga, Bigla ka na lang makakaramdam na gusto mo na yung tao.

I don’t wanna rush and go to the idea na gusto ko na sya. I don’t want him to also think na bakit ang bilis, baka isispin nya sa umpisa lang ako. Pero SWEAR, iba sya. Gustong gusto ko talaga sya. HAHAHHA!

4Aug2019

I was about to sleep, pero I thought of having this posted. “For reference purposes only” hahaha.

Sunday ngayon, and I had my haircut. Nabadtrip lang ako sa barberong nagpapsingit sa pila. Porke kilala, uunahin? Pumila ako ng 4:30pm, pero 7pm ako nagupitan. Clap Clap Clap. Ipapatupad ko ang law that requires all barbaershops to have cue numbers for customers. Hahaha. Nakakasama ng loob lang talaga.

So yon, I again felt sad and alone that Sunday night kaya I reinstalled the OKC app. I was browsing the app, when someone suddenly sent me a message. He said hello and I replied back. I don’t really message someone from thhat app unless they message me first. Haha. I’m afraid tp be rejected maybe/

At first, I got paranoid beacuse he started asking where I live and where I work. I mean I had my full name posted on the app and photos too. It just felt weird that someone talking to you might know you, but you dont have any idea who he is. Ahahah. Pero in way, he had me felt comforatble naman.

It was around 10:30 when we started chatting. We talked about life, work, family etc. It’s getting a bit late na non, and we both have work the following day kaya we both need to sleep na non. I told him na baka wala nako sa OKC the following day kaya I gave him my number. He did gave his din naman. I’m always like that, I always disable my account if I’ll start talking to someone. I just don’t feel comfortable talking to a lot. It think it is stressful.

Wag hintayin, kusang dadating.

So then I woke up from dreaming of finding someone. Ahaha. Ewan, parang wala talaga. “Wag mong hintaying, kusang dadating”. Pampalubag loob ng mga taong nakakwentuhan ko ng buhay pag ibig ko at ang journey for finding that right one - eme. Hahaha

Balik sa work, subsob na naman. Papaka busy ahha.

The BPO Guy

He says the word department in a very odd way. “De-Paaarr-Ment”. I’m sure heard that before, pero hindi ko maalala.

So, I was talking to this guy for a week now. He seems nice naman. We talk about work, life, family etc. It was okay. Pero talking thru phone call is a bit vague kasi. If you really want to know a person, it is best to meet for lunch or dinner to really see how you two can get along.

So I asked him if we can meet and have dinner, and he said yes. We met in a restaurant in a mall in Shaw Blvd. I was late, I’m not always late, nakakhiya. in a way it’s okay na din kasi you can see how person reacts. malalaman mo kung if patient sya or not. hahaha. He lives near the area, he was in the mall already pero hindi sya pumunta sa resto where we are going to meet. so in short, nauna pa ako sa kanya.

BPO guy is okay. I’m a bit taller than him. he looks like he’s hitting the gym about thrice a week. During dinner, we talked about almost everything from family issues to mobile gaming. We’re both playing same mobile game, which is kind of cool. We had something to talked about. We parted ways after the dinner and still text each other for a couple of days.

I don’t know. He’s okay but there’s something missing. Also, with current schedule, we barely text each other.. I told him that our busy schedule and somewhat time difference is a bit of a challenge for me. Then, ayun, wala na. :(

“Try that app!”

So, I’m getting the hang of the WORK-HOME routine, and was constantly reminded to meet someone to have the so called LIFE again. Haha. I was not entertaining the idea of being or trying any dating app. Aside from the fact that another known gay dating app have ruined my first relatioship (eight-year long relationship), I never believed that you can find someone serious there.

LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, nooo, LEFT, hmmm, RIGHT, kinain ko mga sinabi ko HAHHA. I downloaded OKC and in no time i’m swiping my way to my future LIFE. Hahahha bwiset yan. The stupid app eats so much data by the way, it’s like it is gargling mb of data per milisecond. I was amazed how I got more than a hundred likes in just a single night. I guess I’m not that ugly after all or some people just thought that swiping to the right means “dislike”.

So eto na nga. A lot messaged me saying hi and asking some questions. I find it easy to talk to them, but I did not feel right talking to bunch of people at the same time. So I just thought of picking and talking to somone whom I feel comfortable with. After finding a guy to talk to, I disabbled my account.

“Am I fucking DEAD?”

I don’t know to start this. I’m never good at telling stories. I just wanted to have this documented for whatever purpose it may serve in the future. Disclaimer alert: pardon my English. My English is not so good. Haha!

For the past years, almost two to be exact, I have been spending most of my time working and making my one plans. I have beeng living alone and i’m already getting used to it. “Being alone isn’t that bad” I always tell myself. I cook my own dinner, I can eat what I want, I can buy whatever I want, everything is just on my own will. I starting to kinda like this way of living.

I spend almost 14 hours at work everyday, not that I’m loaded with lots of things to do, but I chose to be busy. It’s not easy moving on from a three-year relationship. I know, I know, It has been almost 2 years since I broke up with him, but I’m still afraid to enter into any kind of relationship. I tried to date someone, but it is really hard learning how to trust again.

One night, while doing office stuff an officemate told me that I’ll never have a love life if I’ll keep my self working late at night, and going to work early in the morning. “You need to have LIFE”. “Am I fucking dead?” I whispered, then laughed so hard, yet I’m really crying inside. She wanted me to go out, meet people and have fun. I’m not that kind. I’ll just probably watch sci-fi, rom-com, cartoons on my ipad and yet be happy.

She showed me the app she is using to meet people. The app will have you answer tons of questions, then it will suggest people whose answers are same with yours. It’s a compatibility app sort of thing. Then you’ll have to swipe right if you like the person, and swipe left if not. A lot of apps are like that nowadays. It’s like looking for the perfect apple in a truck full of shiny red juicy and symmetrically shape apples. Haha. I never thought I’ll download the app to try it.

Cafe Landia, San Pablo City, Laguna

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Pieces Of Me