Halmae . Busan . Fights .
As the title suggests I have a lot to update on . I don`t even know where to start ! I guess from Halmae`s visit, since that happened first . Let me just say it was soooo nice seeing my best after 1.5 years again . The first day she came to see me was after work, and she was waiting for me in the lobby . Usually we have to walk our class out to the front and wave goodbye to the kids . I was partially doing that when I spotted Halmae`s sitting on the side, looked at my kids one more time, and was like FCK IT HALMAE IS HERE and ran to her . We hugged each other for sooo long and I started to cry . Emotions . This is what being away from home does to you lol . Getting the chance to hang out again was so amazing . The sleepovers, drinking, and shopping we did together . It was nice hanging with a girlfriend again . I love hanging with HM, but the feeling is different . I love my co-workers too, but it`s just different from being with friends from home . She finally got to meet HM and I think they got along really well, which made me really happy . Getting to meet him in person reassured Halmae that he is actually not a bad guy, despite all the things he once did .
Okay so let`s fast forward to our Busan trip . I was super excited since the both of us never been to Busan, and I always love going on trips with HM . We rode the ITX there, which is slightly slower than KTX, but was a lot nicer / newer . I was just a little upset because the weather in Busan was so lame . It was cloudy and rainy ! At least it wasn`t hardcore rain, but enough for us to have to bring an umbrella everywhere . We got to our apartment, and it wasn`t finished cleaning yet -________- We contacted the Airbnb guy and he came to check it out for us . He apologized and took us to a nearby cafe and bought us drinks while we waited for him to fix up the room . This is when the problem started . I was on my phone as usual, and I`m the type to just like to click on everything once in a while . So I clicked on my contacts button on IG, and saw that HM had another IG account . I clicked on it and there was a picture posted a couple days ago . What put me off was that the hashtag was 맞팔해요 which is like asking people to follow each other . I stalked through his following list and they were all girls (11 of them) . I was so speechless . I was going through each girl`s account to see if there was anything suspicious, but there wasn`t . He just liked a picture from each girl`s account . Keep in mind this was all happening when HM was sitting right in front of me . So I had to keep a straight face while trying to process everything . I couldn`t even confront him right away because we were in Busan, and I couldn`t even run home if I needed to .. I didn`t want to ruin our trip either so I had to hold it in for now . I was just sooo confused because HM literall treats me soo well and I can really feel his love through his actions . So I was really surprised and confused . Anyways, I held it in throughout our whole trip, but it was always at the back of my mind and I was preparing myself to confront him when we got home . Busan was great though besides that, we had a great time . Our apartment was perfect ! Really modern and clean . I wish I could just live there hahaha .
We took the KTX back, and HM wanted to hang out at Suwon station and go shopping . We had another nice date before heading home . I was so ready to confront him . However, the next day would`ve been our 1.5 year anniversary, and I prepared couple shoes and a card for him earlier . So in my mind, even if we broke up, I still wanted to give him the present before everything happened . So when we got home, we had some time to chill and whatnot . I gave him his present and he loved it . Then I was ready . He went to the bathroom, and I looked through all the girls` accts one more time and actually realized he commented on some this time . When he came out of the bathroom, I asked him if there was anything he didn`t like about me or if he wants to meet other girls . Obviously the answer was no, so I showed him the IG account and asked him what that was about . He denied it was his and said he was probably hacked . I was really calm this time, very different from myself last year . I`m proud of myself . Of course I still cried a bit here or there, but it was silent and I would quickly wipe my tears away . He denied it until the end, and said he reported it to IG . Eventually he had to leave to catch the last bus home since he didn`t have his car anymore . We fought a bit more through text, and the last thing he said to me was that if I can`t trust him anymore, then he can`t date me anymore either . Being the stubborn and rash person that I am, I was so tempted to just say to break up . BUT I learned from my past mistakes and I knew not to do anything I would regret . And it also helped that Halmae was on the phone trying to calm me down and telling me to just ignore him to think things through .
I ignored him the rest of the night and just thought about things . I direct messaged all the girls that he followed, asking if he ever private messaged them . I got one reply the next morning and what do you know ? He did message one . She screencapped everything for me to see, but it wasn`t really anything special . She apologized to me and told me they never met up or exchange phone numbers . I thanked her for showing me and that she didn`t need to be sorry . It was after texting her that I told HM to just break up, but that I still wanted to be friends . It was then that he said he doesn`t want to and that he can`t and finally came clean about everything . Oddly, I was really calm throughout the whole thing . I think because I know HM better now ? He told me he started getting anxious after I was being sad last month saying that we don`t have that much time left together . Me crying to him about my feelings made him anxious about our relationship again, and that made him want to just talk to anyone . He swore he had no intentions to cheat or anything, but he just wanted to talk to anyone to get his mind off . As wrong as this might sound, I sort of understood where he was coming from . I fully KNOW that he was such an ass wipe again for doing something like this to me, but I could really tell that he didn`t mean to .. seeing the conversation with the other girl he had I can see there was no intention to really cheat or anything . It`s just that HM is just a simple guy, that doesn`t know how to cope with his problems in a healthier way . Other girls replied and said he never contacted them . After talking things out, we decided to take a break from each other for a few days to clear our minds . I told him to think carefully about what he wanted .
Few days later, we talked again and he told me he was still sure that he wanted to be with me . We met up that night and I guess we made up . However, I still lectured him for a while and he cried badly . I can see how sorry he felt . He tried to hide his tears and just took in everything I said . I told him if he wanted long distance to work, trust would be really important and he agreed . So yeah .. we made up and make up sex is always the best right ? Hahaha . I guess we were a little too into the moment and didn`t use a condom .. but I always have my back-up pills . I kinda regretted not using a condom afterwards because I didn`t want to mess up my period cycle . Did I mention that HM and I are going to Cebu next month for my week off ? So I hope the pill doesn`t make my period come during our trip .. Any of my readers from Cebu or knows the Philippines well ? RECOMMENDATIONS PLEASE .
In other side news, I went to church for the first fcking time in my life this past Sunday . For those that know me, I am not religious AT ALL, and never really plan to be .. However, HM`s dad called on Saturday and asked him to bring me because he missed seeing me . Hearing that, I wanted to earn brownie points from his dad so I agreed to go . Dang the things love makes me do . I never wake up that early on a Sunday .. especially not to do something I had a choice to say no to .. It was so boringgggg . We went with his brother`s family, and because they have two babies, we had to sit in the baby room on the floor . There was a glass window viewing the church and the pastor`s voice can be heard through speakers . So the kids were just playing and none of the adults were even really listening to the pastor . Had lunch after that and saw his grandparents again . They seemed happy to see me there . On Sunday, HM and I were just cuddling in bed when he suddenly said that there was one more thing he lied to me about . It was about his parents . He finally told me that they actually divorced this January . I already kinda knew they weren`t together from before, but never mentioned it . But finally he told me with his own mouth . He was scared that if I knew, I would want to break up with him . I told him he is stupid and that WE have nothing to do with his parent`s relationship . I guess in Korean society, it`s just not that positive . Anyways, his mom invited me to join their family to a pension trip next weekend . This will be the first time I am ever meeting his mom finally . I am a bit nervous . Should I buy a present ?
