Definitely didnt expect this
We've decided on our next steps. To be more accurate, we made a decision and then another one.
Just as we had determined with near finality to move back to Korea and take the husband's friend's offer, we had a total turn of events. The husband got a phone call and a job offer from an interview he had done over a month before. They wanted him to start just four days later, on a Wednesday.
We debated over the full weekend, but this is what we wanted and came to the USA for, right? It was a family run business with a lot of red flags, no dental and terrible health insurance, but it was also a professional job in the USA! After a lot of agony, the husband messaged his friend and turned down the offer in Korea and took the job in the USA.
The work environment was fine, the technology they used was ancient, and the husband didn't really feel like he was doing actual dev work that would translate to any marketable skills. But also it was a small company and a great place to learn business English and American work culture.
But as his first week passed by, we increasingly realized that this accomplishment brought us no closer to our near term goals, and wouldn't solve the aspects of American culture that we've been continuously struggling with almost since arrival.
Due to the anecdotal experiences of those close to me with the American medical system, we agreed that we should both maintain full time jobs if we're going to live here in order to maintain financial, and even more importantly, health insurance stability.
Which means that I'd have to keep working my high stress job while trying to start a family, then take the 12 weeks maternity leave, then put the baby (if we get that far, of course) in daycare while I return full time to my high stress job. (I should note that there's a lot more to discuss regarding my job and career but I won't detail that in this post.)
We'd have to buy a second car and take on all the second car expenses. We'd have nearly no one to support us and help us out with a baby due to my very small family and the fact that we've made no friends here (partially or mostly our bad, but it happened that way for a lot of reasons). It would be us and our baby and my mom and that would be about it.
And while that would sound great to a lot of people, especially considering our financial prospects for the future, I felt totally hopeless. Pehaps its weak and dramatic of me, but I just couldn't imagine facing business trips and all the pressures of my job while maintaining our financial foundation for the foreseeable future as well as dealing with pregnancy and that whole ordeal. I felt devastated and crushed, which is...exactly the opposite of how I expected and anticipated I would feel when we had finally "made it" in America.
I'm ashamed to say but I spent the better part of two or three days crying from the deepest part of my soul, the place where I realized I had been storing my dreams of starting a family and staying home with my baby for a little while, more than just the governement-allotted 12 weeks.
And then the husband's friend called again. He wanted to confirm that the husband was definitely not taking the position. So they talked and discussed more of the job conditions, and the husband brought up his concerns about the work schedule and time off expectations.
We saw that in Korea, he'd make enough that I could work part time or totally take some time off. That his mom is there who would be able to watch the baby during weekdays if needed, and his friends who are our age and also starting families are there as well. We'd be reversing the tide of me being the caretaker of everything in our lives back over to him so I could take a break and have some flexibility with my career (meanwhile he'd be working with Kakao, which he was very excited about).
While life in America would take more struggle and more and more effort, we felt Korea offered an alternative path, where we could reset and realign. So The husband called his friend back and said he'll take the job.
He put in notice at his new American job, we sent in my visa papers yesterday, and I told some family and friends of our decision.
I feel intense fear that Korea will turn out to be harder and more crushing than America has been, but if that's the case, then we'll come back and close the book on Korea permanently. But the time to make the mistake, the time to try this out, is right now before we have a family and a mortgage and two cars and the complete American picture.
We're moving back to Korea, the husband is leaving very soon, and I'll be leaving a little later so I can pack up and spend some more time with friends and family.
This could be a huge monumental mistake overflowing with piles of regret, but we're throwing in our bets and giving it our best shot.
I don't know what comes next, but this is what we've decided. We'll just have to figure out the rest as it comes.
dededos
kaledo-art
2087
jacobvanloon
yousharknotpass
