marakesh expressions

fragmented pieces of the life of a... hippie child, military wife, perpetual student, learning mom, introvert, free spirit, old soul, half italian, occasional writer, aspiring advocate, lifelong misfit

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Thank you to all the veterans for all of the sacrifices you make to keep us safe.

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No June Cleaver

Sunday June 23, 2013

My poor husband, my poor hungry for anything besides spaghetti, husband. 

I can't cook. I can't sew. I can't iron. I can wash laundry but I will put up a fight to even do that as even that makes me feel like I was assigned the task because of my gender.

If I was a housewife in the 1950's. I would have failed miserably. 

In fact, I live my life in complete opposition of anything that even makes me feel remotely like a 1950's housewife. Why am I so opposed to being a stereotypical wife? After all, my grandmother was the epitome of the 1950's housewife and I idealized her. 

What makes me equate Tupperware parties and the like (31 parties, Bunco, etc) with the oppression of women? Why can I not cut coupons without feeling a little frustrated feeling as if I required to cut coupons? Aren't the parties it just an excuse to get together and socialize and doesn't couponing save money? 

What is it about the portrayal of women in the 1950's that has me so against gathering with women now? Aren't I just hurting myself being anti-social? If I decided to throw a beer drinking, football watching party with my girlfriends wouldn't it just feel...fake? 

I guess this is because women's roles have changed so dramatically since the pre-feminist movement days. I think when I really look introspectively at the subject, I have an idea about why it angers me. Is it because I am a wife and mom and I love my family and I want to care for them like these women did? Weren't these women I pity just taking care of their families and showing them that they loved them? 

I guess some my opposition comes from a little bit of inward guilt of not being able to do it all. 

I idealized my grandmother who did all of the stereotypical happy housewife things, had laundry done, the house clean, and dinner on the table. Maybe my June Cleaver disdain stems from a jealousy of not having the perfect house? 

Maybe getting together frustrates me because I can think of a million other things on my to do list and relaxing talking about food storage is not one of them. Maybe all of this shows just how much even the most die hard feminist can question her beliefs?

[maracrocker]

Frogs & Snails & Puppy dog tails

Sunday June 23, 2013

I am a new mom. I definitely don't claim to be an expert. In fact, I will be the first to raise my hand and say, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I am always out asking other moms for advice on raising boys. One subject I am always trying to learn about is how to raise my boys to be men. Sensitive, caring, respectful men. 

That subject has been weighing on my heart lately. How do you raise your boys to be sensitive and caring when society creates an image of how men should be that is completely opposite?

Recently, I watched a documentary Tough Guise on the epidemic of male violence and the how the media is a representation of our societal views of masculinity.

I hadn't thought much about this representation until I watched this documentary.  It was definitely eye opening.

The portrayal of men in our culture and how men are represented in our media is one that perpetuates a violent image of men that is far from who most men are and is only oppressive. 

After all, this is far from who men are. 

Sure, there are violent people out there but isn't it interesting how most violence is perpetrated by men although there are only a small percentage of violent men? Why is this? 

Why are we raising our boys to believe that this violent image is right? Why is being sensitive seen so negatively?  

We are confusing our boys by raising them this way. It is far from who they naturally are. 

What it means to be a masculine is not one of violence. 

I know that as I raise my children, I will be more critical of what they are viewing and raise them to be critics themselves and since they undoubtedly will be exposed to this violent image, I will have a battle ahead of me. 

What I want for my boys is to be able to defend themselves and yet be sensitive and passive. Is this at all possible? 

I can do my part but they will still have to live outside of my protection and I do not want them to be unsafe because they don't conform to society's ideals. 

Maybe, all the influence at home may not be enough to protect them from this image. After all, as a woman I was raised to be confident no matter what my size and yet I still struggle with body image. 

So this all leads me to think-is society's influence too great? How much of this formation of their male identity will come from me and how much will come from society? 

So how do I raise boys to be sensitive, caring and respectful in light of all this negative imaging? The only solution I can generate is to give them as much knowledge as possible about how society and the media will influence them. After all, knowledge is power, right?

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My Happy Parade. No raining on it please.

January 28, 2008

Here are some highlights or things I learned on my trip to the Bahamas in no particular order. Negative, Positive, Whatever. 1. The crap that I find scary isnt really THAT scary, when I jump in and actually let go, I find I actually enjoy it. Like my whole fear of flying, I completely got over it as soon as I opened my eyes. The same thing happened on this cruise, as soon as I just let go, I had the most amazing time. 2. Room alone. Enough said. 3. I always like the Army boys but I think they are bad news for me. It turned out that the one I met who I thought was super sweet and cute was a face biting crotch grabber. Not cool dude. That move wont get you the ladies. 4. I love love love funny guys. Brian and I should be on the sexual free and clear plan together. He could chase cougars and there would be no commitment except that he make me laugh. 5. I explored all different kinds of shops in Nassau on my own on Sunday morning. Getting up and visiting a new place alone is super liberating. 6. Being grown up doesnt require you to lose your personality and get boring. I was thinking way too much about retirement plans. You can hold a job but act like an drunk idiot on vacation. It keeps you young. 7. I've never had a one night stand and after the Crouch Grabber incident, I am so glad I didnt decide to try it out. 8. Boys will always equate niceness with as meaning you must totally want me to try to make out with you in an elevator. Mr. London this goes to you. 9. Most people are generally good peeps. You might get an occasional asshole now and then (Axl Rose) but this doesnt mean everyone is an angry bandanna wearer or that you did anything wrong. 10. There are few things better then laying in a hammock on a beach in the Bahamas. 11. Not a lot of people speak English in Miami. I dont know why this is even important but for the first half hour I was totally convinced we landed in Cuba. 12. Miami is full of the most beautiful decor of any city I have visited. I heard this is because there are tons of gay men down there. Im an artsy girl and I totally dug Miami but I am sad to learn that most of the hotness I encountered were gay. 13. I never ever want to forget how awesome it was to party on a Sunday afternoon in a crowded bar on top of a little building in Nassau when it was pouring rain outside. It was indescribable. 14. Its bad news to go as a couple on the Groove Cruise. This is why I vow to stay single until after next January.

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People who live in glass houses should not throw stones

Friday, January 12, 2007

Is that the saying? Or is it practice what you preach? Whatever it is I am so over hypocritical arrogant Christians. Now, wait. I am not saying all Christians so no hate mail, please. Not that I think any of you would actually send hate mail but still. Sometimes you need a disclaimer. Honestly, I can only really count all the true Jesus followers that I have encountered on one hand maybe 2 hands. Its just so funny to me how (some) Christians want to show people the Jesus way of life which in translation is show you OUR way of life in this Nazi way. More like if you act and think what we think is important, not to be confused with what Jesus thinks is important, you can come to our church. They might as well display an exception under the church welcome sign. Welcome to our church. We are church completely in love with Jesus(fine print) Well, actually we are more in love with ourselves. We welcome everyone here(more fine print) except anyone who curses, drinks, smokes, has premarital sex, or heaven forbid is a homosexual. God hates fags. To him there is nothing worse than a homosexual. Please dont bring any weird issues here as well. No depression or suicidal thoughts allowed. If you have them, we cant deal with them so you might as well leave. Oh, and masterbation is an abomination. What they should also say is if you want that Christian status, we can help you out. Well teach things to say like What would Jesus do?. We can even give you this handy little fish you can stick on your car or perhaps even a whole family of fish. You can listen to radio stations that only play Christian music, you can give your children little biblical names. Its really easy being a Christian like us. If you look the part, youll go to heaven. Commandments, sch-mmandments. You can judge others all you want, be egotistical, rip people off, be admittedly greedy just show up on Sunday. Our main concern besides those evil homosexuals is just cursing. Call people retards all you want, make fun of their weight, how they dress- just dont say shit, fuck, or cunt and you can call yourself one of us. If you can quote some scriptures out of the Bible, that's a plus. Not really anything about Jesus's teachings here though, nope, thats just a facade. We are here to make money to buy lots of expensive things to make us look better. Yep, just keeping up that appearence!!! Its hilarious the priorities of most (again, not all) Christians. They wonder why so many people are so turned off by the whole Christian faith when the answer is so obvious. Its the holier than thou "I've got a pass to heaven and you don't" attitude, folks. Wasn't it Mark Twain who said "If Christ were here, there is one thing he would not be...a Christian"? I completely agree.

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I heart Harry Potter

Friday, June 16, 2006

You know those people. Those crazy obsessed soap opera people. Not the people whose life is like a soap opera or the people that star in a soap opera. I am referring to the folks who have been watching the same soap opera everyday for 15 years now. The people who probably send mail to the Days of our Lives cast saying Watch out Sami, Marlenas out to get you. As if Sami wasnt even aware that it really is Marlena out to get her. The people who actually believe the show is for real. Make fun of me if you must but I think I have come to the sick realization that I am indeed one of those people. No, I dont watch the soap operas. I dont think I have watched Days of our lives since Marlena was possessed 10 years ago. No, no. I have become on of those crazy Harry Potter fans. I know I know I am about million years behind the rest of the world. Honestly, I have always been that way. The last to discover anything and everything. I call myself a late bloomer in that sense. Ill admit I didnt even discover the Rolling Stones until pretty recently. For a couple of months now, I found myself getting into reading these Harry Potter books. Ive seen all the movies but had only gone for the same reason I went to see all the Lord of the Rings movies and all the Star Wars movies. I went just to go with someone else. I didnt really understand what was going on and didnt really care. Now I find my self complete wrapped up in little Harry Potter and his wizarding world. One day I found myself joking with Brandon shouting Riddikulus, Stupefy and Expecto Patronum while we pretended to point wands at one another and cast spells. I consider myself to be ½ the nut that I could be since he willingly participates. I actually just finished a Harry Potter obsession quiz. Turns out I am only 25% obsessed which means Im obsessed but still have a life. Thank god. I was starting to wonder! One of the questions asked Do you find one of the characters oddly attractive? And sadly, I had to answer yes because I have this strange crush on Ron Weasley. Ill admit this isnt the first time I have had crushes on random fictional characters. For example, I think Mr. Tumnus from the Chronicles of Narnia is incredibly attractive. Yes, I know he is half goat. Brandon has explained this to me already but hes still hot. Ok, suggest therapy if you must but my friend Beth understands. She can relate to me because she has had many obscene thoughts about the elf Legolas from The Lord of the Rings movie. Sorry Beth. I even sent the quiz to her and she did it too and said shes going to buy Quidditch through the Ages since she has finished all the Harry Potter books. Right now, Im half way through The Half Blood Prince, the last book to read until the final book is released. Now I know there are people out there more fanatical than me but perhaps they are more likely to be 12 as opposed to 25. That or they are one of those people who used to play dungeon and dragons in high school or go to Dragoncon. Oh God, do I fall into that same category? I dont know but who cares. Make fun of me if you must but I swear its like Harry Potter crack. Read it but watch out, youll be hooked like me.

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No Million Dollar Baby

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Tonight, I had the depressing realization that I will not be the next Laila Ali. Ok, so Ill admit its not like I ever really thought that I would someday actually get in the ring and attempt to fight but so what if I took the time to envision the colors I would wear, the song they would play during my big entrance, my name written across the back of my hooded robe, my trainer cheering me on and even my big victory. Dammit, I can dream can't I? It might surprise some people that have seen me physically hug a tree and talk about meditation or cleansing my chakras that I have a habitual routine of shadow boxing in front my bathroom mirror before brushing my teeth. This is because I dont have the slightest appearance of being a tomboy type. I live for my pedicures, my wedge heels, my purses. I can't enthusiastically sit through an entire baseball game or football game unless I am well feed or well drunk but strangely when you sit me in front of the TV during a boxing match, I instantly morph into Mickey from Rocky yelling at the TV Keep hittin' em in the ribs! Don't let that bastard breathe! Oh, but I am not a violent person either. I mean I had my fair share of playground fights and Ill talk crap to just about anyone but I am pretty much a big weenie at heart. I took my very first Muay Thai class tonight at the kickboxing gym. I have been going there on and off for 2 years now. As I sat waiting for the class to start, watching everyone put on their shin guards and mouth pieces, I naively thought to myself wow these people take this crap seriously. I guess they want to look the part. So I get out there, with no clue how to hold this thai pad or even how to stand since I have only hit a bag for 2 years, among folks that appear to have been doing this for years. Of course, as luck would have it, first time someone comes at me, I take a right roundhouse kick to the mouth. I didnt cry and the girl had unintentionally got my face because I had actually leaned into her kick not knowing how to stand but it downright hurt! I honestly felt like a tool the entire 1 hour and ½ but Im somewhat proud that I didnt quit. After class I bought a mouth piece which is entirely too enormous for my little mouth and I am investing in some shin guards too. Obviously, I may not be the best. That dream of a career in womens boxing isnt happening in this lifetime but despite the fact that today I still cant completely close my jaw, I am surprisingly still inspired go out there and kick some ass. Hey, at least I have heart.

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Have you seen my stapler?

Friday, February 17, 2006

I really hate to vent. Ok, so I lie sometimes it really feels good to just let it all out even if no one is listening. Today was a rather awful day at work. Now normally, I would have just got rid of all this negative energy by taking a kickboxing or cycling class or popping in a Dave CD or letting my inner hippie out by burning incense and meditating or even taking a bubble bath and reading my Cosmopolitan and drinking a glass of wine but tonight I feel an undying need to vent my tiny heart out for all the world or just the few friends that read this to see. Like most of us, I work in an office frighteningly close to the one in the movie Office Space. I love that movie. It's become my survival guide for work. Yes, my office comes complete with the "Did you get the memo?" Yes, asshole I got the fucking memo. Of course, we all know, I don't say that out loud. I calmly reply with my eat shit smile and "Yes, I did get the memo. Sure, absolutely, I'm right on it." You pompous prick. Well, today was one of those "one way trip to Costa Rica" days. I contemplated packing up my little life here into my black duffel bag and heading straight to my friend Seth's place where I could work as a bartender, paint and eat bananas. Makes no sense, I know but in my head, it's sublime. I'm getting off track. Apparently, at my company, which shall remain anonymous due to the fact that my ass is broke and can't afford to get fired, I haven't gotten the office politics down. I prefer to not kiss ass and by this I mean I refuse to stand around gossiping about the most useless information I have ever tried unsuccessfully to drown out. For instance, how in the world, can one talk for an hour about American Idol, dentistry, their brother-in-laws cousin's best friend's son, their hated for carrots, their 5th grade teacher and their air conditioning system? Who gives a fuck who is gay, who got a nose job and what color shoes someone is wearing? Why in Sony's name is there not a pair of fucking headphones insulated enough to withstand their witchlike cackles? Frankly, I don't give a fuck to make friends with my "superiors" and in return, I have been ostracized. This means there are no perks for me and therefore no possibility of advancing out of my 8 x 8 cell. Unfortunately, I am also always under the microscope. I'm late, I get shit. I sneeze, I get shit. I move too far to the left, I get shit and not surprisingly, today I got shit. I should have known I was due for it. It had been 3 weeks since I last got shit. This time I am being reprimanded for asking for help. That's right; you get shit when you ask for help. Apparently, you get shit when you don't ask for help too as was brought to my attention in my last review. It's a lose-lose situation. I just don't get the complexity of these corporate world politics. Do I sell my soul to the devil and attempt to join the odious society of overweight middle aged prudes? Do I shut myself up even more, in hopes of possibly evading their evil wrath? Oh, if only life was much simpler and we could go back to the playground days where if someone you could with every rite, kick their ass.

[maracrocker]

my sweet little loves