nth Attempt

Nobody's gonna read this, anyway.

[maragatchalian]

How do I even deal with this? :(

Hopefully I could share everything with you guys if things got better. 

I hope things get better. :( 

[maragatchalian]

"I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it's all the small pieces of paper and someone's turned on the fan. But, talking to you makes me feel like the fan's been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much." 3 years, 5 months. ❤

[maragatchalian]

The person who is worth the pain won’t even hurt you.

[maragatchalian]

What you don't know won't hurt you

[maragatchalian]

For the first time

It's been a month since my eyes laid down on you for the first time in thirteen months. A month since I was able to touch you; to feel you again. Every time I look at you, I tell myself that waiting for you was all worth it. The pain, the tears, the hurt. Everything was worth it. You are worth it. If only I could, I'd look at you forever.

[maragatchalian]

Three years and the things I haven’t told you yet

Love is the most beautiful thing in the world.

It’s been three years since we decided to be together officially. But, God knows how much we loved each other way back then; even before the titles ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’. Even before we started counting our anniversaries.

All these years, you made me realize a lot of things that I couldn’t figure out by myself. You made me do the things that I thought I was not capable of doing. Because of you, I chose to venture out my tedious world— to be a better version of myself; to be the best woman for you.  

It wasn’t easy. But it was all worth it.

I thought love is always accompanied by hurt, like lightning is always accompanied by thunder.  But I was wrong. Love isn’t supposed to hurt.  It is the fights, the misunderstandings, the doubts,  and the distance that hurt. But never have I ever felt even the slightest pain in my heart in loving you in every single second of my life. 

You saw me when I was furious, but you know my weaknesses.  You saw me laugh, you saw me cry. You saw the good and the bad side of me. Despite of it, you still find me beautiful. It was hard to believe, but it made me love myself more. I learned to embrace my flaws and imperfections because you accepted them; because you loved them.  And you didn’t even want to change who I am. You entwined my whole true self into your life and it was such a wonderful feeling. It was such a great blessing.

Being loved by you is such a privilege.  Thank you for making me feel that love  is the most beautiful thing in the world.

Happy third anniversary, My Love - Mars.

[maragatchalian]

Setting Goals: I want to be in that magazine!

Much famous. Such magazine. Wow

I have a dog whom I dearly  love. Her name is Dog Lupo y Burrito de Falchetta (I call her ‘Dog’ most of the time). I adopted her from my sister’s friend, and she was less than a month old when I got her. I was literally obsessed with her. She now has complete vaccinations, she has good food, good shelter (my room), she’s taking vitamins, et al. I’m so very proud of her and I want the world to see how awesome she is.

Last March, Dog and I attended an event at BGC. It’s the ‘Waggin’ Tails’ event. One of the freebies was the Animal Scene Magazine. When we got home, I read the magazine, and there are a lot of fun stuff in it. I told myself that I wanted my dog to be on that magazine.

What I did was, I took the contact number and the email address on the magazine, and I asked if it’s possible to submit an article and have it published. I waited for three days and got no response.  I was ready to give up until I thought of contacting the publisher of the magazine which is Manila Bulletin. I went on their website to get their contact details. I sent them an email, and asked them the same things that I asked when I emailed the Animal Scene.

Surprisingly, they replied. They told me that I could submit their article to them, and they will ask the editor-in-chief of Animal Scene Magazine to have a look!

I was just so happy.

I created an article, It was about the life of being a first time dog owner, and submitted it to Manila Bulletin. I also submitted the it directly to Animal Scene even if I didn’t get a response from them in the first place.

The next day, I checked my email, and the editor-in-chief of Animal Scene Magazine replied!!! They told me that the article was really nice, but asked me to do some revisions since topic was a bit broad. She gave me a list of topics that were tacked on my first draft, and told me to focus on only one topic. I chose the topic: How to Treat a Young Puppy with Mange. So I revised the article and submitted it to them immediately. The next thing I knew was they gave me the news that they will run my article for July 2016 issue.

It looks so easy, but honestly, it took a long process. It took me 2-3 months of waiting, revising, asking for updates, and waiting again. 2-3 months before I got the magazine on my hands, with my article credited under my name, with photos and story of Dog in it.

I learned that in setting goals, don’t give up easily.  There will always be a way if you really want to achieve that goal. It just takes time, patience, and perseverance.

It’s already August and I’m not sure if  the magazine is still available. If you’re interested in reading it, I’ll give you a scanned copy. Just email me at [email protected] or contact me through facebook/twitter: @marsgatchalian.  :)

[maragatchalian]

Trendsetter’s Bazaar

So it happened. I went to World Trade Center last June 18, 2016 (’twas a Saturday) for the Trendsetter’s Bazaar. It was my very first time to go to a bazaar, and I got really excited to shop that I forgot to take photos. -_-

I only have one decent photo:

It’s extra-decent, actually. I did exert a lot of effort to have this shot... and of course, it’s all for the sake of Instagram. Hashtag feed goalz.

Anyway, those were the stuff that I got for myself and my sister. I told myself that I’d only spend one thousand pesos, but that didn’t happen. Oh well.

I’ll try to compute for my expenses. Here comes the painful part:

1. Black Romper Price: P399.00 Shop: @shortcutsapparel 

2. Black top (turtleneck)  Price: P100.00 Shop: Can’t remember :( 3. ‘Black is my happy colour’ top Price: P100.00 Shop: Can’t remember :(

4. Top (stripes) Price: P150.00 Shop: @hers_by_outbreakboulevard

5. Grey long sleeves  Price: P160.00 Shop: @murashopphclothing

6. LA Girl PRO concealer (porcelain) Price: P400.00 (200 e/a) Shop: Can’t remember :( 7. Eyebrow Pencil Price: P100.00 Shop: @lipstickallucan

8. Eyebrow Spoolie Price: P75.00 Shop: @lipstickallucan 9. Pouch (But First, Coffee) Price: P100.00 Shop: @earthbagsph

10. Earpods Case Price: P50.00 Shop: @earthbagsph

11. Earpods Price: P120.00 Shop: Can’t remember :(

12. Brown Flats Price: P399.00 Shop: @lettosandflats

TOTAL: 1978 Hey, this ain’t half bad at all!  But what broke my heart was our budget for transpo which cost probably around P600-P1000 because #GrabCar.

*sigh*

Shopping is a nice kind of pain. 

PS sorry for some grammar errors, im sleepy. gimme a breeak

[maragatchalian]

Whammo’s: The One that Got Away

“What if the one that got away came back?” 

It has been a week since I last saw a Facebook post about the comeback of Whammo’s. On the post, it says that it was back and was available at 7-Eleven. The 90′s kids were literally going crazy. I was skeptical at first. I thought it was some kind of an April Fools joke—except, it’s already the last week of May. But nonetheless, I still went to the nearest 7-Eleven store to check if it’s true.

 No Whammo’s. Not even an empty box. 

But yesterday, I went back to 7-Eleven, and instead of checking the whole store, I immediately asked one of the 7-Eleven guys: “Kuya, may Whammo’s kayo?” Then the guy pointed the counter where Whammo’s was located. 

The feeling was magical, like love at first sight. There are only three(3) pieces left, so bought them all. 

I went home with three(3) pieces of Whammo’s. I was super happy, and I was literally jumping up and down, and I was yelling: “Nakabili ako ng Whammo’s!!!” My family did not understand why I reacted that way, especially my younger siblings. My mom cannot even remember what Whammo’s is. Unbelievable. -_-

Although it was against my will, I gave one to my sister, and one to my brother. I wanted them to have a taste of THE best chocolate sandwich E-V-E-R. It was my brother who took a bite first. He said it’s okay. Then, my sister was next. She rated it 5 out of 10.

Okay, these kids are being ridiculous, right? It was my turn to taste it. I opened the packaging, I smelled it, and it smelled different. It smelled like a typical chocolate sandwich. I was like: “Oh hellll naw”. I took a bite..

 I felt nothing. It tastes different now. :( 

I thought I was going to have a taste of my childhood again. I was expecting fireworks, but all I got was disappointment.

Whammo’s has been a a huge part of my childhood. It was always my baon since I was in kindergarten until gradeschool, I think. Then it just disappeared. I forgot about it. But sometimes, I cannot help but compare it to Quake, Fudgee Bar, or other chocolate sandwiches. The Whammo’s today was totally different. It was not the Whammo’s that I loved before. 

Why did you let this happen, Universe? :(

Oh well, that’s life. I’m just gonna move on and accept the fact that the one that got away came back, but it’s never going to be the same again.

[maragatchalian]

Mara Meets #Hale

Hello! I just want to let you guys know that I’m still alive. I haven’t been on Tumblr because I was too busy being unproductive and THE summer heat is sucking my motivation to write a post.

Anyway..

I met Hale last February 13th—Oh and it’s May now, btw. It was my first time seeing them perform and it was S-U-R-R-E-A-L. 

If you are my certified stalker, you probably read about my super long blog post about the first time I met Champ. That was a totally different story because that was just an event where he was invited, and he didn’t actually sing.

Okay, back to business.

I bought their album and it became  my ticket to the VIP section:

It’s so ~shiny.~

I got really excited and I was literally screaming on the inside and I have Snapchat screenshots to prove:

^ lol, sorry signal was bad. Also, I wasn’t able to save all my Snapchat posts before they disappeared. Sad.

Here are some of the photos from the gig. I’d like to apologize in advance for being a very bad photographer:

Seriously guys, they were AMAMZINGGG!!!

After all the singing and screaming (told you I screamed a lot on the inside), I had the chance to have my copy (Hale’s Album) signed. And of course, I had a photo taken with them!

Black is the new black. Hashtag new Hale member. Lol.

Oh, and look! A selfie with Champ, too!

Champ was really really nice and... welcoming?? I felt like I entered his house and he was about to tell me to sit on the couch and offer me a drink. Hahaha, I don’t know if he remembered me 'cause of all the crazy tweets I sent him prior the event. But no, probably not. :D

Thank you, Hale for this amazing experience and for the great music! Who says you can’t have fun when you’re alone? Not me. But it would have been more fun if Eric (the boyfriend) is with me. After all, I think he’s also your fan, and it was our 30th monthsary during that time. #LDRFeels. 

Hope to see you guys again in June!

[maragatchalian]

I miss you every minute of everyday. Not just at 2am.

[maragatchalian]

Patiently Waiting

Time has its own uncanny ways to mess with us sometimes.

People say ‘time is fleeting’, but how come it only seems to fleet when I’m with you?

[maragatchalian]

Candid

I am unaware. I have never pictured myself to be as genuinely happy as I am right now because of you.

I have never imagined that a sinful, undeserving person like me would receive God’s grace and love by blessing me with you.

You loved me when I was nothing. You loved my entire being and the shivered heart that came with it. You saved me from the cruel life that’s ahead of me. You made me turn around to see life’s brighter side; Life’s sunshine - and you are that sunshine.

I was unaware – like the photographs that you always love to take every moment when we were together– that you’d choose me. That you’d love me, the one with the crooked heart. The one with the lost soul.

Love comes without you knowing it. Whether you’re prepared or not, it’ll come. Do not be afraid.

I’m glad I took the risk.

[maragatchalian]

The reason why

I didn’t want to stand out. I just want to get the hell out of college.

But you came.

You’re the reason why I aimed for higher grades. Why I joined the student council, why I entered the varsity team-volleyball and futsal, why I joined web designing contests and won. Twice.

It was never easy. I struggled so much for you to notice me, to appreciate me, to be proud of me…. to love me.

It didn’t stop there. I wanted to pursue my Master’s degree. But the universe did not allow me to. That’s why I started to find a job right away. I didn’t want you to date a nobody.

Almost three years of pain until you decided to be mine. It was your decision, because I was already yours a long time ago.

I didn’t settle for my first job. I want you to be proud of me. Now I am currently on my 4th job. A stable and decent job. But I won’t stop here.

I won’t stop achieving. Not because that I want you to notice me, appreciate me, be proud of me or love me.

I’m doing this to make OUR dreams come true. Dreams that we talk about til 2am.

I know that you’re working hard as much as I do. Not just for your family, but for us, too. And I’m proud to see how much we’ve changed, how much we’ve grown.

Almost six years and you’re still my every-reason-why. And you’d still be.. in another six years.. seven.. eight.. I don’t really have a plan to change that until forever.

I miss you, Eric. Talk to you soon.

[maragatchalian]

Bad dream

I would like to know the difference 

between dying

and experiencing the pain of losing you again.

[maragatchalian]

Mas

Ang sabi mo, mahal mo ako. Pero mas mahal kita, at di ka naniniwala. Ipinipilit mo na mas mahal mo ako. Kahit parehas nating alam na hindi masusukat ang pagmamahal natin para sa isa't isa, tuloy pa rin tayo sa pagtatalo kung sino yung nagmamahal at kung sino yung mas nagmamahal. Sa lahat ng pagtatalo natin, ito yung pinakapaborito ko. Sana nga, ganun nalang lahat ng 'Mas'. Ni hindi ko ma-type yung gusto kong i-type sa sobrang sakit ng ulo ko- literal. Samahan mo pa ng hirap sa paghinga dahil sa sipon ko at dahil sa sobrang pagkamiss ko sayo. Ang sakit magkasakit, pero ang sakit din dahil ang layo mo. Ano nga bang mas masakit? Yung pisikal na nadadaan sa gamot o yung emosyonal na ikaw mismo ang gamot? Ano ba yung mas mahirap? Yung kailangan mo ko pero wala ako diyan o yung kailangan kita pero wala ka dito? Ano ba yung mas magiging kapaki-pakinabang? Ang magsakripisyo para sa hinaharap o ang pangalagaan at pagtibayin ang kasalukuyan? Kahit ano pa man yan, ang maipapangako ko lang ay mas magiging matatag ako para sa'yo. Para satin.

[maragatchalian]

6 8 12

Anim na buwan. Walong araw. Labingdalawang oras. Hindi pa rin ako sanay. Natatawa ako sa sarili ko kasi lahat nalang binibigyan ko ng dahilan para maalala ka. Pati kanta ni Brian McKnight nadamay. Ganun na nga siguro ako ka-baliw. Pero hindi pa rin talaga ako sanay. Nasa van ako ngayon, sa may bandang C5. Pauwi galing trabaho. Typical day, kumbaga. Pero bago ako umuwi, kumain ako sa Mcdo. Alam mo naman siguro yung inorder ko. Cheeseburger meal. Regular fries. Iced coffee vanilla. Kabisado na natin parehas yan. Isa sa pinakamasayang araw ng buhay ko ay noong sinurprise mo ko sa office. Pag labas ko, andun yung mahal ko, dala yung paboritong pagkain ko. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako masasanay. Kanina, habang kumakain ako, ang daming tao. Pero aanhin ko sila kung hindi naman sila ikaw? Napaiyak nalang ako. Mukhang tanga no? Malala na nga ata ako. Gusto kita makausap, makasabay kumain, makasama. Kapag sinusudo mo ko, ikaw yung taga-abang sa mesa para makaupo tayo, at ako naman yung taga-order. Ang linaw ng lahat sa isip ko, yung bawat reaksyon mo pag sinasabi kong "Ayoko ng pickles, sayo nalang" at kapag sinasabi mong "Baby, wag mong kakainin yung balat ng chicken." Malinaw. Napakalinaw. Pero ang masanay ako? Malabo. Nasa dagat ka, at ako, eto stuck sa traffic. Kung pwede lang lumangoy papunta sa'yo, gagawin ko. Tulad ng ginawa mong paglangoy makuha lang ang puso ko. Pero wala na tayong ibang magagawa kundi ang mag antay. Kailan ako masasanay? Kailan ako masasanay nang wala ka?