It’s Not The Same
pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)
genre: fluff
warnings: minor (implied) panic attack
words: 4944
a/n: this was a request from someone on Instagram :)
I love you. The three words that Remus hears from Sirius Black almost daily. And every time he does, he bites his lip and swallows his pain. Because that’s exactly what he wants to hear from Sirius but Sirius doesn’t mean it the way Remus wants him to. Sirius says them to all his friends. Which is great. It’s one of the reasons Remus fell in love with Sirius in the first place. He’s got such a good heart. Nonetheless, Remus wishes that when Sirius says those words to him, they could mean something else. Something more. But Sirius will never look at him like that. He will never think of Remus when a love song comes on, never ache to hold Remus’ hand, never imagine the feeling of kissing Remus. He’ll never sit in class, staring at Remus out of the corner of his eye and completely lose himself in a daydream about Remus. Which is exactly what Remus is doing now.
“Mr Lupin!” Slughorn’s voice rings loudly in Remus’ ears. He feels his face grow red from embarrassment as he quickly looks away. “Could you please turn your attention to the front of the class and watch the example of how to correctly brew this potion? Unless Mr Black and Mr Potter are doing something that interests you more?”
“I’d say we’re a great deal more interesting than a dead frog, sir,” Sirius says. Slughorn turns to him.
“Detention, Black,” he says. “Cheek is not tolerated in my class. Would you care to join him, Mr Lupin?”
“No, sir,” Remus says.
“Come on, Moony, don’t abandon me in detention alone,” Sirius whines. Remus grins and suppresses a laugh.
“That’s enough, Mr Black,” Slughorn says. “Now if you will all please focus, I’d like to continue with my lesson.” Slughorn drones on and on, brewing the potion himself and not allowing them to do anything but listen. Eventually, Remus zones out again but this time he makes sure he isn’t staring at Sirius.
“If you’re not going to tell Sirius how you feel, you’re going to have to stop staring at him in class,” Lily murmurs in his ear.
“Thanks for that,” Remus says sarcastically. “It won’t happen again.”
“Why don’t you just talk to him, Rem?” Lily says.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” she says.
“We’ve been through this, Lils,” Remus says. “He’ll hate me.”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He won’t hate you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“He loves you,” she says. Remus sighs.
“It’s not the same.”
“Mr Lupin, I gave you a second chance but talking during class is unacceptable,” Slughorn says. “You will join Mr Black in detention.” Lily had been talking as well but nobody bothered to point that out. Slughorn wouldn’t put his favourite student in detention.
“Yes!” Sirius says. He turns around and holds his hand out for Remus to high-five. Remus shakes his head but grins and high-fives Sirius all the same.
As they’re walking out the door at the end of class, Slughorn stops them.
“I will see you both at my office at 10:30 on Saturday morning,” he says.
“Saturday morning?!” Sirius exclaims.
“Yes,” Slughorn says. “If you thought detention is going to be all fun and games, I suggest you think again.”
“Yes, sir,” he says, gloomily.
“Don’t be late,” Slughorn says.
“Yes, sir,” Remus says. “We’re sorry for causing trouble. It won’t happen again.” Slughorn snorts.
“I may believe it of you, Mr Lupin, but Mr Black has a bit of a track record against him,” he says. “All I ask is that you don’t drag Miss Evans into your misbehaviour. She’s a bright girl and a good student. She doesn’t need you two and Potter and Pettigrew getting her in trouble.”
“Oh, don’t you worry, professor, I’m sure she’ll give us a good telling-off when we get back to the common room,” Sirius says, “won’t she, Remus?”
“She probably will.”
“Good,” Slughorn says. “You have potential, both of you. Don’t waste it by landing yourselves in detention.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, sir,” Sirius says, grinning. “Have a good day.”
“You too, Mr Black,” Slughorn says, looking vaguely amused. “And you, Lupin.”
“Thank you, sir,” Remus says and he follows Sirius out of the classroom.
---------
“I can’t believe we have to get up early on Saturday,” Sirius grumbles, later that day after they’ve long finished their class and are all sitting together in the common room.
“Nobody made you talk back to Slughorn,” Lily shrugs.
“I can’t believe I got detention and you didn’t,” Remus says to her, shaking his head.
“Why are you surprised?” Marlene laughs. “We’ve always known that Lily is Slughorn’s favourite.”
“Yeah but this is blatant favouritism,” Remus says. “Teachers can get fired for that.”
“Oh but the Slug Club is subtle favouritism?” Peter says sarcastically.
“The real question we should all be asking,” James interferes loudly, “is why our two prefects — model students, if you will — committed such a heinous crime by talking in class?” Remus and Lily roll their eyes the same way, the same sarcastic, unimpressed, resting-bitch-face expression as they look at James.
“You two are identical,” Dorcas laughs. Remus and Lily turn to look at each other.
“No, we aren’t,” they say at the same time. They stare at each other wide-eyed and all seven of them burst into laughter.
“Well, that was convincing,” Dorcas says sarcastically.
“Yeah, yeah whatever,” Lily says.
“By the way, have any of you finished the DADA essay for tomorrow?” Dorcas asks.
“Yes,” Lily and Remus say.
“No,” James, Sirius and Marlene say.
“We have an essay due tomorrow?!” Peter exclaims. Dorcas laughs and turns to Marlene.
“You haven’t done it yet?” they ask.
“Nope,” Marlene says. “But it’ll do it with you now.”
“Yeah, we’ll join you too,” James says. Peter nods but Sirius remains impassive. “Right Sirius?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“You can’t go landing any more detentions,” Remus says to him, “I’m not wasting any more time with you in there than I have to.”
“Wow, thanks Moony,” Sirius says.
“Did you really expect me to?”
“Nope,” Sirius says. “But that’s okay, I love you anyway.” Remus’ stomach lurches. There it is again. He looks away from Sirius.
“Lils, we should go,” he says. “Prefect rounds and all.”
“Yeah,” she says. “See you guys later.”
“See you!”
“Bye!”
“Have fun.” That makes Remus snort. He exchanges a glance with Lily. Fun was not on the to-do list for today’s prefect tasks.
---------
That Saturday, James was tasked with waking Remus and Sirius up in time for their detention. Remus almost hoped James would sleep in and they’d miss it but of course, that didn’t happen. James never sleeps in.
“Come on, you two,” James says. “Get up. You have to be in detention in an hour.” Remus groans and pulls the covers over his head.
“Moonyyyy,” James says unnecessarily loudly. Then he pulls back Remus’ blanket, exposing Remus to the cold. Remus’ eyes fly open.
“Fuck you, Potter,” he says, reaching to tug his blanket back but James swings it off the bed and drops it on his own.
“Now you have to get up,” James says. “Or go back to sleep blanket-less.” Remus groans again but drags himself out of bed.
“How come you haven’t stolen Sirius’ blanket?” Remus says.
“One step at a time,” James says. “Pads! Wake the fuck up!” Sirius points the middle finger at James and keeps his eyes closed James then does to Sirius exactly what he did to Remus. Sirius sits up and glares at James.
“I will kill you,” he says.
“Run, Moony!” James yells dramatically. “It’s too late for me but you can still save yourself.” Remus laughs despite himself and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Outside, he can hear Peter waking up and telling Sirius that if he had to beat James with pillows he could’ve at least done it quietly.
---------
“Good morning boys,” Slughorn says to Remus and Sirius as they enter his office later that morning. They both nod, unable to return the sentiment. “You’ll be copying these old documents for me today,” Slughorn says. “They’re fraying around the edges but the ink should still be legible enough. Whatever you don’t finish, you can continue after lunch.” Both boys nod and sit down side-by-side, pull out quills, ink and parchment, and start copying the writing on the papers Slughorn gives them.
At first, Slughorn supervises them but he quickly gets bored and turns back to his own work. Soon enough, Remus feels Sirius tap his elbow and sees a piece of parchment sliding across the desk towards him, a note scrawled on it in Sirius’ neat, cursive handwriting.
I swear I’m going to fall asleep on this desk right now. Remus glances at him but Sirius keeps his head down and continues the task at hand. Remus scribbles a note back.
Me too. This is so pointless.
If Minnie knew this is what we were doing during detention she’d flip her shit. Remus stifles a laugh and turns it into a cough when Slughorn looks up.
I don’t think McGonagall ever flips her shit. She’d say it’s unsuitable.
Fair point. She wouldn’t be pleased though.
No, she wouldn’t. But I have to admit that I prefer copying stuff over a “productive detention”.
Yeah, I guess.
The boys continue passing notes back and forth between them throughout the detention, copying document after document for Slughorn in between note-passing. When Slughorn finally releases them for lunch, they go down to the Great Hall.
“I’ll see you boys back here to finish up in an hour,” he says as they walk out the door. Remus can’t suppress an eye roll once out of Slughorn’s sight.
“Merlin, this is stupid,” he says. “We could do this with magic in like 5 minutes.”
“I don’t want to go back there after lunch,” Sirius whines.
“We have to, we’ll just get another detention if we don’t,” Remus says.
“Yeah, I know,” Sirius sighs.
They enter the Great Hall and find their friends already sitting at a table; they sit down beside them.
“Hey,” Peter says. “How was detention?”
“Is,” Remus says, “present tense.” James and Peter look confused.
“It’s not over yet,” Sirius explains.
“What?” James says. “You were there for like three hours.”
“We know,” Remus and Sirius say at the same time.
“What are you doing that takes so long?” James asks.
“Just copying a bunch of old documents,” Sirius grumbles. “It’s the most pointless shit ever.”
“So you have to go back after lunch?” Peter asks.
“Yeah, we have—” Remus glances at his watch, “48 minutes left.”
“That’s so unfair,” Peter says. “How long will you be there?”
“Until we finish, I guess,” Remus says.
“Just ditch,” James says casually.
“If we ditch we’ll just get another detention, genius,” Remus says, rolling his eyes.
“He’ll probably make it longer than this one too,” Sirius says. “But I mean for fuck’s sake. Like we spoke during class, why is he being so dramatic?”
“You’re one to talk,” Remus says.
“I’m not being dramatic!” Sirius says. “This detention is unfair.”
“Oh no, I agree with you there,” Remus says. “But you can’t deny that you’re a drama queen. Possibly the most overdramatic drama queen in this castle.”
“All I’m hearing is that you’re calling me a queen, Moony.” Sirius tosses his hair over his shoulder and flashes Remus a smile.
“That’s not what I—” Remus starts, “oh why do I bother?” But he looks down at his plate to hide his blush and the shy smile he’s trying to fight.
After lunch, they go back to Slughorn’s office and find that he added even more documents for them to copy. They exchange an irritated look but don’t say a word as they sit down and continue copying.
When they finally finish, it’s nearly time for dinner. Remus starts in the direction of the Great Hall but Sirius stops him.
“Wait,” he says. “Do you wanna go somewhere else?”
“Where?” Remus asks suspiciously.
“I don’t know, I don’t want to go to the Great hall,” Sirius says. “What about Hogsmeade?”
“We literally just got out of detention,” Remus says. “Why are you already trying to get us another one?”
“I’m not,” Sirius says. “Look, nobody has to know where we are.”
“People in Hogsmeade will tell the teachers if they see us,” Remus points out.
“Then we’ll change into muggle clothes first, nobody will recognize us,” Sirius says. “Come on, Moony, please. You’ll have a great time, I promise.” Remus still looks hesitant. “I’ll buy you chocolate,” Sirius says. Remus raises his eyebrows at him.
“Are you trying to bribe me?”
“That depends, is it working?” Remus grins and shakes his head.
“Yes,” he sighs. “Alright, let’s go.”
“Yesss,” Sirius says.
They hurry to the common room, change and sneak out of the castle through the tunnel that leads to the Honeydukes cellar while everybody else is at dinner.
“Would you like to cash in your bribe now or later?” Sirius asks when they arrive at the shop.
“Now, I think,” Remus says.
“Take your pick then,” Sirius says, gesturing to the shelves of candy around them.
“I think I’m gonna go for a wand,” Remus says.
“A wand it is,” Sirius says. He buys the chocolate wand and hands it to Remus, who thanks him and starts on the chocolate as they leave the shop.
“So where do you want to go?” Remus asks.
“Well we skipped dinner so do you want to get something to eat?”
“I am eating but sure,” Remus says.
“Chocolate isn’t dinner,” Sirius says. “Let’s go get some substantial food.”
But on their way to the Three Broomsticks, they hear a voice coming from Sirius’ pocket.
“Padfoot!”
“It’s James,” Sirius says. He pulls the mirror he uses to communicate with James out of his pocket. “What’s up, Prongs?”
“Where the hell are you?” he asks. “Is Moony with you?”
“Yes, you nosy person,” Sirius says. “Moony is with me. We’re in Hogsmeade.”
“Why?” Peter asks, appearing in the mirror as well.
“Why not?” Sirius says.
“Is Moony okay?” he asks. “Did you kidnap him?”
“Moony, can you hear me?” James says, over-enunciating each word.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Remus laughs. “I didn’t get kidnapped.”
“Then what the bloody hell are you doing in Hogsmeade?”
“I was bribed with chocolate,” he says, as Sirius points the mirror at him so James and Peter can see Remus eating the chocolate wand.
“I knew you weren’t there of your own free will,” James says. “Oh well. Have fun.”
“Yeah, we won’t wait up,” Peter says. They both laugh and disappear from the mirror. Remus rolls his eyes.
“Should we go back?” he asks.
“Already?” Sirius says. He starts running down the street. Remus laughs and runs after him all the way to the Three Broomsticks.
But when they arrive, it’s crowded and they can’t find a single table. The room is so packed with people that it’s difficult to move through the crowd. Remus feels himself getting shoved back and forth with the crowd, people pushing past him. He starts to get dizzy. He can’t breathe.
“Moony?” Sirius calls over the noise. But Remus can’t say a word. He thinks he’s going to fall over. He feels somebody take his hand and immediately pulls away but it’s only Sirius.
“Come with me,” he says. Remus follows Sirius out of the coffee shop to a nearby bench. “You okay, Rem?” he asks. Remus nods but he still can’t speak.
“You wait here, I’ll get us something to eat, alright?” Remus nods again. Sirius goes back inside and Remus stays on the bench, tucking his knees to his chest and hanging his head. He takes deep breaths and tries to calm down.
Remus doesn’t know how long it takes Sirius to get back but when he does, he’s holding a paper bag, a look of concern on his beautiful face.
“Remus, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Remus replies quietly.
“Come on, let’s go somewhere with less people,” Sirius says. He offers Remus his hand and Remus takes it. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest but this time it’s not from anxiety. It’s from excitement. Calm the fuck down, he tells himself, this doesn’t mean anything. Friends can hold hands if they want. This changes nothing.
Sirius leads him to a less populated part of the village. The many trees surrounding them and the river snaking past are familiar to Remus from all the times he’d come here with his friends. The area is quiet but for the water flowing in the river; it calms Remus.
“I’m sorry,” he says finally, once he and Sirius are sitting on the grass. “I don’t know what happened.”
“That’s okay, Rem, you have nothing to apologize for,” Sirius says. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Remus says.
“Good.” Sirius hugs him. “I love you, Moony. It’ll be okay, yeah?” Remus’ heart clenches and he closes his eyes. There it is again.
“Yeah,” he says. Remus tries to think of something to say — anything — to change the subject but Sirius beats him to it.
“You wanna eat?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Remus says. Sirius tears the paper bag into a large square and puts both of their food on top of it. Remus takes a bite of the sandwich that Sirius put near him. “This is good.”
“I know what you like in your sandwiches, Moony,” Sirius says. “Give me a little credit.” Remus smiles and takes another bite.
They continue talking for a while until the conversation dies out and they eat in silence. Remus doesn’t mind though. He loves spending time with people in silence as long as they don’t feel awkward. There aren’t many people that he can be sure are okay with sitting in silence with him but Sirius is one of them.
They finish their dinner and Remus gets up to throw the wrappers and bags in the trash. When he sits back in the grass, Sirius seems to have thought of something to say.
“That detention was hell.”
“Yeah, it was,” Remus says.
“Did you see that he added more documents after lunch?”
“Yes!” Remus says. “Like where the fuck did he get so many fucking documents?”
“Maybe he wrote some more during lunch,” Sirius jokes. “Just so that we’d have more work.” Remus shakes his head and laughs.
“As if we hadn’t been there long enough,” he says, “I mean, does he really have nothing better to do with his weekend?”
“If that’s true he must have the most boring life,” Sirius says, flopping back on the grass.
“If you get me in trouble in one of his classes again, Sirius, I swear to god.”
“Excuse me!” Sirius says, sitting back up. “I did not get you in trouble, it was your own fault this time.”
“Was it?” Remus says. “It’s been yours so many times I’ve lost track.” Sirius gives an outraged scoff and splashes water at Remus.
“Rude.”
“You mean honest?” Remus says. Sirius laughs and splashes more water on him. “Pads! You’re getting me wet!”
“That was the point, Moons,” Sirius laughs.
“Fine then.” Remus splashes Sirius back and the war breaks out only ending several minutes later when Remus finally pushes Sirius into the river. Sirius climbs out coughing and spluttering.
“What the fuck, Remus?” he says as Remus backs away from the riverbank.
“That’s what happens when you splash me with water.” Sirius shivers.
“Well now I’m cold,” he says.
“Easy fix,” Remus says. He points his wand at Sirius and the water siphons away, leaving Sirius dry again.
“Good, now I get to push you in.” Remus backs away further.
“Ha, yeah right,” he says sarcastically.
“Come on, it’s only fair.”
“Absolutely not.”
“At least sit here with me then,” Sirius says, sitting down on the grass.
“Alright,” Remus says, sitting beside him cautiously. Sirius pulls a fistful of grass out of the floor and throws it at him. Remus grins and brushes the grass off himself. “Are you satisfied with your revenge?”
“Yes.” He lies back down in the grass but quickly sits up. “It’s wet,” he groans. Remus laughs.
“That part is not my fault,” he says but the last word gets cut short by a large yawn.
“Are you tired?”
“A little.” Sirius takes his wrist and looks at his watch. Remus glances at it as well once Sirius releases his hand. It’s nearly midnight.
“Come on,” Sirius says, “let’s get you back to bed.”
They head back through the Honeydukes cellar and arrive at Hogwarts. They sneak back into the castle unnoticed. Remus lets Sirius into the prefect’s bathroom so they can both shower there to avoid waking James and Peter. After showering, they return to the common room, give the password to the Fat Lady and enter the empty room.
“You coming up?” Sirius asks.
“Yeah,” Remus says, “I’m just going to make tea. You can go up though, I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay,” Sirius says.
“Good night, Pads.”
“Good night, Moony. Love you.” Remus blinks and something inside him snaps.
“Sirius, stop saying that,” he says sharply. He doesn’t mean to sound angry at Sirius. He’s not mad. He’s just frustrated with himself and his stupid feelings.
“What? Why?” Sirius asks.
“Because you don’t mean it,” Remus says.
“Of course I mean it,” Sirius says, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder. His voice is so gentle, so kind that Remus feels a stab of guilt for snapping at him. But guilt can’t subdue the pain. “Moony, you’re my best friend, of course I love you.”
“But not how I love YOU!” Remus yells, jerking Sirius’ hand off. Remus stands for a moment, shaking. Then he realizes what he just said. He doesn’t care. I don’t care, he thinks. I don’t fucking care anymore. But he does. He cares a lot. Because what happens now? What happens when Sirius realizes what Remus means? What happens when Sirius gets uncomfortable and realizes he doesn’t have to stick around for Remus? What happens then? He loves you, says the voice in his head, echoing Lily’s words. He shuts the voice up. It’s done enough damage for tonight.
---------
Saying I love you to his friends hadn’t come naturally for Sirius at first. It wasn’t a phrase that wasn’t heard very often in his household. In fact, he didn’t think anybody had told him that they love him until James had casually said it to him one day. Sirius remembered the first time he’d spent a holiday at the Potter household. The number of times he’d heard the phrase ‘I love you’ being said in those two weeks was more than he’d heard it being said in his entire life and he suddenly understood where James got it from. Slowly, Sirius started picking up the habit. He knew he loved his friends, why shouldn’t they know it too? Sirius wanted to make sure that his friends never felt the way his parents made him feel. So he always told them that he loved them until it became almost a throwaway phrase. It wasn’t that he didn’t mean it; on the contrary, he meant it every single time. He just said it a lot. He said it to James, Remus, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, Mary and Alice. All his friends.
But with Remus it was different. With Remus it was never a throwaway phrase. When Sirius tells Remus that he loves him it’s never out of habit; he knows exactly what he’s saying. It’s planned, calculated. With Remus, Sirius had always secretly hoped that maybe, one day, Remus would realize that when Sirius tells him that he loves him, he means it differently than he does with everybody else. But he also dreaded Remus realizing it. What would he do if Remus asked him? He could always brush it off and lie. But a part of him didn’t want to. A part of him — a stupid, naive part of him — held onto the hope that Remus might say it back. One day. Preferably one day soon but you can’t have everything.
All of that was why Sirius couldn’t sort out his emotions that night when Remus finally snapped.
“Good night, Moony. Love you,” Sirius said, his stomach twisting just as it did every time he said it; Remus was the only person left in the room.
“Sirius, stop saying that.” Sirius heard the note of irritation in his voice and it confused him.
“What? Why?” he asked.
“Because you don’t mean it,” Remus said. He sounded angry, frustrated. Sirius knew that Remus had low self-esteem. He knew that Remus struggled to believe that his friends cared for him. That much became clear when Remus was sure that they’d ditch him if they found out about his lycanthropy. And Sirius was determined to show Remus that it wasn’t true.
“Of course I mean it,” Sirius said gently, putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Moony, you’re my best friend, of course I love you.” He swallowed the rest of the sentence. The part of the sentence that explained how much Remus really meant to him.
“But not like I love you!” Remus yelled. Sirius blinked. Remus looked away from him, tears sparking in his eyes.
“W–What?” Sirius said.
“Forget it,” Remus said angrily, turning to go. Sirius caught his hand.
“No,” he said firmly. “No, you can’t just say something like that and then leave. Tell me what you meant.” Remus sighed and looked at Sirius.
“Not like I love you, Sirius,” Remus said. “I know you love me as your best friend. But it’s not the same.” Then Remus looked away again.
“Yes, it is,” Sirius said, his breath catching in his chest as he blurted out the confession he swore he would never tell. “Yes, it is, Remus, it’s exactly the same.” Remus looked up.
“You don’t understand,” Remus said, shaking his head.
“Don’t I?” Sirius said quietly, stepping towards Remus. He took Remus’ face in his hands and brushed Remus’ bottom lip with his thumb. “Can I kiss you?” Remus stared at Sirius, his eyes wide. It took him so long to respond that Sirius was worried he’d blown it, terrified that he’d misunderstood. But then Remus pulled Sirius in, pressing their lips together. Sirius felt Remus’ hands move from his back to his waist, he felt the softness of Remus’ lips on his, the sweet, predictable taste of chocolate and he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that he was finally kissing Remus. After all those nights that he lay awake imagining what this would be like, he finally gets to experience it in real life. And my god, what an experience. Sirius could’ve stayed there with Remus’ hands in his hair forever and never gotten bored.
When they broke apart after a moment, a minute, an hour, a year, Sirius felt breathless.
“You… this entire time you—” Remus started saying. Apparently, Sirius wasn’t the only one feeling breathless. He nodded.
“You did too.”
“I had no idea,” Remus said.
“Really?” Sirius asked.
“None at all.”
“I always thought I was terrible at hiding it.”
“I thought I was bad at it too.”
“I didn’t know either,” Sirius said, “not until just now.” They stood there staring at each other for a moment. “Can– Can I kiss you again?”
“Yeah,” Remus whispered. Sirius placed his hand gently on Remus’ neck and kissed his lips softly, briefly. He pulled back to look into Remus’ big, round, amber eyes. Remus leaned back in, a noise in his throat like he was aching for more, but before he could press his lips against Sirius’ and lock them together in a kiss, Sirius’ top lip brushed against Remus’ tooth as the former yawned. Remus pulled away.
“Are you tired?” he asked.
“A little,” Sirius said.
“Let’s go upstairs.” Sirius was torn for a moment but he agreed, taking Remus’ hand in his own and threading their fingers together as they walked up the stairs. Remus headed for his bed but Sirius squeezed his hand before he could let go. Remus turned towards him and Sirius gestured to his own bed.
“Join me?” he whispered. “Just for a while?” Remus blushed as he nodded and they both clambered into Sirius’ bed.
“We should probably talk about this, huh?” Remus said.
“Yeah,” Sirius said. “You seem tired though, Moons.”
“A little. You seem tired as well.”
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, then?”
“Yeah,” Remus said.
They closed their eyes and lay in bed for a while. Sirius was almost asleep when he heard Remus’ sleepy voice from beside him. From the sound of it, Remus was nearly asleep too.
“Sirius?” he said. His eyes remained closed.
“Yeah?”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Of course, love, anything,” Sirius said. He realized the nickname a second too late but all Remus did was smile and press his forehead against Sirius’.
“Promise me this won't disappear when we wake up tomorrow,” Remus said.
“Of course not,” Sirius said. He almost laughed. As if he could walk away from this now. He couldn’t if he tried.
“Promise?” Remus asked.
“I promise.”
“I don’t want it to be a dream,” Remus whispered.
“It’s not,” Sirius whispered back. “It’s real. Tomorrow you’ll see.”
“Okay. Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Moony.”
And Sirius knew, he just knew, that he would never forget tonight. He would never forget this moment.
