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@marcelagw
Life lately
Thailand has been home for 15 months now, life here get's easier and more enjoyable by the day, not that has ever been hard. I have built a strong network of friends whom I love and care about beyond words, we can count on each other always. I'm growing as a professional and taking more responsibility at work, I am able to keep a great relationship with my family back home the other side of the world.
Later last year I met a wonderful and kind man, we have built a relationship that is light and easy. He is pure sunshine and his presence in my life gives me a peaceful and warm feeling that lingers even when he is away. I hope his absence will never be permanent.
We have a domestic worker that cleans our home and washes our clothes everyday, we cannot speak a common language but she has an amazing way to make us understand what she means. She cleans the fridge when she doesn't have to and washes our couch pillow covers without being asked to. That for me is life in Thailand, everyone is always to show each other kindness in the smallest forms, without having to or being asked, expecting nothing in return.
Occasionally we let someone in, we open the folds of our insecurity and give access to the darkest parts of us. We hand over the key, and it’s terrifying. And sometimes they bump into a raw nerve, they say a callous insensitive remark, they ridicule a strange notion we have, they poke at our dreams just a bit. It hurts pretty bad and we push them out and fold up fast. We remind ourselves, “This is why I don’t let anyone in.” And we run. It’s right here that most people apologize like crazy. They feel terrible. They were trying to figure out how to navigate the labyrinth of your wonderful story. It’s like holding a tiny flash light in a cave of a new world. They didn’t mean to provoke those old wounds. They didn’t mean to poke fun at your dreams. They considered it an honor that they held the key, even for a few frenzied moments. Intimacy takes work, trust, wounds, hurts, sculpting in the dark: and that takes time. It takes more than a single chance. Of course we can close the doors, at any second, when we know it just won’t work. But there are many opportunities if we had trusted a little longer, reset the tempo, and spoke up louder: it would’ve been okay. Bridges would be built. New stories are made. You find your hand closing around theirs. They begin to traverse the folds of your heart with ease, and they learn to say those things which give life, which give freedom, which grow dreams. Intimacy is formed out of stumbling, but further down the path: there is so much light, so much laughter, so many steps to the horizon together.
J.S. (via jspark3000)
“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”
— The Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac (b. 12 March 1922).
Yep. This.
“Nostalgia in reverse, the longing for yet another strange land, grew especially strong in spring.”
— Vladimir Nabokov, Mary
Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.
Henry Miller | @themotivationjournals (via wnq-writers)
Every day I discover more and more beautiful things. It’s enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.
Claude Monet (via creatingaquietmind)
Never gets old @ Bamboo Island, Thailand
I feel full of the mystery of life at the moment. (Odd how things sometimes seem tinkling and empty and then full, full.) An overwhelming sensation that almost makes me speechless.
Iris Murdoch, from a letter to Wallace Robson written c. December 1951 (via pearlkillers)
I dream about having a house by the water and not doing anything, not feeling ambitious, nor having the need to make money.
Lee Pace (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
do not entertain half loves, half friendships, half ass anything.
This is home.