~Young and Reckless~

This is the blog of the one and only Marissa Elaine Woods. People call me Marcy or Marcel, sometimes for no reason. I'm 20 years old, studying to be a proclaimed Molecular Biologist. New Yorker~born and raised. I'm single, even though I regret it. I'd...

[marcelwoods]

fayevasques-s2‌:

Halloween Bday and all I could do today was dress my babies. They look cute as the trio from Nightmare Before Christmas.

I wanna steal all four of you for a day-can I? No Cam or Noel. Just kids and...Ma...ye day? Is that our name-’cause it could be.

[fayevasques-s2]

My little brother was born

[marcelwoods]

fayevasques-s2‌:

Juan Vasques-Davis. He’s a cutie.

Congrats, Faye! I bet he’s gorgeous!

[marcelwoods]

myajoannechase‌:

My daugther is 3 and my mother got her a tricycle. She’s running that all over the house. It gets me a little worried when she hits a wall, but she just laughs…

So pretty much...she’s having fun with it. Don’t worry! I’m saying from a mother’s perspective and the fact that we should calm each other down. ‘Cause I’d react the same way (and I do, because Arthur keeps bumbing his head on the wall).

[marcelwoods]

Since it’s an honorary day today...we don’t go to the gym, right? Or we’ll have a special training day just because of that?

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel smiled lightly at that. Noel couldn’t help but mirroned Marcy’s reaction and shook her head as well. “You’ll do some lifting… But it won’t be all around it.” He said. “I don’t think we ordered anything, have we?

Marcy chuckled. “Alright then”, she blinked and then, looked around. “No, we didn’t...I guess we got too much into...what we were talking about”, she smiled lightly.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel nodded at that as she answered him. “I have no doubs that if I had walked away you would handdle. So many people would come to help and you would work it out.” He said. “But for the moment if feels too good to hear you say you wouldn’t handdle without me.” He smiled lightly at that and then sighed, feeling more relieved. “Okay, then. So, everything right with you on that department.” He said and then sighed. “I changed too, you know? It’s the first time I talking about a vagina in a very… Biological way, and no second intentions.” He said and let himself smile again with that. He looked at her. “I’m gonna be your personal trainer… Maybe I’ll put some ballet exercices, so you won’t hate it that much.”

Marcy shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the same for me though. The people that were going to help...and you”, she sighed, looking down. She smiled lightly at that and bit her lower lip. She raised her head and giggled. “Oh god”, she shook her head, smiling. “I’m okay with whatever...I just...can’t handle lifting weights”, she winced.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel raised his eyebrows. “You’re contradcting yourself. You told me today… On this talk, that you felt like you didn’t need me. That you thought you could do it all alone.” Noel sighed. “Clearly.” He looked at Marcy. Noel leaned back on the table. “So… We’ll schedule the psychologist for you. And we’ll go to a gynechologyst.” He sighed. “You were worried before if your lower parts were still working for other things. Have you got that checked?” He asked. “And I’m so taking you to the gym again. So you lose the weight you claim you got and get you body back.” He said.

“Those kind of situations are meant to be taken care of by two people. I thought and wanted to do everything for myself and have everything under control by myself, but in any case I wouldn’t handle it if you walked away”, she sighed heavily. “I tested your boundaries pretty harshly”, she sighed heavily and looked down. “No, I have that checked”, she nodded and widened her eyes. “And my new gynecologist laughed a lot with my questions...everything’s okay”, she chuckled with it. She blinked at that and bit her lower lip. “Fine...we’ll go to the gym, as well”, she nodded.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel shook his head in denial. “It is selfish anyway.” he said. “Well, so let me tell you… I felt like you didn’t want me to be with you. That I was only there to do what you wanted, and then be dismissed.” He said. “I felt useless.” Noel sighed deeply. “And I don’t wanna feel like that anymore.” He said. Noel nodded at that. “If you think it’s gonna help you…” He said. “I’m up for trying.”

Marcy listened to him and sighed heavily. “I never felt that...I always felt that I needed you.”, she lowered the tone of her voice. “But, I wasn’t myself lately”, she pouted. “I’m not going to make you feel like that anymore”, she stared at him. She nodded. “I guess...To be honest, I’ve got no answers in some of your questions...this could be the only solution at the moment”, she sighed heavily.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel looked at her. “Because I let you… I let you pushed me away and I changed because of it.” He said. Noel sighed. “What we are now is fine. I don’t think we should move further or backwards.” He said. Noel rolled his eyes. “That is kind of selfish, don’t you think? You know how you reacted, you don’t feel good about it… So… If you don’t feel good about it, don’t you think you should ask yourslef how I feel about it? Put yourself on my skin and wonder?” He said. “When you say go check it, what do you mean?”

“I’m sorry about that”, she said and looked down. “Alright”, she nodded at him. “It would be selfish in any other way-but at this point, I am the one who is causing all this”, she frowned. “But, no, I haven’t thought about it”, she rubbed her temples again. “I don’t know how you could feel about it...definitely not well, because I’m acting generally radical since”, she bit her lower lip. She looked up at him and sighed. “Go to a psychologist, first...”, she sighed heavily, “And see if it’s something that has to do with me, the pregnancy, the abortion and everything”, she blinked fast and then, looked down.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel pouted impatient. “Then tell me. You don’t tell me how you feel anymore. Just come to me and tell me… Are you feeling guilty, unconfortable, undesirable, tired… Just tell me.” He said. Noel looked at Marcy. “I’m not trying to put all the guilty on you. Just the things that fits. It’s not all your fault we’re like this, the way we are.” He said. Noel sat back on the chair and let go of her hand. “You pushed me away, of course I started acting a little weird. I didn’t know what I could do, what would make you upset…” He said. “No, it’s not all that matters. The way you react to me being there for you, matters. For me.” He looked at her. “You’re only looking to your side, that you apreciatte it now, so it’s all fine. And I’ll just go along. If I just go along with it, we’re gonna stay just the way we are.” He said. Noel shook his head. “Yeah, you don’t believe me… And I don’t know how to make you believe it.” He looked down. “Why my word is not enough?” He looked back at her. “It used to be.”

Noel sighed as she asked him that. “Well, after the talk we had, I don’t see us moving to anythign else than what we are. Boyfriends with kids and living together.” He sighed again.

“Okay, I’ll tell you from now on”, she nodded, looking down. “It’s not only my fault that we are like this-then, why are you blaming yourself, when I was the one pushing you away?”, she stared at him. “I don’t understand if “the way we are now” is good or bad for you”, she blinked fast. “I’m only looking at my side, because I remember how I reacted and it doesn’t make me feel great about how much of a brat I was”, she blinked. “And if it’s not all my fault-it’s most of my fault”, she sighed heavily and touched her temples lightly. “I need to look it up...go check on myself or something”, she frowned, looking down. “ ‘Cause I don’t know...I remember listening to you and trusting you...I don’t know what happened inbetween that....”, she sighed heavily. 

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel shook his head. “You tend to do that a lot. I say something, and you try to soften it up. You soften it up doesn’t make me feel better about it. I would much apreciatte it if you admited it. With no ‘kind of’s’ or anything to lessen your guilty.” He said. Noel looked at her. “Then I’ll suggest you to think why you’re insecure and actually answer me what have I done to make you feel insecure to the point on giving me an out on the day our kids were born. Because ‘I don’t know how to explain it’ doesn’t work for me.” He said. “Does it? Because after the birth, I tried to tell you you’re attractive and tried to flirt, and you didn’t gave it much attention.” He said. “I’ll lend you one of the books I read, maybe you’ll believe if you read it there.” Noel said.

Noel sighed as he thought about it. “Yes, I remember, but you can ignore that. We were just playing with the babies and Faye was on labor… I was with baby on the head. I didn’t even think before asking you that.” He said.

“My guilt is there. It has been always there, because I realized much later what I was doing”, she gasped. “And I didn’t want us to end up like that”, she pouted. “You didn’t do anything”, she widened her eyes. “I didn’t...It was all me, okay?”, she pouted. “I thought I could do it all alone. That’s how I felt every little moment of it”, she pouted. “That I didn’t need you”, she looked down. “People have disappointed me in the past and I’m taking it out like that”, she gasped. “And you were getting a little weird and I-combined with hormones didn’t like that”, she blinked fast. She rolled her eyes. “What does that have to do with me being complete? You are here with me and that’s all that matters”, she made a pause. “As for that, I don’t remember you flirting with me, but even if you did....I just don’t feel attractive anymore. I don’t”, she shook her head. “So, I generally ignored it, because I didn’t believe you”, she gasped out a laugh. “Okay,then. Reading it is”, she nodded.

Marcy swallowed, staring at him and crossed her arms on the table. “Alright, then. Let’s talk about ti now”, she bit her lips. “How do you see it? Us, I mean?”.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel looked at her. “And hear you say ‘kind of’ makes me feel like you’re ignoring what I’m telling you, again.” He said to her. Noel listened to her and then sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were afraid of something? When did I gave you any reasons to believe I wouldn’t care about how you’re feeling? I mean… You told me that you felt like I wouldn’t care about what you were going throught, when all I’ve done since you got pregnant was to make you feel confortable. I bought us a house, so I could be with you and help you with everything you needed. I read all the pregnancy book you’ve given me and more. I tried to take care of your diet…” He looked at her. “You’re blaming all on the hormones, but the hormones just highten what you feel. And you felt like you couldn’t trust me to care and be there.” He shook his head, feeling a little lighter. “So you feel complete now that you have kids. Does that fullness include me?” He asked. “Yes, you did mention. But it’s normal for the woman to get more emotional on the first years of motherhood. You’ll come back. Just give it time.”

Noel raised his eyebrows. “I couldn’t see it when you told me about the abortion and we didn’t talked about kids on Mya’s wedding. We did talked about marriage.” He said. “If I recall correctly.” He said. Noel nodded at that. “Okay, we can use your fun for awhile.” He said. “If that’s what you want to sue it with.”

Marcy shook her head. “I don’t ignore it. I am telling you that I’m feeling too wrong about it”, she sighed. “Because...I’m freaking insecure okay? I don’t know how to explain it”, she widened her eyes.”On that part, I remember feeling too insecure”, she bit her lower lip. “But, I don’t really know why”, she blinked fast. “Of course there’s also you”, she smiled widely. “Because, you’re living this with me. It was a huge part of that you were there to support me, like someone didn’t, once upon a time. No matter how I reacted to it”, she looked down and chuckled sadly. “It’s funny how when something is given to you, you don’t appreciate it as much as you should have and you realize it later on”. Marcy stared at him and sighed heavily. “Fine, if you say so”.

Marcy blinked fast as he said that. “Alright, we didn’t talk about that in Mya’s wedding. I’m wrong. But, we did talk about it in Tate’s birth. It was a week after I gave birth-remember”, she stared at him.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel pouted. “You pushed me away. Saying ‘kind of’ won’t change what happened.” He said. Noel sighed. “To be perfectly honest I haven’t realized I was distant with you. I just got focused on speeding the course and the work. And being with the kids when I could.” He said. Noel thought a little. “Well, that kind of happens with non planned pregnancies. But I chose to be with you. I chose to be a father, you don’t need to be guilty about it, it was my decision.” He said looking at Marcy. “I didn’t… I mean… You told me a story of how your ex convinced you to have an abortion and that you regreatted deeply. That doesn’t imply that you want to have kids, for sure.” Noel shrugged. “What is the point of talkign about it now? We have kids. And it’s not like I can think and tell you I don’t want kids. We have them and it’s been two years. I wouldn’t have it any other way now.” He said. “We can only talk about future kids.” He said. Noel raised his eyebrows. “What is a shame money? What does it means?” He said. Noel listened to Marcy and pouted, paying attention. He sighed. “Okay… Fine. We can get a loan. And I’ll quit one of my part time jobs. And we can figure it out the rest.” He said and held Marcy’s hands, caressing it lightly.

Marcy pouted, as well. “Saying “kind of” makes lessen my situation of what I did in my head. And I know what I did”, she blinked. “And I can’t find the reason why I did it-it was probably because of what the hormones did to my body and my head and everything felt weird and uncomfortable”, she blinked fast. “And I told you all that, then”, she licked her lips, “And I pushed you probably because of that...to confirm my fear? I don’t know”, she shrugged. “Or...”, she looked down and played with her fingers. “Since I got pregnant, I felt like everything was changing. Because it definitely does...for everyone that has the baby. And....after I gave birth, as hormones started to subdue, I realized that I felt full. Like whatever happened made complete somehow and I started feeling bad, because the last time I felt like that, was before I got pregnant the last time”, she frowned. “And it was somehow...how I lost myself with it....and what I wanted...”, she sighed heavily. “And i’ve mentioned you some times before that I’m changing and I don’t like it...I was used to be more firm around people and less emotional and now...I feel like...everything is emotional and I want to cry at everything”, she made a pause, “which is probably something that mostly hormones  make you feel”, she chuckled. “I want old Marcy back”.

 “For sure”, she nodded. “But, I probably wanted that...to have a kid, because of that. Not exactly like how it ended up happening. Like...”, she bit her lower lip. “Do everything else and then, have kids”, she blinked. “I mean...to talk about how we are going to do from now on. What would be the next stage in our relationship? ‘Cause it wasn’t many months later, on Mya’s wedding, that you were talking about having other kids,as well”, she widened her eyes. “And I’m sure...I’m up for talking about it now, but at that moment, I couldn’t...I didn’t like myself very much, because I didn’t expect those kind of changes in my body. And to be honest, I still feel a little out of place with myself, when it comes to my body, anyway”, she sighed. “Shame money-that’s how I call it...is the money we got from the trial, after the abortion. And it was a lot...”, she blinked fast. “And I’ve talked to my parents then and we agreed that I’d use them, when something is very important and needs to be done”, she blinked fast. “And I thought this situation is right to use it-to relax for a moment”, she sighed. Marcy bit her lower lip at that and nodded.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel started listening to her, but he had to say that when she mentioned it. “During the pregnancy I didn’t feel that much excluded. You barely let me take care of you and most things I suggested you… Just said no and did it your way. I felt excluded on the last few days of the pregnancy and on the birth day.” He said. “Marcy… I never thought of having kids. I just never pictured it and on the pregnancy scares I had with Care… I flipped out. Because I didn’t want kids and I didn’t love Caroline. And I was way too young.” He windened his eyes. “But being a dad wasn’t a dream of mine. But I coped. I’m and coping with it. I love our kids, and now, I can’t see my life without them. Seriously, but… We never talked about kids before. I didn’t even know what you thought of kids before we got into this. Noel looked down a little and listened to her. “Marcy… I don’t feel confortable leaning on our parents… I got a scholarship, so I never have to worry about paying for college, I worked part time to pay the gym and food in my house. Mom insisted in paying some of my bills since she had not payed college. But I never leaned on anybody.” He made a pause. “You never asked me for anything, I’m working and speeding my course because I didn’t want you to worry about nothing else than the kids and your master. And I’m finishing my course by the way. I speed it enough so I can graduate in the end of the year.” He smiled lightly at her. “So then, I’ll have only my work.”

Marcy nodded. ‘Yeah, I know that...I kind of pushed you away for some reason, I don’t know. And then, I wondered why you started being distant”, she looked down, feeling rather sad about it. “I’m sorry”, she bit her lower lip. “So, I’m kinda confirmed that all this was kind of forced to you...having kids...even if you ended liking all that. You...I thought you knew what I felt about it...since that abortion. Or I thought I knew”, she blinked fast.  “Okay, so we never talked about kids and all-do you want to talk about it now?”, she widened her eyes. She listened to him and blinked. “Have I ever told you about my London fund?”, she raised her eyebrows. “It’s my shame money”, she rolled her eyes. “You never asked me anything on what I’m doing either, so I felt like saying it right now”, she widened her eyes. “I think we should do things for each other and know about it. What we’re doing-why we’re doing it”, she stared at him. “Alright, then. I don’t want you to have two jobs, though-because of anything I want to do”, she leaned on the table.”I feel guilty I’m putting you that pressure. And that’s why I’m suggesting it to lean on something-if it’s not our parents, it’s a loan...or as I said my London fund. Because”, she took a deep breath, “I’m having a feeling that I’m gonna lose it anytime now....I have too much pressure for Artie and Irene, my master’s is thankfully ending and I can’t take it-I haven’t stopped doing stuff since the birth”, she gasped. “And I don’t want you to feel pressured, because of me”, she shook her head and leaned in to touch his hand.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel listened to her and nodded. “Okay. That’s fair. And how do you feel about it?” He asked. “I’m just tired, Marcy. I’ve been working double. And studying.” He said. “I just… I’m just tired, for most of the time.”

Mary bit her lower lip. “You know...in general, I think...I’ve fullfilled a goal of mine. Without knowing it was an actual goal.”, she sighed and looked down for a moment. “I didn’t know I wanted to get pregnant so badly and give birth, since I was like 15 or 16. Since what happened with my first boyfriend. And I got too emotional about it, during it”, she raised her head. “I was kind of living it in my own world and I excluded you, somehow-or I just felt that way”, she blinked fast. “Okay...”, she nodded, “I think we just need time for ourselves. Being together....either the two or just four of us”, she bit her lower lip hard. “I’m finishing my master’s in a few months. I can take my deserved days-off and...”, she took a deep breath, “I don’t want you to die from exhaustion, so....we can lean on our parents for a moment, as we figure things out. Like you finish studying and all. Hell...we can lean on my London fund for a bit. I didn’t even get to think of that, but it is a solution”, she bit her lower lip. “I cannot ask you to work...even double...Sometimes, I barely see you during the day. But...we probably need to slow down a bit”.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel raised his eyebrows and picked a table, holding a chair for Marcy. “Oh, yeah? What do you want to talk about, then?” He asked and sat on the otehr chair, looking at Marcy.

Marcy nodded and sat down, looking down for a few seconds. “Like...yeah....?”, she blinked fast, as she raised her head to look at him. “I feel like...we haven’t been honest with each other, since I gave birth-about our feelings about it. About us having kids. We never got to talk seriously about it. And I think, as routine has made us be what are now...I feel like I put so much pressure on you for some reason”, she stared at him. “ ‘Cause I feel the way you...behave around me...is a little different”, she frowned lightly.

[marcelwoods]

~Figuring Things Out~ Norcy

[marcelwoods]

noel-danielkahn‌:

Noel smiled as Marcy said that. Noel raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I’m up for some new memories. What do you suggest, honey?” He asked and held her hands guiding her to the restaurant.

Marcy felt like hesitating for a moment to answer, but then, she took a deep breath. “Uhm...I want to ask you something first...like I want to talk to get things out of my head and it depends what we should do later on”, she smiled at him and squeezed his hand.