I’m on a taxi, the car window is half open, even if it’s November. Just in case.
All of a sudden I have a memory of my last night dream. It was me with all the crew, they convince me to make bungee jumping. Like most of life situation, you don’t think about it too much, you just keep going. Sometimes instead you are forced to do it, because there are not so many alternatives.
A jump in to the void. I got used to that, after what happened this year. The stress about traveling seems to be gone; I greeted everyone, my luggage is ready – at least I hope so.
“I can’t wait to have you back here, there are a lot of opportunities in this place, you will see.”
For my coming back, I am not lonely. She comes to pick me up (story Nr. 1). It’s great to hear some comments from her, because I trust her a lot. I guess she does things better than me. Strangely, my apprehension disappeared. It is like being perfectly at ease with her.
I am sitting in a train. I just said goodbye to her. Now I am ready to see my family again. The first part of the plan has started, and my mind is getting ready for the next best thing – new job in a new country, same old friends. It was impossible to not pass here before.
“I am really sorry, but here a disaster has happened. So, he got sacked from the hotel, and my colleague…I mean…everything is upside down, I had to send part of my staff back home and…I don’t know what to say, it’s…don’t know, it’s up to you, we lost the contract, better for you to wait a little bit more…”
It happened the day before my leaving. I resigned to make this thing happen. I have no words. I have to start all over again. Year zero.
A jump into the void again. Fifty days spent in a research leading to nowhere. Probably I deserve that, since I did not ask for any documents that could have covered me up.
And I come from a strange place. I actually have to deal with strange people. After 3 days of trial shift for a new job, no-one from that place contacted me, or called me back. They told me they had a contract for me.
The B-plan starts to take form one more time. I want to go back to the place that gave me this feeling of being self-confident again. I want to go back to the place where I got my own place without getting an infection at the same time. I want to go back to the place where my accounts, documents and details are. I want to go back to the place where people simply took me in. I want to go back to the land where people speaks a language I supposedly know.
It’s 6am. He is driving me to the railway station. Christmas is near. You can see it from some old-fashioned windows lightning and buzzing some red and white ornaments. His only concern is that we are not going to be together on Christmas. If I come back, I would consider it a defeat again.
The A320 is flying over the city. The sky is incredibly clouded, as the craft is ready to land.
A jump into the void again. Eventually I woke up, terrified. Something is exploding beneath my chest, and it is going faster and faster. A slightly gentle rain is touching the other side of the window, so I started to calm down.
“Hello? Is **** speaking? I would like to know where are you now, and if you can come a little earlier. Do you know the place? […] Put on a dark shirt, see you there soon.”
That was the phone call I received for coming here. If only I knew the situation before, I would have never left the place where I was before.
I am right on it, I know how to find another way. Tomorrow I am going to start all over.
Another location, another environment, another time.
A jump into the void again.
The jump. I’m on a taxi, the car window is half open, even if it’s November. Just in case.