#findingsolution

[buildabetteryou-blog1]

@buildabetteryou  http://buildabetteryou.tumblr.com

[marcojmossi85]

It is me again, my head and my chest are literally inside a dishwasher. They asked me to clean the machine and make it look as new. The internal part is filthy in every single corner and it looks it has never been cleaned since weeks – at least.

The atmosphere in the team seems to be great. The manager looks pretty busy and he is coming to visit us for a quick check every time he can.

I just signed the contract; only two hours has passed. I am really happy about it because I made the whole thing by my own, with any help from anyone or references. What I think now is that it is going to be pretty hard, but not mentally hard.

Five days later, I found myself having a good time almost every evening. My flatmates are easy going and they like to have fun. I was working in entertainment before, so we immediately got along. It is like going back and being twenty-something again, but with a different awareness.

“I like the music you are listening to”. “If I was not in this place doing what I am actually doing, I would rather be a singer”.

“I love the way you laugh”.

While at work, there is always a sort of improvement and the impression of getting better every day. My boss is always teaching me new things related to my job, and the rest of the staff is keep on giving me new responsibilities during my duties.

I am drinking tonight. There is a party at home, some people are dancing, some are putting some music, we are all loud. Tomorrow I start to work at 10:00, but I think I can handle it.

Watching the clock on my phone, I see it is 3:00 am, so I disappear in my room, after that my flatmate suggested me to go to sleep.

Can’t believe that this is real.

Two days after, my boss wants to talk with me. I never thought there was something wrong, because since I have started to work in this new place, I have never had something to hide or any arguments at all.

He wants to give me a promotion for my devotion to duty, as a reward for my work ethic.

As soon as I realized what was happening, there was me and my boss having dinner together and discussing how my new position would be like. When we finished, we said goodbye to each other and I got promoted.

I could not stop smiling and looking at the sky for how grateful I was.

Can’t believe that this is real.

Three months has passed. I am off today, and I do not have plans. My laundry is done, I cleaned my room just yesterday and I have recently finished to deal with all the paperwork for my new residence.

It is a sunny day, so let’s go to the park.

There is green everywhere. Winter has finally gone, even if the trees are still not blooming. Narcissuses are flowering everywhere. You can hear a lot of noisy childish voices all around; the breeze is finally gentle with me, after all those rainy moments. I am not scared about breathing anymore.

A two years old kid is running on my direction. She looks goofy and she smiles all the time. Suddenly, she hears her father calling her, so she stops immediately and then she sits on the grass, looking at him and laughing.

All at once, I start to laugh the way she does. The only thing I would love to is to share this moment with someone. Then it would have been just perfect.

Can’t believe that this is real.

Can’t believe that this is real. It is me again, my head and my chest are literally inside a dishwasher. They asked me to clean the machine and make it look as new.

[marcojmossi85]

I’m on a taxi, the car window is half open, even if it’s November. Just in case.

All of a sudden I have a memory of my last night dream. It was me with all the crew, they convince me to make bungee jumping. Like most of life situation, you don’t think about it too much, you just keep going. Sometimes instead you are forced to do it, because there are not so many alternatives.

A jump in to the void. I got used to that, after what happened this year. The stress about traveling seems to be gone; I greeted everyone, my luggage is ready – at least I hope so.

“I can’t wait to have you back here, there are a lot of opportunities in this place, you will see.”

For my coming back, I am not lonely. She comes to pick me up (story Nr. 1). It’s great to hear some comments from her, because I trust her a lot. I guess she does things better than me. Strangely, my apprehension disappeared. It is like being perfectly at ease with her.

I am sitting in a train. I just said goodbye to her. Now I am ready to see my family again. The first part of the plan has started, and my mind is getting ready for the next best thing – new job in a new country, same old friends. It was impossible to not pass here before.

“I am really sorry, but here a disaster has happened. So, he got sacked from the hotel, and my colleague…I mean…everything is upside down, I had to send part of my staff back home and…I don’t know what to say, it’s…don’t know, it’s up to you, we lost the contract, better for you to wait a little bit more…”

It happened the day before my leaving. I resigned to make this thing happen. I have no words. I have to start all over again. Year zero.

A jump into the void again. Fifty days spent in a research leading to nowhere. Probably I deserve that, since I did not ask for any documents that could have covered me up.

And I come from a strange place. I actually have to deal with strange people. After 3 days of trial shift for a new job, no-one from that place contacted me, or called me back. They told me they had a contract for me.    

The B-plan starts to take form one more time. I want to go back to the place that gave me this feeling of being self-confident again. I want to go back to the place where I got my own place without getting an infection at the same time. I want to go back to the place where my accounts, documents and details are. I want to go back to the place where people simply took me in. I want to go back to the land where people speaks a language I supposedly know.

It’s 6am. He is driving me to the railway station. Christmas is near. You can see it from some old-fashioned windows lightning and buzzing some red and white ornaments. His only concern is that we are not going to be together on Christmas. If I come back, I would consider it a defeat again.

The A320 is flying over the city. The sky is incredibly clouded, as the craft is ready to land.

A jump into the void again. Eventually I woke up, terrified. Something is  exploding beneath my chest, and it is going faster and faster. A slightly   gentle rain is touching the other side of the window, so I started to calm down.

[missing part]

“Hello? Is **** speaking? I would like to know where are you now, and if you can come a little earlier. Do you know the place? […] Put on a dark shirt, see you there soon.”

That was the phone call I received for coming here. If only I knew the situation before, I would have never left the place where I was before.

I am right on it, I know how to find another way. Tomorrow I am going to start all over.

Another location, another environment, another time.

A jump into the void again. 

The jump. I’m on a taxi, the car window is half open, even if it’s November. Just in case.

[marcojmossi85]

Attic in Milan (Part II)

Winter in Milan. A friend close to te institute.

Prologue

The flight from Prague has landed to Malpensa airport. We don’t know that we’ll take the same train to reach my hometown. My ex-girlfriend texted me back. Better to tell her how bad do I feel. At the station she merely sees me.

More than a year has passed since my ex-girlfriend left me. There’s still something that moves me, and it’s hard…

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