I hope that I don't celebrate
When I hear that you have fallen
I hope that I don't smile and say I'm glad
I hope that I can nod and say a prayer for
Your poor soul and
I hope that I will Hope
To meet you There
I have some negative energy building up. However, I've decided to keep more thoughts inside during 2026...so instead, I'm going to rank the Alien Franchise.
1 - Aliens - The question is always, Which do you like more, Alien or Aliens? I give Aliens the edge for its action sequences and magnificent third act. The puppetry effects are chef's kiss. Ripley as a distinctly maternal hero is chef's kiss. No notes.
2 - Alien - Again, with these first two in the franchise, it's like 1A and 1B. I love me a slow burn. The reveals and jump scares are effective as hell. I love how it's extremely unclear who is going to survive. No notes.
3 - Alien: Covenant - Almost immediately, the conversation about these movies switches to, Which of the others is...not too bad? Things are gonna get subjective. I like Covenant because it's dark and unnerving. I like Katherine quite a lot. The themes are vaguely biblical and also a good commentary on AI. While I'll never argue that it's great, I still think it's good. Also, you get double Fassbender.
4 - Prometheus - This one is a bit of a mess. I think it may have been in development hell. It has pacing issues due to weird editing. The story beats rely too much on characters who should be smart making boneheaded mistakes. That said, there is David. David is S-Tier. David gets no notes.
At this point, I will interrupt to say that there should have been a David trilogy. That story needs closure. We were robbed.
5 - Alien: Resurrection - This is the best of the worst, mostly because it swings for the fences and I respect that. It's also genuinely funny, sometimes intentionally. This is the kind of movie you find playing on TV and you leave it on, for at least a little while.
6 - Alien: Romulus - I think it's attempting to emulate the original and be a straight-up horror movie, but something is just off. I like Rain and Andy. I like the plot, on paper, but the execution feels soulless. It's also occasionally gross in ways that are more obscene than artful, and that's not my thing.
7 - Alien 3 - Ugh. What a bleak follow-up to Aliens. I hate everything about it, but I'll try to be constructive. I suppose it's acted well. The setting was a cool concept. But ugh. UGH, man. Do not want.
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