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@margafuckinritas
I get home from work and I immediately get back into bed. cause I’m so fucking tired. and I’ve been in bed for almost 4 hours watching love and hip hop. and all of a sudden I feel completely depressed. I’m reminded of all the shit that’s wrong in my life. my dad and I aren’t speaking, I’m pissed off at my aunt, I’m spending money on shit I can’t afford to be spending money on, applying for new credit cards and maxing them out. (and I wonder why my credit score isn’t getting any better). when friends ask what’s new, I have nothing to tell them. I buy all this shit thinking it will make me feel better but it doesn’t. it never does. half of it is ego and the other half is just lying to myself. I want you to think I’m a classy bitch with designer bags and a luxury car… and yes I have those things but I’m literally empty inside sometimes. I think I lean on my boyfriend to help me feel better instead of relying on god more. the only thing I can think to do is write a gratitude list.
1. grateful for my supportive boyfriend, both emotionally, physically and financially.
2. grateful to have a job that pays a lot of money and is generally not stressful and I sit on my ass all day.
3. grateful to know strong women who care about me, love me and support me.
4. grateful that I am employed somewhere I am trusted with a lot of responsibility.
5. grateful to have no overdrafts today
6. grateful I can afford health insurance that allows me to try and treat my mental illnesses.
7. grateful to know that a drink or a drug may change the way I feel temporarily but won’t change or help my circumstances.
8. grateful to know the only person I can change or have control over is myself, my words and my actions.
9. grateful for chocolate and finding my favorite tampons
10. grateful to be clean & sober today
Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up
Are you hydrated? If not, have a glass of water.
Have you eaten in the past three hours? If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs. Perhaps some nuts or hummus?
Have you showered in the past day? If not, take a shower right now.
If daytime: are you dressed? If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.
If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed. If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.
Have you stretched your legs in the past day? If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please. If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.
Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.
Have you moved your body to music in the past day? If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.
Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days? If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.
Do you feel ineffective? Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip. Good job!
Do you feel unattractive? Take a goddamn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.
Do you feel paralyzed by indecision? Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.
Have you seen a therapist in the past few days? If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.
Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.
Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.
Have you waited a week? Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.
You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.
thank you so much
reasons not to drink
The fear of getting a DUI is gone.
“Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.” -Roy T. Bennett
~Photo credits to awake_spiritual on instagram~
Okay. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed our path.” This program has worked for millions, and I do mean millions, of people. This program works for people who WORK it. Sobriety is our top priority and when we put things before it then we are likely to fail. I put this program and AA before absolutely everything because without it? I wouldn’t have anything to put before it in the first place. People who end up relapsing either haven’t fully hit their bottom or weren’t ready to completely give themselves to this simple program. I’ve only seen a handful of people relapse in my time in Rockland AA, and many of them didn’t relapse on alcohol necessarily, a lot of the time it is from pain medication post surgeries they undergo. So unless you’ve been in these rooms and had the full dedication and intentions of getting and staying sober don’t tell me this program doesn’t work. It saved my life. And it’s saved many others. Don’t downplay AA.
I was always curious how "studies" like this were able to claim to be accurate but it's an anonymous program. No matter how you look at it, you won't have accurate numbers, since it is anonymous to the world outside of AA. However, I also can agree that AA does not work for everyone. But it has worked for me and countless others.
i feel as if this is beyond the 12th step, 12.5? she is gambling on a 20cent bet with 8 dollars in the machine
that's kind of hilarious but also me :/
“An alcoholic who believes drinking will work “this time” is in the grip of insanity. I can’t reason with insanity.”
— my lovely sponsor (via smashedillusion)