[Hi! I really don’t know how to start my letter for my future self, it’s really hard to express my feelings because I don’t know what I’m feeling. It’s just that, I’m like stuck in the process of everything. How can I move forward? How can I focus on myself? How can I forget? How can I love myself? How?]
Beloved, as I can see, you know yourself as you are but you can’t accept yourself as you are. That. Is. Your. Biggest. Problem. You always said that you’re okay, you’re fine, you’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re intelligent but you can’t hold on about what you’re saying. You always think that you’re different from what you say, you always seem to doubt yourself, you always put pressure on yourself. But it’s okay, you’re always on the process, you’re always on the move to be you.
I always believed that my insecurities are my biggest flaws in my life, I think that it will always be part of my life. I admit it, I've been insecure for these past few years. I always said that I've change but I think it’s not true. I still have this little place in my heart and my mind where my insecurities are. It is my weakness because I can't really accept myself as I am. I can't truly accept and love my flaws. I'm still comparing myself to others. I am conscious about my self. My skin color, my hair, my height and my weight. It is my biggest weakness because I consider it as an evil thing inside my heart and my mind. It makes me more unconfident about who I am. I looked confident on the outside but I’m so fragile in the inside. It is the one that is stopping me to do the things that I can do, the things that I want to do.
Beloved, you’ve been hurt, and that’s the most painful thing that happened to you. But trust me, it will also be the most wonderful thing that happened to you. Being rejected by someone you truly love is the most painful thing I could ever imagined. I know it broke your heart, you spent the whole day crying for that reason, you always think that you’re not worth it, you always asked your friends and yourself “Am i worthy?”, and lastly you sacrificed your skin care routine every night because you’re so dumb thinking that you don’t need it anymore (bad move, girl hmp). You simply just lose yourself because you lose someone, and that is not okay. Beloved, you spent too many days crying for someone who is not worthy of your tears. YOU ARE WORTH IT, it’s just that they can’t see your worth, and you’re not just worthy for that person, “when someone is not ready for you, for the glory of you, and the uniqueness of you, they are simply just not ready. —They are not ready for themselves. Which also means, you will never get the very best of them. And you, you deserve everything of the best”. Yes, you deserve the very best of everything and remember that you don’t deserve to be loved in halves.
I hope this time, you’re okay, real fine. Stop thinking about the things that can and will hurt you. Be kind and courageous at all time, don’t be afraid to try again, know that you are worth it and accept that some people are not meant to stay in our lives, some people came to our lives for a short period of time because God called them to be in our lives so they can make us better for the ones who are meant to stay forever. Always remember that you are enough, you are a conqueror, you can start again, love yourself, accept yourself and wear your flaws as your pride and armour.
Sweetheart, stop bringing the burden that is not yours. Let go of the pain, trust Him and the process. Welcome to the fight. A new season is arriving. Arise, beloved.
