201204 Jin’s birthday letter to ARMY
얼마 전, 기자 회견을 하면서 이런 얘기를 한적이 있어요
“나는 내 슬픈 감정을 팬분들과 공유하고 싶지 않다. 좋은 것만 보여드리고 싶기 때문이다.
하지만 그게 음악이라면 얘기는 다르다. 평소 나의 행동으로는 공유하고 싶지 않지만 음악으로서는 보여드려도 괜찮을 것 같다.”
사실은 최근에 크게 번아웃이 왔는데 저 자신에 대한 많은 생각이 들어서 그랬던 것 같아요.빌보드 핫 100 1위를 하고 많은 분들께 축하인사를 받았는데 내가 이런걸 받아도 될까..
사실 나보다 음악을 더 많이 사랑하고 더 잘하는 분들도 많은데 내가 이런 기쁨과 축하를 받아도 괜찮을까..하는 생각이었고 더 깊이 들어가다보니 마음이 힘들어 다 내려놓고 싶었던 것 같아요. 이 일로 상담도 받으며 하루하루 지내다가 방피디님과 얘기를 해봤는데 지금 이 감정을 노래로 써보면 어떻겠냐고 하시더라고요. 잘 만들 자신도 없고 결과물이 좋지 않으면 어쩌나, 나는 이미 그러면 안되는 위치에 와버렸는데.. 라고 대답을 하니
방피디님은 그런 건 중요하지 않다. 하지만 하게 된다면 너는 분명 잘 할거다 너에게 맞는 사람을 찾아봐주겠다고 하셨어요.
그렇게 작곡가 계범주형님을 만나게 되었고 지금 제 감정과 많은것들에 대해 얘기를 나눴습니다.
밝고 긍정적인 분이시더라고요. 형님은 저를 도와주고싶다고 하셨고 ‘많은 불안들에 대해 써보자~ 잘 안되면 또 새로 해보면 된다'는 긍정의 힘으로 절 다시 밝게 해줬어요.
그렇게 여러 얘기를 나눠보고 지금 저의 감정을 그대로 현장에서 트랙으로 만들어줬고 이걸로 해보고 싶은 얘기를 써내려가니 Abyss가 완성 됐습니다. 계범주 형님에게 다시 한번 고맙다고 얘기하고 싶어요.
생일에는 맞지않는 좀 우울한 노래지만 그래도 생일이 아니면 애매할 거 같아 Abyss를 공개하게 되었네요.
ps. 후렴구 가사 써준 우리 리더님 감사합니다.
Hello, this is Jin.
I once said this not too long ago during a press conference,
“I don’t want to share my sad emotions with my fans. That’s because I want to show them only good things. But that changes when it comes to music. I don’t want to show my sad emotions [to fans] with my everyday words and actions but I think it’ll be okay for me to show them through music.”
Honestly, I’ve felt really burned out recently and I think I said that because the burnout had me feeling a lot of things about myself. We got #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and we received congratulations from so many people but I thought “is it okay for me to receive those congratulations?..” To be honest, there are other people who love music even more than I do and are better at it than I am. Would it be okay for me to receive this happiness and praise/congratulations?..as I fell deeper into these thoughts, my heart grew heavier and, mentally, it got so hard for me that I think I wanted to just lay everything down. As a result of this issue, I spent my every day getting counseled on it (therapy) and ended up speaking to Bang PD-nim about it, and he suggested “why don’t you try writing these feelings out in a song?” When I replied by saying “I don’t have the confidence to make it well and if it doesn’t bear good results, I’m already in a position where that isn’t acceptable (T/N: perhaps, “because of the standard that is expected of Bangtan”),” Bang PD-nim said “those things aren’t important. But if you choose to do this, I know you will do well. I will find someone for you who is compatible with you.” And that is how I came to meet producer hyungnim, Kye Bum Joo (aka Bumzu) and spoke a lot with him about what I’m currently feeling.
It turns out [Kye Bum Joo] is a very bright and optimistic person. Hyungnim said he wanted to help me and said “let’s right about your many insecurities/worries/anxieties you are feeling~ if it doesn’t go well we can just start from scratch again” and brightened me up with the strength of optimism.
And after those conversations, he wrote all of my feelings into a track for me right there on the spot, and as I wrote out the various stories I wanted to tell with this song, “Abyss” was completed. I want to thank Kye Bum Joo hyungnim once again.
Even though it’s a bit of a depressing song that doesn’t quite go well with a birthday, I thought it would be hard to find the right timing if I didn’t post on my birthday so I’ve ended up releasing “Abyss” [today].
ARMYs, though it may be lacking, please listen to it well.
ps. to our leader-nim who wrote the chorus, thank you.
Trans cr: Amy @ bts-twts
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