As a fellow grown and raised Catholic (church every Sunday + Catholic school + catechism) I am so curious about your interpretation of Will and how he interacts with Catholicism. Personally I am writing Will’s Catholicism journey to be similar to my own— the guilt, the shame, the repression, and sexuality crisis. I think when it comes to writing Will’s Catholicism (at least from what I’ve seen as a seasoned reader) is a lot of nuance is missed when handling that aspect of his character. Honestly I could write a whole dissertation about it— there’s the cultural influence (Irish-Catholic) and even with his name (William *Patrick* Charles Smith) and his chain that carries a lot of weight. What I find interesting is the cross and saint medallion have been pretty cemented and the rosary ring was only added this year. Would love to hear your thoughts on this and of course if your DMs are open would love to chat more !!
Anon, I could genuinely sob onto your shoulder. I have been waiting for this one. I would love nothing more than to share my thoughts and to hear yours as well. I've written a dissertation in my head atp.
Here's the thing: it's rare to find fellow Catholics, especially one who's been confirmed and still practicing. Another thing: Christianity (sorry, using this a little broadly, but I'm focusing on more non-denominational Christianity and a few other branches) is not at all similar to being catholic, and that's the majority of Americans. I don't need stats on this; I experience it in my everyday life. My church's average age is around 55. I have had three Catholic friends in my life (two irish catholics, one mexican catholic). These two descendants of the Roman Catholic Church have different traditions in and of themselves. Either way, don't believe in the same things as your average Christian. We believe in the Trinity. We believe in Mary's significance (Christians use us "worshipping her" against us, even though that's not the case). We have altars in the back of churches for Mary and Joseph. We pray the rosary. I carry a Pietà book around, not a Bible. When we say grace, there's a designated prayer. When we go to sleep, there is a designated prayer. At church, the masses are the same every Sunday. We have traditions/holidays: Lent, the blessing of the throats, this week is the Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Divine Mercy Sunday, Adoration that lasts a week, Easter, which is the biggest holiday in the Church, and the Mass is ages long. We still have some Latin, both in songs and in a few "chants." I'm not kidding when I say that they lowk have no idea. We are constantly compared to Christians from non-denominational churches, and so is any religious truama/catholic guilt you gain along the way. Like, for wsh2 who's Irish Catholic, do not make me delve into the centuries of oppression Irish catholics faced in Ireland at the hands of Protestants.
It's also lost how it's a culture. An example you can maybe relate to is asking Saint Anthony for help when you've lost something. The prayer in my family is, "Tony, Tony. Turn around. Somethings lost that must be found." Come to find out, other catholics have other rhymes for this because they've been passed down by word of mouth. I have learned my entire religion that way. Words in our prayers will always be slightly different depending on your family, your location, and the time period the Church has moved into. And don't get me started on the shrines. My non-catholic friends cannot comprehend that I went down the East Coast with my catholic grandma and grandpa just to visit shrines. That we're friends with a group of Franciscans. We have relics that, if they touch a piece of fabric and are placed inside of a rosary, are sacred. If you go to older, less modern Catholic Churches, there are Saints upon Saints up in there, with statues surrounding the outskirts of the church. Our Cathedrals are built so beautifully because they're places of worship, and they house the Eucharist. And Catholics believe that (in a sense) that's Jesus himself.
So, what am I trying to say? I'm trying to emphasize just how delicate people need to be with will's Catholicism. For irish catholics, if they lose their Miraculous Medal, which they also have to be gifted, then they can't get another one. Will's medallions mean a whole lot more than just a simple cross around the neck. We do crucifixes. If it were to break, he'd have to bury it.
With that sorta kinda rant out of the way..... lemme actually answer your question 😭 Though, I think what I said was necessary to understand how complicated it is to just "leave" or "break away." Even if a catholic leaves, unless they're converted, they are still catholic. You cannot wash off the traditions and the cultural meaning of your religion from your skin, no matter how much of a sinner you and the church think you are. I'm bisexual and came out as a trans man (society was not accepting enough, so now I've settled on identifying as genderfluid, but that's too personal to talk about here), so you can imagine just how difficult it is for people like us. Yet, I have no interest in giving up my religion because it's my culture. It's, effectively, my life. Does this make sense? It's unfair to ask catholics who don't have an interest in leaving to give up one of the two: being gay or your culture.
That's what I feel like wsh would also feel. It's a slight projection, but let's evaluate this from both an rpf standpoint and a reality standpoint. We joke about the stripper not loving us, but I genuinely cried tearsssss when will wore that Pride tape. Again, not many people in the fandom know the significance of this. He goes to church; we've seen as much. He's got medallions that most younger catholics don't wear. For him to put on the Pride tape was more progressive in this minuscule catholic wm community than anything ever. He's one of the first catholic players I've seen do that.
So, no, I don't personally think he's that "beat up" (terrible word but i'm blanking) about being queer and catholic (switching to rpf standpoint. kinda. probably). I think it's because it goes so much deeper than that for us. I see such ignorance on here, like, "will wouldn't bottom because he's a repressed catholic." He's not (completely)!! We are never going to be free if we push the agenda that catholics can't ever make peace with their religion and being queer + bottoming. In my experience, these feelings come when you're young and can't form a thought outside of your religious family. Catholics are notorious for never following the "rules" lmfao. All of my family members have married out of wedlock. Have had sex before marriage. They don't go to church every week. Dude, I am gay.
That being said, it's a perilous journey, and I fought to make peace with both. Will would actively be doing the same if he were attracted to mack. Hell, if he were attracted to a boy in NTDP or BC. And I absolutely agree with "the guilt, the shame, the repression, and sexuality crisis." When I first masturbated, I deadass sat up and prayed for Jesus to forgive me, promising I'd never do it again. But I was SUPER young, and I think that's where will's guilt lies. An old priest of mine once said that trans people aren't a part of "God's plan" while our current deacon said we must love everyone, including "gay people." In my head, will heard conflicting things like this when he was younger, too. He had struggled with how his family would perceive him for either showing annnnnyyy sign of allyship, feminine qualities, or, god forbid, actually being queer. But now he's 21, and he has mack, who wore Pride tape when basically no one else did their rookie season, and he's listening to different opinions in the state of California, not his small town in Lexington, where you're surrounded by like-minded people. So the hatred isn't all-consuming. He's learned that there's no need to deny himself both his medallions and his sexuality.
Even when I'm hardcore rpfing, I have a hard time writing will resentful of it all. yk? Personally, I had a lot of hatred toward God and still have a hard time believing in it, but my obligation to my traditions, the work I've put in, and the love for my culture have outweighed my resentment. I can't step away from keeping some of the actual wsh in there. He's a rich, Catholic man who probably does believe in most, if not all, of it. I think that in their rookie year, when he and mack lived in that hotel together for those two months, as well as the sudden, all-consuming way they seemed to click—that's when he panicked. He's accepted that maybe he finds guys to be a little bit more attractive than most. But now here is mack, a man that he wants romantically and sexually. All that he's accepted and made peace with doesn't exactly crash, but now he has to reevaluate once again. He doesn't wear that Pride tape. He doesn't know what to do. Their second year rolls around, and a lot happens/changes for him and between them. I yearn to know what conversation, if any, they have about Catholicism. To know what shifted that finally made will use that Pride tape. I mean the tape was the same length as mack's. Anyone????
Will, who's a family man and a catholic expected to have children. He would definitely start struggling with these things (to me). He would worry about not being able to get married in the church. There would be arguments with mack, an atheist (?), about religion. Mack wouldn't understand why it has to be this way. The angst there is infinite. He would struggle with coming out, especially to his family. He would feel sick wondering if he's allowed to take communion now. We're around the same age, and that's what I'm struggling with into my adulthood.
I'm so sorry this is egregiously long. I just have so many thoughts about it. I also hope it makes sense. There are stages of guilt in this religion. There are stages of understanding and learning, too. We never called them medallions in my family, only medals, and I just learned that from you! We say thumb rosaries, not rosary rings, too! You see what I mean? It's not as simple as: oh, no, God hates gay people... especially for us younger catholics.
