not an angel: act three (Elijah “Smoke” Moore x Black!Reader)
a/n: hey… hey… how y’all doing? I know I said that this act would come last weekend but after a bit of self care, I needed a moment and now, it’s here! I’m happy with this because not only does it deal with more personal issues with the Reader, something separate from the romance aspect, it is also the longest act compared to the other two. I’m happy with it and I hope you guys will be, too.
Now, for the WARNINGS😱. As I state all the time, this is a BLACK!READER fic. But if you are comfortable reading this with that information, then feel free. There are also mentions of cancer and there is fainting in this act, so just a heads up on that. And finally, there is no use of Y/N in this act or the mini-series. So, feel free to use your imagination😘
Again, thank you to everyone who has stuck this long for this act. I appreciate all the likes, reposts, and comments. With that out of the way, please be sure to sit back and enjoy a good fic.
not an angel (act iii: power in the blood)
premise: war has come to america and her great bell has sounded for the Moore twins.
taglist: @heyyimmisunderstood, @jackierose902109, @rye-flower, @bitternsweet, @he4rts444mi, @rolemodelshit, @christinabae
⚠️HAVEN’T READ ACT ONE? CLICK HERE! HAVEN’T READ ACT TWO? CLICK HERE!
→ not an angel masterlist
act iii: power in the blood
“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”
War was looming in the country, something that wasn't foreign to America but still a scary future to look to. The last major war was only a few years back: the Splendid Little War. It was only sixteen years ago, and you were but a little baby with little consciousness to realize that a war was in your country.
But now, you were grown and directly affected by this. Elijah and Elias were drafted. When you found out, you sank to your knees, not caring what splinters of wood would meet them from the old floor of your home. But Elijah’s arms were around you like a shield, as if he were trying to protect you from the truth. Your parents or siblings were not home. He caught you cleaning the porch, and you had dropped your broom and let out a sob when he told you. Now, he was a realist, he never lied and he could tell a lie in a person, two very good skills to have but for this little moment, he couldn't do that with you.
He tried to ignore the situation as the days came closer for them both to leave. He acted as if nothing was going to happen, like he was not about to fight for his life somewhere far away maybe… not come back home to you.
Now that terrified you. You were scared for not just Elijah but Elias, as well. They were both practically your brothers, despite your relationship with Elijah. You could not lose one, so to lose both… it would devastate you, Mary, too.
So, like Elijah, you tried to ignore the pain in your heart and the anxiety beginning to flood your mind. You would just take everything in with Elijah now. You both would still talk about the future, that house he promised to build, the marriage that brought butterflies to your stomach… children. The future had you giddy. Life would be different. No more screaming babies, no more aching fingers from the tedious work of stitching clothing back together after being roughened up by little children. No more hot Sundays just standing in a sweat, like a whore in church, surrounded by singing and screaming people caught by the Holy Ghost.
None of that. But freedom. Freedom from it all. From your parents, from your siblings, from the pressure of life. To get a job, to find a man who was devoted to God with a good job, which you found was rare in a place like this.
…but a girl could only dream, right?
It was a sunny morning, something that didn't match your heart. It was supposed to be cloudy, rainy, and gloomy. God, why couldn't you match the day with my heart, you thought.
Oh, how the time went by so fast. So many hidden nights and stolen kisses beneath the moon.
But now that was over for a time you did not know. You were currently at the train station, where plenty of other families were, both white and colored. Families are saying their goodbyes, hugging, and crying.
And for you guys, it was not that different. Mary and Elias were in their own little world, tears running her pale cheeks. For Elias, he was holding it in the best he could as his burly arms stayed gripping her shorter body. But even a man who tried to stay strong and masculine, like Elias, couldn't hide the gloss that shone over his eyes before he closed them.
For Elijah… it was the same but he could hide it better than his brother. He didn't show that much emotion while you hugged him, practically a reflection of the couple beside him. You muttered sweet words in his ear as your arms tightened around him but his words were monotone, no emotion clear in them. But a little bit of you was annoyed but more hurt by the little bit of emotion he was showing in such a painful moment.
But soon, your mind was cut off when you heard the train’s whistle go off, and that is when everyone around started to depart.
Your frown deepened and you leaned away to look into Elijah’s brown eyes, two deep pools that you could drown in but a pair you wouldn't see for a while. You tried to hide back your emotions earlier but you couldn't as your lip quivered and your tears started running down your cheeks.
“Fuck, Eli…” You whispered, your voice shaky. Your hands, slightly shaking like your voice, went to the collar of his shirt to straighten it out. Even if it was already straight, you needed something to touch on him, just one more moment to feel him. “You better take care of yourself, you hear? I need you comin’ back in one piece for me… please, baby,” You pleaded with him and he could only give you a look of pity. “I will, baby. I promise,” He then pressed one more kiss to your forehead, making your eyes close, and a quiet sob that just looked like a shudder of your shoulders and sounded like a hiccup coming from you.
But you wouldn't take a kiss to the forehead as your goodbye. So, you smashed your lips on his, not caring how pretty it was for the people around you or how decent you should be in public. You couldn't care less. You kissed him passionately and he kissed you back, wrapping your arms around his neck and his, your waist.
You stayed like that for a while before you finally broke it. You both looked into each other's eyes for such a long time but at the same time, a short one.
After that, he finally began backing away. You tried to hold onto him as long as you could. Your fingertips grazed him before he was no longer beside you.
You held back the rest of your tears and sniffled, gently nodding your head as if trying to tell yourself that everything would be fine. Because it would. You would stay strong, make sure to keep up on your writing so that you could send many letters to the twins.
You would do everything in your power. You then went to Elias while Mary went to Elijah to say her goodbyes to the other twin.
You walked to Elias and embraced him, and Elias did the same thing. “No tears, girl,” He whispered, pressing kisses to your hairline. “Ain’t no point when we’ll be back in no time,” He said in his usual cocky tone, and you couldn't help but let out a small scoff, one that still couldn't hide the sadness in you.
“You better come back,” You said back to him, and then, you leaned away to look in his eyes. “And listen… keep your brother safe,” You said, Elias listening to all of your words. “Bring yourself back in one piece but Elijah, too. You both look out for each other, America’s own be damned,”
“Damn, girl…” Elias whispered with squinted eyes and a grin. “You my mama, now?” “I might as well be, boy,” You said, giving him a small smirk. “Someone needs to keep you two in check,” You said and Elias let out a small chuckle, shaking his head.
“You’re a trip,” He said and then, he hugged you once more, making your hands go to his biceps to hug him back. “Keep safe. Watch over those badass lil’ kids back at your house. Keep your momma good, too. And… if you need anything, write us a letter, ‘kay?” He said, breaking the hug to grab his bag.
“‘Course,” You said, nodding your head. Elias nodded his head back and then went to his brother. Mary walked to your side and the both of you looked as they carried their bags, which were so light. Your eyes were stuck on them both as they walked to the train that was packed with men. You shook your head at the sight, your eyes glossing over again but you quickly blinked not to cry.
Mary seemed to sense your emotions beginning to crack. Her tears had already dried up but her pretty pink lips were set in a small frown. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder and put her head on top of yours, the side of it going into your hair that you tried to get as neat as possible this morning with your trembling hands. You looked at the boys as they walked to the train. Elias went first, disappearing into the cart, and then, Elijah was next.
You shook your head, looking as he walked into the train behind his brother and soon, the twins were gone, disappearing into the train.
“Fuck…” You whispered under your breath, closing your eyes. You didn't want to see the train leave. If you did, your heart would just break even more the farther the twins, specifically Elijah, went.
All you could hear was the train itself, its horn blowing and slowly, the wheels moving on the track. You could hear people saying goodbye, yelling out for their loved ones. But it really hurt when you felt Mary move with her arm still around her shoulder.
She waved her arm, her eyes set on the twins, most Elias, who swindled their way to a window. “I love you, baby!”
To your knowledge, that was the first time she had ever said such words to Elias. The man’s eyes widened through the window as he looked at you both, the apple in his eye being Mary. That’s what made you look up and there, you could see a sliver of Elijah. You swallowed. So many words wanted to come out but you couldn't say much. All you could do to help yourself was lift two fingers up to your lips, as if you were kissing his full ones, giving him the soft pecks you would under the big tree behind Ms. Martha’s house. You then blew the kiss toward him, a message: my love for you, Elijah Moore, my love for you will still be here even when you get back.
Your eyes followed the train as it went further and further away… until it was nothing but a speck riding off into the sun. Your mind drifted and everything around you disappeared except for that man.
His voice, his touch, his mind, you felt like you could feel it everywhere yet nowhere. Who would read you a book when you were feeling the need for an adventure outside of this old town? Who would pick you up like you were a little girl again, just for the fun of it? Who would sneak you out to leave your life behind, even just for a night? Who would make you moan, sing a song for the night? Who would draw marks along your body, make you feel like you were on Mars?
But most importantly, who would love you like you were everything in the world while that man was gone?
Suddenly, you were snapped out of your mind when you heard Mary. “Come on, baby,” She whispered against your ear which made you shiver. She then squeezed your shoulder. “Let’s get on back. Ain’t no reason to stay here all day,” She reasoned with you but you couldn't come up with a response, your throat closed up, emotion bubbling inside you, wanting to come out.
But instead, your voice came out hoarse, as if you hadn't spoken for a long time, as if you were a girl who needed water like she needed air. “…yeah. Come on,” You whispered, still looking in the direction the train went.
With that, Mary situated herself, making sure her hair was nice and her cheeks were dry before her arm on your shoulder moved to grip your hand. She squeezed it and instinctively, you squeezed it back. Like you both shared one body, you both turned around and started walking down the station.
You straightened out your posture and fixed your face, like your momma told you to do when she would pop you on the mouth for saying something smart. But that couldn't cover up the pain.
Damn… this war was going to be hell for you, wasn't it?
You listened to everything. With enough money that you saved up from the people you worked for around the town, from odd jobs to seamstress work, you bought a cheap but working radio to hear every bit of news you could hear. You even looked into every newspaper you could look at before the paper was snatched away from you, blocked by an old, angry man, and an expense you thought was ridiculous.
But most importantly… you worked on your writing. Mary helped you write letters to Elijah while she worked for Elias’. It was like you both were assigned to each twin, funny enough. And this was even what led you to your first moment in the big house you only saw from outside so much. And it was beautiful, as beautiful as it was on the outside.
You would spend your days perfecting your letter, using the excuse that you were working for Mary on a dress for your parents. With the sun rising, the sun high, the sun setting, and the sun gone, you would write as long as your fingers allowed.
And now, today was the day you would finally be able to send the letter off.
Winter had finally struck Mississippi and despite there being no snow down here, it was surely cold as hell. The heat that seemed to come from hell was replaced by a bitter cold that felt like it bit you every time you took a step out. But to deliver this letter, you would climb the highest mountain and dredge through the deepest waters just to get your words to Elijah.
So, with the help of Mary today, you both set off into town. Her arm was wrapped around yours as you both walked down a sidewalk, your breath seen in the air from how cold it was. The two of you looked as different as you could ever be and of course, with that, stares came. Some were just a glance, as if they couldn't believe it or maybe they needed a double glance. Some others were glares and of course, your mind got the best of you with that.
Usually, you couldn't care for it. If someone stared you down, you would look back at them with such confidence… but it seemed to go down when Elijah left. Everything did, really. The only other person who could get you out of your days where you were stuck in a hole would be Mary but because of your separate lives, it took a few days for you to see her, so you would be stuck in your mind with nothing but your thoughts, worries, stress, and anxiety.
But Mary couldn't care less. She kept her head high and her eyes set on the path you both needed to be on… even if her life was turning to a wreck. Ms. Martha got sick shortly after the twins left. It was sudden. It started out as a little cough, nothing too serious. But when she went to the doctors in the previous month, she found out she had cancer, something that they couldn't help her with. So, her days were limited and Mary did everything she could for the woman. She would feed her, put her to bed like she was a child, and even get her up to take short walks around their house…
It was a sad sight. How life could change so fast, in the blink of an eye. It scared you. Could the same happen to you? Elijah?
No… you couldn't think of that. Now, it was supposed to be a good day for you. To get this letter to Elijah would mean the world to you.
After a while of walking, finally, you two arrived at the postal office, a small building that was at the heart of the town. You had never been in it before. The bell above rang and despite it still being cold inside, it was a little warmer and relieving to be in a building.
You let out a small shudder, your gloved hands gripping the piece of paper that was folded and in an envelope, Elijah’s name written on it. The man behind the counter didn't look up but you could have sworn his eyes moved to view you both but not a real glance was given toward you.
But that didn't matter. Mary walked you both up and then put her letter down on the counter, ‘Elias Moore’ written on the front, her handwriting neater than yours.
“We need these letters shipped, please,” She said, her voice monotone but still holding the politeness she was taught at a young age. You could tell the man wouldn't be nice just by how he looked. His brows slightly furrowed with his lips set in what seemed like a permanent scowl… oh, Lord.
The man finally looked up at Mary, looking her up and down while shifting in his seat. He then looked at you and that is when you set your letter down as well, beside Mary’s, both of them stamped with the same symbol. With both letters on the counter, the man looked down and he couldn't help but let out a small scoff.
“Got men in the war?” He asked, his words raspy as he asked the question and to it, all you two girls could do was nod your head. The man let out a hum and then, after what seemed like forever, he spoke up again.
“Three cents,” He said and Mary’s eyes widened. “Three cents?” She questioned but the man immediately hit her back with words. “Did I stutter, lil’ girl?” One of his elbows went on the counter. “Either you got it or not…” He then looked down at her face and her clothes… maybe her body, too, with the way he licked his lips. “Looks like you got it, too, with them flashy clothes and cracker-ass skin,” He said and your eyes widened while Mary’s brows furrowed. But she held herself back. She clenched her jaw and then, opened up her purse, moving her arm from yours as she dug around for the money.
The sound of rummaging was the only sound in the place, save for the noise outside. You looked down at the letters and then, you looked up at the man, and immediately, you met his brown eyes. “Who the hell you lookin’ at, girl?” He said but before you could react, Mary immediately spoke up, her hands stopping in her purse while she gave the man a small glare. “Don’t talk to her like that,” She said. “Ain’t nobody teach you manners ‘round here?” She asked him, her voice clearly defensive.
“I can talk to you however I want. This is my shop and if you want these little letters delivered…” His finger reached out to tap, roughly, on the paper. “Then you best be polite to me,” He said and Mary let out a scoff. “I could fuckin’ care less if you were Jesus risen from the damn dead. You gon’ treat us with some respect, especially since I’m givin’ you my damn money,” “The money you whored around for?”
At this point, the man was speaking just to speak. Just like Mary’s, your brows furrowed at him. “…you damn bastard,” You said but like for Mary, he had words for you. “What the hell are you gon’ do ‘bout it? Please do somethin’ so that I have an excuse to use the new shotgun I just got,” Oh, he was crazy. “Oh, hell no,” Mary said under her breath. Then, she quickly snatched her letters up. “How ‘bout you go and fuck yourself with that damn gun,” She said and the man’s brows furrowed. “You better fuckin’-” “What?” Mary interrupted him. “I want you to fuckin’ try somethin’. Please do and I promise, one of us is gonna end up leavin’ this place with a fucked up face… and it ain’t gon’ be mine or hers,” She gestured toward you.
The man rolled his tongue over his teeth and then, he got up. “You picked the good day to test me, bitch,” You then noticed him reaching under the counter. Immediately, you shook your head and put a gentle hand on Mary’s arm. “Nah, girl, come on,” You whispered to her.
“We can go to another one,” You said. She told you before that this was the only office in the town besides the other one… but that was a Whites Only and you didn't need problems. But there was another one that was about ten miles out in the other town. But to not see this man again, you didn't mind making the journey.
The man’s arm stopped moving and Mary kept her eyes on him. A silent battle was going on between them but after a while, Mary scoffed. “Yeah…” She straightened herself out. “Let’s go,” With that, you both turned around. Mary kept her glare set on the man who was giving her one back, and soon, you both started walking to the door.
“Yeah… walk away, you funky bitches,” He called out but Mary had words for him, too. “And you can shut the hell up with yo fuckin’ fat ass. Boy with no damn dick. Make sure you fuckin’ powder and get that gun nice for that loose asshole of yours, too” With that, she shoved the door open and the both of you walked out. A few people’s heads turned when the door opened, the shove harsh but she made sure to slam the door even harder behind her before you both continued walking down the sidewalk to get to her car, ready to hit the road for a small trip to the next town over.
After getting to the town, you were lucky enough to get the letters approved and shipped off for a cheaper price. You were relieved to have that done and you couldn't help but thank Mary many times for it.
But still, your nerves got to you. Months went by and a new year came: 1918. You kept on listening for every little bit of news. Of course, the victories made you happy but when the casualties came up… that made you feel bad. So, you would keep writing to Elijah, and sure enough, he would write back. He would tell you everything in the beginning. And you would tell him everything. He still sounded the same, even through his writing. He even told you that he started smoking, something one of the guys he met in his division introduced him to.
It helped his nerves, he said. With everything he’s seen and everything he’s witnessing now… he probably did need it. And it wasn't like he didn't smoke as it was but he was smoking more, now. But as the months went by, the letters began to dwindle. You would see Mary get her letters every time you both went to the postal office in the next town over but for you… nothing. Did your letters come through? Did you write them correctly? So, you made Mary ask Elias the question to Elias when writing her letter. She asked if Elijah was okay and when she got it back, all he said was, ‘He’s just going through some things’.
That was it. Nothing more or nothing less. Just those few words… it made your heart break a bit for Elijah because based on the few letters he did send, it seemed like he was really going through some things but at the same time… you were a little concerned. But you would not press on it much. Instead, you would wait.
You would pray every night, praying for the twins’ safety, for this hell to be over soon.
At moments, church felt like a safe place. Yes, there was a lot of noise and an unnecessary amount of heat in such a small room… but it was comforting. Maybe because you had been in it your entire life. You have seen the same people, heard the same man up at the podium as he spoke from his Bible… it was instilled in you to take it.
But today… you just could not.
“Would you be free from the burden of sin? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood…” A few people from the pews clapped to the beat while others sang in the small church. Light came from the windows, especially the one at the center, where the altar was.
But damn, if you could, you would get everyone to shut the hell up. You were mad. Not a word from Elijah in two months. It made you sad, but also angry. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something wrong in one of your letters? So many questions went through your head and that seemed to show on your person, as well.
Your parents noticed, or your momma, specifically. She would ask what was wrong and you would tell her that you were fine but you were not. You had a temper now. You were usually calm in different manners and scenarios but now you could not keep some of the anger you had. You would snap more often at your little siblings, speak less. That is why they made you go up for prayer at this Sunday service.
Your parents had told you ahead of time that they were going to take you up there. You did not want to go, of course. You hated going for prayer. But it was either go on your own will or you would be forced to.
So, that’s where you were left. Your mother was to your left, her arm hooked around yours. You both looked at the altar, where the pastor was. He had one of the congregation members with him, his hand on her forehead and his eyes closed as he prayed, his words getting louder and the woman’s sobs getting louder right beside him. She then let out a wallow, her arms lifting up as if she was reaching for Him, herself. Her legs shook and she cried while the pastor’s words got louder and louder.
People from the pews clapped and shouted and then, they were done. He whispered a few words to her before she went back to her seat. He looked as she walked off, still in her feelings but then, his head suddenly turned to look at you and you could not help but tense up at his stare.
You did not move first. And when your momma noticed that, she gently pulled your arm and the two of you went up toward the pastor. Your steps were slow and your face held no emotion as you walked. You could hear a baby cry behind you, probably your baby brother who was with your sister and your daddy. But all of that seemed to disappear, all the sound, when you approached the tall man.
The pastor gently gripped your momma’s upper arm and leaned in to whisper to her. “What’s the matter, sister?” He asked her and she responded back to him, looking at you and then him. “She needs help, pastor. She… she’s bein’ held back by somethin’. Whatever demon she has…” You closed your eyes at the word.
“Get rid of it and bring me back my child,” She pleaded and the man nodded his head, his brows furrowed as he listened. “You have my word. We will get whatever she has out,” All you could do was look down at the floor as his attention turned to you. From the corner of your vision, you saw him reach for the bottle of oil that had been here since the beginning.
He got a few drops on the tips of his fingers and then, you felt his cold, dark fingertips slide down your forehead before he got closer. Your momma let go of your arm and backed away to give you space and now, all you could hear was his voice and the singing from the congregation that echoed in your mind now.
“Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood,” When the oil was in the skin of your forehead, the pastor’s palm then flattened and that’s when he started talking.
“Father God, we ask for your word today, your healing on this poor child,” He started, his words quiet, only meant for you.
“Take whatever you have holdin’ her, whatever is troublin’ her, take it away from her, Lord. Give your child your protection, your love,”
Eli. The only person who could give you those two things. Your body was still tense but you could feel your legs shaking a bit as he continued, as well as the singing. “Take the devil right from her, Lord! Give her her strength, give her her faith. Let whatever is holdin’ her be released, Father God!” His words got louder, and people from the pews clapped like they did for the last lady. Your momma was nodding her head at the side of you both, her hands out and her eyes closed as she prayed with him.
“Give this girl what she needs, oh Lord,”
Suddenly, you could hear words. Not just from him and the congregation, but words from the past. I love you. I’ll protect you. You’re my everything. I’ll cherish you for life…
It didn't seem like that, now. You felt forgotten. You felt lost without Elijah. It was pathetic to feel this way over another person, let alone a man, but you couldn't care now.
You just wanted him. You wanted an explanation, you wanted to prove that you could be better. But then, those thoughts got darker. The pastor’s praying got louder, and to you, the singing seemed to, as well.
“Would you do service for Jesus your King? There’s power in the blood, power in the blood…”
“Yes, Lord,” Your mother said, nodding her head again while the pastor continued. They thought they were doing you good… but you just felt worse now. Did something happen? Were the twins hiding something? What if he got hurt? Something must have happened.
“Would you live daily His praises to sing? There’s wonderful power in the blood,”
“Yes, Lord!” Your momma yelled out and the pastor soon came after. “Rebuke Satan from this girl, Lord!” The pastor yelled out as his hand seemed to sink deeper into your head. But among all that, your thoughts were louder. Your stress weighed more. Life, your family, the state of the country, every single eye that had been on you when you walked down the street. But most importantly…
…did he even love you anymore?
Your thoughts seemed to win with that final whisper in the back of your mind.
Gasps came from all around as your knees gave out and your body suddenly hit the floor, your eyes rolling into the back of your head before they closed completely. Everything was dizzy and words were muffled. You could faintly hear your momma’s voice, and then your daddy’s, who seemed to run straight from the pews and to the scene.
You felt someone grab the back of your head to lift it up, gently shaking it to keep you up but you could feel yourself just getting deeper into darkness.
But before you completely went out, you heard words. Words from the pastor. “He has taken her! The Lord has blessed this girl with His word and His vision! May she be saved!” Your body was then cradled but that was the last thing you could comprehend before everything started going out, completely.
But of course, before that could happen, you heard one more thing. Not the pastor… not your momma… but singing.
“There’s power in the blood,”
”Oh, thank God!” That was the first thing you heard before light suddenly came into your vision. You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a small grunt as you turned your head to the side. But then, you slowly fluttered your eyes open and that’s when you saw your bedroom window. Then, you noticed you were over your bed sheets. You were back in your house.
“Oh, God…” You whispered under your breath when an immediate headache came to your temples. “Larry, she’s awake!” You heard your momma say but the yelling didn't help much with your headache.
“Look at me, baby,” Then, you felt a hand on the side of your face and your head was suddenly turned and there, you saw your momma hovering over you. She was still in her church dress, sitting at the edge of the bed beside you.
“Momma… I’m fine…” You whispered but your words sounded weak, a sign to her that you weren't. “Hush with that nonsense, girl,” She said. You wanted to tell her again that you were fine but you knew she wouldn't take that again.
So, instead, you left it alone. You slowly shifted to sit yourself up. “Wha… what happened?” You asked, your words slightly slurred as you looked around with squinted eyes.
Your momma shifted as well, keeping her eye on you. “You passed out in the church, baby,” She said and your brows furrowed at her words. But then, you saw your daddy walk in, a bucket and a rag in his hand. He looked at you and then walked up, setting the bucket down on the ground and then the rag in your momma’s hands. You heard them whisper something to each other and noticed how he looked at you before he turned around and walked out the room, leaving you two alone again.
She let out a sigh and let her shoulders slightly slouch before turning her head to look back at you. “Nina over there suggested that you passed out from the heat,” Nina was an old woman, a sweet one who seemed to know so much for her age. You did see her in church from a fast glimpse. Your momma gripped the rag your daddy got and dipped it in the bucket before lifting it to your forehead and you felt the now cold rag touch your skin. “But don’t worry ‘bout that. You need to rest,” She said and then, she gently pressed you back down on the bed. “We can’t have you sick on us, now,” She patted your head a few times and, surprisingly, you couldn't help but relax as you were treated by her.
After that, it was quiet in the room. You could hear faint footsteps from outside the room, maybe your other family. But they didn't make much noise. It was almost… peaceful, now. Well… the outside was. Your thoughts started to come back. All you could think of was Elijah again, probably the main reason why you were in this bed to begin with.
Your mother settled you in and gave you a few more pats before setting the rag down in the bucket. “Try to sleep,” She said as she got up, the bed creaking with the pressure of extra weight now gone. “And relax.” She emphasized to you before she picked up the bucket by the handle. It seemed she was about to walk to the door but then, she stopped when your voice came out, a bit louder than before but still quiet.
“Have you ever thought that daddy didn't love you?” You suddenly asked and at your words, she turned her head over her shoulder, her eyes slightly widened. “…where the hell are you gettin’ that question from?” She asked, clearly confused and taken off guard by it.
And now, you felt a bit stupid. “Just…” You shifted in the bed, feeling the pressure of her gaze on you. “…it’s just a question that’s been on my mind,” You whispered. She stayed quiet, too quiet. She didn't make a sound or move a muscle but she only looked at you. You thought she would dig deeper for more information, more context for where this came from, but instead, you were met with something else.
“I have,” She then said. “There… have been moments where I questioned the relationship,” She said, calmly, looking away from you in thought. “Back in our early days. I always thought your damn daddy was goin’ ‘round with other women…” Her lips slightly went up in amusement before going back down.
“But then I had to ask myself:… do I really think that? Does he love me?” She looked back at you. “And the answer to that was simple: yes. I love him and he loves me,”
Before you knew it, she set the bucket down on the wooden floor and walked back to the bed, sitting in the spot she was in before. “Not all relationships will be perfect, baby, both friendly and romantic relationships. You can't expect everyone you meet to be nice and to stay by your side. Some people will stay but some will also leave… but also remember that not every relationship will be perfect. You’re not perfect,” She gestured toward you with a lazy, crooked finger. “I’m not perfect,” She moved her finger to her chest to point at herself, her nail digging into the floral-accented cloth.
“And your damn daddy sure as hell ain’t, either,” She whispered, as if she were saying something bad but with a smirk. “Everything ain’t always gonna be rainbows, baby. Remember that,” She said and then, she reached her hand out to gently caress your cheek.
You both hadn't had a moment like this, where the both of you could just talk without your daddy or siblings. And if felt nice, to feel like a little girl again. “So… if you ever have that question with a man… does he love me…” Her brows slightly furrowed at the question. “Think to the times where he has treated you like a princess, like the woman you are. And if the good outweighs the bad, keep him. But the opposite… kick his ass straight to the curb,” She said, raising her brow and you could not help but smirk at her expression. “‘Course, momma. Ain’t no boy finna leave me lookin’ like a dog on a leash,” You said and she gave you a satisfied smile, a proud one.
“That’s what I like to hear,” She nodded her head and gently squeezed your cheek before getting up with a long sigh. “Hope I answered your question,” She said, reaching down to pick back up the bucket.
“Yeah… I think you did,” You whispered, truthfully. Her words made you think to all the good times with Elijah, not just in the relationship but in your childhood, as well. He was a good man, you couldn't lie. He was a keeper, too, both in looks and spirit.
So… maybe you could wait. Wait until they came back because the twins would. You could sit with him, talk to him about what you thought, and actually translate your worries because it wasn't like he could read your mind.
Yeah… that sounded good. You were about to thank your momma but when you looked up, out of your thoughts now, she was gone, the bucket and rag with her. The door was now cracked and you could hear her gentle footsteps hitting the floorboards outside as she walked away from your room, leaving you alone with your now gentle thoughts.
The year went by and already, it was almost over. It went by like a breeze for you and that was a good thing.
After having that talk with your momma, you told yourself to just let your worries go. Of course, you were still anxious about the war, about the safety of the twins but at the same time, you learned to let go of your question of love. You kept that down and hidden, saved for the day he would come back to Clarksdale.
Now, rather than worrying, you were back to being focused on your life. You learned to turn your tolerance of seeming into a hobby, something to pass the time by. And you even continued writing, not just letters but your own thoughts. Mary had gotten you a notebook for your birthday that passed, and said it would be good for you. And of course, you cherished it. She even wrote a little note in the front. “Keep that brain sharp and that ass fatter,”
Damn, you loved her. And you also tried to keep visiting Mary, frequently. You went to her house with your momma’s soul for Ms. Martha. But today, you both decided to go out. Of course, you still wanted to keep that bit of your rebellious streak alive, the same one the twins would feed when they took you to all of these places.
So, that is why you and Mary were at a bar, sitting at a table while laughing at something she had said. Earlier, she had commented on a glow you suddenly had on you and you weren't surprised. You felt better after this past year, with you learning to let your thoughts go. Who knows, maybe the prayer really did help you.
Now with finished drinks and faltering laughs, she got up to get refills, leaving you alone at the table. You had a small smile on your lips as you relaxed, looking at Mary as she walked to the bar. You saw her speak to the man behind the bar and he went to get your drinks set up. She looked around a bit, just to keep herself up while she waited for drinks.
But then, you saw her gaze stop at something. She was looking down, her head slightly getting closer and then, you saw her body slightly tense up.
You didn't think much of it. It was probably something stupid. So, you turned your head to look around the bar but not even a few more seconds later, you heard heels clicking on the floor, rushing to you. Your brows furrowed at the noise and you turned your head in the direction from which the sound was coming from, which was from Mary.
Your eyes widened once you saw how close she already was to the table but this time, she had a newspaper in her hand.
Your brows furrowed as you looked up at her once she approached your table. “Mary, what the hell?” You said, looking back at the bar to make sure the drinks were not just sitting but then, she put the newspaper down on the table, in front of you.
“Look at this,” She said and based on her tone, you could hear shock, surprise… but almost relief. Your eyes stayed on her for a while longer before you looked down at the paper and immediately, your body tensed and a small shudder came from your lips that parted when you read the heading.
You looked down and read that it would still take a few weeks but it looked like the war was wrapping up. After what felt like ages, you looked back up at Mary, who was looking at you with a smile now growing on her lipstick-painted lips.
With that, you seemed to speak with both of your minds. “They’re comin’ home,” You whispered and she nodded my head. “They’re comin’ home,” She said back. She knew what you thought about it all, so it was not a surprise that her reaction was before.
Then, she let out a small laugh. “They’re comin’ home!” She said, her voice a bit louder and before you knew it, she was grabbing your hands and lifting you up to your feet to hug you, squeeze you and you did the same. You both let out excited noises, bouncing up and down which, of course, brought eyes toward you both but you girls didn't care.
You could give a rat’s ass about it because everything felt so good now, it felt like the patience you learned over the year was for something after all.
Elijah was coming back home. Coming to you.
