It was hard to feel well lately, Artemisia knew that the best. After becoming a werewolf, she tried to find the reason to live. The worst thing was that it wasn't even near over. She knew very well that the Dark Lord won't be calm until she join him.
"Yes, that is unfortunate. I would gladly go back." She admitted and it was all true. She couldn't bare with her situation, not by herself anyway.
Marlene wished that she could go back in time, tell her younger self to be quiet, to keep her head down, and to do what her family told her to do, even though all of those things went against her very nature. She would have done it if it would have kept the people she loved safe.
Sighing, she nodded her head. "I know the feeling. I try not to focus on that so much...it just drives you crazy." Which Marlene did enough of, really. The guilt of it all drove her crazy every day.
Marlene was almost glad when she saw that it was Andromeda. In a lot of ways, she felt like she could be more open and honest with Andromeda than she could with other people. Ted had gone missing too, the same time that Marz had. But she doubted that Andromeda had the guilt that Marlene hadâTedâs disappearance wasnât her fault.
Looking at the card, a true smile formed on Marleneâs lips. âPlease thank them for me,â she replied, her voice soft. âAnd thank you. You are too kind to me.â She didnât deserve it. Sighing, Marlene shrugged her shoulders. âHe should be here,â she whispered. It felt wrong talking about her brother in public.
â
âI will, they will be thrilled to hear you liked it,â She sighed. âI would have brought Nym but their excitement would have been more of a red flag than just my being here.â A silly thought perhaps, but Andromeda was alarmed the family hadnât done more in discouraging her from consorting with Marlene or James. As rare as the moments were, she was certain she would get an earful if someone let slip precisely where she was.
âThey all should be,â Andy whispered in response. The thought was far too traitorous to be spoken in anything above a hushed tone, accompanied by her placing a subtle hand over her mouth in case it turned into her mother somehow having managed to have someone dog her steps. âBut they arenât, so this is the closest weâll be able to get for the time being.â
Marlene smiled, a genuine one this time. "I would have loved to see them, but I understand. You have to do what you have to do to keep them safe," Mar said softly. She could only imagine how difficult it was for Andromeda, but Marlene didn't fault her for her choices. They were all doing things that they had to do to save themselves. Self preservation in the face of death was only natural. "You know...if you ever need to, my flat is welcome to you and Nym. If you ever need a break."
Closing her eyes to stop the tears from pricking her eyes, she knew it was dangerous to talk about this, especially in public, but she couldn't help it. She felt like Andromeda was the only one that she could talk about this with. She nodded her head. "I'm glad that you're here, Andromeda," she finally settled on. "How...are things?"
Marlene didnât trust Rabastan. He was a Lestrange, and a Death Eater, and for that Marlene could never trust him. She may have been marked and completely and totally fucked when it came to the Dark Lord, but she took a small bit of comfort in the fact that she had been unwilling. What excuse did the rest of them have? They wanted to live in a world that was ruled by him. Marlene didnât. If she hadnât been such a damned coward than maybe her brother would still be here. She might not have been, but she would have been okay with that if it meant her brother was safe. It was a dangerous life that she was leading these days, and it had taken its toll on her. She was half convinced that if he wanted to, she could be fired from the Aurors office for herâŠbehavior.
Glancing up, surprise in her eyes when she saw Rabastan, she held back a sigh. It was exhausting, having to pretend that she didnât want to run away from this conversation.
âYeah, just tired,â Marlene lied, forcing a smile onto her lips. âItâs uh, my birthday. It always feels a little bit weird, growing older,â she shrugged. âWhat brings you here?â
.
Marlene didnât look particularly thrilled to see him, but Bastan wasnât surprised. He hadnât expected her to roll out a happy welcoming committee at his arrival. They barely knew each other, but from what he did know, it was important to push on this. He would gain her trust one way or another.
âHappy birthday,â he said, flashing her a charming smile. âHow old? Or how young, if the matter of age is of concern today?â His own was coming up soon, but Bastan didnât expect much difference between twenty-five and twenty-six. âAnd me?â He shrugged. âJust a little Diagon Alley shopping on the schedule. I figured Iâd stop for a drink first.â
It was hard to play the game that she was expected to play. She often felt like they were watching her, waiting for her to crack, or waiting for her to lose it. Guilt was a hard thing to carry with her every single day, and the grief of losing Marz was just that much harder to bear knowing that she was the reason he was gone.
"Thank you," she replied, knowing that it was proper to thank someone even if she didn't trust them. "Twenty-six," she managed with a faint smile. "The age doesn't really matter, you know? We're all going to get older it's inevitable. Birthdays just...make me a little melancholy, I suppose." She didn't think that she had to explain why she was sad, but perhaps Rabastan really had no clue what had happened to her family. "A drink and shopping, sounds like a good time."
Artemisia didn't see that kind of sadness in someone for a really long time. The last time she saw it was herself. She really felt like she doesn't belong anyway. She could always try to find other werewolves but she knew it wouldnât be good. She wasnât a born werewolf so she didnât belong anywhere in reality.
She offered a little smile to Marlene, it seemed like they have so much in common. Artemisia lost everything and Marlene was probably pretty much the same.
âI guess we all want to change certain things in our lives. I miss my old life as well. You better eat that cake now or I probably will.â
Marlene nodded her head and tried not to sigh. It was more than just missing her old life, she missed her brother. It was hard, living with the crushing guilt every single day that told her that it was all her fault that all of this had happened. Guilt kept her up every night, and she knew that it would for the rest of her life.
"Yeah. Can't go back, though, can we?" She said with a sigh. Glancing down at the cake, she didn't really want it, but that would be rude to deny it.
"You should get a fork too, I can't have this all by myself," she offered, taking a bite of the cake. "It's good, thank you."
She couldnât understand why she did this. Itâs not like anyone was even trying to make her happy. Artemisia was sad most of the time. It didnât matter even the fact she was a truly brilliant auror.
Marlene was probably going through a lot of things herself as well. If something, Artemisia knew how to feel the pain. That feeling for her was so common as brushing your teeth in the morning or shower.
She sat down next to her, even she wasnât sure how smart it was. It was much stronger than her ; the urge to help everyone even when she really couldnât help herself. There was a nice feel to it which makes her feeling good after a while.
âIs your birthday today? You seem to be incredibly sad if thatâs the case.â
Marlene smiled faintly at Artemisia. Even though they were both in the same department, Marlene hadn't worked much with her. It was just the way that things went, she supposed. She appreciated the effort though.
It was hard to explain how she had managed to ruin her entire life, and her family's life too. It was hard to look her parents in the eyes when she knew that it was her fault that Marz was gone.
How did you tell your parents that you had joined the Death Eaters not because she wanted to but because she had to? How did you explain that even though she made the choice they wanted she was still being punished?
"It is," she replied with a faint smile. "Just...one of those days, you know? Missing someone that should be here and all of that. If it were up to me I would be home tonight, but I know he would want me to celebrate."
How did that Muggle song go? Itâs my party and Iâll cry if I want to? It may have been Marleneâs birthday but she hadnât been in the mood to celebrate. It was hard to want to celebrate anything when Marz wasnât there to celebrate. Marleneâs birthday had always been a big deal, birthdays in the McKinnon family were big deals. Marz would always want to go out drinking and partying, and they were always one of the few times that the McKinnon siblings would ignore any drama or problems to drink together and enjoy themselves.
But now he wasnât here. He wasnât here and everything felt wrong. Marlene had just thrown together a small little thing at the Leaky Cauldron, she hadnât wanted anything more. If it were up to her, she wouldnât even be celebrating.
âOh, um, thank you,â Marlene said distractedly when someone came up to her. She hadnât even really heard what they had said, she justâŠassumed they were wishing her a happy birthday.
.
Bastan was good at finding information when he wanted it, and Marlene was something of a curiosity to him. When someone had mentioned her having a birthday get together in somewhere as public as the Leaky Cauldron, heâd found it perfect. It was easy to be just âstopping byâ at the right time. She didnât seem to trust him, but Bastan would win her over eventually. He knew better than to think her taking of the mark had been a personal choice, and if Bastan could figure out how to flip her, things would be great. But she had to trust him for that.
âFancy seeing you here,â he said as he walked up to her, but based on her response, Marlene didnât seem to have actually heard him.
âYou all right?â Bastan asked, letting a little extra sympathy slide into his voice. She had every right to be a little distant, but he couldnât acknowledge that without risking putting her on edge. âYou seem a little lost in thought. Anything interesting?â
Marlene didn't trust Rabastan. He was a Lestrange, and a Death Eater, and for that Marlene could never trust him. She may have been marked and completely and totally fucked when it came to the Dark Lord, but she took a small bit of comfort in the fact that she had been unwilling. What excuse did the rest of them have? They wanted to live in a world that was ruled by him. Marlene didn't. If she hadn't been such a damned coward than maybe her brother would still be here. She might not have been, but she would have been okay with that if it meant her brother was safe. It was a dangerous life that she was leading these days, and it had taken its toll on her. She was half convinced that if he wanted to, she could be fired from the Aurors office for her...behavior.
Glancing up, surprise in her eyes when she saw Rabastan, she held back a sigh. It was exhausting, having to pretend that she didn't want to run away from this conversation.
"Yeah, just tired," Marlene lied, forcing a smile onto her lips. "It's uh, my birthday. It always feels a little bit weird, growing older," she shrugged. "What brings you here?"
Andromeda quietly took the seat across from Marlene, gently pushing a card and messily frosted cupcake toward her. A sun and several flowers were doodled on the front with a carefully scrawled âHappy birtday Marlene!â written on the inside of it. Andromeda had no plans of making a big deal out of things but Nymphadora had insisted on making a card and requesting that Andromeda bake cupcakes.
âFrom Nym,â She offered a weak smile. âI have more cupcakes at home if you want them but figured something small was appropriate.â She fell quiet a moment then let her voice drop down to just above a whisper. âHow are you feeling?â
Marlene was almost glad when she saw that it was Andromeda. In a lot of ways, she felt like she could be more open and honest with Andromeda than she could with other people. Ted had gone missing too, the same time that Marz had. But she doubted that Andromeda had the guilt that Marlene had--Ted's disappearance wasn't her fault.
Looking at the card, a true smile formed on Marlene's lips. "Please thank them for me," she replied, her voice soft. "And thank you. You are too kind to me." She didn't deserve it. Sighing, Marlene shrugged her shoulders. "He should be here," she whispered. It felt wrong talking about her brother in public.
Marlene was almost glad when she saw that it was Andromeda. In a lot of ways, she felt like she could be more open and honest with Andromeda than she could with other people. Ted had gone missing too, the same time that Marz had. But she doubted that Andromeda had the guilt that Marlene had--Ted's disappearance wasn't her fault.
Looking at the card, a true smile formed on Marlene's lips. "Please thank them for me," she replied, her voice soft. "And thank you. You are too kind to me." She didn't deserve it. Sighing, Marlene shrugged her shoulders. "He should be here," she whispered. It felt wrong talking about her brother in public.
Artemisia decided to go to Leaky Cauldron after a long time. She wasn't sure whether it is a good idea or not. She was isolating herself quite a lot in the last time while she really shouldn't. People were selfish and weak and they couldn't understand her pain. She wasn't responsible for what happened to her. For such a long period of time, this was the first time Artemisia was looking after herself first. Enough is enough.
When she entered the pub, she could see a few looks in her direction. She couldn't even care anymore. Sometimes she would feel like she went through so much pain that it didn't matter anymore. They couldn't hurt her more than they already did, she repeated that to herself.
She has noticed a woman sitting all by herself, looking confused. It was probably her birthday, she thought. After everything what happened, Artemisia didn't even had a strength to celebrate her birthday. For what anyway? For the fact she is living damn beast? She went to the waitress and asked for a cake. She didn't know why in the hell is she doing that or what will woman think of her, but she did it anyway.
"Um, hi. You looked like you need something sweet so I just wanted to give you this."
Birthdays signified the passing of time and of change. Marlene didn't want change. She wanted to go back in time to her seventeen year old self to tell her to close her mouth, to stay under the radar, to stop trying to be different. If she had heeded her parents and older brothers warnings than maybe she wouldn't have the damned mark, Marz and Lily would still be here, and her life would be okay. But she couldn't go back in time. She was stuck in this miserable present.
Every time she looked at the mark on her forearm she was reminded of all of her mistakes, and how her life was no longer her own. Did she think that she was going to make it through this? No. When she was no longer useful she was sure he would throw her away, and her parents would have another child to grieve.
She had no idea why she had even attempted this. The longer that she was at her little party the more that she desperately wanted to run away from it all. McKinnons didn't run away from their problems, but Marlene was starting to think that maybe they should.
Glancing up, recognition passed through her gaze as she looked at Artemisia. "Thanks," Marlene said, her voice a little hoarse. "That's really kind of you."
How did that Muggle song go? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to? It may have been Marlene's birthday but she hadn't been in the mood to celebrate. It was hard to want to celebrate anything when Marz wasn't there to celebrate. Marlene's birthday had always been a big deal, birthdays in the McKinnon family were big deals. Marz would always want to go out drinking and partying, and they were always one of the few times that the McKinnon siblings would ignore any drama or problems to drink together and enjoy themselves.
But now he wasn't here. He wasn't here and everything felt wrong. Marlene had just thrown together a small little thing at the Leaky Cauldron, she hadn't wanted anything more. If it were up to her, she wouldn't even be celebrating.
"Oh, um, thank you," Marlene said distractedly when someone came up to her. She hadn't even really heard what they had said, she just...assumed they were wishing her a happy birthday.
The longer she spent at these events the more uneasy Josette felt. She knew exactly why. The worry of the Avery secret being found out, and it ending up with her little family being hurt, was hard. Of course, at least now she could say that it was because she didnât like being away from her children for too long. She did have a toddler and a baby after all. Josie had so far though, managed to plaster a smile onto her face. She supposed she should be grateful of some time to spend with Evan without their kids.Â
She was just taking a breather outside when she heard footsteps beside her. The brunette smile at the other. âThe Malfoys really know how to throw a party donât they?â
Making her way outside, Marlene was looking forward to the night going by faster so she could return to her flat, away from all of these people. She would never understand why they all enjoyed being around each other constantly, enjoyed dressing up and gossiping all night. It just...wasn't her, and it never would be. She felt so out of place with the whole thing. Perhaps if the McKinnons had attended these kinds of things when she was younger she wouldn't feel so out of place, but they hadn't. And she wouldn't change a second of her childhood, either.
Stepping outside, she froze when she saw Josette. She was one of the last people that she wanted to see. "Sure," she agreed with a shrug. "I mean...is it that hard to throw a party, thought? It probably just takes some work."
Location: Malfoy Manor
Date: January 8th
Marlene & Open
When the invitation to the Malfoyâs Gala had arrived, Marlene had been surprised. It wasnât like she spent any time with the Malfoyâs, and despite her intention to skip out on the event, it became clear that her attendance was expected. Marlene had never been the type to enjoy dressing up and attending parties, but here she was. It had been three months since Marz and Lily disappeared, but even longer since she had felt like her life was actually her own.
It had made her sick, listening to Lucius go on and on about how happy he was, and how lovely his family was. She had tried to keep the disgust off of her face, but the moment that the toast was over she had downed her glass of champagne, grabbed another one, and made her way outside. Glancing up at the stars, Mar got lost in thought.
A voice startled her from her thoughts. âSorry? I didnât catch that.â
â
The ball was going pretty perfectly in her eyes. Of course, that was mostly because she had planned it. Cissa liked things to be perfect, and sheâd made sure the ball would be just that. It had become a lot easier when she had been able to plan most of it herself. She liked being in control, and luckily sheâd married a man that had allowed her to do just about whatever she liked. Not that anything would have stopped Narcissa. She had always been a force to be reckoned with and she didnât anticipate that changing any time soon.
Sheâd been heading outside, when she had spotted someone out there. The Mckinnons wouldnât have necessarily been a family that would have been invited previously. But, theyâd reached out a little more this year. âHi MarleneâŠ.â he murmured with a smile. âI was just saying that the gardens look lovely tonight.â
There had been a time when the McKinnons would have never have been invited to an event at the Malfoy's home. She dreamed of going back in time to when things were simpler. They had never cared for invitations to lavish parties. Marlene felt wrong being there, like she didn't belong. She hadn't wanted to be there, but something had pushed her to come. It was hard seeing people so happy when she was so unhappy. It hurt to see the Malfoys getting to be happy when her brother was missing, when everything was so wrong in her life. The mark practically burned on her arm.
Glancing up at Narcissa, Marlene mustered up the best smile that she could. "They do, you have a beautiful home," she complimented. "Thank you for the invite. You look lovely." And happy, which was almost worse, really.
Location: Malfoy Manor
Date: January 8th
Marlene & Open
When the invitation to the Malfoy's Gala had arrived, Marlene had been surprised. It wasn't like she spent any time with the Malfoy's, and despite her intention to skip out on the event, it became clear that her attendance was expected. Marlene had never been the type to enjoy dressing up and attending parties, but here she was. It had been three months since Marz and Lily disappeared, but even longer since she had felt like her life was actually her own.
It had made her sick, listening to Lucius go on and on about how happy he was, and how lovely his family was. She had tried to keep the disgust off of her face, but the moment that the toast was over she had downed her glass of champagne, grabbed another one, and made her way outside. Glancing up at the stars, Mar got lost in thought.
A voice startled her from her thoughts. "Sorry? I didn't catch that."
Name: Marlene Odessa McKinnon
Nickname: Mar, Marls, Mar-Mar (By Marz)
Age: 25
Birthday: January 26th
Family: Maxwell McKinnon (Father), Adalyn McKinnon (Mother), Marcellus McKinnon (Older Brother), Marz (Younger Brother)
Blood Status: Pureblood
Occupation: Auror
Sided with: Order of the Phoenix, Death Eaters- Marked
School: Hogwarts, Gyffindor
Positive Traits: Â Brave, Progressive, Independent
Negative Traits: Outspoken, Reckless, Unstable
Growing Up:
The McKinnon family would never be Pureblood elite, but they were happy with what they had. While the other Pureblood families dealt with scandal and the pressure to be perfect, the McKinnons prided themselves for being close and happy. They lived comfortably, but that was because Maxwell McKinnon worked as a foreign dignitary for the Ministry of Magic. Most of Marleneâs childhood was spent traveling to different countries, attending boring dinners and sneaking away with the children of other Ministry employees. Marlene and Marz usually acted as ringleaders, much to their mothers annoyance publicly. In private, Adalyn McKinnon didnât care about her childrenâs antics nearly as much as she appeared to in polite company.Â
Due to her familys status as Pureblood and her fatherâs position at the Ministry, it was prudent that they toed the line when it came to their beliefs. The McKinnons had never believed in the superiority of the Purebloods, but they knew that it was a dangerous belief to have. So even though Marlene had played with children that were âlesserâ then her as a child, it wasnât something that they put on display. Maxwell and Adalyn McKinnon knew that it was important to keep their children safe through whatever means possible, and Marlene followed their lead.
Until she got to Hogwarts, that is. Before going away to school, her parents had been in complete control of who Marlene played with and spent time with. But at Hogwarts, her world was opened up and she was able to take control of it. Befriending Lily Evans was an easy choice. After all, they got along well and they were both interested in the same things. Why did it matter that Lily was a Muggleborn? Marlene was a loud and proud Gryffindor, and ultimately, that would be her undoing. By the time she got closer to graduation, Marlene went against her parents wishes and started to use her position and her voice to champion the Muggleborn cause. Why should she remain quiet while people suffer?
Before the Dark Lordâs Takeover:
After graduation, Marlene became an Auror, alongside some of her fellow classmates. But most importantly she joined the Order of the Phoenix. It wasnât enough to use her voice to fight against the classist Death Eaters. She wanted to make a stand and make a statement. The rest of her family disagreed with her decision, although they did support her in private. It became a point of contention between her and Marz especially. They thought that Marlene should be content to support the Muggleborns in private, while keeping the status quo. But that was never Marlene, she had always been a trailblazer, had always spoken up when things werenât fair as children. It shouldnât have been a surprise that Marlene couldnât keep her mouth shut.
She was discreet at first, as all members of the Order were, but it wasnât hard for others to eventually connect the dots that Marlene was at the very least against the ideas that the Purebloods stood for. It made for some very awkward dinner parties, and ballroom dances with the Pureblood elite whenever the McKinnons got an invite to a party.Â
As Marlene found more success with her work as an Auror, she found herself getting more vocal about her beliefs. She fought back against what some of the other Purebloods said about Muggleborns, and by the fall of 1979, it was very apparent that Marlene was a member of the Order.
Present:
When the Ministry fell, Marlene was devastated. How could this have happened? How could he win? Marleneâs parents begged with her to leave the Order and to learn to be quiet for once in her life, but she rebelled against their requests. Marlene had worked so hard to keep this from happening, and now that it hadâŠshe had no idea what to do besides keep pushing on. This couldnât be the end for them all. Marleneâs position as an Auror was safe for now, her blood status keeping her safe when they started firing Muggleborns and Halfbloods, but Marlene worried that it was only a matter of time before she was fired.
Marlene was not expecting to be taken one night when she was on her way home in the summer of 1980. It was the most terrifying experience of her life, the blindfold coming off in a dark room, rope biting into her wrists, and then the Dark Lord stepping into view. Marlene had been certain that that was it. She was going to die right there, and her family would be lucky to find her body. But then he spoke, giving her the ultimatum. She could either fall in line, take the mark, or her family would be killed. The thought of being responsible for the people that she loved the most being hurt was too much. She took the mark, against everything that she stood for, but was determined to still do what she could for the Order.
She thought that she had made the right choice. But then Halloween happened. Marz and Lily were gone. Marleneâs entire world shattered when she found out that her choice hadnât been enough to protect the people that she loved and that they were probably dead. Marlene hasnât been the same since then, and has been merely going through the motions. Marlene has had to fall into line even more. She sees no way out of the mess that she has created, and she is growing closer to a breaking point with each passing day. She knows that the Dark Lord killed Marz to show her that he controls her. It was a message to her that even though she has the mark itâs not enough. He will continue to hurt the people that she loves because he can, and Marlene has no idea how to handle that.
