rosalie’s news + my tears ricochet
Of course I could not go back. What was my pain, after all, in comparison to her happiness? She should be able to smile, free from fear and danger. Free from a longing for a soulless future. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here. The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. My body shook with it. When Bella went to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion. There must be relief. That was my hope, but there were no guarantees. To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub, I quoted to myself. Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel the torture of her loss? I shuddered again. And, damn it, I’d promised. I’d promised her that I wouldn’t haunt her life again, bring my black demons into it. I wasn’t going back on my word. Couldn’t I do anything right by her? Anything at all? The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home on this planet snaked through my thoughts again. Just to check. Just to see that she’s well and safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there… No. Damn it, no.
