It goes without saying that every episode of M*A*S*H is good. But to rate it in an actually meaningful way (and avoid most episodes getting a 10/10) Iâve devised the following scheme based on what I look for in an episode:
Jokes: 1-5 on a scale from âpleasantly amusingâ to âcomedic geniusâ
Seriousness: 1-5 from âI almost forgot this was about warâ to âwhy am I crying this is supposed to be a comedyâ
Plot: 1-5Â from âdidnât this already happen in [insert earlier season here]â to âgive whoever wrote this all the awardsâ
Queer subtext: 1-5Â from âsubtleâ to âthe only thing that doesnât make it text is the laugh trackâ
Margaretâs characterization: 1-5Â from âhave the writers ever met a womanâ to âthis is the most believable female character on televisionâ
Addendum: a score of 0/5 indicates Margaret is not in the episode
Please note that the individual ratings do not necessarily add up to an overall score. An episode can get a 5/5 on jokes and a 1/5 on seriousness (or vice versa) and still be of the highest quality. These numbers are merely a guide for selecting an episode, whether youâre looking for laughs, a gut punch to the feelings, or both
About a week ago, I posted the rating for Goodbye, Farewell and Amen, the very last episode of M*A*S*H. Throughout the rating process I received a handful of asks wondering what I was planning to do once Iâd rated all the episodes, and now I think itâs time to let you all know my plans for the blog.
Firstly, Iâm thinking of somehow compiling all the ratings into something a little more wieldy. This blog started as a self-indulgent way to pick an episode to watch, after all, and tumblr is not known for being particularly searchable. To that end, I am hoping to make a masterpost with links so that the blog is easier to navigate and/or copy and paste all the ratings into a work on AO3 (which would be linked on this blog).
I am also considering writing up a break-down of the ratings, either in addition to or somehow incorporated into the above masterlist. This would involve sorting the episodes by what ratings they got for each category rather than simply chronologically by season. It is possible I may decide to only list the highest rated episodes for each season, depending on whether this project is separate from the masterpost or not.
These projects will likely take a while to put together, but in the meantime Iâd love to hear your thoughts.
Synopsis: Sidney helps Hawkeye work through some trauma at an institution in order to send him back to the 4077th in time for the end of the war, meanwhile BJ gets orders to go home that are later rescinded and Klinger realizes heâs too in love with Soon-Lee to let her go looking for her parents alone
Rating:
Jokes: 5/5
Seriousness: 4/5
Plot: 4/5
Queer subtext: 5/5
Margaret's characterization: 5/5
My thoughts: there are way too many things that I want to say about this âepisodeâ (which is really a movie), so Iâll be putting my real-time (aka unedited) reactions under a read more if anyone is interested. But suffice it to say that this is the best sendoff M*A*S*H could have even if it leaves us still wanting more. I suppose Iâll have to track down After M*A*S*H now, though Iâve heard itâs not as good
I love how you can tell everyone loves Hawkeye so much even though this phonecall is painful to listen to
A peace talks announcement this early in this episode is clearly a fakeout
Klinger is so adorable when he's in love
I forgot about Charles' musician friends!
Where did BJ get the motorcycle? Is it the one that the reporter broke? The story is unclear
Poor Sydney looks equally as tired as Hawkeye
Oh boy here we go
Wait, not there quite yet
BJ, honey, you're not going home yet
Father Mulcahy my beloved
I forgot that he damaged his hearing doing something heroic
Chickens⌠oh no. Now here we go
Why do they keep cutting away from Hawkeye?Â
Oh yeah I forgot BJ visits Hawkeye
He can't tell him he's going home...
Wait did Hawkeye just reference the movie where gaslighting gets its name from?Â
"There might be something we wanted to say to each other before we left" đđđ
Oh fuck the chicken is back
This scene breaks me every time
Damn they sent Hawkeye back to work way too quickly
(And Sydney's explanation is BS)
"I've gotta leave a note for Hawkeye" đđđđđ
Oh Charles just admit you care about BJ
Colonel Potter you wily, sentimental bastard
Is Charles actually trained in conducting or is he just a pretentious ass?Â
Why are they dragging up old arguments between Charles and Margaret?Â
Oh god oh fuck Hawkeye just found out BJ left him the same way Trapper did
There goes Klinger again, having one of the biggest character arcs in the entire show
Colonel Potter trying to explain to Sophie that he cant take her home is absolutely devastating
Oh shit yeah the wild fire, I forgot that's why they bug out
It's scenes like the bug out when I realize how much of the camp we never see
BJ MY BELOVED
Boys, kiss and make up already, the bitterness is killing me
Klinger and Soon-Lee really are a beautiful femme for femme couple (not my joke but it bears repeating)Â
Is that Margaret in a Hawaiian shirt? My gay heart can't take it
Oh Hawkeye...the reminder that BJ has a domestic life to go back to must be part of his fear of kidsÂ
The war is over! You know, the 3 year war that lasted 11 years
But it's not over for the doctors or the wounded
The return to the burned out camp is so sad
Sydney helping out in OR warms my heart though
"There's nothing here I'm gonna miss... except you" FELLAS
Oh fuck one of Charles' musician friends
Scratch that, all of his musician friends
"What good is a deaf priest?...Are you [god] deaf too?" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And there it is, the ceasefire is official. But again, the doctors' work goes on for awhile longer
Nurse Kellye my beloved
Hawkeye indirectly calling Portland a big city is the most Maine thing I've ever heard and also hilarious
KLINGER YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN
I love how he went from trying anything and everything to get out of Korea to staying after everyone else goes home
Why are Colonel Potter's goodbyes always the hardest to watch?Â
I hate goodbyes so much and there's so many to sit through
The Hawkeye/Margaret kiss is comphet in action and they deserved a much better scene since they've been through so much together
Synopsis: Margaret and Hawkeye argue over the types of things to include in a time capsule, Charles helps BJ get revenge on Rizzo for a mean prank, and Klinger and Father Mulcahy prove that a young Korean woman is not a sniper and try to help her find her parents
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 2/5
Plot: 4/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 4/5
My thoughts: now this is a fitting last normal episode. I would of course be initially mad if this is where they had left it, but after a while it would make sense. The writers managed to cram a lot of stuff into one episode without it feeling too contrived, with the A, B, and C plots all fitting together nicely in a way that balanced laughs and seriousness. Plus our main cast gets to show off their charactersâ best qualities along with callbacks to characters who left and even Klingerâs dresses. And I cannot ignore that Soon-Lee is a young Keiko Oâbrien from Star Trek (Rosalind Chao)
Synopsis: Charles trades his job as charity collection officer to Margaret for a favour, and the job changes hands more than any actual money does. A GI in post op learns that the enemy are humans just like him when his bed is next to a North Korean soldier who he shot for trying to steal his boots
Rating:
Jokes: 2/5
Seriousness: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: on paper this should be the perfect M*A*S*H episode, with its shenanigans from the staff and a B plot that reminds you how awful war is, and this particular B plot is actually fairly good, but something about the A plot feels a bit hollow. For the second to last regular episode (and third to last episode ever) of the entire show itâs somewhat lackluster
Synopsis: BJ is stuck in the Swamp for a few days because of an injured toe, and takes drastic action to prevent Charles from playing his records during that time but it ends up backfiring horribly on him. One of Colonel Potterâs friends since WW1 ends up at the 4077th after interfering in a battle he shouldnât have been at, and Hawkeye sticks up for the wronged soldiers
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 3/5
Plot: 3/5
Queer subtext: 3/5
Margaret's characterization: 4/5
My thoughts: itâs tragic that Colonel Potter loses one of his oldest friends by saving his life
Synopsis: a general visits his wounded son and is forced to confront the true horrors of war when his son dies in post op. Margaret contracts laryngitis right before a big medical conference where she was supposed to meet with a doctor she admires, so Charles helps her arrange alternate plans
Rating:
Jokes: 2/5
Seriousness: 4/5
Plot: 3/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 2/5
My thoughts: other than the tonal dissonance, this is one of the best episodes of the season so far. It does what M*A*S*H does best: it barely conceals a searing critique of the military industrial complex inside a medical comedy. Itâs not much of a feel good episode, except for when Charles has a moment of genuine kindness, but it is a good episode. Honorable mention for Margaretâs atrocious perm
Synopsis: Colonel Potter finds out that his daughterâs husband cheated on her while in Tokyo and wonders if he should confront him about it or tell Evy. Hawkeye and BJ fight with Charles when he refuses to admit that he snores
Rating:
Jokes: 3/5
Seriousness: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 3/5
Margaret's characterization: 2/5
My thoughts: not a very memorable episode, but I do love the implication that Father Mulcahy watches roller derby
Synopsis: three visitors arrive from the UN and interact with various members of the 4077th while BJ struggles with the fact that he told a patient he wouldnât lose his leg and then was forced to amputate it anyway
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 2/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: Charlesâ discussions with the British delegate were painful to sit through, but the payoff of the joke is oh so sweet. Also, Margaretâs romance with the Swedish delegate is perhaps the only good one they give her
Synopsis: Klinger thinks a sprinter who almost qualified for the Olympics is coming to the 4077th, so he bets that they have someone who can beat the 8063rdâs prize racer, but when it turns out to be false Father Mulcahy has to run the race instead. Charles takes exception to how a patient with a stutter is treated by his comrades and commanding officer.Â
Rating:
Jokes: 3/5
Seriousness: 2/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: once again the 4077th can only win a contest through cheating, which is still very funny but at this point not particularly original. I love Charlesâ B story though, and how we get to hear Honoria speak for the first time
Synopsis: Mildred writes to Hawkeye to ask him to organize a surprise mortgage-burning party for Colonel Potter after she pays it off early
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 2/5
Plot: 4/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: itâs been a while since I tossed out a âfavouriteâ, but this one deserves it. The story really gives everyone a chance to shine and, apart from the vengeful sergeant subplot, itâs full of fluffy fun (at least by M*A*S*H standards)
Synopsis: Hawkeye and Charles panic when the rumour they created (that Marilyn Monroe is visiting the 4077th) as a joke attracts serious attention. BJ searches in vain for a wounded soldier he had to leave behind when the chopper he was on drew fire
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 4/5
Plot: 3/5
Queer subtext: 3/5
Margaret's characterization: 2/5
My thoughts: itâs really hard to know which plot to focus on, because in isolation I love both the A and B stories from this episode for opposite reasons. The Marilyn bit is peak MASH comedy even though it draws on earlier tropes, while BJ's plot is a heartbreaking reminder of the show's main goal: to protest the horrors of war. Like a few other episodes I've talked about, this one deserves to be two separate ones where each plot can be explored in better detail.
Synopsis: one of the nurses dies in the minefield and Hawkeye volunteers to give her eulogy after discovering that he technically knew her best, since they went on a couple dates, but finds the lack of information about her frustrating and horrifically sad. Klinger tries to get Charles to invest in a toy business inspired by Korean children's games
Rating:
Jokes: 3/5
Seriousness: 4/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 2/5
Margaret's characterization: 2/5
My thoughts: while there's nothing funnier than Charles telling Klinger that the hula hoop will never catch on, it feels out of place in such a serious episode
Synopsis: BJ initiates a 24 hour prank spree to prove he's a better prankster than Trapper and Hawkeye is determined (to the point of paranoia) that he won't be one of BJ's victims
Rating:
Jokes: 3/5
Seriousness: 2/5
Plot: 3/5
Queer subtext: 5/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: BJ why are you so jealous of Trapper . . . unless?
Synopsis: Hawkeye and BJ deal with a military PR man who wants to make a North Korean pilot they treated into an (unwilling) turncoat and Charles falls for a French red cross worker until he's shocked by her views on marriage
Rating:
Jokes: 3/5
Seriousness: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 4/5
Margaret's characterization: 2/5
My thoughts: literally every time Charles gets a romance storyline he seems more in love with the idea of being in love than with the actual love interest. It only furthers my headcanon that heâs queer
Synopsis: a Halloween party at Rosie's gets interrupted by a relentless onslaught of casualties, including a man who was mistakenly declared dead, and the medical staff tell ghost stories in the OR to pass the time
Rating:
Jokes: 4/5
Seriousness: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Queer subtext: 3/5
Margaret's characterization: 3/5
My thoughts: not to sound like a boomer (especially because I'm arguably on the millenial/gen z cusp) but eventually Margaret's ghost story won't make sense to people because getting film developed at a drugstore isn't really a thing anymore
