Emmanellain was so far in his own mind that the bed shifting beside him didn’t register - not positively, at the least. This girl - this woman - had slayed monsters and traversed nigh the entire world, to return to him. She had taken on beasts he had cowered in the face of, ridden on airships the like that made him nearly nauseous.
And he had failed her. After all their pining and pawing, almost-there’s and dancing around whether they wanted to do the thing or not - he had failed.
He felt the tell-tale constrict in his throat, the sting in the corners of his eyes of tears, right before she reached over and ripped the cushion from his grasp. In the moment following, Emmanellain’s lip caught in his teeth, a knee-jerk reaction to hide it quivering.
“I - … No, I’m not hurt, I -” oh, to the seventh hell and beyond. Even with her reassurance, he dug his palms into his eyes, a shaky breath shuddering his shoulders - and then a laugh, lacking any attempt at mirth. “It was - it was really nice, but - I started - … I … was so worried about - doing it in you that I just - … fucked it up. All of it.”
And then he had simply panicked, and his resulting embarrassment at what a short showing he’d given her had taken over any thoughts he had. Emman knew he wasn’t meant to finish that fast, or finish without the lady, or in the lady when they weren’t married, and -
“I was so caught up in - … all the things I’m supposed to do right - … that I did everything all wrong.”
And she was so earnest. He shifted, turning to face her, a soft arm wrapping around her waist and pulling Koya into a lopsided hug. He then buried his face in her neck, admitting,
“You did nothing wrong! I - almost - … came in you, and that’s wrong. I didn’t ask before, and I just - … I’m sorry.”
(How many times had his father’s mistake been drilled into him? How many times had the term bastard been thrown around in his family for him to ignore what caused it? He knew better. He did, but it had happened so fast that he didn’t consider another option until it was dripped onto her thighs.)
His grip on her tightened, before a final, meager sentence left him.
“–… If I could go back and change it, I would.”
So it hadn’t been a shot of pain that had ceased their union, his laugh, though normally like a salve to any wound upon her, was listless and only stirred a frown from Koya’s features. Plucking at the words, she wished that he would speak plainly to her, her comprehension mounting on the events and the broken message he offered to her. Slowly the pieces were starting to come together in her mind, but Emman had such an innate way of obliterating her thoughts with ease.
Such as he did with pulling her close, despite the level of intimacy they had just shared, such an action made her nearly twitch in his grasp. A hard swallow as she shifted her chin down, his large ear brushing along her lips as heat arose across her cheeks.
Parting them slightly, Koya glanced away, her arm coming to encircle around his shoulders, tugging him closer to her. “Stupid.” She muttered against his lobe, tilting her cheek to brush into the thick dark locks. “The only thin’ you did ‘wrong’ was thinkin’ you were doin’ somethin’ wrong.”
Her breath harbored the small upturn of her mouth, pale eyes hiding behind dark lashes as she let out a gentle sigh of comfort from his embrace. Nothing had particularly been off for what had happened, but just the two had enjoyed themselves far too much, climax so easily reached in new found pleasure.
“Comin’ in me...That’s not the worst thin’ you could do, dummy.” Koya mused against his ear, calloused fingers drifting lightly against his back. A comfort to him in the midst of clouding embarrassment. “And if you have to ask, then the answer is that it’s okay. Though, if you don’t feel like it, maybe uh...”
There was a shrug from her frame, shifting perked, bared nipples against his chest. “Tell me and uh...Shoot it elsewhere? Not that I want to end up sticky, but...it might be kinda nice...Maybe?” Koya swallowed, dipping her head to bury against his, a shaking breath made as she tried to form some sort of reassurance. Something that could pull him from his throws.
“But you know, it’s nice when you say the curse for once.” Lips pressed against his temple, a lopsided grin coming to her features. “A little sexy, if you ask me. You can’t go back and change what happened, but next time maybe you’d be willin’ to calm down and fuckin’ enjoy it, Emman. I know I sure as hell was.”