blindsided

[ mason o'dair, 17, witch ]❝ —you ignited me; i never asked to burn to ashes. i may rebuild myself time and time again but i am not a phoenix.

[bloody-jackson-odair-deactivate]

Huh?

Jackson turned, “Did you say something?”

[masondares-blog]

“Nothing, nothing,” he muttered, flapping one hand in the air in dismissal. The other strayed to his face and he dragged a palm across his sleep-groggy features.

[thehannahlockwood]

“Seriously? Come on!”

[masondares-blog]

“What did you even- How?”

[starkemilie-blog]

Yeah, I showed up to the funeral tipsy. Didn’t end out well when the fifth person came up to me and told me that they were sorry. I get that there isn’t much you can say when someone’s sister dies. 

[masondares-blog]

Hey, Em that’s okay... Mhmm, that goes for parents too. Everyone telling me they were sorry made my skin crawl at first but I sort of realised theres no other way to say it is there?

[bloody-jackson-odair-deactivate]

Jackson looked at his own hands for a moment, “Being deputy here, I see a lot of things. And your dad and I, well, we’ve seen a lot too - being on the road when we were younger. I can tell you that it’s not your mind playing tricks. There’s a lot of strange things here. And if you yourself feel strange, just let me know. I will do my best to help.”

[masondares-blog]

Mason stared at his Uncle as though seeing him for the first time. He couldn’t mean he knew? He knew about all this- magic and witches. Was he telling him that his Dad knew as well? He blinked slowly, far too wary to ever be so forthcoming. “So hypothetically if I did feel strange. What would your advice be?”

[aineohannigan-deactivated201608]

With her arm still around his, Alice patted it with feigned sympathy. “If you want to raise your title, Local Boy Track Star, you’re going to have to earn it. You don’t think I got to be ‘Golden Daughter Alice Greene’ by doing nothing, do you?” Alice smiled at him and asked, “So what title are you striving for then?”

She nudged him, lightly. “C’mon. Don’t be too upset about it– You know it’s because they care. No one wants to hurt you, Mason. When something like that happens, there’s no right way to comfort someone– They just didn’t know what you wanted.” She leaned her head against his arm, comfortingly. “I don’t know what you want. But I want to try. Just tell me what to do.”

Something about what he said resonated with her. Pretending, that was. But whatever it was, Alice knew it wasn’t the best thing for him. Not in the long run anyways. He went on about his amnesia and Alice’s brows furrowed. “You have nightmares about the memories.” She stated it more than she asked. From the way he talked about it, it wasn’t hard to figure out. Alice began again, softly, stroking his arm in hopes of cooling his frustration. “About the memories…And the fire, you said. The two correlate to you, but they don’t make sense. What do you think happened? What are your memories telling you?” It was difficult to figure out whether Mason really did have memories that changed what they knew of the accident, but considering his concussion and amnesia, it was equally unlikely. Alice wanted to believe him, but couldn’t think of a rational explanation to it.

[masondares-blog]

Mason’s frown deepened “Dude, I do things,” he protests quietly. Before he’d wanted something good for himself and now the activities he did at School were for distraction but it didn’t mean he didn’t do anything but run. “I don’t know... I mean it’s pretty okay being the track guy, it’s alright being that one barista from The Brew. At least it’s not one of those orphan twins. Then again you actually know us well, so we have a little more substance but to everyone else...”

It was that easy to make guilt well in his stomach, bubbling and burning in his abdomen “I know, I know they don’t mean it.” His throat felt tight but he leant into the brush of her hair against his bicep “I don’t know what I want, or what I need,” he breathed, chuckling a moment later “But this is... this is pretty good.”

Trying to explain how things weren’t fitting together was as complex as the injury itself, head trauma was one of those sticky sorts of biology. Neuroscience could only explain so much, all the synapses in your brain and the interruptions in the connections were too complex for any equipment unless it was so severe it altered the very grey matter. “It isn’t right... I just have no idea how I even- How did I make it out of the car A? It was twisted up so badly and I was burnt, my shoulder was dislocated. I don’t remember getting out at all.” Mason hauled in a deep breath “I keep... I keep seeing this woman’s hair and I can smell sage, it’s like everything’s been stitched together wrong because I can’t even think of a time where we spoke to anyone else for most of the weekend, I’ve never seen her before and that tiny few seconds of the dream is more terrifying than feeling like I’m being burnt alive. Why is a woman tossing her hair over her shoulder and the smell of incense like my boggart or something? And why are the nightmares getting worse instead of better, I’ve read about it and the natural progression is for them to be less often and less severe over time.”

[unloved-lucas]

Poltergeist | Lucas & Mason

[unloved-lucas]

Lucas watched as the familiar silhouette came to the window. He felt his body start to relax, his fears fading away. Mason had always been the one to ground him. He leaned on him so much, Lucas was pretty sure Mason had grown so accustomed to the extra weight that he no longer saw it as so.

Lucas licked his lips as his groggy friend used his shoulder to open up the window. It wasn’t a huge opening, but it was enough. He climbed in quickly and turned around to shut the window. Hoping it would block out all the horrible things that had been following him all the way here.

Mason spoke first, asking him a question and scared his voice would give away his true state of mind, he opted to just nod. He glanced at the gesture and then to his bag, he tossed it to him without much care. “Nothin’ important in it.” He said, keeping his voice quiet so that he didn’t wake up any body he didn’t want to. “You look like shit, dude.” Lucas stated, trying to steer the conversation away from himself until he could get his heart rate to calm down.

Lucas let his eyes scan the room, noting all the junk food and movie preference before his eyes landed back on Mason. “Dude, Thor? Without me?”

[masondares-blog]

Mason watched happily as Lucas quickly ducked into the small opening, he was probably more proficient at climbing the tree outside than even Mason was anymore. He inclined his head as Lucas nodded, supposing maybe he was trying to be quiet for the sake of the rest of the house but they’d tried and tested the sound-proofing from being general loud dickwads nearly every time Lucas stayed over.

Carefully he set down the bag at the foot of his bed, rubbing at his eye with the heel of his palm. He sputtered out a laugh at Lucas deadpan destroying him, looking over to his best friend with a wry grin on his face. “Jeez, thanks. You sure know how to make a girl feel special,” he murmured self consciously patting at his hair and tugging down the sleeve of his shirt to hide the burn scarring. 

As if only just remembering the situation Mason practically dived down to the bed and came back up with his array of chips and the jar of salsa along with sour cream and chive. “Dude, you picked a good night to stay over after what was an extremely shitty day for me.” He gestured to the pillow barricade, knowing that Lucas knew those only came out on the worst days “By the time I woke up I thought you would’ve been asleep so I didn’t call.” 

Mason frowned then, looking Lucas over contemplatively as his tone dipped toward the end as though he was asking. Why was he over?

[bloody-jackson-odair-deactivate]

Jackson ignored his nephew’s quip. It was just best not to engage in those sort of things when they were upset. As soon as he deflated, Jackson tried his best not to sigh in relief. Nodding, Jackson sighed as well, sitting himself in a chair. At Mason’s last statement, Jackson had to bite the inside of his cheek at the irony, “I have. Many times. So is that what you feel like? Everyone around you is not what seem or used to be?”

[masondares-blog]

Mason’s eyes followed Jackson closely, the soft-eyed man that was his uncle had always been so reasonable. Even when his brother and sister-in-law were gone, that took some kind of resolution to be able to lock it all away for the sake of a couple of kids. “Exactly. Town too, people I’ve never met before. Acting strange. I don’t make sense, nothing and no one makes any sense.”

[starkemilie-blog]

Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s just… I miss her a lot.

[masondares-blog]

I really, really get that. I’m sorry y’know, even though people saying that sucks most of the time. I am.

[unloved-lucas]

Poltergeist | Lucas & Mason

Lucas was tired after his shift from the Grill, he had a rough football practice his last period of class that went well into his free time. Then he worked an exceptionally busy shift. He got home later than normal, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he worked late or because his legs wouldn’t move faster than a snail. 

Lucas unlocked the front door with his key and pushed it open quietly. His mother was still awake, his younger brother playing with some toy cars on the floor. “Hey mom.” He said gently, his mother’s eyes didn’t flicker from her youngest son. “mm.” Was all Lucas could make out. He paused at the door, knowing he should walk past the scene and go to his room. But all he could focus on was how much his mother smiled at his brother, but frowned at him. He clenched his jaw and went to the kitchen, pulling out a glass to fill with water from the sink. “We won our game last night,” He said casually.

No response.

“Yea, it was a really close call. I even scored a touch down in the last quarter.”

John, his brother, laughed and his mother smiled. Lucas swallowed.

“It was crazy close! At one point there was this mid-” He was cut off by the front door opening again. Richard walked in, and Lucas watched the exchange.

‘Hey honey, how was your day?’ Marie asked, standing up to come greet her husband. Richard smiled and kissed her on the cheek, ‘Nothing special to report, but it was good.’ Richard didn’t even look past the living room to the kitchen. His eyes scanned to his son, his biological son and he grinned, walking over and picking John up from the ground, airplane-ing him around the room. His mother put her hand over her heart, pure love radiating from her eyes. A look Lucas had never been given.

“Mom,” Lucas started.

Nothing, his parents ignored him. John spoke in his baby voice and both the parents laughed, even though what he said was inaudible.

“Mom-” Lucas tried again.

Marie didn’t even flinch. Lucas suddenly felt like he was drowning. Air was becoming harder and harder to grasp. He was a ghost. He was a ghost in his own house and he’d known this. He’d known this for years- perhaps he was tired. Perhaps he was feeling sentimental, but for whatever reason the weight of silence– the weight of the dismissing and refusal to look at him, the silence weighed too much. It was just too much.

“MOM WOULD YOU LOOK AT ME?!” Lucas screamed.

The room suddenly surged with lights. The dim lighted house burst with energy, being so bright it nearly blinded Lucas and then–

crack, POP, shatter.

The light above the kitchen surged and broke. Then one by one, in quick secession, all the lights in the living room surged and popped and shattered, littering the house with shards of glass. His parents screamed and covered his little brother to protect him from the glass but Lucas just stood frozen in the kitchen. 

The house was left in darkness, this time the silence settling over everyone. Lucas looked himself over, making sure the glass hadn’t cut him.

“John, John baby. Are you okay?” Marie whispered.

“Is everyone okay?” Richard asked, but his everyone wasn’t directed at Lucas.

They didn’t even look at him. Lucas’s site became blurry as he blinked back tears, he quickly picked up his bag and ran out of the house, slamming the door. Lucas ran all the way out into the street, and that’s when he noticed no house on his street had power. Not even the street lamps were working.

Just shattered glass at the base of them.

Panicked, Lucas ran. He ran all the way to Mason’s. He ran up to his house, hopped the fence and climbed up a tree that linked to the roof. He paused there, wiping his eyes with his hands and calming his breathing. It was okay. He was okay. He was always okay.

Biting on his lip he knocked his special knock on Mason’s window, Mason would know by the rhythm who exactly was outside. He just needed a place to sleep. He just needed his nightmares to fade into dreams, just this once.

[masondares-blog]

The day had been tough. Since the terrors had started to tear apart his sleeping pattern he’d tried days of never once laying his head against the pillow, but it was hardly better. AP History was not a great time to sleep, coincidentally even worse to believe that you’re dragging yourself out of a burning car. 

Mason’s eyes had snapped open to 28 pairs staring back at him and a roiling sweat streaming down between his shoulder blades. It was even worse that Darcy hadn’t even seemed inclined to punish him for sleeping in class, further proving the fact that everyone knew he looked like utter crap and acting nuttier by the day.

Usually a long, open track was just what Mason needed. To shake and stretch out all the taught muscles of his legs with no clear goal other than to keep his legs moving, keep pushing. His joints had turned to noodles and one lap had him so exhausted that the rest of the team had been swimming in front of his eyes; like cardboard cutouts in a strong wind or a mirage on a particularly hot day. 

He’d sat there drinking gulp after gulp of cold, clear water that was the only thing even keeping him upright in his seat on the bleachers. The jog home had been a blur. The habit had stuck with him after the long months, he hated being in cars anymore. 

It was just plain dumb to fall asleep in the shower but he’d managed it, the steam filled room and the rhythmic pound of warm water at his back had lulled him like nothing else. Not even the drone of Mr Darcy earlier in the day. Safe to say he’d slept through dinner easily, missing the crisp late fall sunset and plunging straight into darkness. Unconsciousness had been black and heavy, like a thick blanket rather than a net of pain and anguish and it comforted him that if he exhausted himself he could simply switch off for a few hours. Like shutting off a laptop rather than leaving it on hibernate.

Marvel movies queued on Netflix, cheese Doritos and extra-hot salsa in his hand Mason felt the closest to normal for the first time that day. His hair was soft and freshly-showered-fluffy, wearing his oldest flannel pyjama pants with a hole in the knee and pillows piled around him like a fortress. 

Just as Thor declared that his mortal form required sustenance, he roused himself from the light open-eyed doze he’d let himself fall into. A familiar noise in the front yard made him perk up slightly and he shifted onto his elbows, scratching his food-bloated stomach with his knuckles. Mason felt it the second he woke up fully, jamming his finger down into the space key and pausing Chris Hemsworth in all his blonde manliness. 

“Dude?” He mumbled tiredly, pawing at his eye as the knock finished. Mason stumbled drowsily to the window sill and began to unlock the window with clumsy fingers, eyes raking up to the familiar crooked jaw and dark hair. A lazy grin curled the lower half of his face. Lucas. He used his shoulder to knock against the jam until the stubborn pane swung open, giving his best friend just enough space to crawl on through. Mason stepped to the side to let him in, gesturing as though asking if Luc wanted him to take his bag “Is everything okay?”

[aineohannigan-deactivated201608]

Alice couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face when he began to complain. “C’mon Mason,” she looped her arm around his and leaned into him, playfully, “Don’t be like that. It’s the press’ fault, not mine. You’ll always be the track star in my heart.”

From what he was saying, Alice could tell that he felt frustrated and lost. She wanted to do more for him than just let him get some rest. He was her friend and she wanted to help. What Mason needed was certainty and there wasn’t anyone more sure of themselves than Alice. 

“I know I didn’t talk to you much after the accident– I hate to say it, but I guess I was worse than most people in that I didn’t even want to even step on the eggshells.” Alice looked up at him with the determination she was known for. “But I’m not afraid anymore, Mason. And I’m here to crack the fucking egg.” The swear word slipped through her lips, the proper act dropping just for a moment in front of him. “It’s going to be messy and you won’t like it and you might hate me for being so abrupt, but you need it.” Alice took in a breath, “Talk to me. I’m not a therapist. I’m Alice.” She reminded him.

[masondares-blog]

Mason exaggeratedly sighed and tried to look despondent, but a smile crept through at the touch of her arm across his. “Track star was the absolute minimum I’d want in a title, A. Please.” He jostled her, smile spreading to a grin “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

It was weird that he could no longer remember a time where Alice wasn’t around, as Kat’s friend and eventually as his own. She was always a reassuring, grounding background presence and despite always knowing how much she dealt with he’d never really lingered to think about the sacrifices she had to make for it. How often did she get any sleep? Stubbornness was definitely an O’dair trait that he’d inherited, if it was going to be the only time she’d catch some shut eye he’d make sure it would count.

“I do not blame you. At all,” he murmured, looking to her earnestly “It was better than everyone else who just put one toe on, heard a tiny cracking noise and started running around screaming ‘sorry!’ until it felt like my ears were bleeding.” Mason rubbed the soft skin between his middle and index finger knuckle and his crooked grin eased back onto his face “Thank you, A. I know I fucking need it it’s just... It’s difficult. For a while it’s been so easy to just sort of pretend that none of it even happened; never roll my sleeves up, don’t look for the car in the garage.” He blew out a long breath and nodded “I can’t remember things right, I know the amnesia is supposed to be a normal thing when you get a concussive head wound in a large-scale accident but it doesn’t- It just doesn’t feel right? The memories that I have don’t fit, it’s like someones cut up the puzzle and put it back together upside down.”

[bloody-jackson-odair-deactivate]

“Well, Mason, you can’t do it alone.” Jackson said simply and calmly, hoping that it would rub off on his nephew. Sighing softly, he shook his head, “Mason, you don’t know what happened. I had to be alone for a while. And I didn’t ‘only come back because I was saddled’ with you all. I love you all, you’re my family. I would take a bullet for each and every one of you.” Jackson paused, looking to Mason before asking softly, “What would you have me do then?”

[masondares-blog]

“What is this, an ad for family therapy?” Mason quipped before he could help himself, stubbornly crossing his arms across his chest and staring hard somewhere over Jackson’s shoulder. A moment after his Uncle’s calm explanation he deflated, shoulders curling forward and acknowledging that he was just being a stupid, stubborn teenager. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d have myself do right now.” He blew out a long sigh “Have you ever felt like everyone around you and yourself are not what you always thought they were?”

[noahxlockwood-blog-blog]

“Why are you showing me this? And.. what is it, exactly?”

[masondares-blog]

“I didn’t mean to show you it just-” He frantically scrabbled for the thick, leather bound book and stuffed it in his bag as gently as he could “It’s just a book okay?”

[luci-talkalot]

“You really need to try one of these jalapeno things… So good.”

[masondares-blog]

“Anything hot and I am down.”

[aineohannigan-deactivated201608]

“Please, Mason.” Alice waved him off, “Telling anyone else about our arrangement would look incredibly scandalous– The press would have a field day if ‘Golden Daughter Alice Greene Invites Local Boy to Sleep at House.’ Can you imagine?” Alice leaned in just enough so he could see the seriousness of her face. “If you knew me at all, Mason, you’d know I wouldn’t.”

“But,” She licked her lips, biting her lower one slightly in thought, “Why don’t you want to tell Katherine? She cares about you and I’m sure the nightmares are something she’d want to know.” ‘Even though she’s keeping secrets herself.’ Alice refrained from saying. It wasn’t the time for that. “Does anyone else know?”

[masondares-blog]

Mason snorted, rolling his eyes and thought about the tiny little threads that ran all around the even tinier town. Like a big mess of a tin can telephone that meant no one ever got any fucking peace or privacy. “Local boy?” he said, unimpressed at his lack of title “Golden Daughter Alice Green compared to Local Boy? I didn’t even get my name thrown in. Shit, I would have taken Track Star c’mon.” 

“I know you wouldn’t but lately it feels like I hardly know anyone around here,” he mumbled, the statement included himself at this point. Fucking magic. “I just don’t want her to know ok? With the accident and everything people were walking on eggshells around me for months, her too because of the whole: holy shit, now you’re actually orphans thing.” Exasperated, he dragged his hands through his hair “Jackson tried to go all therapist on me about it, so of course I bit his head off.”

[aineohannigan-deactivated201608]

“Fire?” Alice began, not entirely sure why nightmares of fire were keeping him up and then his hand moved over. Alice wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but a small peek of a pink scar revealed itself and it came back to her. “Right.” The accident. It was a shit thing to do, but unable to deal with traumatic things, Alice just buried herself in more work rather than comfort her friends. In fact, the idea of working non-stop in her mother’s office sounded fairly good right now. But with the results of seeing the effects from the accident, Alice couldn’t ignore it. It was in front of her and she couldn’t always hide in the shadows. 

Alice smiled slightly. He was still thinking about her. “How’s this, I’ll sleep if you sleep? I’m sure your nightmares wouldn’t dare appear around me.” She nudged him, slightly. “I’m your nightmare’s nightmares.”

[masondares-blog]

Mason had been ignoring the nightmares for months, before they had hardly bothered him and he had never remembered. Just vague impressions of being afraid, sweating and panting as he woke up. All he had to do was calm himself down with a few even breaths and sleep would come again and leave him to get some real rest for the remainder of the night. Lately they had been tearing him along the edges, trapping him for what felt like hours in the pain that was so real it was like he was back there bleeding in the sickly smoke of petrol fire and waking up with his teeth biting his pillow to keep from crying out. If he was able to get back to sleep they would return with a vengeance, mostly the same but a few differences. The night just past he refused to even sleep at all. He nodded, he knew she’d connect the dots because she was as quick as a whip.

“Deal,” he said before he could talk himself out of it, mouth splitting into a grin at the tiny blonde girl in front of him. If his nightmares knew what was good for them they’d run for the hills, no one was more terrifying when determined than she was. “I don’t doubt it- I just, don’t tell anyone about this A, please.” Mason worried his lower lip with his teeth before levelling her with an imploring stare “Not even Kat.”

[aineohannigan-deactivated201608]

He looked to prepare himself for battle and Alice rolled her eyes. “Mason, I’m not going to fight you on this. I’m only asking because I care about what’s keeping you up. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. But this not sleeping thing,” Alice gestured to him with a look, “Isn’t going to work out. If you want, you can take my bed. I’m usually at my desk during the night anyways. While I work on my things, I can monitor your sleep.” She shrugged. “It’s really no trouble.” Alice knew her parents wouldn’t mind either– Mason was a pre-approved friend.

[masondares-blog]

Mason pressed his fingers to his temples as though steadying himself. “It’s the fire,” he mumbled as the pads of his hand wandered over his shoulder and down to the slightly twisted pink skin that just touched the bone of his wrist on a path that he now knew perfectly. The darker, angrier patch of scar on his shoulder had been pored over everyday in the mirror since the crash. He blew out a long sigh “Are you sure A? What about you?” It was a shock, still, that she seemed to barely sleep. Despite calling her superhuman for managing everything, the teasing with a touch of admiration he just hadn’t expected it.

[bloody-jackson-odair-deactivate]

Jackson could tell Mason had been trying to bait him; he was angry. And truth be told, Jackson did the same when he was younger. Sighing softly, Jackson rubbed the back of his neck, “You’re right, it’s not. None of it. However,  you’re mistaking pretending with progressing. It’s difficult, Mason, and always will be, but that fact remains that nothing gets better without any forward movement.”

[masondares-blog]

Mason’s fingers clenched into fists and the flare of frustration rose “What do you think I’ve been trying to do for an entire year?” His eyes narrowed “Oh yeah? and what do you even know about me. You left didn’t you? You were gone for so long that no one even knew where to look and you only came back because you got saddled with us. Seems to be a thing in our family, you and Conner both of you act just the same too, deflecting.”