Who the hell is Bloob?

I'm a storyteller. I'm an adventurer. I'm not yet who I want to be, but I'm on my way.

[master-bloob]

Fun game: Next time you hear the song, replace all instances of "Love Shack" with "Fuck Shed"

[master-bloob]

When you walk through a spiderweb and you see the spider hanging from you, but it somehow ninja vanishes, and you can't find it, and then you spend the REST OF YOUR DAY SPASTICALLY SWATTING AT IMAGINARY SPIDERS THAT YOU'RE POSITIVE YOU CAN FEEL ON YOUR SKIN.

[master-bloob]

Trying to nap when my dog jumps on my balls like

[master-bloob]

Things that are weird: The phrase "Tell me about it" means "I pretty much get it. Please stop saying words at me."

[master-bloob]

Terminator sequel: To prevent the robot uprising, humans go further back in time to infiltrate the mechanical world.  They get jobs doing dangerous, repetitive tasks which would have otherwise gone to machines.  In time, those humans succumb to the drudgery, lose sight of their original goals, complain, and raise their offspring to find a better way to run the world than the manual labor of their age.  The movie ends in a completely muddled state with a ton of loose ends and unresolved plot points when the last of the infiltrators has his granddaughter program his Roomba.

[master-bloob]

If you’ve ever described someone leaving your place the morning after as a “walk of shame” then you’re describing sex with you as something to be ashamed of - and then blaming someone else for you being a horrid person.

If you can’t fuck nice, don’t fuck at all.

[master-bloob]

Dear Science,

If lightning happens because of massive discharges of static electricity in the atmosphere, and I shock myself on GODDAMNEVERYTHING every winter because there's crazy static on everything, why are there so few lightning storms in the winter?

Not sure why I'm not just Googling this, -Bloob

[master-bloob]

There are two types of people in this world:

Those that don't understand the complexity and ranges of human personalities and try to justify a point of view by breaking things down into black and white while creating awkward run-on sentences before ultimately finishing without realizing that they forgot what they were talking about in the first place.

[master-bloob]

"If you give a man a Dougie, he will dance for one day.  If you teach a man to Dougie, he can get laid like seriously whenever he wants." -The Bible

[master-bloob]

Cyanide and Happiness has a random comic generator now!

http://explosm.net/rcg/JoblessStrawHealth

[iyimibole]

[travors]

Glitches in the Matrix.

[makemelaughblog]

[thezellot]

condensation

[basiumis]

Condensation

[der-prinz-aus-stahl-deactivated]

cream

[logicgoeshere]

The best are the shirts with sayings:

[preschtale-deactivated20151001]

PEANUTBUTTERCHOCOLATEBAR MOTHERFUCKER

[dabestofmemes]

[jalexxandra-deactivated20160805]

[master-bloob]

Fun Fact: Why the fuck are sandwich bags just a little bit too small to fit a sandwich inside them without smashing them all up so you can close the little zipper seal thing?

[dounia-algeria-deactivated20160]

Sunshine all the time makes a desert

Arab proverb

These simple words are so profound & thought provoking.

(via thaihaha)

[zoomerbro]

[bobisokkusu]

is this the rise of the brave tangled frozen dragons

[scenicroutes]

no actually it’s even better than that

this is a still from a 1990 television special entitled, “cartoon all-stars to the rescue,” which, literally, was absolutely nothing but half an hour of beloved children’s cartoon characters attempting to get that kid in the blue to stop smoking pot.

it opens with a brief clip of george h.w. bush and barbara bush sitting in the oval office, petting their dog. the president of the united states looks into the camera and says, “some of your favourite cartoon characters will help you understand how drugs and alcohol can ruin your life.”

and that brief clip alone would be worth the price of admission but then we get into the actual story, which begins with a teenage boy smashing his kid sister’s piggy bank to buy pot. while alvin and the chipmunks look on in abject terror. and winnie the pooh exclaims, “oh my!” and then the kid runs off to buy pot in an alley and bugs bunny appears out of nowhere dressed as a cop, picks a joint off the pavement, and launches into an anti-drug spiel.

it’s actually really not the kind of thing that can be put into words so here’s the full half-hour video, knock yourself out

[jamesbong00420-deactivated20160]

oh my GOD