Matchmaker Review

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Communicating Expectations

Dr. Christie Kederian & Alisa Purifico chat relationship & dating expectations…

What would you say to women, what should they expect from a guy when they’re talking to somebody new?

Obviously there’s some kind of reciprocity there. You messaged first. They messaged back. We have to empower ourselves to communicate if there are expectations. So if you really want the guy to pick out the place or whatever, you can set that tone.

If they ask, Oh, where do you want to go? Oh, I’d love it if you chose. Like, you know, I like trying new things, like go for it. You know, if that’s what you expect. Then they will make a mental note. Oh, okay. She likes when I kind of take charge and then I’m going to do that

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Listening is Sexy

Alisa Purifico & Bobby Rio discuss how attractive the act of listening is to a love interest.

The sexiest thing a guy can do is listen and not just listen to like check it off, but listen and apply because it shows us, you have depth. When you have depth, you win.

Women like guys who have depth. In this current climate, we are not cavemen anymore. We don’t need men to go out and kill bears and come back and set fires. It’s nice when he can cook and grill don’t get me wrong, but your guy needs to be a thinker. He needs to be really intuitive and he needs to put two and two together.

Women nowadays… that’s what we respond to because that’s what protects us in this current environment. We do not want guys to grill us with questions. Layer it with curiosity though, that shows us you’re listening, especially if it builds.

Ooh, that’s such a sexy turn-on. Oh my gosh. If you mention something that you recall that I mentioned, shows me you’re listening. It shows us that you’re powerful. I mean, seriously, it really, really shows us that you’re powerful. I love that.

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Freezing vs Listening

Janet More and Alisa Purifico discuss the difference between Freezing and Listening when talking with someone new.

[Janet More] Guys think there are certain words you’re supposed to say that is supposed to make a difference. And there really isn’t. [Alisa Purifico] What are the big mistakes when dating somebody new, whether it’s online, whether it’s in-person… in your opinion [Janet More] They just freeze up and just don’t know anything to say. So they’re just frozen. That’s one scenario.

The next one is they get so nervous, they just talk too much. The key is listening, so they’re not listening if they are talking. You can’t listen while you’re talking, that’s kind of what happens too.

To me, the two big scenarios is they are thinking so much they’re in their head. They’re not being with the person, not listening to the other person because they’re thinking too much, worried about what they should say next or they just start talking.

[Alisa Purifico] I think you correlated it beautifully. Just pretend you’re in class. When you’re learning something new, you’re absorbing information and you listen to it very specifically.

So I mean, this can’t be that hard. Pretend your date is this really sexy professor in front of you and they are teaching you a lesson. So pay attention, like seriously, like that can’t be that hard!

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Expanding Your Options

Bobby Rio & Alisa Purifico talk about expanding your options.

They think that these women have a million options, which, you know, a lot of times they do, but they never stop and go, wait a minute. I have all these same options.

I think it feels harder because guys just have this really ingrained notion now that they believe that woman always has 50 other guys in thier phones. So they think, how do I stand out? How do I differentiate myself? They wind up going overboard. Probably doing things like, Oh, maybe if I contact her more or I have to always come up with something witty to say.

Sometimes I read my clients messages and I’m like, this is so “try hard”. You’re just trying way too hard with your joke, you don’t have to do that. On one hand guys are like, there’s no women available or, and they believe that because they go on dating apps or Instagram or Facebook, and they think that these women have a million options, which a lot of times they do.

A lot of times women do, but they never stop and go, wait a minute… I have all the same options. I can get on these sites. I can learn them instead of going on Tinder for 10 minutes and going, I didn’t get any matches. Tinder sucks. They can go, what do I have to do to get better at that? How do I actually improve my online game? It’s really never been easier. The other thing that’s kind of changed is that.

In the past it was either, I’m on online dating or I meet people in the real world. Right now, it’s really kind of blurred because even if you meet somebody in the real world, the majority of your conversation with them occurs through texts through snap chats, Instagram messages. So you really have to kind of blend these things together.

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Dating Profiles for Dudes

Tell me about your dating life. Where are you?

I’ve never, I’ve never been good at dating. Nobody is! Don’t feel bad. Nobody is! When I was in my twenties… I didn’t do anything… I didn’t know anything… but whatever I was doing was really good. Maybe it’s because I was 20.

I guess we’ll go to what, my life was like pre pandemic. Out of the blue. I was seeing all these random emails in my inbox and like, Oh, this is interesting. And then I found your YouTube channel. I’m on like WOAH!

I’m on every dating site. And I. I have zero, zero game, zero luck. I try, I mean, and I’m getting so tired because I sit there. I like I’m the guy that’s trying to relate in the message that I send.

It’s very time-consuming and I never get someone, never get them to respond back. Never. If you don’t know, Bumble is the app or the girls talked to you first. Allegedly,

I never unlocked this feature. I got to upgrade my phone or something. I don’t know.

The biggest thing I see for men and women is that you need a good photo. You don’t need many, but good photos.

Do you have a tip on how they can quality check their own photo?

You can ask a few friends what they think. Ask people that will give you honest feedback, pick a screenshot and show them your profile and say, what do you think of this? People you know will give honest feedback.

That’s the idea! Helping people understand when they do or don’t need help. Right?

How can you quality check your photos? Go ask five people that are your mirrors, that will give you honest feedback. And if you’re like, that sounds like a crazy amount of work. I’d rather hire someone. Well perfect. We can help you with that too.

Comedian, Casey James Salengo talks about dating profiles.

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Defining What Matters

Elisa Del Castillo – Three Day Rule, Matchmaker

Don’t confuse the things that are shiny, that distract you from the things that really matter to the things that actually do matter.

There are definitely things that you should really try to pick up on a first date. So body language and how that’s going, but also just the way that your date treats servers and wait staff, those types of things are super important.

Also, the way they talk about the relationships in their lives. How they talk about their friends and family, and obviously if you guys have common interests and similar values and goals. Those are all things that are super important. So don’t confuse the things that are really not, that are just shiny, they distract you from the things that really matter to the things that actually do matter.

There are so many, problems being solved just by asking the right questions. You kinda have to be a journalist for your own love life, but not in an interrogating way, the real way of asking what matters in that sense and you’re really saving yourself time and you’re saving yourself by picking the right people.

But I think the real key here that I think you’re nailing and then really helping people understand… If you’re not cutting yourself enough Slack, in terms of how long it’s going to take for you to hit that trifecta and how, many times you have to go around the rosie, then you’re setting not only yourself up for disappointment, but anybody you meet.

You’re just not cutting anybody any slack and that’s just like no fun.

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Top Online Dating Mistakes

Lisa Amador, Amador Matchmaking

Don’t tell us what you don’t want. No, thanks. I don’t need to know what you don’t want.

It’s funny. When we got these apps, you can tell how long a lot of the girls have been on these apps, just by how mean and specific their bio’s get.

People get offended. They have these rules. I reached out and they didn’t reach out in enough time. So I’m not going to, I’m just not going to bother with them. Give the benefit of the doubt. If there was a connection made, go out again, don’t let your ego get in the way. That I see that all the time.

Like give somebody a, Hey, are you okay? Love to reconnect. And that person might just come back and say, thank you. I was embarrassed. I said, I wouldn’t end until a week later. And I didn’t want you to be angry at me, you know, but Hey, thank you.

That’s a big thing. Giving perspective is so important cause we do, we assume. It’s like so easy, but keeping up with new people you don’t know is a lot of work. It’s like it’s a lot to manage information and time, and most humans are not naturally organized. So it wouldn’t be that we wouldn’t be so erratic with like very in-tune with answering people.

So it’s good that you give them that dose of perspective because without it, they feel rejected. Everybody feels rejected. Right? On the other hand, don’t over connect. Cause sometimes it’s like, Oh my God, this has to stop.

When you make the connection don’t and they say here’s my number. Call me, or text me. Don’t text 10 times a day. Within reason, ask somebody, what is too much for you. I’d love to connect with you. Do you enjoy a check-in every day? Do you like it three times a day? What’s too much? What’s too little? Ask the questions. That’s a big misconception for men. They don’t understand that.

It’s not a weakness. If you ask women these questions, I actually find they want youto konw which questions to ask. If you make a connection, don’t be afraid to ask what is too much and what’s too little, what, you know, get the expectations set so that nobody is getting hurt or upset or rejected.

Also, read their profile and pick out something that shows you read it. Don’t just say, Hey baby or Hi.

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It’s Not Always Butterflies

Dr. Christie Kederian, Psychologist & LMFT

If you ever have that feeling like this is my soulmate, you should run the opposite direction.

What kind of feelings should we expect when falling in love with someone new? There’s a saying in Buddhism, that when you meet the right person for you, it’s not all these butterflies or whatever. It’s actually quite the opposite, calm and peace. So I love that saying, and that kind of aligns with research and psychology.

We have to allow the process to take its toll and to differentiate if it’s just a kind of lust or if it really has potential. I would say that if you ever had that feeling like this is my soulmate, you should run the opposite direction because there’s actually something there that’s triggering some past trauma that makes you feel like, Oh, this is my person.

I would say most of my successful couples didn’t have that, “everything’s butterflies and we know that this is the right person” on the first date. So that’s why we always say to give it a second date. But I do think that’s a good sign in the first date is if you feel like you can be yourself and you don’t feel like you’re trying to be someone they like, and you just kind of feel at ease and authentic, and that’s the dynamic.

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Find Your Dating Avatar

In marketing you have to know your avatar, in dating, you have to know… who is your ideal avatar woman?

Especially for those who don’t have a ton of experience and they fantasize what their relationship might be like… and there’s so much tech that feels so real. Honestly these days, it’s actually confusing.

Most of the guys I talk to, they say they want someone like themselves, but what’s interesting when I asked them to really describe what they want. They don’t really say that.

Get what you want out of your head and write it down. Things that make you happy and not just what society might say. Maybe you do want a woman that can talk shop and talk to you about software development or can relate to you.

You need to get real with what you’re looking for. Once you figure out what you want, come up with a strategy. Where would you go? Start going to those places, actually research.

In marketing, you have to research where your clients might be and know your avatar. You have to know who and what is your ideal avatar, right?

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Silver Bullet Swipe

Dr. Christie Kederian and the “Silver Bullet Swipe” method to dating apps.

You’re going into the online dating process with what I call the “Silver Bullet Swipe”.

So that’s the one thing that you’re like, okay, I really want someone who seems like they have a stable career, or you really want someone who’s from a certain faith background.

So when you go on the app and you’re swiping, that’s your main thing. And if they meet that, you’re not then analyzing, Oh, I don’t like their hair or whatever.

Like, no, they met that thing. You’re swiping them to the next round.

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Researching Getting Laid

Alisa Purifico, National Date Scout – MatchmakerReview.com

This is obvious, but do you appreciate, would you appreciate meeting other singles who were in the same situation you are? I know that sounds a little bit girl scout, but it’s so true.

Like we, we want this very deep, heavy, awesome thing, even if it’s fun, even if you’re not looking for something serious. Just looking for something fun. Finding even a good physical connection with somebody… that’s hard, that’s chemistry. You even need to do homework to get a good lay.

That’s real. If you’re an adult, like you know who you are and what you like, and you need to do homework, you can’t just like wing it. So do you want to meet other people like you? Are you willing to actually put in some real time to figure out the people like you? Again, treating your partner, like you do your current job, knowing what kind of future you have with your job, start to think about future pacing.

You think about it, can you future pace your partner?

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Matchmaking VIP

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Jamie Rose

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How Do You Want to Feel?

Alisa Purifico, National Date Scout – MatchmakerReview.com

How do you want to FEEL in your relationship? Don’t tell me what you want physically. How do you want to feel? How do you want your life to be?

When you think about your dream job, you don’t think about what you’re doing logistically. A pro football player doesn’t want to be a pro football player because of the word pro football player they want to do it because of the exhilaration they get from winning games.

So, How do you want to feel? And if you don’t care enough to go find the answer to that, then you don’t care enough to have the relationship. For real y’all! Being in love is the best thing in the entire world. It is literally the only thing that matters. Yeah. It’s going to take a second. It’s going to take some effort. It’s going to take some real ego humbling on your end to get into that good stuff, but it’s totally worth it.

So the question doesn’t become “oh, I guess life sucks. People just don’t care about relationships anymore.” No, the question becomes, “how do I get to the people that do, how do I get to the people that care about relationships? The way I do? How do I get to the people that want to have a relationship the way I do?”

“How do you adjust the quality of person you’re dating?” I am so happy you asked. You join awesome communities, cough, cough, wink, wink, like ours. Any community that has been curated, and put together by real people is a good one to join because that means there’s other like-minded people in that group.

So I don’t care if it’s our group. I don’t care if it’s a meetup. I don’t care if it’s your virtual soccer team. Whatever you guys do. If you want to be in a relationship, you better be putting yourselves actively in places to find other people, in order to find that relationship.

If you’re not actively putting yourself in situations to find other people who want relationships, then you can NOT raise your hand and say “well, I guess I’m meant to be alone.” Right?!. Gotta think about these things.

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First Date Activities

The first date can be an emotional rollercoaster: Excitement, anxiety, sense of hope on what may turn into, either a romance or a hilarious story to share with your friends later at the bar.

But the real question is: Should you opt for something simple -such as a drink- or are you the type of person who wants to be remembered by doing something uncommon?

With the coronavirus pandemic looking to fade away your options for first date activities gets wider, online dating (4 ways to impress your facetime or zoom date) is no longer a must, but an option.

Here we’ve compiled a list of the best, non-boring, pro-approved first date activities so that you not only get a second date but also lay the ground for a lasting relationship. Who knows? It could be the start of something new.

First Date Activities

Visit a museum

With the reopening of the economy, going to a museum could be a great option, most of them are free, affordable, or accept donations. This gives the couple a chance to have a casual small talk and understand each other’s perspectives on life based on art, while avoiding awkward silences, since there will be plenty of conversation starters all around you. This works best if you live in a big city like New York City

2. Go axe-throwing

Born in Canada Axe-throwing is one of the best, funniest and memorable ways to impress your date while leaning a new skill. It never gets boring nor dull. It consists in throwing an axe at a target attempting to hit the bullseye, similar to throwing darts, but this one sounds way more exciting!

3. Take a walk

Sometimes the simplest dates are the best ones. Remember it’s your first date activity, you don’t want to commit a lot of time and money to it. According to a research made by multiple dating apps, after dinner and coffee, a walk is the third most popular idea regardless of the age group.

4. Anything at the beach

If you have access to a beach, it’s a great idea to utilize it. There you have multiple options: either go for a walk, swim, ice cream or you can even watch the sunset together does it gets more romantic than this?

5. Go skating

I know what you’re thinking about, and yes. Ice skating or roller skating was a dating staple back in high school for many. But by trying out an activity that keeps the focus on balancing yourself from falling, will create a little light physical danger, which creates a great time-honored bonding experience.

Next, 5 Signs your relationship is moving too slow

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Dating Designers

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Jessica Barndt

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