This time, it's personal.

My main blog became a fandom blog LOL. So I moved. Now it's a super personal blog! Without telling anyone really. I'm not going to follow back, especially since I already have that other blog.

[matsunjun]

Things my manager did that just irked me

Customer looking for emerald cut engagement rings, so I show her some of the ones on our cases. Customer said the size of the diamond is too little, so I said I'll go check if we have any in the back. So I go to the safe, and she comes barging in with eyes wide open and worry in her face, asking "what are we doing?? what's going on??" I look at her and say "...I'm just checking if we have an emerald cut... I wasn't going to take anything out without seeing her ID" I didn't ask for an ID for a reason? There's no point asking her for one if it turned out we didn't have that in the safe. Like man, I've been working in this company longer than you, I know we're not supposed to show safe items without an ID.

I was off and they did a repair with a pending transaction. I didn't know about it bc it wasn't written anywhere on the work order. When I called the customer to pick up the repair, she asked how much it was for the repair--and that was the only way I knew it had a charge on it. So I opened up the transaction and it said $15, so I told the customer it was $15. Next day, the customer comes to pick up and when I was getting the repair, the manager goes up to me and says that the repair wasn't $15. And while I was in the middle of my explanation--that I didn't know, and I only looked it up in the system, she cuts me off with a "Honey, please." And basically shushed me! She then charged the lady $65! The customer was obviously annoyed by the high price for one screwback, so manager asked how much the jeweler charged. I looked at the jeweler's price, and it said $15. So she then said it was $35. Like...dang, she doesn't even know what's going on with the price either, so why was she mad at me for doing my best finding out the price when I was off and with no notes anywhere?

She got annoyed with me for suggesting we give a good customer the carriage that was FREE with the purchase of a Fairytale ring.

She was looking for an expiration date on a "Bday postcard" because she was being stingy about giving away a free gift? A cubic zirconia earring...

She was being difficult with a no strings attached gift card.

I was counting BUY GOLD envelope one morning when we just opened, and she lectured me for leaving the safe open and said it was security purposes to keep it closed. (We just opened, no one was in the store, and it takes me less than a min to count the BUY GOLD) Later on in the day, she leaves the safe wide open as well, and ALSO the little safe open with the chains out in the big safe. (Selling to a customer shouldn't be an excuse she had it open for so long) So hypocritical.

I had a day off on a Tuesday, and I come back on a Wednesday and opened. Then Andreas showed up, so I got confused if Hammy was coming. So I guess she changed her schedule and moved her day off to Wednesday. I informed Andreas that I can't do the package since she's not here. He admitted that he forgot about the Wednesday's package when he suggested Hammy to take her day off on Wednesday instead. That's fine--I emailed home office to inform them that there'd be a delay on the package. She comes back on Thursday saying that "I" should have reminded her about it. And she said "I know you were off, but you should have reminded me about it." NO. That's not right because I was off, and I didn't know she would be off on Wednesday, because the schedule I had she was working--so why did I need to remind her? Additionally, she is the manager, and she has been for many months now--so she should know the routine by now because it is pretty standard. ASIDE form that, she had 2 people working with her that KNEW about it as well. Her beloved Natalie, who she loves just bc she keeps saying she's Mr. Mike's right hand, and Andreas, a future DM. And they were working with her on that Tuesday. How is it all of a sudden that I am the one to blame? It makes no damn sense.

I was doing the supply orders, and she told me to just look around the store to see what we needed. And so I did, and ordered the supplies. The stuff started coming in, and she was pretty pleased about all the things I have ordered for the store--that is, until she saw that I had ordered toilet seat covers. Now, I have ordered seat covers before--when I worked at Santa Ana, and being a germaphobe, and working with a bunch of dudes, I felt we should have one. She asked me why I ordered it, and it was just a "waste" of money. I feel like that's objective, because I think it's something we can all use. Plus, why does it matter to her, when it's not coming out of her pocket. She said Natalie had already thrown out the previous one. Well, then that's their problem, I can definitely use that.

A customer had called in the morning saying that she plans on financing for a pre-owned Rolex for her husband's birthday. So I wrote it on a post-it note, with an attention to the salesperson and the manager. I wrote down the name, and what she's buying and for whom. I even informed the manager about it. So the customer finally came, so me and the salesperson went to show her the Rolex book, just to show her what we have. At this point, the manager had busied herself with rearranging the window (again)--she rearranges things so frequently--but it's fine because we didn't need her at the moment. We were just introducing the book, and she was definitely going to finance. So she wanted to see the sizes of the face, so I had asked for an ID. That was all. Then manager inserted herself, and told me to do the app, and told the salesperson that she will take care of it from here. Later on, when that customer had left, she approached me and the salesperson and said we are not to show any Rolex without her, or any big deals without her involved. And if she's not around, we just don't show any Rolex. We haven't even showed a thing so I don't know what she was griping about. She said she felt like we were pushing her aside?? I told her that was untrue, bc I informed her about this customer, and even the post-it had her name on it. She said that was beside the point. I told her she was busy with her merchandise, and she said I was making excuses. I'm sorry, but how does this all benefit me? How would shunning you from a Rolex sale benefit me at all? Later on, the salesperson also told me that moment made him really angry that he was clenching his jaw.

Today, a Thursday, I had asked her if I can leave early this coming Sunday. At first she said ok, but then she went to the schedules and calls me. She said, "I'm already having you leave early this Fri and Sat (she's pointing at a shift that says 11am - 8 pm WHICH IS NOT LEAVING EARLY BTW AS THAT IS A FULL 8HR SHIFT), then I told her, you're looking at the wrong person's schedule. Then she exclaims an "OH!" and sees that my schedule for that Fri was 10:30am-9pm and 11am-9pm on Sat. I then told her that I was just planning on leaving early on Sunday AFTER gates close. And that I was planning on going to Cerritos because that's my brother's bday celebration and they wanted to go to a dinner that closes at 9pm. She then gave me the OK.

[matsunjun]

I'm super stressed with my life right now.

Yeah, my skin has greatly improved, but fuck my mental state is so bad.

I can't with my family, I can't with my relationship, I can't with myself.

I am struggling financially, as well, and the jobs I've applied for just been giving me the cold shoulder. I just really need someone to throw me a bone. I just want to break into the industry. I have a lot of things I am going to fight for, just sometimes I lose the battles.

This is one of those days where I feel like I already woke up feeling like I've lost.

[matsunjun]

I'm tired of being the happiest together with you one day,

and arguing the next day.

[matsunjun]

A New Treatment

Tomorrow I will be undergoing a new treatment for my eczema. It is supposedly a lifelong treatment, and it is called Dupixent. I would have to take injections for my eczema every 2 weeks.

I have read that there have been a few that got the bad side effects, and most others have seen improvement. I'm terrified of needles (due to a trauma in my childhood which resulted in a huge infection), but I'm also really desperate for some relief and normalcy.

I found a YouTube video that I can finally relate to. The creator had talked about her eczema--how it is a chronic illness and how debilitating it is. How people cannot understand why she has to call off from work until she shows a picture of her intense flareup on her face. She explained how people seem to compare their mild eczema to her severe ones and say how they understand. But no, their mild eczema is but a minor inconvenience while ours--those with the severe eczema literally cannot continue daily activities.

I have literal pain walking or moving sometimes. Water has become an enemy of mine just because of how MUCH it hurts or stings being under it. I sometimes have to skip days of shower just because I have a fear of showering due to the pain. Sometimes I literally cry in the shower(or after) because of it. Not to mention all the sleepless nights due the burning, itching sensation!

It's hard to feel comfortable in this skin, not just from the hurt it brings, but also the mental aspect of it. My self-esteem is incredibly low, I can't wear the clothes I love because I want to cover myself head to toe, my depression is worse than ever with me constantly wanting to end my life, and I've gained weight from the combination of depression and steroids.

I'm absolutely scared of the treatment, just because I don't know how my body will react to it. Will it be good like most people that are on it? Or will I be one of the few that gets all the annoying side effects?

I pray to God to watch over me. I want him to heal me. I've suffered plenty and I am ready to move on with my life.

- May 4th, 2021

[matsunjun]

Just Another Mental Breakdown

So. yesterday, my bf and I were just chilling in my room--he was doing midterms on his laptop, and I was on my computer doing commissions.

But honestly, it was so hard for me to focus because my skin disease was just making me uncomfortable. I was so dry and itchy, and every itch is another cut. Also I shed sooooo much dry skin! So much! It's gross because it covers all surfaces and floors with it, I get embarrassed if anyone is in my room.

Anyways, I decided to just shower and so I can moisturize right after. So, I went to shower and it was just hell on earth. My skin stung so bad I had to turn the heat up and kinda gently rub soothing circles using the tip of my fingers onto my skin. It's so hard to bear. And after my shower, I just went into my room and just started crying. I am just so fed up with how I live my life now, I don't even remember what it's like to live normally anymore. To just wake up and not have to dust my bed, to wake up and not worry about blood stains on my pillows/sheets, to go through my day without having to itch or cover up my skin.

Everything just felt overwhelming and I started to cry nonstop. My bf jumped off his laptop immediately to console me. He told me I was a really strong woman and that he knows I'm not the type to just give up. He called me beautiful and brave, and he caressed my face and shoulders and gave me light kisses on the forehead and lips. He also added that he does whatever he can to give me mini vacations/trips because I deserve it. He would wipe my tears, because obviously I'm crying even more now. Then, he helped me apply lotion and ointment on my skin. :C

I feel so lucky to have him in my life. The one thing in my life right now that I feel most blessed with. Because he knows me so well, and he accepts me no matter what. Even though I am so unhappy with myself and my current situation, I can always count on him.

-March 27th, 2021

[matsunjun]

Baby Steps

SO! Continuing from last post, my BF and I (well just my BF) found the solution to the software lags by increasing my RAM. Unfortunately, my computer can only allow upto 16gb of space. Nonetheless, it is better than my current 12gb, so we are just gonna go for it! He will then help me install it onto my computer! So! Then! I can finally learn and be able to run these softwares!

For now, I am working on another of my friend's commissions for his Twitch. This one requires only my drawing software to use, and that doesn't require too much space, so it hasn't been a problem for me! I need to finish soon because I really need the money. But you know what, slow progress is still progress and I will take it at this point.

I am hoping that after I finish these commissions, I will finally clean up my room and work on my small business that I said I was going to work on since August...by the way it is currently March. Yeah, yeah, I have been out of work for 7months and it has been really hard on my bank account. I can only thank myself for being able to save up so much so I can stay unemployed while I work on my things.

Working on my health has been an ongoing battle, and unfortunately my health also affects my small business. On days I can't manage from pain/depression, I literally just lay in bed and binge watch or play games for comfort. I'm feeling lucky that recently my health has been getting better and I am back on that art grind.

I really want to turn my life around. I wanna be better. And I hope to soon be done with the baby steps and be able to take massive leaps.

I will get there!

March 5th, 2021

[matsunjun]

Support

Honestly, I'm mentally--in a dark place. Everything to me feels incredibly hopeless and I feel like I'm always gasping for air, like I'm constantly kicking my feet under water just to keep my head afloat. Which, by the way, is an even worse feeling when I am completely afraid of drowning (one of many reasons as to why I am afraid of the ocean).

Recently, I received a whole mess of support from my friends one time we were ending our session in Among Us. They were mad hyping me up with my art, business, and how I will be alright. My regret is I wish I had recorded the whole talk! I had unfortunately closed my game recording as soon as we finished playing, that I missed the chance!

Anyways, after such an overwhelming amount of support, I started to become hopeful again, and I got the motivation to keep going. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I started to go back to that dark place again--where I felt comfortable and helpless at the same time.

Some time has passed, and I am just trying to fulfill Abu's commission. It was difficult because what he wanted of me was not within my power (or my software/program's power), so I decided a trail of After Effects to try and learn it, and hoping I can finish it before my trial runs out.

Of course it wasn't that easy, and I had bought another month. Abu decided to just purchase the subscription for me--and not just After Effects, but the whole danged Creative Suite. I felt baffled that he would invest in me that much. So to not let him down, I decided a schedule for myself to learn these new programs so I can make him all the things he needed me to make for his commissions.

Now I am determined again!!!

SO far Day 1 of learning wasn't as fruitful because I came into some bumps with the tutorial...but I hope tomorrow will be a better and more successful day!

-03/01/21

[matsunjun]

Hi, it’s been awhile again.

So many things have happened it has been wild. LW really did me dirty, and another location, SA, needed my help. So I was helping both LW and SA at one point a year ago until LW felt I backstabbed them and just fully let me go fulltime to SA (without telling me btw).

Luckily for me, I enjoy the people at SA. There are a few work annoyances (but what workplace doesn’t?). My only big issue is that it is far from me and traffic can get pretty horrific on the freeway. Oh also the horrible manager from WM, the one I rant about on my previous posts, LMD, was transferred to this location like when WM closed lmao. So of fucking course, I end up working with her. Luckily, she isn’t a manager there anymore, just the Assistant Manager, and nobody there respects her. Or she has no authority. So I actually had more power with me this time, bc the SA manager highly respects me, and gives me a lot of responsibilities within the store, so what I say goes most of the times. I’ve had to put LMD in her place once in awhile--especially when she tells me what to do in MY office. Like bitch, step off.

So, I was able to really improve myself with work, despite some annoyances, and was finally promoted to Office Manager (with a whopping 50 cent raise). I stayed as Office Manager for a year until I finally got fed up with the company. Honestly, so much unprofessionalism and mistakes within corporate. It’s ridiculous. 

Fast-forward to today, I had quit with no backup job, and hoping I can just finally focus on my art. However, I got stuck in a rut. On my last few days at work, I actually had gone to the ER, and ever since I returned and trying to recover, all my ambitions, my motivation, was gone. I try to draw and just nothing good comes out of it.

Absolutely depressing.

Plus, I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Like I even take melatonin, and I still stay up all night no matter how hard I try. Then I just end up taking multiple hour naps in the daytime. It really isn’t helping me stay productive. Like, fuck I am exhausted.

Then I have been having a conversation with my current S/O, and I feel like it’s not going anywhere--I feel like we aren’t on the same page or that there’s no future for us. 

I want to split, but at the same time, I still want to have him in my life. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I am being impatient, but there’s just some things that I want and need that he cannot fulfill.

Anyways, I had to block all my followers on this blog because I just want it to be personal and private again. Sometimes you just can’t trust people no matter how well you think you know someone.

So yeah, that’s the update for today. Just been feeling really anxious and I haven’t written a blog entry in awhile. I was hoping it would make me feel better.

[matsunjun]

Long time no update!

SOOOOOO... A LOT of things have happened. A LOT. I’ve honestly been so busy, I haven't had much time for myself lately.

Most recent news I have is that I’m working at another new branch--at LW. I was working at my home branch, CS, and at WM before HOWEVER. CS and WM branches were fighting over me for the holidays, and apparently, Mr. R told me that WM manager, LMD, spoke to CS District Manager about completely taking me out of CS and working with them for full-time. Ehhh. Mr. R then told me he was ready to go to war for me. Lol. Anyways, I told him man, I need a raise. I’ve been working really hard, working 6 days a week, overtime, and two managers are fighting over me. That’s gotta mean I’m worth something? So he forwarded the message to Ms. L, the District Manager for CS. So, Mr. R spoke to both Ms. L and Mr. J (WM’s District Manager) about how they gonna split me up for both stores on the holidays.

The next day, on Oct, 19th, they gave Mr. R an answer. Mr. R then spoke to me as soon as I came in to work. He pulled me aside and told me what the DM’s had told him. Basically, both CS and WM don’t get me at all. I was to be transferred to LW and work there full-time, and that I start there asap. Confused, I asked who would be their office assistant if I leave, and he told me that an office person from LW and I would basically switch places because she wanted to do part-time, and CS only offered part-time. This way, I get my full-time hours without working 2 branches. When I asked about WM and how they will be like without me to help them, he said that Mr. J assured him that everything was set for WM without giving too much details. He then told me that everything was already in motion and he congratulated me because he said that I am basically going to be an office manager in the LW location in due time. He mentioned that the raise would happen also after yet another 90 day period at the new location. Ms. L claimed she wanted me to show my skills over at that location.

So I said goodbye to my CS co-workers on my last day on the 20th. I was sad because I do love my home branch and my office people there have become my closest friends. I was sad to not be working with them anymore, and anxious about how the new branch was going to be like for me.

I started working there on Oct. 22nd, Monday, and being the only office at that time was so overwhelming. It was incredibly busy and I had no idea where things were. The next day, I worked at WM branch (I was supposed to finish out the week there). LMD pulled me aside and told me how sad she would be but she wishes me good luck and congrats on the possible promotion. She then told me the manager of LW, Mr. JA, was willing to let me help out at WM for one more week. Sooooo, I was still doing 6 days a week between LW and WM now lol.

On the 29th of Oct, I came in to LW location and Mr. JA told me that the WM branch is closing down. He always jokes around so I thought it was one of those times--bc I haven't heard anything about that. It wasn’t until LMD called me and told me that I don’t need to come in the next day because they are closing down. I was so surprised...and it also clicked why Mr. J said that everything was set for WM. Steph from home office called me and said she still needed me to come in to help close down the store. So the next day, I came at 6am and helped pack the merchandise away, shred papers, and basically close down the store. I even took some of the letters off the wall and took it home. I took some supplies and decorations, as well lol. It was bittersweet. Although I didn’t like working there, I still had some memories of that place and the people. The 2 office ladies there and myself were working hard to close the store, and we all bid each other bye. Loopy, however, I will still see around because she will be helping out the LW branch time to time.

So...that concludes all the work affairs. I’ve only been able to go on my computer now bc I finally have 2 consecutive days off. And I had a day off the other day, too, so it was nice.

In other non-related work news, WS finally asked me out on a date, and I agreed to go. We’ve known each other for 7-8 months already, and he has really proven himself to me, and I decided to give it a go. On Saturday, Nov 3rd, he took me out to lunch to eat sushi (even though he doesn’t like to eat seafood, he knows it’s my favorite, so that already made me smile). Then we went to the Aquarium, bc he had promised me long ago he would take me. After the Aquarium, we went to walk  by the docks and just enjoy the sights. Then, he took me to this restaurant with good food and nice ambience. I really liked that place and he laughed because he said it was the first time he saw me eat so much without reservations and that he liked it. ><;

After that, we went to Target to buy some board games because I told him I want to play board games with my little brothers. So we got to my house, and we played the 2 new board games with them. We all had a good time. :D

[matsunjun]

Today was the shittiest fucking day at work. 

At first I was stoked because I open for once, and I get to go home when it isn’t fucking dark out. I close at both branches 95% of the time, you see. But anyways, this branch, WM, is the branch I fucking hate with every fiber of my being.

While I drove there, I realized I had forgotten to bring something this branch had wanted me to bring over from my home branch, so I was panicking the whole time until I figured out a way to make it work. I would have to drop it off Monday at the branch on my day off, but whatever, it was my fault for forgetting to begin with.

So I come in early in the morning, and this girl who was acting weird walked up to me and asked where she can throw up. She was just wearing a dirty hoodie and black socks. I pointed to the trash can and she wailed on over there and threw up. Then she kept walking towards the couches outside of Target and would kind of moan and groan. LMD arrived at this time and was confused, and finally opened the gate for us to come in. I was concerned for the lady, and was gonna call security to maybe see what was her issue, but she had already walked away.

Anywayssss, did all my opening procedures and worked on some office work that the home office had emailed for us to do. Received a phone call from financing company telling us they need us to really work hard on apps, and pretty soon, LG arrived and I went on my lunch. I went to Starbucks and used my giftcard to buy myself a drink, and got LMD and LG some water. Went back to the break room and texted my mom, thanking her for preparing my lunch and that I love her. My mom was happy and then went on to reply to me about my older bro’s fiancee texting her regarding my older bro, who we are currently having some issues with. Now she’s involved and things are a bit more complicated. So had a back and forth texting session with my mom and just so much drama and got me concerned more and more about our and my finances.

So after my lunch break, my manager, LMD went on hers. A customer came in to browse, and I went over to her and tried my best to sell. I helped her find a chain (had to go to the back to search for a specific length she wanted, and was lucky to find the only one in the length she wanted). So I helped her put it on and she loved it. She then wanted a little cross pendant to go with it, but the only ones we had were big and slightly bulky. We did find a cross pendant, but it was already a set, it came with a chain. She only wanted the pendant, bc she liked the chain I already brought out for her. I suggested for her to purchase both and just take the pendant out of the old chain and into the one she wanted, and keep the chain or give it away. When she still seemed hesitant, I told her she can try financing with us, so she doesn't have to worry about paying it all today. She seemed thrilled with the idea, and I got excited because that’s an app! And we needed the app! So I quickly got her to fill out the form and I made copies of her IDs and scanned them in. When finished filling out her form, I hurriedly started typing it into the system--I noticed her 5 year old daughter was in a rush, and she kept trying to keep her daughter calm and patient. The lady kept asking me how long it would take, and I said 10-15minutes, and to reassure her, I told her she may step out while I process the application. She ended up staying, but when she started to have second thoughts on financing with us, I immediately told her I can give her an additional discount on the item if she financed with us, and threw in a free gift for applying. That pleased her, and she waited throughout the application. The financing company didn’t take too long and I was able to get everything approved and ready to ring up. Unfortunately, we didn't have much change and she ended up going to the store next door to get change.

While she left, I quickly prepared her items for her and slipped the pendant out of the old chain and into the one she wanted. I then realized that the end of the chain was too big for the pendant to slip through, and I panicked a bit. I quickly asked LG if we had like tweezers so we can maybe pinch it thinner. She got up and got some pliers and gently pinched the end of the chain, and it still looked natural and perfect, and the pendant went in easily. I was relieved. So I got the app AND a sale. And the customer was quite, quite pleased!

So after the customer had left, I immediately did all the officework I had to do after a financing sale and sale in general. This means making a copy of the receipt, uploading the receipt on the customer’s media, case counting, tallying, and adding to the SPIFF Log. While I was in the midst of doing this, LMD had returned from lunch. I told her I did one app and she was like great, I love you more, but for some reason I can tell she didn’t look too pleased.

She then criticized me because the glass display cases were dirty and told me that I should clean it up after the customer leave etc etc....but I had no down time? I was doing all the officework (STATED ABOVE) right when she returned. So already, that was one strike. And the next second, she saw my transaction was open and berated her for not selling BOTH items for financing, and why I didn't convince the customer to just finance for both items. I told her it was a last minute idea since the customer only wanted to pay cash... I mean shouldn't she be grateful I even got her an app? That shit is hard to get in this branch! Anyways, I went back to doing office things when another customer comes up and stares at the watches. I walked up to him and assisted him with a watch he was eyeing. I gave him a 10% discount on the watches (that’s the discount my home branch does), and waited to gauge his reaction. He didn’t react much and then he told me to wait a sec. So he stepped out and looked at his phone, and I waited for awhile. 3min later I see him walk up to the display again, and as I got off my chair to go to him, he walked right back out. So I was like uhhh ok? 

LMD went up to me and asked what was up. I explained to her exactly what happened, and she was like what? You gave him your price? Why didn’t you call me? She said it in a very irate tone so I panicked. I then asked “I have to call you for 10% off on watches?” I ASKED TO CONFIRM. BC I WAS TRAINED ELSEWHERE IDK HOW THEY DO SHIT HERE. But she took it the wrong way and probly thought I was undermining her authority and was like OFC U DO! WHAT DO U MEAN? So, I had to explain my actions and told her this is what we do in my home branch. She then said THIS ISNT YOUR HOME BRANCH FORGET THE THINGS YOU LEARNED THERE. I felt soooo offended. It was DUE to this home ranch’s training that I do WELL as office in YOUR branch (WHICH U PRAISED ME ON PREVIOUSLY).

When she turned to answer a customer’s question (the one that LG was helping out at this time), I quickly made a getaway to the bathroom. Now, I usually have a PRETTY good hold on my emotions. PRETTY GOOD. But at that time, I teared up in the bathroom and a few tears rolled out. I patted my eyes dry and went back out into the store, TO SEE AND HEAR LMD TALKING TO LG ABOUT THE FUCK UP I DID. I excused myself to pass and went on the other side of the store, and SHE CONTINUED TO TALK ABOUT ME AS IF I WASNT THERE! Saying “SHE DID THIS AND SHE DID THAT, THATS NOT RIGHT, THIS IS A DIFF STORE.” I couldn’t hold back, and I kept trying to not cry right there in the open. When they finished talking, LG went to the breakroom for her lunch break, I immediately went back to the back and into the bathroom again and cried more. I was in there a good 5minutes, because I couldn't walk out looking like a mess. I was breathing in and out to try and regain my composure. 

So I walked out again and noticed a pending transfer on the office desk that LG had printed out. So I got to work on it. In the background, LMD was still voicing how upset she was. She then excused herself and stepped out of the store. She came back after awhile and went up to LG who was eating on her break, about how she saw the customer purchasing a watch at another store and showed her picture proof. Then she went up to me and showed it (I didn't see it bc her Siri screen was up), I acted like I saw it and looked away, I was still feeling upset that she wont fucking shut up about it. THEN she continued to lecture me about this and that, and how if she sees something she doesn’t like, she’ll speak up about it, instead of talking behind someone’s back (UH EXCUSE ME U WERE DOING THAT), and how she doesn't like fake people that keep it inside (SO U CALLING ME FAKE), ANNNND that since I am sensitive and crying, that the next time she sees me do something wrong, she will just keep quiet. FUCKING WOW. FUCKING WOW A PLUS FOR YOU. I retaliated and told her I WASNT attacking her authority when I asked about calling her about the discount, I was CONFIRMING with her bc I WAS TAUGHT DIFFERENTLY. FUCKINGHELL. It’s like talking to a fucking brick wall. And I just continued to do the transfers and kept to myself.

LG walked out for a bit, then LMD decided to be fucking buddy-buddy with me, saying I’m a good girl, and that she appreciated me for getting her an app and helping out. And tried to make fucking jokes, but I was not having it. I was not smiling, I was not laughing. FUCK YOU.

I finished my task and let her correct it, and she complimented my handwriting. IDGAF. 

Anyways LG was back and LMD went on her 15min break. I tried to help out this customer that came, but it was really hard to communicate with him---I could barely understand him. Anyways, he wasn't gonna purchase anyways, and I let him walk. LMD came back and asked if I wanted to take my 15. I felt like committing and my neck felt hot so I was like fuck yeah. ANd the whole time I just wanted to go home. I still had an hour and I need that money, but FUCK THIS ENVIRONMENT. When LMD went to the back to turn off the air, I asked her permission if I can just go home---there’s nothing to do and I wasn't feeling well. And when she asked me if it was because of her, I just told her I wasn't feeling well and I have fam problems (WHICH WASNT A LIE). She then made sure if everything was cool between us, and I nodded (WHICH WAS A LIE). I did tell her I was upset with earlier, then she said that’s why we talk! But I didn’t want to talk, so I just said we were cool. She gave me a hug, and I was allowed to go home. I have never once in my life asked to leave work early, but I really cant with this anymore. Halfway to my car, I realized I have the keys for the store and went back to return it and OFC they were talking about me. She said she was just telling LG that I had to leave for fam probs, and I was just like yeah yeah. I just wanted to go home too. Her face fell hahaha.

BUT YEAH THAT WAS MY DAY FUCKING HELL I HATE THAT PLACE. I got home and I tried to tell my brother about it and I teared up just talking about it. 

And my parents asked me about it, and I couldn't tell them bc my eyes were stinging. Well that was it. FUN DAY. FUUUUN DAY, fml. 

[matsunjun]

/Sigh

OK so tbh work has been really shitty. Several work days I have gotten quite pissed at K in my home branch, and even sometimes MB, Mr. R, and just ugh. Sometimes they just don’t give a shit about their office people.

Don’t even get me started at the WM branch. Higher ups had visited and now wants us all to compete with each other instead of having us work together to complete one goal. It is such bullshit. I won’t compete, I won’t be used as their tool fuck tHAT.

The only one I enjoy working with there--KT--is planning on quitting. (She was the one that my manager LMD said won’t schedule with me as much anymore bc we “talk too much”) She didn’t even last her whole 3month probation. 

Today was a long fucking day. First, LMD had wanted me to work an 11 hour shift today. Then, office had so much shit to do today. It started from me following up on a shipping label, processing transfers, putting the 2 packages together to be shipped, then calling FedEx to pick up them shit. Also, this lady wanted to sell her gold and did it for $10. BUT the whole buying gold transaction is long and AnNOOOyIng. SO I did all the stupid work just so she can get her $10. Printer jammed, and the police report website wanted me to reset password bc it expired, so I had to email Home Office to have them send us a new pw. THEY DIDNT. So that police report is pending til tom.

NOOOOOT only THAT. LMD opened the packages and fuck me, THERE WERE 124 MERCH I HAD TO RECEIVE. I’m the only fucking office that day which meanSSSS, I had the lovely pleasure to receive each item in the system, categorize them, and list each fucking piece in the inventory binder. THENNN put them out in the store. BRUH. BRUHHH. 124 pieces. I have never received so much items before---and esp not alone! I enlisted the help of KT and LMD (she helped in the end) with putting stuff out, but that’s all they could do really, the rest is office work. I was on this shit for nearly 5 hours! ANd it’s technically unfinished because I had to make stickers for them. But I was like nah, they can do that shit tom. All these I had to do while taking phone calls/helping customers too.

And Ron the shipping guy was making me hella uncomfortable when he came to pick up the packages, too. LIKE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. =_=

ALsssso, during my lunch I was dealing with family drama. My older bro is harassing my mom, and she kept texting me all the hurtful things he was texting her. I had to get involved and texted him to fucking stop and to just direct his anger towards me instead of my mom. That got him to finally stop. 

The whole time at work LMD was praising my work, saying I was really fast at receiving merch--faster than LS (her office manager) and LG (her other office). She even mentioned that I’m a really good office person, and joked that my mom had me so I can be KJ’s office person. She added that I would have good opportunities if I stayed in the company just bc I’m good at being office. LOL. The whole time I was like LOL NO NO NO NO. NOOOO. DO NOT WANT. It’s nice to feel appreciated though. She did treat me for lunch today, and got me a soda at around 7pmish, bc I was fucking dying with all the work.

Came home and had to do stuff for my mom and also deal with my younger bro bc he was giving me some serious attitude and tone. Also had to speak to my dad about my older bro ugh.

I’m so tired tbh I need more breaks. I thought that the recent 4-day trip with my friends would have sufficed, but it’s nowhere near enough. I have to work again tom, another 8hr shift (technically there for 9 hours damn u unpaid lunch break).

[matsunjun]

Man I haven’t updated in so long. But regarding work, there has been so much shit so MUCH. 

Like I was legit miserable for the past few weeks. I had disagreements with WM branch’s Manager, LMD; I got scolded for having a conversation with new girl, KL, that we were split apart--and we apparently aren’t scheduled together anymore bc of that one convo we had...when I had all my tasks completed and there were no customers in the store. I told my home branch about it and they all told me it was fucking ridiculous.

I decided to just work 2 days there instead of 3, so I can get one day away from them and for me to have 2 days off again. Bc I can’t fucking handle them. AT ALL.

 I did make friends with the 2 new salespeople there bc I was fighting for them. I just got shut down by it. At least I have the support of my home branch coworkers.

But that branch isn’t perfect, either. I still have to deal with K--who again, gave me problems when I was closing with her. And again, it was when we were both working with MB, so she always tells me she sees the way K mistreats me. But even though K wanted me to do something different that night, I ignored her and still did the way I was supposed to. She’s not my boss, and I know what I’m doing. I closed with her again the night after that, and I still did the thing she didn’t want me to do, but this time she didn’t say shit. I hope she got the point lol.

My friend WS knew I was really upset and miserable bc of this, so he did come by one night after work, and we went to the beach and had dinner after. It was really nice because it did make me forget about the shit and I actually relaxed for fucking once. I obviously got teased for it, but tbh, I think it’s a normal friend thing to do. I have gone through lengths for my friends, and it’s always nice when the favors are returned. Which takes me back to when my friend was having suicidal thoughts and I rushed to her after closing and stayed with her til 3am despite my parents’ wishes. Only to realize she was crying wolf and so I had to lecture her about it...and the list goes on. I can’ t ever do stuff financially or things that have to do with driving, but I do my best to find a way. Anyways...

Let’s see, what else~

Oh Jeff’s bday was yesterday, the 12th, and my mom had booked an overnight stay at a Kids Resort (lol bc my lil bros are teens). Luckily, older people can swim at the waterpark, too. I had asked Niki to come and dogsit for me, and ofc she came through. I was very grateful. Ofc her service was paid, and my mom kept feeding her lol. She got spaghetti, a bag of chocolate, sodas, and a bag of chips. Mom even gave her roll of cake to take home to her fam. xD My mom was super grateful bc she was honestly stressing over it, and was upset when Mel told me she only wanted to be the last resort for dog-sitting. Tbh, I probably won’t ever ask her to dog-sit for me again lol. Just bc I don’t want to force her into something she doesn’t want to do. Obv, I’m confused bc she used to do it for me a lot, but recently she told me she is scared to stay alone in my house. I think her fears got worse bc she watches that damn criminal minds show lol. So I just don’t want to bug her for it anymore.

I had asked today off since it was an overnight trip, but I finally return to work tom, so bleh. Luckily, I don’t work with LMD lol. I instead work with LS and new girl GV. They are 2 of the 3 tolerable people in that branch. So work shouldn’t be too bad. 

[matsunjun]

HELLO So I haven't updated in so long bc well been crazy busy during and after AX. But let’s spare all the details on that one, and just go straight to the most recent crazy adventure I had.

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I arrived to work at the Westminster branch. I was scheduled to work there from 12:15pm to 9:15pm. Not the best shift at a not so best location, but I learned to deal. As soon as I got there, office was not going well--Loopy (I now call LG that bc she’s loopy), had barely started diamond testing, when manager, LMD, was looking for the register. Loopy had forgotten to take it out, probably bc she was busy training new girl, so I brought it out for her. Then it clicked--this means she hasn’t counted Buy Gold Cash/Check or the registers. So, I did that for her. Next, I went through the emails and saw there was a transfer request from Home Office, so I got started on that. I found all 9 items and already started the whole transfer, when LMD got a call from DM, Mr. J. He was asking for me to go help out another branch in San Clemente. I have no idea where tf that was, and thinking it was nearby, I went ahead and said okay. 

Anxiety started to creep up on me as I asked LMD how far it was. She told me that she was told it was only 30min, and I was like oh ok, that’s basically how far I drive to this branch. But as I mapped it...it was.....30min by freeway...by local streets, it was about an hour and a half. INSTANT REGRET AND PANIC. LMD knows I don’t take the freeway, and so she told me to make sure to charge for mileage. I cry. So as soon as new girl returned from lunch, I took off. I set it on my GPS and began the travel there. It was local streets, so it was well and good UNTIL...WHERE TF DID THE CITY GO?

like NOOOO THIS IS A NOOOO BAD IDEAAA. The whole time I was panicking to WS, and joking for him to just come pick me up at work (and he actually said ofc, what time u get off?). And he said he’d pick me up, Uber to his car, then go home--which was ridiculous so I told him no and that I was kidding. The drive there was long and I was freaking out so it made me extra tired.

I finally got to the branch, and met 2 Sales people. They had no office and immediately showed me a receipt they printed---in landscape. They managed to fix it after several tries, and I saw the bundle of receipts lol. I tossed it bc they didn't need it. I went to my break shortly after I got there bc well---I was technically working since noon, and it was around 3:30 when I arrived there. After break, I did my best as an office person to get them all caught up on paperwork, emails, etc. Apparently they've only been open for 3.5 weeks, but their manager was on vacation and their office manager was on an 8 day vacation, too. I was like uh who tf would do that to a brand new store? it makes no damn sense. Anyways, at the end of the night, we were packing up and the salesperson I closed with, PGS, told me I packed the stuff better than others who have come to help out--even managers and district managers. That gave me a bit of an ego boost lol. :>

Anyways, on the way home was when shit hit the fan lmao. It was a long way home....in the dark. boiiiii BOIIII. I was so fucking terrified. I was at the highway, a lone car going 60-66mph on a winding road. Like I recorded that shieeet

NOOO MAN U SEE THAT? The furthest ive driven was 26min local street. THIS WAS A HUGE JUMP AND WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. In the video I was actually whimpering but hahaha. And ANNND, my music turned off and my gas light went on at this time, which FREAKED ME OUT EVEN MORE. Because I don't know where I am, I don’t know when I get back to fucking civilization and get to a gas station. What if I ran out of gas right there??

My fear/anxiety got so bad that I start to feel my body get paralyzed. My hands started feeling numb and started locking, so did my legs and my stomach area. WHICH MADE ME FREAK OUT MORE bc how can I drive like that! I drove faster hoping to get out of nowhere and hit a city. Once I start seeing other cars and little places, I immediately put a stop on my GPS for a gas station. I was legit crying at this point, hyperventilating, even. I made it to a gas station--one other car, no convenience store/people (which also scared me), so I had to pay in card. $30 gone for a full tank. As soon as I got in the car I just rested and called WS bc I was too scared and I don't have music as bg noise. He stayed with me til I got home. ;__; Which was at around 10:14pm (I left work at 8:30pm).

never aGAIN MANNNN NEVER

AND I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN THE STARTING HOURLY PAY I ASKED FOR HMPH

Today (well yesterday), Mr. R said Mr. J was telling him that he commends me for my hard work and for helping out at Westminster and I guess San Clemente, BUT WHERE IS THE PAY RAISE.

ALL THESE MANAGERS FROM ALL THESE LOCATIONS BE PRAISING ME AND SHIT BUT I AINT GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT

/SIGH

IM TIRED

[matsunjun]

So work earlier was a bit of a pain. First, I opened with 3 other sales people...and I close with them, too. Though 2 of them leave an hour and a half earlier, leaving me to close by myself...with K. xD;

I was also the only office person for the whole day, so that sucked ass considering how busy this mall gets on a Sunday. NOT TO MENTION, THE DM DECIDED TO COME. She was there til almost 6:30pm, fml. So we were all on our best behavior hahaha.

I only had a lame salad for lunch..I say lame because it was just greens...nothing on it besides dressing. So it was boring and not that satisfying. And I forgot to bring a drink, so I didn't have anything to drink til I got home...I was there from 10:30am-7:30pm mind you. T^T I had like 3 min left for lunch when a Sales person called me for help with a customer on the phone. And wow, the customer was really mad lmao. He was asking about when his ring would come in, and I could not find his name on the repair log book on the computer or on the binder. It wasn’t in the pick up tray either, so I was just at a loss of what to do or say. So I told him I would call him back so I can call my office manager and see what she knows about it. He was very pissed and said we were very unprofessional, saying that it was his wife’s wedding ring and that we better find it or there would be trouble. I called NB and she told me it was a Home Office repair and that it would take 2 weeks to come in. I already knew this guy would probably be mad about that, and I was right. “He was like what I brought it in 2 weeks ago, and now you’re asking me to wait another two weeks? And I’m supposed to just sit here and accept this?” Like man...what do you want me to do? I’m not the one repairing it. It was also not my fault the name wasn't written down--my office co-worker processed his repair, so she should have logged his information down on the repair book and computer. T_T And pmuch after that, I had to work on Special Orders, Retags, Apps, Transactions, and other office things. Like there was so many random little things that needed my attention. T_T I was so tired. Fuck... I crashed as soon as I got home lol.

Later today...I work open-close...11 hours hahaha. And the day after also...also 11 hours....hahaha and the day after is at least just 5, but I close and was hoping to get the AX badge so I don't have to line up on DAY 1. :C Ugh it’s been a crazy fucking month tbh. /knocks out

[matsunjun]

My day off was on Friday, and I didn’t get to blog about it, but I want to, so here we go.

It was my only day off, but I was pretty stoked because I actually had plans. First I went to my hairstylist in the morning! It was also a milestone because it was my first time deciding to go on a location I’ve never been to by myself. And I actually didn’t mind the drive. o: I felt pretty adult lmao.

She moved studios since I last saw her (years ago), so I didn’t know where it was or what suite number she was. So I had to DM her to ask hahaah. Her studio is nice and cute with purple walls, and she had blue and purple hair (fave color combo). We just caught up and talked about what’s been going on with our lives, and she gave me advice here and there too.

I decided to go back to the color she did for me last time, and also asked her to even my hair out (bc it was asymmetrical from that one summer cut). Since it grew out, my hair was nasty looking lol. Uneven and shit color.

check out that before and after mannn, she did thattt. So, after that, I went home for a bit and napped before WS arrived. He wanted me to dress him up so he has nice things to wear to AX~ But before that, we went to have lunch at MOD Pizza. We shared a giant bowl of salad and a mini pizza haha. He is trying to be healthy and lose weight and I been tryna help him with that. So after, we went to the mall and basically did that movie makeover montage hahaha. I shoved clothes at him for him to try on and he ended up buying jogger pants and a shirt. :’) I’ve always wanted to do that for someone hahaha. Bc I love fashion. I had him bring me to GameStop so I can pick up my free Spyro Lego figure for pre-ordering the game, and we kinda talked about video games there for a bit.

Then, we went to the library to watch a D no Arashi episode. We were only able to watch one ep, bc we were both feeling tired and nodding off...but mainly him lol. So, to wake him up, I dragged him to the sculpture garden by the library and just kinda showed him around. I took him into the forest tunnel thing, and it was fun because he is afraid of spiders and there’s a lot of spider webs in there. I fake push him into some of them for fun. I’m a sadist ok. Lol. Then we rested for a bit before we went to the Japanese restaurant for dinner. I just ordered my usual Baked Salmon sushi, and the fucking punk ordered this Ramen set (ramen sushi), but he made the ramen bowl large and added a side of extra noodled. Like fuck, even the waitress was like you eat a lot, huh? FFS lmao. The food came, and even he was surprised at how big it was lmaoooo. Dumbass. 

Anyways, after that, he drove me home, and I looked at my Spyro box of 322 pieces of small lego and made him build it. We were trying to build it at a table at a park but he suddenly got a headache and napped in the car. And then I got cold, and it was too dark to see the lego pieces lol. So he decided to take it home and build it for me. Aww yiiis I have a minion. Perfect for my lazy ass.

And yeah, that was it. It was a fun day-off at least. Bc back to grueling days at work~

[matsunjun]

it’s been awhile since an update bc MAN OH MAN AM I TIRED AF lol This post is going to be a long one, just bc I have a lot of shit to say

so after a few days after my last post, I worked at the other branch.

Aaaand I opened with LG, and mannn. She is worse than LS with not letting me do anything. At least with LS, I can do case counts after helping set up, but this oneeee. As soon as I finished setting up, I immediately went to case count and she was like “oh no honey, I’ll do the case counts, you can clean the glass.” But, I usually can do both bc I work fast...but well...if she says so. 

So! I basically just stood around waiting for her to finish her task. She told me that if it’s just us working together, it would be relaxed and chill, and that I can even use my phone. gasssp. I use my phone all the time in my home branch, even in front of my manager lmao. She’s so rad to let me use my phone like that. Anyways, she was nice enough to get me a cinnamon bun though~ She brought it for me and said breakfast hahaha.

Anyways, a customer came in while she was in the back, so I began to assist her. I’ve already shown her a couple of pieces and showed her to different displays when LG interrupted, saying she’d help her instead. I was like wtf I was in the middle of it, but you know what? Fine. I’m in office, not in sales anyways. Though it irked me a bit bc does she not think I can sell? I’ve sold in their store before. So, while she was helping the customer she stole from me, another one came in. So, ofc, I help again. He was just looking, but I decided to push for it and ask who he was shopping for, and for what occasion. He said for his girlfriend’s bday. I then asked him what sorts of ideas he had, and he said necklace. So I showed him a few pieces from the color mix display (because he also specifically mentioned Sapphires), then we moved on to the diamond pendants. He told me his budget, and I gave him prices for each item he was interested in. Most were in his $500 budget. I also told him about the lifetime warranty, and that it is highly recommended, and he seemed like he was interested. Anyways, he took a few pictures to send to the gf’s bff, then said he will look around some more. I thanked him and saw that LG’s customer had left without purchasing anything, as well. But I had a good feeling about my guy.

So that branch’s manager, LD, finally arrived, and so LG went to grab coffee before I go on my lunch. LD then handed me an envelop with lunch money, bc I didn't attend her company party, and that I wasn't able to eat the food lol. So she said lunch is on her. I declined, saying I already had lunch, but she insisted. I just took it to save haahha. A regular customer came in to get her jewelry inspected and cleaned. She had a ton, so LD began to work on it. While she was doing that, LG finally came back with her coffee, and as soon as she has, so did my guy. So I was like, OH! :D And started to walk over to him. LG piped up and was like, “Don’t worry, I got it.” WHICH AGAIN, IRKED ME. So I replied to her without looking back, “No it’s alright, I had been helping him already.” hmph. My customer! MINE! I don’t get anything for selling, neither does she, bc we’re office, but I already know his story, know which pieces he was interested in, so why does she insist on butting in?? Makes no damn sense.

Anyways, he chose one of the diamond pendants, bc the bff got back to him and chose it for him, and I was able to sell him the warranty (which means I get the commission for that! Hah in your face, LG!) So it was a $500+ sale, and I’m so proud of myself. I went to eat my lunch happily. Treated myself to some starbucks :3

So, their DM, Mr. J, dropped by right after I clocked back in from lunch. LG went on her lunch which left me with LD, the manager, and Mr. J, the district manager....how fun lol. And I had ofc, nothing to do. I ask and ask if there’s anything I can do, but nope, nada. Mr. J did a second interview for this girl, and she got hired on the spot. That pleases me greatly because they finally have help. LG returned and started doing a task, and I asked to help. She denied my help, bc there’s only one machine, but I insisted on helping (bc in my branch, 2 people can do that same task even with one machine). So she let me. And I was sticking it my way, and she took it from me and was like “Oh, you’re too cute~” and showed me HER way of doing it. I know how to do it...I've been doing that shit for a longass time in my old branch. =_= She is so fucking condescending. So I took it from her without a reply, and continued doing it THE WAY I LIKE AND IS MORE EFFICIENT FOR ME.

So I finished the task when a girl came in looking for a job. She seemed chill, friendly, and might be a really good candidate. So as soon as she left, I told LD YES INTERVIEW HER, SHE HAS POTENTIAL, I CAN FEEL IT. And LD was convinced. And I also let LD know that Mr. R gave me the option to go back to working 5 days a week if I get tired/burnt out. And that I can work 2 days at their branch, and the usual 3 at mine. As soon as I said that LD panicked and shook her head. “No, no you can’t--we need you.”

I told her, yes but you just hired someone and there’s another one interested, but she continued to shake her head, saying they don’t know how to do anything and that they like me and want me to stay. I told them I’m still willing to help until they’re all trained but yoooo, I can’t do 6days a week forever lmao. But does it matter if I know what I’m doing or not? Not like they trust me to do anything =_=;;

[matsunjun]

TODAY IS HELL

Well technically yesterday bc it’s 2:20am

Closed with only K today, and she made me feel like I was incompetent, and would lecture me in front of customers, embarrassing me and shiet. And she would correct me, lecture me, make me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.

Had a Rolex sale, too, so I had to call financing companies, trying to process customer’s shit. And I haven’t done my closing procedures.

We made the sale, but stayed almost an hour overtime. ANDDD THE CUNT FORGOT HER KEY SO WE COULDN’T CLOSE UP. SOOOO we had to wait for my manager to come save us.

He did give me the shirt with my drawing he commissioned...He sold it for $20 each and he already sold out.

FCUK WHERE MY PROFIT AT

sobs