rustysilver:
“The braincell for Rusty is my favourite braincell.” Rusty teased, holding Matt’s gaze as he continued to smile at him. His expression was one of open, unguarded affection. He could still remember a time they were afraid to let each other in, to be vulnerable. Now, he couldn’t imagine their relationship any other way. Without Matt there to read him, to understand him, to look at him and just know immediately what might be wrong, he would be lost. He wasn’t afraid to admit that. “I know it is, Matt.” He said quietly, as always feeling guilty for his own insomnia fading steadily away as he got clean, and healthy, and less reliant on his addictions. Once upon a time they had both struggled, but maybe it was easier for his fiancé this way. At least he wasn’t being woken up by their out of sync body clocks. He could sleep when he could sleep without fear of being interrupted.
Laughing at the comment, a blush creeping to his cheeks, it felt good to know Matt still found him attractive. If anything, he felt like their attraction towards each other had only grown as their relationship became healthy, and supportive. It always helped that Matt looked like… well, Matt. But his fiancé was never going to accept the fact that he was punching way below his weight. “Pretty sure you’re the one who likes being smacked.” He muttered, unable to help himself. “But sure.” Resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of his brother, he reached down to fish the magazine from the floor. “Pax thinks I’m a lowlife junkie, even now. He just tolerates it, which I guess is a step in the right direction.” He was only half teasing, his relationship with his brother was never not going to be complicated. But it was stronger than it ever had been which needed to count for something. “I want to be stuck with you.” He corrected, shaking the magazine to draw attention to it. “Do you ever wonder… you know, what our lives would be like if we hadn’t ended up together?”
“Yes, as it should be. Is the one that works the most often, after all.” Matt shyly pulled his gaze from Rusty’s and blushed bright red. He’d gotten better over the years and he was better when he was high, but deep down, Matt was still a shy introvert. He was afraid to mess up on words that he knew very well and he often did. He was afraid to look most people in the eyes. He was still a little afraid of the dark if he was honest, but having Rusty with him helped. If there was one person in the room that wasn’t going to judge him, aside from maybe a little teasing, it was Rusty. “It is not a surprise for me. I couldn’t sleep much when I was young either. My parents tried to force me to sleep for many years but it not change anything, so they let me sleep when my body wants and do other things when I can’t.” It was one of the reasons he’d started drinking so much originally. Alcohol calmed his anxieties, but also made him sleep. By the time anybody realized how big of an issue it was, Matt had already been struggling for years.
“Hey, hey, I never said I would smack you and you like it, I just said I would smack you. Not everything in life is happy fun time, sometimes is smack your fiancé on the noodle time.” For emphasis, Matt bonked Rusty on the top of the head with the first pillow he could reach. There was almost no force behind the blow, it was merely to prove a point. For which Matt grinned brilliantly to himself. He had no idea if he had proved that point, but it didn’t really matter, he was happy with himself regardless. “I’m not sure Pax even knows what Pax thinks half the time. That is one small person full of so many thoughts and those thoughts go,” Matt shrugged, “This why he have a therapist and not a boyfriend.” Not that Matt believed Pax didn’t deserve somebody to love him, he just also had a lot to work through. “Ah, yes, we would both be dead. Overdose and drank myself to death. If we honest.”








