Graduation day
I’ve decided to write in this journal so I can remember what I did with my life. I just graduated high school today. I feel so free even though I’ve only been at this school for one year. Everyone starts their future today. I’m happy for them all. I get to start mine too. I start art school in a few weeks!
End of summer
I’m on the plane right now and I’m so scared. I’ve never been on a plane before. Hell, I’ve never gone anywhere besides Ottawa before. I cried at the airport because I was so scared and I didn’t want to leave. Archer held my hand the entire way. I felt bad, I didn’t want to embarrass him since I was crying so much but I couldn’t stop. When they called my gate, I was so terrified. It’s a miracle my heart didn’t burst because it was pounding so hard. I gave Archer a tight hug and wouldn’t let go of him. He tried to calm me down by telling me it’s gonna be okay or that we can call each other all the time. I already plan on calling him the minute I land. I knew I couldn’t stay there forever but god I wish I could. I wish I could have taken Archer with me or found a different and closer school. Not one that’s in a different country. I gave up and gave him one last goodbye kiss before boarding the plane. I miss him already.
Weeks later
Art school is going great! I love it so much! Archer says he’s having a great time at his school too! I’m so excited and happy that we’re both living our dreams. On another note, it was Scout’s birthday today! I wasn’t entirely sure what to do for my cats birthday but I was sure to give her extra cuddles and sang to her happy birthday.
Next month
I got an art related job!!! It’s not really an official artist but a teacher at my school recommended me to a tattoo parlor close by. I’m now a tattoo artist! Hopefully this is my first career in the art world.
December 25, years later
I’m so nervous today. It’s Christmas and I have a great present for Archer but I don’t know if he’ll like it or not. I’ve planned out the whole thing and this is how it will go;
After dinner, I’m going to tell Archer that I have one last present for him. I want him to be excited for it because I am too but I’m also very nervous. It’s a wrapped up book but the inside is hollowed out. Not too much so he won’t feel it but enough that I could fit the real present inside. The carving is filled with Forget Me Not’s, Archer’s favourite flower. Under the flowers there’s a piece of paper that says “put the book down” and I’ll be ready on one knee. I’m going to ask Archer to marry me today
After dinner
He said yes!!!
Wedding day
Oh god. I’m about to burst into tears. I’m so scared and nervous but I’m about to bust out of my skin because I’m so excited. I can barely write right now since my hands are shaking too much so I’ll write after the ceremony.
Next day
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Seeing Archer stand in front of me with a ring on his finger made me cry with joy. I’m a little embarrassed since when we were both standing at the end of the alter, I was so happy to see Archer that I broke tradition by grabbing him and kissing him harshly. Everyone made a joke how that was supposed to happen at the end of the ceremony but I don’t care. I couldn’t help myself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
Three weeks later
I have another art show! A real one! But this one is all about me and my art! Can you believe it?? I can’t! AND Scout is having kittens!!! This is such a wonderful day!!!
Years later
Archer finished med school today. I was really proud of him but then something really serious was brought up. We talked about having kids. A while back we agreed it would be best if we waited until he was done with school to start a family and now we can. I think we’re going to start.
Weeks later
Someone answered our adoption ad. We’re finally starting our family.
Another month later
I’m such an idiot. Today I was trying to baby-proof the whole house to get ready for our little boy or girl that should be here in a few months while Archer was at work. It’s safe to say I didn’t do too well. I accidentally locked myself out on the balcony in our bedroom while I was baby-proofing it. There was nothing I could do except wait for Archer to get home so I sat outside and started to think about the baby. It got bad fast. If I’m able to lock myself outside so easily how am I supposed to take care of a kid? I’m going to be an awful parent.
A few days later
I brought up what happened on the balcony to a few of my friends that I share a studio with. They laughed at me and I had to try my best to not cry in front of them. They kept reminding me it was okay and that accidents happen and that I’ll make a great parent. I sighed. They said that I locked myself out because I wanted to make sure the baby will be as safe as possible and if I couldn’t get inside then I guess the baby can’t get outside so I did a good job. I guess they’re right.
Seven months later
The baby was born today. I cried, of course. We have a little baby girl. She’s so perfect I can hardly believe she’s real. I love her so much and she hasn’t been in our lives for twenty four hours yet.
We named her Vera.
Next week
Vera is such a princess and I love her so much even if she starts to scream in the middle of the night. Today after Archer went to work, I brought her to my art studio. It was a hot day so I put her on her baby blanket on the ground and laid her down on it and took off her onesie and left her in her diaper. She slept soundly but I still like to think she had fun. Of course I talked to her even though she’s a baby who can’t understand me and was asleep, I just need to tell her that I love her to death. She woke up after a bit and was scared that she was in an unfamiliar place so she started to cry. Her wails break my heart, I never want to see my daughter cry. I held her closely and sang her soft lullabies. After she calmed down a bit I showed her some of my paintings. She accidentally touched the one I was working on and got her tiny hand covered in red paint but it gave me an idea. I took out a blank canvas and took her palm and pressed it against the corner. For each child Archer and I have, I’ll add a new addition and since Vera’s was red, I’ll go in the order of the rainbow. It’s safe to say that Vera liked my studio.
A month later
My dad died today. My aunt called to tell me. The funeral is next week. I’m going but I’m not going to stay for very long, especially if my mom is there.
Next week
I brought Vera to the funeral today just because I wanted her to get out of the house. Also she has a really cute outfit that I wanted to show off but that’s another story. The first person I saw there was my mom. Her eyes were clear like she hadn’t been crying. She’s also pregnant. Apparently my parents were divorced years ago and she was remarried and working on her second child in that marriage. She noticed the ring on my finger and Vera and her eyes lit up. She asked me who the lucky lady was. I had to pause and tell her I didn’t have a wife, I have a husband. Her eyes grew wide and she hit me. She told me I was going to hell and I told her I’d meet her there and left. I didn’t even stay for the ceremony.
A few days later
I haven’t left the house in a few days. I sit at home and watch Vera and think about my mother. She was an awful parent. She threw me out of the house when I was eighteen for one bad mistake I made then didn’t talk to me for years. When we did talk she told me to go to hell. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about her but I can’t stop. She was so awful and I don’t want to be that bad a parent. I want Vera to grow up so strong and beautiful and always come to me or Archer when she’s feeling down or scared or anything. I just want to be there in her life but how will I do that if I’m awful at being a parent?
The next month
I’m a great parent. I’ve started seeing a therapist right after that mental breakdown. She’s so incredible and she helped me so much. She told me I’m bigger than my mother and that Vera will be a part of my life and I believed her. On another note, Archer and I put up another adoption ad. It looks like we’re going to have another member of our family.
Right before high school reunion
I’ve made it. I’m a real artist. Archer’s a real doctor too, we’re both living our dreams. And on top of that, we have a big family. I come home every day to six little munchkins attacking me. We have six kids and I couldn’t be happier. Six kids and six colours of the rainbow! It fit perfectly on my canvas! I love my life and I love my family.
Hopefully I’ll still love everyone from high school too.










