The One with the Devil's Tongue

~

[matthew-hoult]

Can you reach your dick with your mouth?

...no.

[matthew-hoult]

If you HAD to do a guy, who would you pick?

I can reach my asshole with my dick, so... myself.

[matthew-hoult]

List of people on your "to do" list in order of priority

So basically every girl, right?

Vania

Jade

Lauri (again)

Riley

Jenn

Michaela

Fluke (waiting for the ‘ugh’ text message to come through)

Morgan

Mae

Professor Valentine

Robyn

Leyla

Rose

Klara

Allie 

Even if I haven’t even talked to all of these girls.

[matthew-hoult]

◐

When Jade pretends she doesn't want to be my fuck buddy because we're bet buddies and it would blur lines.

In other words, when Jade pretends that she doesn't find me totally irresistible.

[inboxideas]

Turn ons & Turn offs: LET'S GET DETAILED

send me a ● for a turn-on,

send me a ○ for a turn-off,

send me a ◑ for a GUILTY turn-on,

send me a ◐ for something that’s only a turn on if CERTAIN people were to do it or only on CERTAIN occasions.

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

What!

[matthew-hoult]

Nothing.

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

What? What the fuck do you want?

You want me to tell you it’s not yours? Can’t do that. Not yet.

[matthew-hoult]

[jing-is-jaded]

She gave him a look, but laughed. “Don’t complain if your grades drop, then. I’m a music major with a habit of skipping class.”

[matthew-hoult]

"I don't care... as long as it gets done."

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

How should I know? You said it yourself, I’m a bitch.

[matthew-hoult]

Lauri...

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[youngerhunter]

So do you. 

[matthew-hoult]

Hmm.

[professor-eros-deactivated20140]

Ugh

[matthew-hoult]

Are you okay there?

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

It’sjust the stupid parasite in my stomach.

[matthew-hoult]

*chokes* You mean...

It's not mine, right?

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

[matthew-hoult]

That's me.

Dude, you've gotten wider since I last saw you.

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

Always.

[matthew-hoult]

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[youngerhunter]

Hi!

[matthew-hoult]

You look unfamiliar.

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

Still an asshole?

[matthew-hoult]

No. Still a bitch?

[matthew-hoult]

Well, hello there.

[queen-b-logan]

Oh, it’s you…

[matthew-hoult]

Correct. It's me.