suffering is the noblest art.

MATTHEW O'SHEA. Post-Apocalyptic Survivor. Graduate Student. Twenty-Four. He tried to imagine what it would feel like to have always been alone. He decided that being alone to begin with would have been much easier than having something and then losing it. Anything would be easier than t h a t.

[charliefortier-blog]

She listened attentively to the details he was telling her, putting the details together to form a mental image in her head. Her light hues casted over to the hook, attempting to put the pieces together. It was the closest thing lately that was like her work before the outbreak. Though it wasn’t like any of her cases, it was remotely close and that was the best she could’ve gotten for a while. Her eyes narrowed in thought before drawing her attention back to the male. “Someone could’ve stolen it if it’s not here and what you recall is correct. Best case scenario, it’s still in the pocket and you were too quick at looking for it.”

[matthew-oshea]

Matt furrowed his eyebrows at her words. “Why... would anyone steal it?” It wasn’t a real coin, there was no worth to it, it couldn’t buy anything. So it was beyond Matt as to why anyone would take something as useless as his coin. “Maybe it fell out,” he countered, pushing away the thought of never seeing the token again. “When I put on my jacket?” He turned to the woman again, watching as the wheels and cogs in her head turned, mind working for a solution. “It could have fallen out. Maybe it just rolled somewhere on the floor.”

[romanlewis]

“If rolling is the only way a coin can escape than I think that we might be in luck!” After all, how far can a coin really roll without being stopped? Hopefully this particular coin didn’t decide to slip through a crack or get wedged somewhere unreachable. But it seemed that the coin wasn’t far at all! Once he had got out from under the bed, he pushed it back in place. “Huzzah!” Yes, he did say that. “I’m glad you found it, Matt.” He needs to repeat that name in his head - Matt, Matt, Matt. Matt the coin chaser. Roman didn’t want to forget his name on accident. “I take it that the coin is valuable to you?” Of course it was. The guy wouldn’t have gone through all of that for no reason. “Don’t mention it. I’m glad that I could help.” 

[matthew-oshea]

To think that the whole situation seemed odd to Matt said loads for the times. Roman was just being nice. A nice, positive, hopeful human being. And to think that Matt considered that off made him feel a bit bad. Maybe even jealous. Because all Matt could seem to think about was who he’d lost and how he’d never get to see them again. “I am too,” he returned the smile anyways, trying to remember what being completely relaxed felt like. The drive to be normal, however, drained from him the moment Roman asked about the coin. “It uh...” he trailed off, staring at the small metal coin in his hand. “It belonged to my sister,” he said finally. Clearing his throat, Matt flashed a brief smile to Roman as he got to his feet, nodding his head in thanks and then finished his explanation. “She gave it to me in July after she won the World Cup.”

[charliefortier-blog]

“A coin? That’s specific.” She glanced around the room, attempting to a catch a glimpse of any outline that could represent the shape of a coin. Remembering her task of trying to find something to do, Amelia looked over her shoulder for a quick second, letting a few thoughts run through her head before focusing her attention back on the male. This was something she could help with. This was where her specialties lie. “What color is the coin and when did you notice you lost it?”

[matthew-oshea]

"It’s orange and blue,” he replied quickly, fighting the urge to tilt his head slightly at her willingness to help. He hadn’t completely lost hope in humanity the moment the world ended, but he was cautious around people who willingly helped. People were always out to get something in return, at least from his past experiences. “Have a v and two swords crossed underneath. It--uh,” he got to his feet, eyes searching the ground as he tried to retrace his steps. “It was in my jacket pocket the last I saw of it. I hung it up on the hook over there and then went to put it on this morning and it was gone.”

[charliefortier-blog]

The frantic aura coming from the male was appealing enough for Amelia is stop her in tracks to watch in amusement from the distance.  She was on her way to figure out more ways she can help around, but the attention of her task was stolen by the interest she found in the situation. “Do you usually talk about yourself in third person?” she finally spoke up as she walked up to him, her playful smile contrasted against the disappointment in his face. “What are you looking for?”  

[matthew-oshea]

Matt snapped his head up at the new voice, studying the woman in the door frame for a second before sitting back on his heels and rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, not... usually. Mostly when I’ve done something dumb.” He wasn’t proud that she’d caught him in this moment, but that’s what he got for speaking his troubles out loud. “A coin,” he answered with a sigh, “I dropped it and I dunno where it went. It’s important, though. So I just... need to find it.”

[romanlewis]

“It’s a coin! It’s not like it can grow legs and run out on you.” He joked a little. Actually, that would kind of funny. Watching a coin with legs running around. Would it grow eyes so it could see where it was running too? Probably not - alright, getting off topic Roman. He entered the room - out of the doorway now - and started scanning the room. Coin, coin, coin with a v and swords. Where in the world could the coin have gone? Then the guy asked a question and he immediately nodded. “Oh yeah! Of course.” Roman moved over to the bed and pulled it out just a little. “Any more? And I’m Roman.” He leaned a little on the bed’s frame. “Yeah, no. It’s fine that we haven’t talked. But I’m glad we are now!”

[matthew-oshea]

“No, no, I guess it couldn’t,” Matt laughed slightly. “Though they do have a nasty habit of rolling. That’s probably how it escaped me.” It was an odd thing to think about but surprisingly enough mad the situation less stressful. With the other man’s help Matt was able to crawl under, eyes scanning and searching. He caught a brief flash of blue and a smile lit up his face. “That’s good! I think I see it, just hold on for a second,” reaching out, Matt grasped the small metal coin, pressing the object into his palm with a relieved sigh. Crawling back out from under the bed, he sat back on his heels, grinning and looking up to the man--Roman. “I am too,” he smiled, holding up the small coin so his companion could see what all the fuss was about. “Probably would have driven myself crazy if I hadn’t found this. So thanks. The help means a lot.”

[romanlewis]

He couldn’t help but feel slightly bad. Losing something with just slight value to you always was bad. “Oh okay. Shouldn’t be too hard to find, right?” He gave the guy a small smile just trying to get him to feel slightly better. “Where did you see it last?” Brilliant, Roman. If the guy knew that he wouldn’t be searching frantic for it. “Uh, stupid question. Never mind. I can help you look.”

[matthew-oshea]

Matt let out a small breath through his nose, returning the smile. “I hope so, man.” Glancing down towards the floor again, he scoured his brain for the last time he’d seen the small UVA coin. “Uh, I was... I put on my jacket over there. Maybe it fell out?” Distantly he felt stupid that he was getting so panicky over a coin. But, then again, Moe had given it to him and it was really the only thing he had of her. Crouching on all fours, Matt shifted his gaze to under the bed, squinting his eyes. “Do you think you could manage to pull the bed out a bit?” The whole search was becoming quite the hassle and he made a mental note to thank the man personally for helping him later. “I’m Matt, by the way,” he said from the floor. “I’ve seen you around I just... you know. Everyone’s in their own world here. It’s always hard to talk to people.”

[okayodysseus]

You say you’re not a hero, but, my God, you would’ve battled every star if it meant to save her, and remind me again why you can only look to your hands and see the ghosting shades of red.

you’re too young to be so haunted (m.m.)

[romanlewis]

Roman wasn’t really doing anything - unless someone counted walking around something. He wasn’t sure if he was suppose to be doing anything or not actually. So for now, Roman was walking around the building from room to room. He ended up hearing some noise and someone talking to himself. Roman poked his head in with a small frown on his face. “Uh, are you okay? Need help?” Because that’s all  what he wanted to do. He just wanted to help.

[matthew-oshea]

Matt glanced up at the voice, eyes scrunching slightly for the briefest of moments where he searched to place the new face. He recognized the other man and then sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “I, uh--yeah.” he managed to get out. “I dropped a coin. Small. Orange and blue. Has a, uh, v and two swards printed on it.” Frowning again, Matt pushed down the panic. “I just... need to find it.” It sounded lame in his head and he was sure even more pathetic out loud.

[matthew-oshea]

Matt tried to hide the small sense of panic building in the pit of his stomach. Eyes trained on the ground around him, he scanned the dirt, crouched to check under the table, by the nearby door. His hands fished in his pockets and still he couldn’t find it. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” he chanted to himself, the dread building. “Where the hell did you put it, Matthew.” Standing, he let out a breath, placing his hands on his hips, face visibly twisted in disappointment.

[coltonwright]

“I didn’t think for a moment there that we were gonna make it but wow, okay, that happened. Next time, plan better and don’t get distracted by places I’ve never been before when there’s something on your tail. I suppose this is where I should say thank you? Or maybe that was someone else..”

[matthew-oshea]

“No worries about the thanks. It’s, uh, not really necessary. It’s pretty safe around here, lots of us make sure of that so you don’t have to worry much. You could even get a bit distracted by everything, just don’t wander too far.”

[marnieprice-blog]

“Look, I understand that you’re scared. I’m scared to but killing people no matter how sick they are or ‘how too far gone’ they already are doesn’t make it right. I don’t care how stupid you think I am…”

[matthew-oshea]

“You’re not stupid for thinking that,” Matt sighed, leaning back a bit in his chair to show that he’d overheard the conversation and was willing to talk about it. “But it’s... not really up to anyone else but that person. If they want it done, then I think it’s better to honor them. Honor that wish. Free will’s still a thing, I think. And we’re gonna treat someone as a human being until the very end. I will, at least.” He offered a small smile, and while it might have seemed a tad forced, it was still genuine at its core. “It kinda sucks but what’s considered right--or, well, what was considered right has changed a bit since the end of the world.”

[alizabethxdavison-blog]

Alizabeth didn’t mind being on watch while most others were asleep. It was peaceful–it gave her time to think and also, the quiet made it easier to hear anyone approaching, even if her sight was more limited by the night. Their shelter was decent, but it still wouldn’t do for them to be caught unaware. She was currently musing over their current situation–how long they should stay, how far they were from London, how much longer they could go before they’d have to go on another supply run–when a noise in the trees beyond their camp made her eyes narrow as she slowly got to her feet, grabbing the lead pipe she’d found weeks ago and kept at her side since, her father’s gun (only to be used in dire emergencies) safely holstered at her hip.

She moved silently towards the sound, straining her ears to listen as she leaned against a tree for cover. Footsteps. Uneven, heavy, and slow. Her body tensed–no living person would be stupid enough to make so much noise ( at least, she hoped not ), and she held her breath as the footsteps got closer, peeking around the tree. There it was. A–zombie seemed so silly, and yet was there any word that didn’t sound equally ridiculous? This was reality, this was their world, now, but Alizabeth still couldn’t believe it sometimes. She reached down, grabbing a rock and tossing it a few feet away from her. It–that thing–turned in the direction of the noise and she stuck, stepping out from behind the tree, striking the reanimated corpse (that was a mouthful) in the head–they wouldn’t stay down unless you did it just right.

And down it went, Alizabeth quickly grabbing her knife, far too used to this by now to wince as she stabbed it in the head–her medical background made her a bit less squeamish when it came to all the blood, but it was still disgusting. She grimaced, in the process of cleaning her knife on the grass when a noise behind her startled her, causing her to spin around–

“God!” She breathed out, “Sneaking up on someone with a knife isn’t–don’t do that!” She said softly, before gesturing to the thing below her, “I think it was alone, but I don’t know for sure. You have something to defend yourself with?”

[matthew-oshea]

Sleep was a rarity to Matt. He’d been able to function on six hours before the whole world went to shit and now that number had lessened considerably. He’d call it adaptation. Vulnerability came with sleeping and really, none of them could really afford to be vulnerable anymore. Because when one of them broke down, the rest of them would follow. Whether they all wanted to admit it or not they’d been forced to become a sort of kind of unit. A phalanx. And if he’d learned anything from the film 300, it was that the group would throw away the one person who couldn’t hold their own weight. Because in this world you either adapted or you died.

And he wasn’t about ready to be the cause of anyone dying. While he didn’t know any of the people he was currently travelling with, that still didn’t mean he was ready to shoulder the guilt that would surly come with a death. So as always when he couldn’t sleep he patrolled. He walked the perimeter of their haphazard base camp just to make sure. To make sure and to also keep his mind from wondering like it always did when he closed his eyes. Maybe that was another reason why he hated sleeping. Ellie’s brilliant blue eyes and an easy smile always found him there, buried under Moe’s laugh and the smell of the fresh cut grass of Fetzer field.

Daydreaming was dangerous. Letting his mind wander was dangerous. Which was why he wasn’t even remotely surprised when he wandered upon the scene in front of him. Distantly he realized his mind had steered him towards the unfamiliar groans that had seemed far off and haunting. What he hadn’t planned on was running into Alizabeth. At least he thought that that was her name. “What?” he managed to get out, blinking. In a split second he got over the surprise and snapped back to reality, withdrawing the k-bar from the holster strapped across his back, underneath his shirt. “Sorry,” left his lips as his eyes scanned the nearby area, his ears straining for any more distant groans. “I didn’t realize anyone was out here.” Pausing briefly he slowed his breathing, closing his eyes and straining his ears. A beat passed. And then another. The silence was almost deafening. “I think it was alone,” he said finally. “Though are any of them really alone? I’m sure the smell will draw others at some point. Do you think we need to tell the others and pack up?”

[lunaspalmer]

In Luna’s mind, [ THEY WERE GONE. ]

Her friends, any of these she had ever touched lives with that weren’t around her in present. Her cousins, her family – though she was always the off one out – they were still her family. They were still the blood and flesh that connected her to other lines of people deeply rooted in old generations and now – they were gone. Being in England when she should’ve been in New York for the end of the world turned out to be her biggest regret of regrets thus far, and it really made her blood boil. Perhaps there was pain behind the loss of losing so many, but Luna chose instead to be angry because none of this was supposed to happen. None of this made sense. 

No longer did Luna’s sass have a joking edge to it but they were now cutting, the only person their tongue did not maim on most occasions was their best friend Mahlia who had thankfully come with them. 

                 ( Luna thought about the possibility of being alone                           in this brave new world full of falling skies and walking dead                                           – she would’ve been heartless instead of just frozen.                                                                              COLD. Cutting. ) 

No longer did Luna even feel the urge to care about others, and yet, they joined a group that required the very thing she had not the slightest inclination to do. Even with her background, she had no heroic urges, and while she knew that being a good person meant feeling slightly bad that she didn’t ( care, that was ) – – she didn’t. 

                                        Why? Because Luna wasn’t a good person. 

As they walked up to the fresh face in front of her, she simply surveyed the predicament from afar, seeing the disgust on his face, surveying the wasted food ( that should’ve been stored or destroyed properly, they would soon reprimand him on ), “you leave your moldy smelling food out here like that, zombies will come and kill us. You don’t want to be responsible for us all dying, do?” Luna looked him once over, “because you will be.”

[matthew-oshea]

Matt glanced up at the voice, the scowl on his face never shifting. It was bad enough that his backpack had somehow gotten wet and his food ruined, but now he had someone treating him like a child. Giving the new presences a once over, he sat back slightly, straightening. “You always make acquaintances this way? By insulting their intelligence?” he said evenly. He saw no point in getting riled up over someone he barely even knew. He didn’t even know how long they’d all be in the group together, so really, getting worked up over the opinion of someone who mattered very little to him was pointless.

“Relax. No point in accusing me of causing any deaths just yet,” he muttered a few seconds later, turning his attention back to his bag and the rotten food. “I was just cleaning out my bag to see what the water had gotten to.” Unzipping all the pockets, he turned the bag upside down and rested it on the floor to dry. Picking up the food, Matt stood and regarded the woman again. “We can use it draw zombies away,” he held up the rotten food, “If there’s a hoard we’ll just move ‘em somewhere else and draw ‘em away with the smell.” He paused slightly, feeling a short bit of annoyance stir in the pit of his stomach. Distantly his mind scolded him for spending entirely too much time with Ellie and he just barely managed to bit back the sarcastic remark brew on the tip of his tongue. “Unless you have a better plan instead of just throwing it away?”

[matthew-oshea]

To say that Matthew O’Shea felt more at ease on a vast grass covered field then surrounded by tall buildings was an understatement. At least in an open field he could see threats coming. But not here. Not surrounded by tall, cold, stone, skyscrapers. The hollowness of the scenery around him did little to quench the uneasiness that seemed to be a constant suffocating presence in the pit of his stomach. Being separated from his sister and girlfriend in a foreign country wasn’t high on his list of things to do, and yet here he was, stranded with a group of people he barely even knew just trying to figure out a way to survive the sudden apocalypse. But he had to make it work. If there was any chance, any small, minuscule chance, of finding his sister and his girlfriend again then he had to fight for it. He had to try. That still didn’t mean he was used to trusting complete strangers. Especially not in this new world where danger was an ever present threat.

Unpacking his backpack, Matt took notice of everything he had, cataloging a checklist in his mind. Not that he believed any one of his new companions would steal from him, there was still room for a little paranoia. He didn’t talk much--hadn’t even before the world went to shit--so forming any sort of bond with anyone was difficult for him. He didn’t particularly like feeling vulnerable and weak in front of a complete stranger. And not having his sister or girlfriend--Ellie had always been the strong one--around didn’t help his uneasiness. But he knew people thrived on conversation, thrived on comradely, especially in dire situations. So he’d have to find--

A strong stench hit Matt square in the face, the smell so strong he had to turn his head away just to keep himself from throwing up. “Shit,” he muttered, withdrawing the bagged sandwich and trying not to hurl. The food was molded, covered in green and black fuzz and Matt made a face, holding up the zip-lock to better inspect the damage. “Brilliant,” he muttered to himself, tossing the wasted food over his shoulder. “Absolutely brilliant.” He’d have to find something else to eat or have to rely on one of his new friends. And while he had no reason to not trust his companions, having to rely on someone else for food didn’t really sit well with him. He didn’t want to have to owe anyone. He knew how dangerous debts were.

[unhalllowed]

[matthew-oshea]

headcanon [matthew o’shea].

Matt keeps two old and worn pictures with him at all times. One is of his sister, Morgan, taken on the front quad of UVA. The other is of Ellie McFadden, the sort of kind of love of his life. She was snarky, confident and popular and everything that he wasn’t. She could talk to just about anyone and had a charm that was so damn endearing it won him (and others) over in a heartbeat. She was the type of girl that never fell in love with bookworm nerds like him–but she did. And so did Matt. Hard. And it terrified him. It terrified him the things he would do for that girl.

[matthew-oshea]

“oh my god. i was  h a p p y  and i didn’t even know it.”