I'll be drunk again to feel a little love

I'm not a bad person, I just like to do bad things. From Jesus to Charlie Manson, it depends on who you are. (skinsrp only)

[justloveskins]

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Do you really want to be Luke's second?

There’s not such thing as what you like or what you don’t in this business, you know?

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Make it quick.

[gifsforskins]

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Broken Hearts & Hallucinations. | @Liv

Matty was in a tough position right now. He had talked to Connor a couple days back and everything seemed in order back at the warehouse. Rumor had it that he had went on vacation but that was it, nothing about an argument between the two, nothing about a sex tape. What they talked about though, was that stripper that had caught Matty’s attention, not in the way they all thought but because it all was confusing and he still had a strong theory that he had been drugged that night. Still, old feelings, regrets, memories and guilts came back. He dreamt about Grace that night, about how she had died and how she blamed him. How everyone hated him for leaving her there, for coming back.

Then, he was still pretty hurt about Liv cheating on him, of course. Matty didn’t want to jump to conclusions, think the worse of his girlfriend and wonder if she had slept with some of his mates or what. But he had to break his doubts once and for all, stand face to face with her and ask for an explanation. He also wanted to see the grave, prove himself he had been hallucinating and, maybe, ask for Grace’s forgiveness again, after so many months of being silent, years of deciding to let her rest and stop sending her voice messages saying how sorry he was. He knew Liv would have so many questions about his sudden interest in where she was resting, and he was willing to tell the truth, just if she said it as well.

Matty drove towards the park/cemetery absent-mindedly. After parking, he went out and wait for Liv outside the fence, second cigarette filling his lungs with whitish smoke.

[liveloudliv]

Liv took a few days off of work after her run in with Connor. Mostly because of the visible bruise on her neck. She didn’t want anyone asking questions and having to make up some sexually charged excuse. She didn’t feel like joking about what had happened. She wasn’t sure if Connor had talked to Matty already but she wasn’t taking any chances. Liv spent her days off packing up her apartment. She found a nicer one a few blocks away. It was higher in price and in a sketchier neighborhood but it was worth it. She wouldn’t have to live next to Connor anymore, not being able to sleep knowing he was just a building away. 

It was around 3:30pm when Liv decided to head towards the cemetery. Visiting Gracey was the last thing she wanted to do this week but Matty sounded like he needed it. And Liv understood how that was. 

She checked herself out in the mirror before leaving. Concentrating on the fading bruises on her neck. They were still pretty noticeable. And it was too hot outside to put on a turtle neck or a scarf. Liv dismissed it with a wave of her hand and grabbed her bag to go. Canford Cemetery wasn’t too far away so she took her time walking there. 

She noticed Matty immediately, smoking a cigarette. Liv could tell he was stuck in his own mind. His expression was more pensive than usual. She made her way over to him and tilted her head. “Are you okay?”

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Matty was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice whe Liv got closer until she spoke up. He licked his lips, giving himself courage to look up and meet her gaze. This wasn’t exactly the place to argue but it would happen without a doubt as he could feel his emotios taking over. He sighed heavily and tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepped on it and finally met Liv’s gaze. As much as he wanted to confront her, his eyes landed after just a second on her neck. The night he came back, despite how tired he had been, he remembered what had happened, and even if they could get rough at times, he was sure they had never chocked each other. The first thought was a hickey, naturally, but it spreaded around her skin. Matty’s hand went up and he skimmed the damaged spots, a frown taking over his forehead as he forgot for a moment he was actually disappointed and mad.

What’s that? What happened to you? His eyes went wide as he remembered Connor’s hand. He didn’t know how he had made the connection but he better not be right about this. Was it Connor? Connor did this? He could feel his jaw tensioning already. Whatever the situation and whatever she had made, no one had a right to put a hand on her. What happened at the warehouse, Liv? Please, spare any excuses or lies for this one time, yeah? Matty couldn’t help but be concerned. His mind kept replaying Connor’s swollen hand, and creating possible scenarios that had led to that injury involving Liv. It was true he hadn’t seen her for a couple days and it was highly possible that she had gotten those marks one or two days after running into the dirty blond bloke but, other possibilities led to another sex ancounter with someone else. He was jumping to conclusions once again but what else could he do? His mind was racing and unable to think at the same time.

[liveloudliv]

“It’s nothing.” She tried to dismiss the bruises on her neck. Liv looked toward the cemetery, unsure if she really wanted to go in. Matty was still asking questions. When she heard Connor’s name she looked over at him. If she felt sick beforehand she definitely felt sick now. Liv didn’t want to lie. She know she couldn’t lie to his face even if she tried. The last time he asked she could hear the anger in his voice. The look on his face was serious. He’d talked to Connor, so he had to of known. Everything. There was no way out of this. Liv considered changing the subject but she didn’t know to what. To Grace? That would be the easy way out and it wasn’t fair. She owed him the truth. “Yeah,” she said looking away. “I ran into him at the warehouse. I was looking for you. It was fucking stupid and I shouldn’t have been there..” 

Liv looked at the people walking by, waiting until they passed before taking a step closer to Matty. “Look. Matty. I’m so sorry.” She didn’t try to reach out and touch him yet. Liv didn’t know if she could. “I didn’t know who he was…that’s no excuse I know– I was just so fucking mad at you.” Liv  looked over at Matty again. Her jaw was tense. “I fucked up. Real bad. But why is it so easy for you to just up and leave all the time? That’s not fair.”

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Matty was still silent, eyes fixed on Liv. She had started to talk and no lie seemed to reach his ears just yet. She finally looked back at him and apologized, but it felt not quite sincere. He smirked, shaking his head. That’s not what happened at the warehouse. Did he do that? He repeated, not moving his gaze, not saying anything else, as if he hadn’t heard what she had said. Folding his arms over his chest, he narrowed his eyes.

Who said I’m leaving? And, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to change that. I came back, I went to jail, I stayed. I could have disappeared with all the money I have now, you know? Leave this fucking place, but I didn’t. I didn’t just for someone, and it is you. If you’re talkin’ about the occasional times off Bristol, that’s not on me, you kow that. This is what’s not fair, you, playing the victim.

He let his anger take over him and he didn’t mean to. With a sigh, he took a couple steps back and turned around, watching over the stones and visiting people. I gotta know if he did that and what else did he do that day. His voice was low but it was audible. Biting the inside of his lip and feeling a little more in control of himself, he turned to face her. Something inside him feared she would simply walk away, maybe because that was everything he knew. I trusted you, Liv, but that wasn’t enough, was it?

[liveloudliv]

Liv looked down the road, towards the way she came. There was nothing keep her here, in this conversation. All she had to do was finish packing up her apartment, move and not tell anyone where she lived. But Matty deserved to know what he asked to know. Liv owed him that much. She rested her back against the thick iron fence. The longer they stood outside, the less she wanted to go in. 

“The warehouse? That’s all you want to know?” She looked down at the concrete. As if the memory of what had happened was there. Connor being in the office where she thought she would find Matty. 

“Like I said. I went there looking for you. I brought food and whatever. When I walked into the room Connor was there. Once he found out who I was and why I was there…he totally flipped. He was like a different person. We kept going back and forth. I didn’t want him telling you what happened. I didn’t know who he was when we hooked up and when I found out I put a stop to it..” Liv was talking so fast she didn’t even notice. She took a deep breath and looked away from Matty again. “He threatened my family. He knew where my mum lived and he’d already met Maude…I didn’t shut up…I didn’t stop talking. I just kept going on and on and he grabbed me by my neck and pinned me against the wall.” Liv was more angry than sad. She didn’t like being handled like that and not being able to do something about it. She was a fighter through and through and in that moment she felt helpless. “I wanted to kill the bastard. I can’t live in my apartment anymore.”

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Yes, Liv, that’s all I want to know, unless you want to talk about… He started off with sarcasm and ended up sighing. Despite how angry he was, Matty didn’t want to start a fight or make her feel bad, even if he, somehow, thought she deserved it in a way. He looked at her as she spoke, staring at her lips to try and keep track of her words as they dripped from her lips. He closed his eyes and swallowed the urge to hit the fence as this was no place to display such anger. He felt betrayed, again, in a different way, but this time was just because of Connor. The bastard hadn’t told him he had gone stupid over his girlfriend and tried to clean everything in between them so easily, as if he wasn’t going to hear of this ever. He didn’t know him and this was just another proof of it. Even after everything he’d found out, he trusted Liv. She had never told him a lie and those marks around her neck proved it. Matty reached out to touch them again as he pictured Connor’s face mocking him and giving that shitty explanation over and over again. The moment he set foot in Bristol, that prick would meet an angry Levan. 

It was a relief that Liv was moving out, he didn’t like the idea of her living so close to Connor. With what she recently confessed, Matty wasn’t sure if he was able to still be mad at her, though he was. What you did… it’s not, it’s not right. But ut doesn’t change how I feel about you. But… we’re gonna work on this, yeah? I need… I need to know I can trust you again. Can I, Liv? Can I trust you? Because, shit, you don’t know how tiring and boring it gets when people you care about and trust so much, let you down. Honestly, he didn’t think Liv would do something like this but it had happened. The reasons, she only knew. He was willing to give their relationship another go if she was willing to just be with him. This wasn’t an open relationship, he didn’t share, If he respected her he could only ask for the same.

[liveloudliv]

Liv listened to his words. So they weren’t breaking up over this? She looked over at Matty to make sure he was serious. If they were going to work this out he was going to have to get use to sticking around and letting her in a little. He was so distance. If she couldn’t read him so easily sometimes it was hard to know what he was thinking. “So we’re even now. No more fuck ups.” It was a slight dig at him leaving her for Franky. Something she could no longer hang over his head. This was worse. A lot worse. And there was video proof of it somewhere out there. 

“So are we going in there or are we going flat hunting? I’m trying to move out as soon as possible.”

She wasn’t thrilled about being at the cemetery. But if Matty really wanted to do it, she would go in with him. This was another part of their lives that needed some sort of closure. It was a rough spot for the both of them. Liv didn’t know if she could handle it but she wore a brave face just in case. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

[mattygmindfucklevan]

We’re even? Matty looked at her, wide-eyed. What had he done? He only only sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, not wanting to give credit to his ears and what he had just heard. If she was still mad over him leaving for so much time, it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t screaming anybody’s name or getting someone else in his bed. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to explode and maybe even tell her too piss off, but he was weak over her. She deserved the other chance, he knew it, to he just went silent. Then, he thought of Franky, but that had happened a lot time ago, and he hadn’t cheated. Anyways, searching for reasons, excuses and who was more guilty. They would need to work on that as well.

We could go after this. I need to see her, Liv.

He looked over the place, as if he could see her stone from the entrance. Her enquiry made him swallow, and remembering what had happened a couple nights before this, made him go pale again. I feel like I have. It’s... complicated. He looked at Liv and motioned for them to finally get inside. The faster this got done, the sooner they would get out of here and search for a new place. When was the last time you were here? It was a stupid question, and Liv would think he was going crazy, but technically, he felt like he was driving insane. Matty hadn’t even consumed that much pills lately, he had been chill with that. It didn’t make sense.

I don’t know if seeing her here will help, but I need to know, give it a try. I need to tell her a lot of things... it might even sound selfish, but want this guilt to disappear, a tiny piece of it at least. He wasn’t going to tell her about his encounter with Grace just yet. It still felt surreal and maybe this would make him get his feet to the ground again, make him feel sane. He didn’t want to erase his feelings, he deserved living with them, but it was the situation he had prepared for Liv, before the truth was revealed.

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Dancing Phantom. | @Grace

These had beenn difficult days. Matty hadn’t seen Liv after he had spoken to Connor, but just a couple days had passed. He’d been spending time at the warehouse, no one knew about the chat and he wasn’t going to tell anyone. It was late at night and he was just reading at the office, door open, hearing the chatter and cheers coming from room where they kept a pool table. He didn’t have any trouble focusing on his book but he did wonder what was happening. He heard different voices, more cheering, laughter and whatnot. It was funny to join them at times to have a drink, smoke, play, but he didn’t like being there when at times, less when he wasn’t in the mood. Matty leaned against his chair, pushing its back lower so he could place his legs on top of the table, when one of the boys popped his head inside the office. “Boss? We’re gonna visit a stripclub. Mark’s gonna ask Beth ta be’is girffrien’ tomorrow an’ wants somethin’ similar ta a stag party. Wanna come?” The smiley boy stared at Matty, this one looked up at him. Stripclub? Did he want to go? Really go? No, to be honest, but he preferred that, something to keep his mind off his current situation, and it was amusing to watch their hormones take over some potentially dangerous men that lose their heads over the women’s body. He shugged and placed his book down. Let’s go, be sure to lock every door and give me the keys. Who wants a ride? Got four free seats.

They all left the warehouse as if they were children going to an amusement park for the very first time, Matty smirking and laughing under his breath as he reached his car. Two young boys and one of the older ones jumped in with him and he followed the other cars through Bristol streets. It didn’t take them long before they found a pink, neon ad, old men crowding outside the building. Loud as they were, the Lost Boys shouted, cursed and made obscene signs as they were granted the entrance. Matty was the last one to walk inside, feeling now that he was like a nanny, but some of the strippers seemed relieved to have young people to dance to instead suited, sweaty chubby men that could be touching their daughters, even granddaughters. He took a seat in front of the stage, mainly because all of his boys were seating at the front rows as well. It was obvious this was going to be an interesting night.

[wheresgraciee]

The curtains were red, velvet, and as the men started to queue up outside, the gaudy neon lights came on, a cheap replica of the Las Vegas atmosphere. Grace stood behind the curtains, her floor show was next, she had only seen glimpses of the crowd tonight and it seemed strangely larger than normally. A good thing, of course. The more money she had, the more hot meals would be coming her way. One of her friends was currently on the stage, here she’s known as Amethyst but Grace originally knew her from the streets. She was the one who had encouraged her to partake in the business. At first of course, Grace was reluctant. There was no way she would let any stranger over the age of 30 try and shag her, but once she found out more of the business, it intrigued her more than anything else. It was like a performance, there was a stage and she could dance and act. Now, it became more or less a pleasure to be at the strip club. She was still able to do the thing she loved for cash, and didn’t have to spend her time thinking about where to sleep or tempting herself into a pill.

The music faded out and Amethyst picked up her cash and tucked the wad into her garter before making a swift exit. She smiled at Grace and stuck her thumb up at her, a sign of good luck, before the spotlight shone at the center of the curtains.”Keep your eyes peeled on this one, she’s the sexy fairy from far, far away, here to make all of your wishes come true, here’s Titania!” Grace stepped out onto the stage, her legs thin and long, complimented by the gold heels she stole from a charity shop a couple months ago. “Skin” by Rihanna filled the speakers, as Grace moved in time, slow and sultry, towards the chair placed center stage. She hadn’t yet learned how to pole dance, but she was falling into the ease of using the chair as her prop.She moved around it, as if it were her pray, her hands caressing the back of the chair and then squatted, accentuating whatever curves she had left. She was in only lingerie, beige, a slight sparkle to it, her dark ringlets fell naturally down to her breasts. Her eyes lingered over the faces of the crowd, as they threw the money like confetti onto the stage, when her gaze stopped on one person. A young man, around her age, startled her almost. She knew the face, but couldn’t pinpoint where from. She remained eye contact with him, trying to figure out who he was and she lay on the chair, back arched, her hands slowly running up her legs, thighs.. 

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Everyone went nuts. The girl at the stage was pretty, or maybe she wasn’t, but Matty hadn’t paid too much attention to her, plus, her face was covered with so much makeup it was hard to tell. He’d been to this clubs a couple times but he didn’t like them much for several reasons. The stage was now covered with cash and he observed as the public went wild, stood up, called names and drank as the girl took her money and left the dance floor. Matty wasn’t blind. Of course he watched but it quickly turned disgusting to be there with what these men were able to say. He tried to ignore comments and watch the show, enjoy the music and distract his mind. He asked for a drink and laughed with some of the boys that were mocking a man who seemed to be drooling and having a boner. The speakers made all of them move their attention back to the stage as someone announced the next dancer. As soon as she walked out, the place filled with whistles and voices trying to get her attention. Matty shook his head and sipped from the glass, unable to have a full vision of the girl as some boys had stood up in front of him.

He focused on his drink for a few seconds until they moved and he finally watched. You had to be stupid to not realize how beautiful she was. She danced with much more grace than any other stripper Matty had seen, as if she had studied dancing. He was more enthrilled by her moves than her body and the underwear she was flaunting. Matty was only able to see her back as she was dancing, but it was when she turned around, that he almost choke on burning whiskey. He was sure he had gone pale and his heart was pouding on his chest. His head spinned as he stared, wide-eyed, at what he had in front of him. She was looking at him but there was something odd in her gaze. It wasn’t as if she recognized him. For a moment, he thought he was just imagining it, even considered one of the boys praking him by sliding a pill in his drink without him noticing it. The boy needed some air or he would pass out as several images and memories flooded his mind, Grace over the hood, bleeding, eyes closed, not able to move. “She’s lookin’ at ya, lucky bastard, Levan!” Someone shouted and he froze, staring still. “Levan? Are you alrite?” It was her face, he wouldn’t be able to forget it not in a billion years. But it couldn’t be possible, right? She was… he had… He stood up suddenly and walked, with eyes glued to the floor, to the back of the place, where the curtains were. He had to give her face a closer look once she was done with her routine, eventhough his nerves were killing him right now.

[wheresgraciee]

He pulled away first, eyes darting around hurriedly, possibly the only man in the room who wasn’t looking at her. It made Grace curious, had he recognized her like he did him? The notion was driving her crazy, it made her palms itch. Surely the face was familiar, but where from? For a sick second, she worried whether the gentleman was someone she had encountered with on the streets, perhaps stole something from. No, that wasn’t it. This person was from somewhere else, another era. That’s when the thought entered her mind. Could he be someone who knew her before the accident? A friend? A neighbor? A spark lit within her, very rare, a glimmer of hope that she hadn’t felt in a very long time; could he know of her ‘Prince charming?’ The thought made her both giddy and feel sick at the same time. She had never been so close to the reality before, of the actuality that this ‘Prince charming’ did still exist seemed untrue. Like just another fairytale her mother told her when she was resting from hospital. Yet, part of her blamed the mystery man, her knight in shining armour, for the fate she had endured for the past year. As though he had whispered the notion into her ear while sleeping, as though it was his idea.

The music ended as Grace made her final position and the men hooted and honked like a gaggle of geese, she had been off guard, a little more rigid than normal, but they seemed to lap it up anyway. Money was thrown lazily onto the floor and Grace ran to pick the notes up, stuffing them like the past girl did, under the garter on her thigh. At once, she scarpered off the stage, quite forgetting her little act. Here she was Titania, not Grace. She couldn’t just snap out of character so easily, not if she wanted to risk losing her job. She had to be slower and more sultry. More reproachful. She appeared again onto the main floor, where the other girls had settled after their main performances. Quickly, Grace scanned the area, searching for the man. At the back of the room he stood, his back straight, very alert. Almost as though he was tense about something. About her. Straightening her back, Grace made a move over to him, her hips swaying deliberately while doing so. He hadn’t noticed her approach him until she placed a delicate hand onto his chest, and by then it was too late. She had him against the wall, no escape, and leaned into him, her mouth close to his ear, she whispered “You seem tense. Perhaps some alone time with me in the Champagne Room will do you some good, honey.”

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Matty wasn’t sure what to do. He needed a drink. something strong, maybe a drag, it could be tobacco or marijuana, something to calm him down. His palms were moisting with sweat and he was dizzy, sight blurry and all. Some people looked at him curiously, mostly women who worked there. He kept on rubbing the back of his head and his face. Maybe someone had slipped something in his drink and he was hallucinating, but this was a bad, bad joke. If everyone was looking at her body, he couldn’t forget her face, though he had seen it for least than a minute. She looked somewhat different, but those features were not common. The music stopped and the noise made Matty look up, but that only made him more anxious. He went to the scenario’s exit, ignoring a girl who wanted him to leave as she didn’t seem to be happy with him bothering the dancers, but he was not. Some other young women disappeared to the stage, and Matty was growing impatient. Why was she taking so long? She was still there, under the spotlight, the cheering gave her up.

He paced from left to right many times, waiting. When he finally decided this was stupid and that he probably was just high, he smirked to himself, laughing under his breath, but her appearance made him stare and the laugh went back down his throat in seconds. It had been her, all of what she had done, plus who she was. Matty was against the wall, staring, licking his lips, having her close. If this was a joke, he would kill someone, he swore. The way she spoke, it was not Grace, not with him, at least. Matty blinked a couple times, growing slightly pale by her voice. He didn’t say anything, just touched her hand slowly, without looking away. He felt like he had to hold it just like he should have the day of the accident. That thought made him laugh. Shit. This.. this is... shit. He nodded frantically and licked his lips once again. Alright. Take me to that Champagne Room. I’ve got the money. It felt wrong to speak to her like that, but she seemed to be a character, so he simply followed.

[steamful]

[maddiewes]

[mattygmindfucklevan]

why bother asking what happened? she is a proven liar

Not to me.

[recoveryroadseries]

Sebastian has that #FridayFeeling for the weekend! 🎉

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Text | Matty

Liv: r u dead or just avoiding me?

Matty: dead? i feel the love.

Matty: none, been busy, and with my head somewhere else

Liv: too busy to come over tonight?

Matty: no, i can make it.

Matty: weird question... do u know where grace is? like, u know...

Liv: why would u ask me that?

Liv: her stone is at canford. i wasnt allowed at the funeral just like u werent but i visited the head stone

Matty: i told u, been thinking about a lot of stuff. i've never been there, where she's at, dont think would be a great idea to visit on my own. would u go with me?

Liv: sure. we can stop there before we go back to mine. its offa westbury. think u can make it there

Matty: by 4?

Matty: yes, i'll be there and see u then.

Liv: k. see u. love u

-read-

[giffingskins-andshit]

AU/What should have happened.

Matty meets Grace’s ghost and finally asks for her forgiveness.

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Dancing Phantom. | @Grace

These had beenn difficult days. Matty hadn’t seen Liv after he had spoken to Connor, but just a couple days had passed. He’d been spending time at the warehouse, no one knew about the chat and he wasn’t going to tell anyone. It was late at night and he was just reading at the office, door open, hearing the chatter and cheers coming from room where they kept a pool table. He didn’t have any trouble focusing on his book but he did wonder what was happening. He heard different voices, more cheering, laughter and whatnot. It was funny to join them at times to have a drink, smoke, play, but he didn’t like being there when at times, less when he wasn’t in the mood. Matty leaned against his chair, pushing its back lower so he could place his legs on top of the table, when one of the boys popped his head inside the office. “Boss? We’re gonna visit a stripclub. Mark’s gonna ask Beth ta be’is girffrien’ tomorrow an’ wants somethin’ similar ta a stag party. Wanna come?” The smiley boy stared at Matty, this one looked up at him. Stripclub? Did he want to go? Really go? No, to be honest, but he preferred that, something to keep his mind off his current situation, and it was amusing to watch their hormones take over some potentially dangerous men that lose their heads over the women’s body. He shugged and placed his book down. Let’s go, be sure to lock every door and give me the keys. Who wants a ride? Got four free seats.

They all left the warehouse as if they were children going to an amusement park for the very first time, Matty smirking and laughing under his breath as he reached his car. Two young boys and one of the older ones jumped in with him and he followed the other cars through Bristol streets. It didn’t take them long before they found a pink, neon ad, old men crowding outside the building. Loud as they were, the Lost Boys shouted, cursed and made obscene signs as they were granted the entrance. Matty was the last one to walk inside, feeling now that he was like a nanny, but some of the strippers seemed relieved to have young people to dance to instead suited, sweaty chubby men that could be touching their daughters, even granddaughters. He took a seat in front of the stage, mainly because all of his boys were seating at the front rows as well. It was obvious this was going to be an interesting night.

[wheresgraciee]

The curtains were red, velvet, and as the men started to queue up outside, the gaudy neon lights came on, a cheap replica of the Las Vegas atmosphere. Grace stood behind the curtains, her floor show was next, she had only seen glimpses of the crowd tonight and it seemed strangely larger than normally. A good thing, of course. The more money she had, the more hot meals would be coming her way. One of her friends was currently on the stage, here she’s known as Amethyst but Grace originally knew her from the streets. She was the one who had encouraged her to partake in the business. At first of course, Grace was reluctant. There was no way she would let any stranger over the age of 30 try and shag her, but once she found out more of the business, it intrigued her more than anything else. It was like a performance, there was a stage and she could dance and act. Now, it became more or less a pleasure to be at the strip club. She was still able to do the thing she loved for cash, and didn’t have to spend her time thinking about where to sleep or tempting herself into a pill.

The music faded out and Amethyst picked up her cash and tucked the wad into her garter before making a swift exit. She smiled at Grace and stuck her thumb up at her, a sign of good luck, before the spotlight shone at the center of the curtains.”Keep your eyes peeled on this one, she’s the sexy fairy from far, far away, here to make all of your wishes come true, here’s Titania!” Grace stepped out onto the stage, her legs thin and long, complimented by the gold heels she stole from a charity shop a couple months ago. “Skin” by Rihanna filled the speakers, as Grace moved in time, slow and sultry, towards the chair placed center stage. She hadn’t yet learned how to pole dance, but she was falling into the ease of using the chair as her prop.She moved around it, as if it were her pray, her hands caressing the back of the chair and then squatted, accentuating whatever curves she had left. She was in only lingerie, beige, a slight sparkle to it, her dark ringlets fell naturally down to her breasts. Her eyes lingered over the faces of the crowd, as they threw the money like confetti onto the stage, when her gaze stopped on one person. A young man, around her age, startled her almost. She knew the face, but couldn’t pinpoint where from. She remained eye contact with him, trying to figure out who he was and she lay on the chair, back arched, her hands slowly running up her legs, thighs.. 

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Everyone went nuts. The girl at the stage was pretty, or maybe she wasn’t, but Matty hadn’t paid too much attention to her, plus, her face was covered with so much makeup it was hard to tell. He’d been to this clubs a couple times but he didn’t like them much for several reasons. The stage was now covered with cash and he observed as the public went wild, stood up, called names and drank as the girl took her money and left the dance floor. Matty wasn’t blind. Of course he watched but it quickly turned disgusting to be there with what these men were able to say. He tried to ignore comments and watch the show, enjoy the music and distract his mind. He asked for a drink and laughed with some of the boys that were mocking a man who seemed to be drooling and having a boner. The speakers made all of them move their attention back to the stage as someone announced the next dancer. As soon as she walked out, the place filled with whistles and voices trying to get her attention. Matty shook his head and sipped from the glass, unable to have a full vision of the girl as some boys had stood up in front of him.

He focused on his drink for a few seconds until they moved and he finally watched. You had to be stupid to not realize how beautiful she was. She danced with much more grace than any other stripper Matty had seen, as if she had studied dancing. He was more enthrilled by her moves than her body and the underwear she was flaunting. Matty was only able to see her back as she was dancing, but it was when she turned around, that he almost choke on burning whiskey. He was sure he had gone pale and his heart was pouding on his chest. His head spinned as he stared, wide-eyed, at what he had in front of him. She was looking at him but there was something odd in her gaze. It wasn’t as if she recognized him. For a moment, he thought he was just imagining it, even considered one of the boys praking him by sliding a pill in his drink without him noticing it. The boy needed some air or he would pass out as several images and memories flooded his mind, Grace over the hood, bleeding, eyes closed, not able to move. “She’s lookin’ at ya, lucky bastard, Levan!” Someone shouted and he froze, staring still. “Levan? Are you alrite?” It was her face, he wouldn’t be able to forget it not in a billion years. But it couldn’t be possible, right? She was... he had... He stood up suddenly and walked, with eyes glued to the floor, to the back of the place, where the curtains were. He had to give her face a closer look once she was done with her routine, eventhough his nerves were killing him right now.

[jolios-san-deactivated20170808]

#NowPlaying BANG BANG BANG de BIGBANG

[o-liviamalone-blog]

[recoveryroadfr]

Via Instagram 

“@sebdesouza : I’m holding a mini croissant. YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING @recoveryroadseries on @Freeform 9/8c”

[liveloudliv]

Teddy Sextramp | @Matty

[mattygmindfucklevan]

Liv got off work earlier than planned. It was close to one oclock in the morning and Matty wouldn’t show up at her place until two. It gave her enough time to shower and cook up something quick. She didn’t care if they didn’t eat it. Maude usually stopped by to clear her fridge of leftovers anyway. Liv got out of the shower and began to dry off. It was late in the night but she still had music playing. She walked over to her window and pulled the curtains closed. The last thing she wanted to think about tonight was Connor’s apartment across the way. Did Matty know he lived there? Did the other boys know? Liv pushed that thought to the back of her mind. She didn’t care. What happened was in the past. And she wasn’t stepping foot there ever again.

After throwing on a t shirt, Liv moved into the kitchen to throw something together. Burgers and beer. Easy and fast. Matty didn’t seem too hungry anyway. Not for dinner at least.  Liv opted to keep the music on instead of turning on the television. She wanted Matty all to herself with no distractions. The clock on the microwave read 1:56am. If he was as punctual as he thought he was going to be, then Matty would be there any minute. The door was unlocked for him to walk right in just in case she didn’t hear him over the music.

Matty left from the provisional warehouse they had built near the outskirts of London after the last text he had received from Liv. Luckily, all of the other lads had a car of their own so he didn’t have to play nanny, take them to their places and then go to Liv’s. It had been a while since he had last been to Bristol and, this time, he had wanted to return more than once but you never knew what was going to happen within this chaotic business. He didn’t know where Luke was this time as many others, they just communicated, sometimes via text, sometimes unknown numbers. It was safer that way, especially since that explosion. His arm had suffer most of the damage and, even if it still looked awful, he had kind of used to it. The departure time had coordinated itself perfectly with the time he said he would meet Liv. The address she had sent him was somewhat familiat but nothing he could recall. In between races and all, Matty finally made it to Bristol. Stopping at one of the petrol stations nerby, he checked the hour. He was on time, which made him smirk.

Ten minutes later, he pulled over in front of the house. He assumed it was the one with the blasting music. Car locked after taking out a couple bags and boxes out of the truck. Maybe one or two minutes before 2:00am, he was knocking at the door, before realising it was unlocked. He struggled with the door knob and his purchases so he ended up kicking the door, carrying one of the bags with his teeth and closing the door with his bum. Liv was nowhere to be seen, so he settled the gifts on the couch before heading towards the kitchen, as she said she would cook something. Oversized t-shirt, Matty snickered, being as cautious and silent as he could, reaching her from behind, embracing her and resting his chin on her shoulder. Guess who. She smelt good. It had been so much time since the last time they had been together, his hormones basically got agitated when he rounded his arm on her torso.

She didn’t notice Matty walk into the kitchen. It wasn’t until his arms wrapped around her and she flinched did she realize he was there. “You scared me,” she said smiling to herself before she turned around. Liv draped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. She missed him a lot. And she was angry because of what he did for a living now and who he did it for. They’d had this talk millions of times but it was hard to be supportive sometimes. “Welcome back Levan.” Liv folded down his collar and took a step back to admire his clothes. “New digs?” She picked up the sleeve to his hurt arm and tilted her head. “I don’t care how tough you and your boys think you are…you need a bandage on that.” Liv turned the pan down and pulled Matty out of the kitchen. She sat him down on the couch before disappearing into the bathroom. Liv came back out with a first aid kit and sat on the couch next to him. “Take off your jacket.” She braced herself for the way his arm looked. Liv knew it was bad. The explosion, everything. He was in the hospital for awhile and the second he was out he was gone again.

Liv tried not to stare at it too much. It was healing but still looked scabby and raw. She put some ointment on it and padded it down with gauze before wrapping it. A few layers later and she was done. She moved herself into his lap, being extra careful not to hurt him. “Are you too much of a cripple to shag?” Liv smiled then looked over toward the kitchen at the bags on the floor. “What’s that?”

Who else would it be? Matty scrunched up his nose. He was relieved she didn’t seem angry anymore, though he knew how se felt about his new lifestyle. No one but her, Nick at some point too, were aware of what he did, and he knew it wasn’t right but there was no backing out now. Too much shit had happened, a little bit of everything, actually. He wasn’t able to say nothing else as she kissed him. Matty pulled her closer to him as he returned the passionate kiss. He had been craving for this moment for a lot of time and it was getting hard to contain himself. Liv pulled back a little too early for his liking, making him groan but smile at the same time. You could say so. Like them? His sleeve went up and he hissed, clearing his throat afterwards, playing the tough guy. Yah… I forgot. The old one was too dirty already an’ didn’t have time to get a new one. He followed her out of the kitchen and he was at the couch like a little boy. His gaze followed her as she strolled around the flat. Why did you move? He spoke loud enough so she could listen.

Gettin’ rid of my clothes already? He snickered, obeying, nevertheless. He gave his arm a look but now, he couldn’t remember how it looked before the accident, which was more likely to have been arsened, of course. Exposing his damaged skin, he looked at Liv once more. Is okay. Don’t think it’ll look normal again but the doc said it was healing fast… don’t know how this is fast but…Matty puckered his lips and shrugged. He was happy he was alive as many of the lads there had been injured worse and some had even died. He stared as she rubbed ointment and wrapped it. It was a nice welcome, caring, as if he hadn’t been gone for so long. Without even cringing or yelping, he placed his bandaged arm around her as she was on his lap, his free hand caressing her thighs. Even if I was stabbed, we’ve been here before, I’m a tough guy. He chuckled and looked at the bags. Is for you. Inside were some weed baggies, MDMA’s, a dress, a necklace, and a tasser, because he had grown paraoid. Matty made her look at him again, smirked and kissed her. Have I told you I like how you look wearin’ that shirt only, but, you know, I liked it more when you’re naked. His hand kept on caressing her, soon making its way up between her legs.

“Oh yeah?” Liv said with a goofy smile. No matter how different they became or how much they ‘grew up’ something about Matty always took her back to college. The carefree recklessness of it all. Around him Liv wasn’t an adult with a job and her own place. She wasn’t the crazy hours she worked because she didn’t want to be home alone. Being with Matty was dangerous and that was something she liked the most. Minus him getting hurt and the constant worry that he was going to end up in the hospital again or worse. She felt his soft touch inching it’s way up. Liv grinned even wider and began kissing him again. She maneuvered him so that he was laying on his back, that way Matty wouldn’t have to do much of the work. When their lips parted she spoke again. “My roommate flaked on me in East London so I moved back in with mum. But I had to get out of there right? Or else we wouldn’t have been able to do this…” She started to unbutton his shirt and helped him take it off. Liv undid his trousers and took them off herself. The prominent scar from the stab wound was still there. She touched it and looked up at Matty. “Since you’re already all banged up guess you won’t mind when I leave a few scratches on ya…”

Liv  got onto all fours over Matty and started to kiss him again. She slowly made her way down his body, kissing and licking every inch of his skin on the way. She moved down over his stomach with her lips while her hand took hold of his member through his expensive boxer briefs. Liv gently rubbed Matty as she kissed and licked his stomach, nibbling at him. Her working hand was already bringing him to full hardness. She squeezed him softly. Liv then quickly moved back up and kissed him deep and hard, pushing his head into the bed as she attacked his mouth with her tongue. Her hand sped up, she suddenly moved er head down and took his hardness into her mouth.  She moaned while she had him in her mouth. Liv moved up and down with gentle licks. She wanted Matty to sit back and enjoy what was happening. They’d been apart for awhile and they had some making up to do.

Matty didn’t fully know how it had happened but he was suddenly laying on the couch, Liv being on top and none of them seemed to have a problem with that. While she spoke, he pushed some hair strands back and and a cheeky smile appeared as she went for his shirt, which soon was tossed to the floor along with his pants. He chuckled at her statement and kissed her hungrily, but she had another plan. With a smile, Matty watched as she went down, groaning and taking deep breaths as he felt her tongue caressing his skin. A loud growl left his lips when he felt her cold hand. Is this a sort of welcoming gift? He closed his eyes, feeling how his cock grew in length and hardened even more since it had been happening from the moment he had embraced her from behind. Lifting his head, he kept on watching, breathing getting heavier as well. His hands gripped her hips and wandered around while they kissed, one venturing to her arse, squeezing and smacking, which made him smile against her lips.

She went faster and Matty moaned. Fuck… lifting his head for a second time, making eye contact as Liv took him fully inside her mouth. There was another groan, another moan, and his legs twitched slightly. He could feel the warmth of her breath as her tongue pleasured him all over. The bandaged arm went to the back of her head  and his hand caressed her hair, tugging at it once in a while when he couldn’t distract himself enough, whispering apologizes every time it happened. The other hand found its way under her shirt and stroked her glorious breasts, pinching the tip just with the right amount of force to make her feel alright and harden her nipples. Matty massaged, caressed, played with her hair, anything that could distract him from her mouth as it had been too long and he didn’t want to ruin this so early.

Liv placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back down. A sideways glance was given. She smiled at him but her eyes said that she was in charge for right now. Her tongue licked his tip, and she moaned from his touch. Her bobbing made him slick, and the sensations were delightful. Her grabbed her hair and was met by a moan of her own. Her hand slid around him as her mouth glided effortlessly down and back on his shaft. Soon her eyes locked with his, a wink was given as permission to release. She picked up her fervor and pace, and so that his climax would be unavoidable. Her hand grasped him and her mouth held him in place. Liv moaned some more. Mostly to create a vibrating sensation on his member. He was tensing. That was a great sign.

Her tongue snaked out, swirling around the head and down the side. She wrapped her lips around his cock, sliding down ever so slowly until the entire thing was inside her wet mouth. Matty’s hand was playing in her hair as her mouth worked his cock gently, and her eyes never left his face. Her mouth was insatiable; licking, kissing, sucking him. Her fingers traced lightly up the inside of his thighs.

Liv stopped. She didn’t want him orgasm just yet. Not like this. She crawled over him again and straddled his pelvis. Her hands were placed on his chest so she could hold herself up. She lowered herself down onto him. As Matty slipped inside of her they both moaned. She squeezed her muscles around him, sucking him with her pussy, wanting him to go faster; to fuck her harder. Her breathing was quick, panting. Liv leaned over started to whisper pleas in his ear. She flicked his ear with her tongue between the words.

Matty smirked, letting a breathless laugh through parted lips as he fully layed down, giving her all of the power and control. There was no spot dry on his length. He groaned and exhaled, whispering sweet nothings and curses to let her know how much he was enjoying it. His senses sharpened but he couldn’t hear the music no more, just his fast breaths and Liv’s lips against his cock, sweet, sloppy noises that got him even hotter, horny, craving for her in all ways possible. Don’t stop… he tried to keep his heavy eyes on her, keep the eye contact as much as possible. Even if she had basically given him permission to let go, he didn’t want to, not yet. Then they would to take a break so he could get hard again and he didn’t want to waste time, but Liv made him forget about everything with the way she was sucking him, taking him, looking at him. His throat was drying from how much air he inhaled and exhaled. Closing his mouth was almost forbidden. If she had continued like that for a minute longer, he would have released.

The moment she stopped, Matty’s shaft was pulsating, but this wasn’t just about him. He needed to please her as much, even more if possible, so his eyes thanked her as she moved and sat on him. She was wet already, but he wanted her to be even wetter, felt it all along him, dripping if possible. He remained in the same position, but not for long. As soon as her tongue snaked on his lobe, she sat up, taking hold of her pelvis and shaking his head. Matty wanted the sight, not the oversized shirt that looked so good on her, but not in a situation like this. While holding her, his free hand took the shirt out, his mouht immediately going to her shoulder as his thrusted deeper and faster. One hand, one movement, and the bra was gone, revealing her hardened nipples, craving for Matty’s attention. Kissing all the way to her breasts, sucking on them, biting softly and licking. His hips met hers on their way up. He found a steady pace which he chose to fasten as she pleaded for it. His arms tightened their hold around herm his digits caressing the soft skin that soon got covered with a thin layer of sweat. He chose to go kiss her jaw and met her lips, suckled on her bottom one before kissing her, feeling her breathing inside his mouth, moaning, driving him crazy.

Liv was visibly aroused; her face and chest were flushed and her breathing labored as she pumped her body faster. She stared down at Matty with her lips parted as she seemed to slip into a semi-conscious state. It was obvious that Liv was getting off, and watching Matty enjoy it just as much amplified it. She laid her head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand as she moaned and sighed. She arched her back and pushed backward to meet his thrusts; their bodies smacked together then just as quickly parted as Liv recoiled for another thrust. Liv grunted a loud primal sounds. She bucked wildly and grunted her way to a show-stopping orgasm. Her body heaved as she tried to regain a normal breathing rhythm; thankfully Matty held her tight against him as her muscles contracted around his hard cock. She paused to catch her breath for a quick beat but kept going.

Matty put his arms around her upper torso and pulled her against his body; she flexed her muscles and squeezed his cock as his hands slid over the nipples of her tits. She was moaning again. Louder this time. Liv held on to the couch instead of grabbing at Matty so she wouldn’t hurt him. She was quickly being brought to another quivering orgasm. She clamped his shaft tightly and cried out a high pitched sigh. Liv was grunting and bucking against him; her heels dug into the cushions of the couch as she used her legs for leverage to meet him thrust for thrust. “Oh fuck. Fuck.” Liv’s body was racked with spasms as she kept going until Matty had his turn.  

Matty smiled as he looked as Liv’s face. He had missed it, how she looked when he was inside her, how her breathing hit his skin, how her bottom lip quivered with each moan. He laced their fingers together as he kept on moving, oblivious of the burn he felt at times on his arm, not minding it. He shifted speeds, guided by her expressions, sounds and jerks. The moment she reached her peak, he groaned loudly, holding back and focusing on other things so he didn’t get more worked out than necessary, not yet. He caressed her skin, kissed her jawline, felt her hard nipples against his chest. Liv moaned louder and his body trembled. He knew he wouldn’t last longer by the way she was affecting him. She seemed to be close again so he went slow for a moment, relaxing his muscles for the movements he was about to fulfill.

Holding on to the back of her neck and her hips, he went full speed, thrusting his hips up and down, couch squeaking, sweat covering his torso. Fuck… He exhaled, gritting his teeth as his cock deepened into her, hitting all the right spots, making her shiver. His grip tightened on her hips and neck, pressing her even closer to him, if possible. Matty kissed her deeply, feeling her releasing hot air inside his mouth and wetting him for the second time. He thrusted once, twice, slower, deeper buring his face in her nape as he cummed. He hadn’t last longer due to his long-term abstinence. He would have liked to pleasure her for longer but his body couldn’t take it. He took deep breaths, getting her perfumes in. Without shifting positions or anything, he faced her once more and kissed her lovingly. Sorry it happened so fast. I tried. He smirked, caressing the side of her face now. Fucking glorious welcome sex.

Liv kissed his lips while he tried to apologize. It was fine. They had all the time in the world now to do whatever they wanted. “Welcome back Levan,” she said kissing him again. She missed this. Being with Matty like this. Liv forgot what it felt like when it was them against the world. She laid beside him even though they could both barely fit on the couch. Liv intertwined his legs with hers and placed her head on his shoulder. One of her hands still held his while the other gently massaged up and down his bandaged arm.

“How does it feel? Does it hurt?”

She looked up at Matty and smiled when he looked back at her. His brown eyes were piercing. It was weird having him here. There was so much they needed to talk to him about.  Liv kissed his neck. It was then she noticed the music was still playing. It sounded so far away. “We should move this to my bed. It’s bigger.”

Cheers. Matty exhaled, smiling against her lips, kissing her. He could feel she had missed him, it was explicit and made him even happier to be back. He could say Liv was the only one who kept him sane, feet on earth, the one who cared about him and the did as well. Everyone had left him, everyone, including Nick and then, after how much she had suffered because of him for different reasons, here she was. She could choose to not be with him because of his new lifestyle, but she stuck with him, no matter what. He moved to make room for her on the couch, chuckling as it wasn’t made for too cuddling people, obviously. He kissed her forehead and caressed her shoulder, lingering his fingertips on the tattoos across her arm, following the stars’ pattern.

No, not now. It’s like… Remember that one time, at Alo’s? The balloons fight? Something like that, as if it was covered in dry eggs and flour. That solid, wrecked texture, but you can’t take it off. I felt like leatherface the first couple days. He chuckled once again. It didn’ hurt much as the nerves were damaged, but now, it itches, mostly.He shrugged. He wasn’t resting importance to it, but he was fine. What he had said was true, it hadn’t hurt at first, just at some small parts.

Matty looked at her again and let her kiss his neck. I’d say yes to the bed. He sat up, groaning as he was tired but it would only last a couple minutes. He slid his arms under her and lifted her, locking his lips with hers once again as he made his way towards the bedroom, even if he had no clue where it was.Where’s Ziggy? He asked in between kisses.

“Don’t drop me,” she laughed when he picked her up. Liv was worried about him hurting himself but didn’t say anything. She wanted to be Matty’s girlfriend, not his mother. He was lost for a little bit. It was obvious he didn’t know the layout of her apartment yet. She pointed toward the bedroom with her foot as she answered his question. “He liked Maude better. So he lives with her. He bites anyway.” Liv smiled to herself. She’d forgotten her park meet ups with Matty and Ziggy. He was just a little puppy then. Now he was a little terror, running around with an attitude just like the Malones.

“You’re tired,” she said. She was plopped down on the bed and Matty was laying next to her. As much as she wanted to stay up all night and talk about anything and everything she could see it all over his face. He was exhausted. Whatever Luke had him doing it was taking a lot out of him. His first night back didn’t have to be some big party. Maybe some peace and quiet was what he really needed. “Turn your phone off. Sleep here. Be comfortable.” Liv played with his dark curls, massaging his head as she went along. Matty was always so stone faced but she could read him perfectly.

Liv cuddled up next to him and brought the duvet over the both of them. “The food is already put away for later. We can just lay here if you want. Sleep. Smoke. You don’t have to think about any boys. No jobs. No fancy cars and suits. Just us.” She kissed him and smiled. “Go to sleep Levan. You need it.”

Matty chuckled along with her, parting his face from hers as she gave him directions with her foot. He got to hear from Maude. It had been just a small statement but he knew she was alright and still part of Liv’s life. It was odd to think about it, as it brought Nick into his head. Their relationship hadn’t gotten worse, it didn’t exist anymore. He had no clue where he could be, but after all that had happened, it was better this way. He managed to carry Liv all long the hallway and made it to her room. He placed her on the bed and kissed her gently, laying then just next to her as she spoke. It’s just, uhm... it was a long drive. Matty hugged her close to his body and shook his head, groaning. Wait, just wait. Let me enjoy this. He smirked, closing his eyes as he felt her fingers. He let out another groan as he felt her move, embracing her again when her head sunk into the pillow.

He hadn’t fallen asleep but she made it comfortable and nice having his eyes closed. He hadn’t been able to sleep much, lately, not after the explosion. He usually locked himself up wherever they were staying the night and wake up at the slightest sound. Sometimes, when he did sleep, he had nightmares. He could hear the screams, visions of blurry men burning alive hunted him, It had gotten better with time, but they would appear ,many times a month. With Liv here, though, he felt safe, even if he was the one keeping an eye on her, she knew how to take care of him, show her concern and all. How could I think of fucking lads when I’m with you? He sighed heavily, smiling against her skin, his eyelids getting heavier as the way she was caressing his head relaxed him.

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