maybe a system

[maybe-a-system]

okay so I need to make it clear that I don't know much about this kind of thing. please kindly tell me if I say something wrong as I don't know the right language for this stuff and I'm just trying to figure myself out.

[maybe-a-system]

oh okay so pretty much the only thing I've been able to figure out about stuff is how my dysphoria changes and what my response is

I prefer they/them pronouns but I enjoy expressing femininity and she/her pronouns don't bother me

robbie uses they/them too, but she/her is very uncomfortable so they like he/they equally - being in a female body is very distressing for robbie, so he often binds and makes other efforts to alleviate this dysphoria.

when I don't remember getting ready but I've done something like bind for example, I don't exactly mind? it can be a bit uncomfy because tight but it doesn't bother me.

I'm still trying to figure it out so I can't guarantee any of this!

[maybe-a-system]

so after some thinking and noting down memory loss blips, I'm aware of at least two parts of me that have spent the best part of a decade thinking they're just one person or at least pretending like they are

robbie and bee, that's what I call them since those are the two names I know seems to make sense

robbie seems to be the more resilient side of myself. they're more able to deal with traumatic stresses, at least in a way that keeps me safe. they get burned out and exhausted but they're responsible for me and I appreciate what they've done for me.

bee is more soft but creative. It's nice to be myself like this but it's not very practical. it's hard, mostly because of trauma, to let myself be myself. but also I'm not very good at looking after myself.

[maybe-a-system]

we've got some identity crisis stuff going on and tbh starting a tumblr about it seems to be the best idea