Journey To Parenting

Sharing my story and experience with infertility, fibroids and navigating healthcare with reproductive justice in mind.

[maybemamatobe]

I haven’t cried. My egg retrieval was on Wednesday 6 eggs, 3 mature, 2 normal and a possible. Right now I’m in the worst pain of this part of the process and I don’t have a tear. Everything hurts and I’m just surprised that it’s not coming out of my eyes right now.

[theonedaymama]

You can feel fine

You are allowed to keep going

You are allowed to stop at any point

You are allowed to grieve at any stage

You are allowed to feel content

[maybemamatobe]

Week 3

it's my third week of recovery and honestly, I don't feel all that great. The low-level pain is aggravating and is thinning my patience. It's been tough working (even though I'm remote and don't need to work the whole day). I also have significantly more numbness in my right hip and inner thigh area. In positive news, high waist granny panties are my best friend. Since I'm plus size, I went by Cacique to pick up some more of their cotton, high waist briefs. they cover my still swollen lower belly and don't rub or interfere with the incision site at all. I honestly can't wear any other panties at this point if I wanted to. I don't feel comfortable with any of the shapers or support garments, but I see that some people do.

Recommendation for myomectomy - many pairs of high waist panties, no compression and maybe even a size bigger than normal.

[maybemamatobe]

Randomly swollen! Ok not too random. I ordered a pair of the C-section support panties - apparently they are supposed to be good post myomectomy. Well, they felt like regular body shapers and ended up being really uncomfortable in my incision area. I got the panties in a size larger than I normally wear and they were pretty tight. The silicon patch for the incision area is sewn in with large cotton zigzag stitches that rub and pinch 😫. I went out for an appointment and a quick stop at the store, so maybe 2 hours total and had to get these off as soon as I got home. I switched to some leggings and regular panties only to have my belly swell dramatically and basically ruin my whole day. I’m tired, I’m ready for this recovery to be over. 😢

[maybemamatobe]

Is it age or hormones or both? I don’t know if this actually has anything to do with my myomectomy or if it’s a strange milestone in aging (it’s my 38th birthday today) but I feel like I can cry at any moment. It’s literally been every day for the last four days. Yes I’m talking to my therapist, but this sucks…

[maybemamatobe]

I’ll go back and put in some other posts and short stories and lists of some things I have find helpful in my experience so far, but here’s a random TMI one…numb labia!! 😂😖

I’m one week out from my #myomectomy and around day 3, the nerve pain started getting real. Lidocaine patches and resting with your legs up are definitely helpful, but the tingly and uncomfortable sensation is just there. For me, the sides of my tummy were the most sensitive. Around day four I started getting numbness in my right hip and outer labia - and it is weird. It’s also been my queue to change my position between standing, sitting upright and having my legs up. I’m only getting this on my right side but I suppose it could happen on either or both sides. I was prescribed 5 or so and had my hubs pick up some extra for me - just be sure to get the Unscented/Uninfused patches if you buy them from the store - definitely do not want menthol in that area!

[maybemamatobe]

Why I'm here.

Alright. So I actually I didn't want to do this blog, but I was so frustrated, upset and disappointed with the very little useful information I've been finding online about this journey that I felt I had to.

A little about me. I'm a 37 y.o. Black woman with a PhD in engineering. I'm married to the most amazing man who loves me for me (despite the crazy). I work in the tech industry and the nonprofit sector trying to build technology solutions that merge social justice interests and goals and teach people along the way. '

A lot of ish has been hard for me in my adult life. My kid life was pretty idyllic to be honest. Things got complicated and hard from college forward - ambition is pretty costly, but often the rewards are pretty good. I still have PTSD and anxiety from grad school and work challenges that were often influenced by race and sex - basically, being a Black woman is often a tough experience to live through. While I've figured out how to navigate with lots of different kinds of strategies and resources, I'm in a challenge now that I didn't anticipate and am struggling to figure out -infertility.

In May 2020, still early in the pandemic, my hubs and I were ready - IUD taken out, we're going to try to have a baby. For context, when we were dating and really up until then I was always an "eh if it happens great, if it doesn't no big deal" type of person about kids. My early adult life jaded me pretty quickly I guess. But we decided to try. At 36 I knew I was stepping into advanced maternal age, but I never had any reasons to worry as far as I knew.

By February of 2021 I had not a single late period, no hint of a positive test, just absolutely nothing. I called the office of my new doctor (we had just moved to TX in Feb 2020) and was hurried off the phone saying I needed to be trying a full year. Skkkrrttt!! - what? The ol' innanet says at 35+ six months. So, here I was a little not sure what to do because my new Black woman doctor's office wouldn't see me and it's a panorama out there, so getting a doctor's appointment is tough.

February 2021 through now have been a lot - pelvic physical therapy, getting a reproductive endocrinologist, new ob/gyn, hysteroscopic myomectomy, getting my hubs on board fully, 2.5 IUIs, and now recovery from an open myomectomy just a few days ago with 16 (!!!!!!) fibroids removed and at least a 3-month wait ahead to try to get pregnant I've figured out a bunch. I also have been disappointed, upset and frustrated with the lack of real or useful information out there about this experience, especially for Black women.

Yeah, I can read the scientific articles, but that doesn't tell you that you need to plan to not be able to do your hair for a few weeks. Checking out doctor's websites might help you get a sense of what is involved in fertility treatments, but don't explain how fibroids can be a silent enemy.

So, I'm here...I want to use this blog as a real, woman to woman, "here's what I've found out and learned on this journey" resource to share what I've newly learned and what I found out the hard way.