dealing with toxic friends: special high school edition
Toxic Friends and How to Identify Them
They’re constantly griping at you. I’m not talking about a couple bad days, I’m talking about consistent rudeness that makes you wonder what you’ve done to them.
They’re extremely emotionally needy, requiring constant support and validation from you, but you never receive the same kind of attention from them. Your problems are never as important as theirs, and they may even dismiss them (”those aren’t real problems”) to spend more time to focus on themselves.
They are likely to constantly fish for compliments, requiring constant praise, but nothing you do is ever good enough for them to return the favor. Harsh criticism is more likely the case.
You find yourself choosing your words with care to avoid them blowing up with you.
You try as much as possible to avoid running into them, because interactions with them leave you feeling defensive and drained.
You can go days without them asking you a single question about your life. They’ll never notice if you’re having a bad day.
They claim to be “socially awkward” or an “introvert” as a cover for overtly rude behavior. You are fairly certain they know exactly what they are saying.
They are physically and/or verbally violent with you, and when you confront them about their behavior, you either receive an insincere apology or they tell you to “stop being so sensitive.”
In fact, nothing they ever do is a problem. They are likely to gaslight you (claim the incident never occurred) if you confront them about the abusive behavior, leading you to question your version of events.
They put you down in front of other people, spread rumors about you, or share your personal information with others without your consent.
Bizarrely, you begin to wonder if you’re the toxic friend, because around other people, they may appear charming and pleasant. (Your other friends may not believe you if you tell them about the problems you have with this person because of this-all their experiences with them have been pleasant, so they can’t imagine what you’re dealing with.)
You and/or some of your mutual friends may even begin to make excuses for their bad behavior. (”she’s just having a bad day” “he has x mental illness”). For the record, neither of these are appropriate excuses for abusive behavior, ever.
They may claim to be one of your closest friends, but you rarely find yourself sharing personal things with them for fear they will use this information against you.
If they don’t get their way, they are likely to get dramatic or start sulking. You end up letting them do pretty much whatever they want to do so they don’t have a meltdown.
They are constantly trying to wind you up and manipulate you. They lie to you for no reason.
They are willing to throw you and your feelings under the bus to get what they want, whether it’s an s.o. or a teacher’s attention.
They threaten to stop being your friend for inexplicable reasons and warn you of the dire consequences you will suffer without them, or they will suffer without you. (ha, as if!) They are weirdly possessive of your time, to the point where you find it hard to do things with other people.
They ignore you or give you the silent treatment without telling you what’s wrong. If they’re ever angry with you, you are expected to make up all the difference and apologize, oftentimes for offenses you are not aware you have committed.
You feel like this friend is going out of their way to make you insecure. They are constantly bragging about themselves, and they seem to be talking up points they know you yourself are lacking in. They make sure to let you know that they are more successful than you, and will make sure to tell you that your successes are not all that. They are not happy when you succeed, and they cannot handle it when you do better than them.
They only spend time with you when their “best friends” aren’t around, making sure to let you know that you are not a priority. You get the uncomfortable sense that you are not as important to them as they are to you. They avoid you or purposefully exclude you from some things.
They pressure you into doing things you feel uncomfortable with. They willfully ignore/make fun of your boundaries.
Your toxic friend(s) may engage in all of these behaviors, or a combination of a few. If you recognize any of these signs, you have a toxic friend. Period. It doesn’t matter if your friend is mentally ill, if they have a bad home life, if you’ve been friends for a while, or any other rationalization you give yourself for their behavior. No one deserves to be treated poorly, and no one should treat their friends like this.
theartofmadeline
stormborns
dededos
kianamaiart
prguitarman
