lmao i havent been on here in months and like 2 people follow me but i need a place to vent without anyone i know seeing it so this is perfect
suicidal thoughts //
idk if it's normal but this whole situation is driving me insane and i find myself thinking "alright if i really cant bear it all ill just kill myself lmao" and that thought kinda gives me peace and makes me calm down and this thing gives me the creeps
i mean i KNOW i wouldnt actually do it but still the fact that i use THAT as a calming thought is really scary
Tim Murphy asking his s/o for consent before doing literally anything (holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc)
oh he absolutely absolutely would, respectful king
so, it kinda happens by accident? he was so nervous around you when you first met because you’re so gorgeous and kind and lovely, and he would rather die than make you uncomfortable, but he also wants to get close to you
and so the first time he asks if he can hold your hand, it’s a mess basically, he stumbles over his words and it’s really embarrassing for him but you think it’s absolutely adorable
he just says, so, i- hey! hi! i- would it be alright if- i mean, could i- i mean, can we- would it be alright if i held your hand? please? 
and of course you say yes because not only was that adorable but even if he hadn’t asked so sweetly, you wanna hold his fucken hand more than anything in the world oh my god
and you smile and slip your fingers through his and say, i’d love to!
and you can feel the raised scars on his palm against yours and you realise that’s why he was embarrassed to ask but it’s nice because it’s him, it’s Tim, and you’re holding his hand at last and it just feels so wonderful
and it just goes on from there, the first time he asks if you can wrap his arm around your waist is when you’re in the queue for the cinema, and it’s kind of cold out so that’s his excuse, and you laugh and lean against his side as his arm wraps around you, your head against his shoulder
and you feel him sigh contentedly as you melt into him and you really have no idea how long it’s been since anyone touched him like that and he leans into you and rests his chin on top of your head and you just fit together so perfectly 
and the first time he asks if he can kiss you, you’re in the museum at night when no one else is around and he’s giving you a private tour and he watches you gaze up at this display that he helped put together and you’re saying such sweet things like you’re so proud of him and you can’t believe he did all this!!
and he asks if he can kiss you, and you’re surprised because it came out of nowhere but then you realise that, yes, his voice was quiet but he’s looking between your eyes and your lips and he doesn’t seem nervous or shy and you know he wants this just as much as you
and you’ve barely said, yes, when his mouth is against yours and his hands are holding your face and you can feel his nose crammed against your cheek because he just kisses you so eagerly, like he’s been waiting years and years
and he makes a soft noise as your mouth moves against his and you don’t know whether it’s relief or joy or whatever, you just know that it feels like magic cos somehow you feel like you can breath for the first time in years and like he takes your breath away at the same time
and you pull him closer, hands gripping his broad shoulders, then pressing against his back, keeping his chest against yours and you just can’t ever seem to get close enough and when he finally pulls away, he bumps his nose against yours and you’ve never seen him smile so wide
and later on in your relationship, he’ll look back on that first time he asked to hold your hand with embarrassment but he will never regret it because it was the first time you touched and even if he was a stumbling mess, it was the first step towards being with you and how could he ever regret that?
Cheesy Christmas songs - TGIC gift for @fallingprincess
hi @fallingprincess, i’m your secret santa for the fantastic Thank God It’s Christmas event organized by @dtfrogertaylor ❤️ i hope you have a great day filled with many many amazing things!!!!!!!!!!!
this is your gift, a lil Ben x reader fic i wrote. hope you like it!
title: Cheesy Christmas songs
pairing: Ben Hardy x reader (but the whole borhap squad is in it)
warnings: none, really. (i just wanted to say that english is not my first language, so if there are spelling mistakes or wrong structures or whatever, just let me know)
words count: 2.2k
summary: Since you moved to England, your life has been nothing but work. With Christmas just around the corner, you find yourself hating everything holiday-related because you don’t have anyone to share the magic of Christmas with. Or do you?
Cheesy Christmas songs - TGIC gift for @fallingprincess
hi @fallingprincess, i’m your secret santa for the fantastic Thank God It’s Christmas event organized by @dtfrogertaylor ❤️ i hope you have a great day filled with many many amazing things!!!!!!!!!!!
this is your gift, a lil Ben x reader fic i wrote. hope you like it!
title: Cheesy Christmas songs
pairing: Ben Hardy x reader (but the whole borhap squad is in it)
warnings: none, really. (i just wanted to say that english is not my first language, so if there are spelling mistakes or wrong structures or whatever, just let me know)
words count: 2.2k
summary: Since you moved to England, your life has been nothing but work. With Christmas just around the corner, you find yourself hating everything holiday-related because you don’t have anyone to share the magic of Christmas with. Or do you?
Christmas was all around you. Decorations were hanging everywhere you went, people overcrowded the streets with their hands full of bags, still shopping for presents, and you could hear All I want for Christmas is you or Baby it’s could outside in every shop, café, even in your workplace and in your apartment, coming from your neighbours’ place.
It was a downright nightmare.
You hated it, and so you had been in a bad mood since the beginning of December.
To be fair, it wasn’t that you hated Christmas per se.
Actually, you loved it when you had the chance to spend it with your family and go all out, hanging mistletoe everywhere in your house and putting a massive tree up in your living room, drinking hot chocolate and blasting Michael Bublé’s entire discography at all hours of the day. Yes, you were just like all those Christmas-crazed people in the streets you had almost yelled at.
But this year… everything had changed. You had moved to another country, and that meant that you didn’t get to see your family during the holidays, and that already put you in a bad mood. Add to that the fact that even though it was the holidays you were going to work most days, because you needed as much money as possible to pay your rent, and that you hadn’t met more than a couple people since moving, and it all explained why you were acting like the Grinch.
You couldn’t help it, really. You wished you could spend the holidays being carefree and light-hearted, but it was all so much… you felt overwhelmed.
Having responsibilities really sucks, you thought while retrieving your small apartment’s keys from the pocket to open the door.
In that very moment your phone started to ring.
-One moment, just one fucking moment!-you yelled, as if whoever was calling you could hear you.
It probably was an advertisement call, or your boss telling you that you had to cover someone’s shifts.
When you saw the caller ID, your eyebrows shot up in surprise.
Lucy. She was a coworker, a fun girl you really enjoyed talking to in between shifts or during breaks, but you still weren’t so close that you would dare to call her a friend. Even though the relationship you had with her was probably the closest thing to a friendship you had made since moving in that goddamn place called England.
You answered, curious as to why she was calling you. You had never talked on the phone, nor you had exchanged texts.
-y/n! Fucking finally!-she said with a laugh. You could hear other people talking in the background, as well as music. Needless to say-a Christmas song.
-Sorry, I was opening the door…-you replied, a little embarassed.
-Oh, it’s okay. Don’t worry. I was calling to invite you to the fucking-best-Christmas-Eve-party eveeeer!
She had sung the last part, and you heard whoever was with her laughing and mocking her.
-Oh yeah, she’s definitely coming after that stunt-said a deep voice, while another added:-Sorry if I tell you this, Luce, but singing is not your greatest skill.
You thought for a moment. Why was she inviting you? You weren’t even that close… and she was clearly in good company already. Was it out of pity?
-Listen, Lucy, thanks for the offer, really, I appreciate it, but I’m really tired, so I think I’ll just get in bed really early…
She interrupted you mid-speech:-Oh, stop already with that, Grumpy! Come on, you’ll have fun. My friends want to meet girls and at first I got really offended because they have me and don’t appreciate me enough, but then I thought that they would really like my amazing coworker. So just come… please?
Despite everything, you found yourself smiling.
Maybe… it wasn’t a bad idea, after all?
You had just got home from a shift, and your next one was tomorrow afternoon. You had plenty of time to stay home nursing a hangover in case things got a little too crazy at that party… for fuck’s sake, you deserved some fun.
-Yes, Lucy. I’m coming.
-Yesss! I’ll text you the address. Come as soon as you can.
Maybe your Christmas was going to be a little less shitty than you originally thought.
You got out of the uber, trying to find balance on your heels. You had been trying to find the right outfit for what felt like forever, finally opting for a simple red dress that showed your shoulders, elegant but not too much. Then you had put on a layer of mascara and a coat of lipstick.
You didn’t want to look like you had put too much effort into it, even though it was the first social event you were attending since moving to England.
You approached Lucy’s building and quickly got in, feeling a little nervous as you found the right floor and rang the bell over the tag that said Boynton.
The door opened and you found yourself in front of a guy with blond hair and the most striking blue eyes you had ever seen. He was tall and quite muscular, but he was wearing the most obnoxious Christmas jumper you had ever seen, red and green with little Santas in different positions all over it.
-Nice jumper-you grinned.
He immediately blushed at your words.
-I’m Ben, and I don’t usually wear clothes this ugly, I swear-he said-you must be y/n.
You shook hands and you felt a shiver go through your body at the contact… who knew Lucy had such attractive friends?
When you walked through the door, you were welcomed with the smell of baked cookies and the view of Lucy sprawled across a couch with another guy, plus Ben who had just joined them.
-y/n!-Lucy yelled-come here, join us, I want you to meet everyone!
You sat with them and the guy introduced himself as Rami. He seemed quiet but fun, and he and Lucy were quite the pair, him all silent and her screaming at the top of her lungs.
-Sorry for her, when she drinks she always gets like this…-Rami explained to you with a smile.
-I didn’t drink anything! Stop saying bad things about me, you meanies-she retorted with a pout, then she hugged Rami and put her head on his chest.
Ben gave you a meaningful look and stretched you his hand to take:-Why don’t we go see what Joe and Gwil are doing, y/n?
You took his hand and he led you to the kitchen just around the corner, where two other men seemed busy with a tray of gingerbread. Ben’s hand left yours, and you had to stop yourself from reaching for it again. It had felt so warm…
-y/n, you are here! Come taste our cookies-said the shorter man of the two, who had reddish brown hair, with an American accent.
You felt kinda dizzy for a moment, realizing that in only five minutes you had had more social interactions than you had in months.
You smiled and took a cookie from the tray.
-These things you baked… what the fuck are them?
Ben’s question caused Gwilym and Joe’s immediate indignation: the tall Welshman you had met in the kitchen flipped him off, while the other man blew him a raspberry.
You just laughed at their shenanigans.
The four of you were sitting on the living room floor, on the carpet right next to the Christmas tree, sipping hot chocolate and eating gingerbread cookies. Rami and Lucy were on the couch engulfed in each other’s arms, their eyes closed but not quite asleep yet.
-Really, were they supposed to be gingerbread men? This one I’m eating looks more like a rugby ball.
-Shut up. y/n likes them. Don’t you, y/n?
You nodded exaggeratedly at Joe’s question.
-Yes. They are perfect. Don’t listen to this one, he’s just mean-you said, gesturing to the blond man sitting right next to you.
At your words, Ben’s mouth gaped.
-Et tu, Brute?
You shrugged and showed him your tongue.
-I thought you were on my side-he pouted.
-Aw, but I am, you poor thing-you replied sarcastically, but you couldn’t help but smile at his petulant expression.
-Doesn’t seem like it.
You comforted him with a caress to his shoulder, and out of the corner of your eye you saw Gwilym and Joe exchanging a glance and smirking.
You felt your face heat up.
Was it that obvious that you were really flirting with him? But most importantly, was he flirting back?
-So, are they… a thing?-you said out of the blue pointing to Lucy and Rami, trying to divert the general attention from you and Ben.
-Not officially. They are making us suffer so much, for fuck’s sake. It’s so obvious that they are into each other, but first there’s Lucy coming to us worried that Rami doesn’t like her back, then Rami calls me and says he’s sure Lucy doesn’t like him like that. It’s like being back in middle school, Christ-Gwilym answered, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling.
-And you, y/n? Do you have someone special, a boyfriend, girlfriend?-Ben asked you nonchalantly.
-Oh, no. I moved here just a few months ago… I barely have any time to eat or sleep, left alone to find a boyfriend-you said, a little embarassed.
-And no one’s tried to make a move on you? Wow.
You didn’t know what to answer to that, so you just chuckled lightly. So he was flirting back with you.
-Ben, why don’t you show y/n the balcony? Gwil and I will go make some other cookies, since you ate all of them-Joe said, getting up and heading to the kitchen with the other man.
-Shall we go?-Ben asked you, extending you his hand.
You took a deep breath and took it, nodding.
-Pretty, isn’t it?-Ben asked you.
You were on the small balcony of Lucy’s house, looking down at the park just across from it.
-I mean, it’s not the greatest view, but it’s really rare to find a house with a balcony in London-he added right after.
You nodded and leaned against the white wall next to you, closing your eyes and enjoying the cold air of the night against your face.
Then you let it all go.
-Tonight seems so crazy to me. I hadn’t been around people like this in so much time… I only worked and studied, and barely took care of myself. Hanging with you guys made me realize that this is all real… I really moved and my life is continuously changing every day. And I’m so fucking terrified.
He turned and looked at you, but remained silent.
-This is all such a cliché-you laughed then. The whole situation seemed absurd.
He looked startled at you.
-What is?
-Everything. Me, my life right now, you flirting with me and taking me out to show me the balcony… I thought you would use a better excuse to get me alone, to be honest.
He snorted at your words.
-This was all Joe’s doing, actually. He tries to be a good wingman, but I would do much better on my own. Is it working, by the way?
-What?
-Me flirting with you.
You felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach but tried to hide it with a snarky smirk.
-Oh… I’ll have to think about it. Try harder, maybe?
He rolled his eyes, then his face became serious and he took your hand into his gently, giving you time and space to retract it if you wanted. You didn’t.
-And about what you said… I get it. Moving away from home is scary and hard, and you are a hero for enduring it all on your own for so much time. But you don’t have to figure it all out alone. We are all ready to help you if you want. Lucy, Rami, Joe, Gwil and me, of course. I can be your friend, before we try to be anything else, if you want to.
-Wow, I… Thank you.
You were at a loss of words, and you could feel your eyes welling up with tears. Don’t cry, don’t fucking cry now, you told yourself.
You hadn’t realized how difficult it all had become to do everything on your own and not have anyone to share your daily life with, and now you were feeling all the weight you hadn’t even known was on your shoulders leaving you, and the sense of relief was amazing. You didn’t have to do it all alone. Thanks God.
Before you could say anything else you felt loud cheers coming from inside the house, and then someone put on Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is you.
Ugh, cheesy Christmas songs. Maybe you could start to like them again, after all.
-Looks like it’s midnight. Merry Christmas, y/n.
You smiled at Ben. Then you did something that surprised even yourself: you got closer to him, so close that you could feel his breath on your face, and gently put your lips against his.
He immediately responded to the kiss, putting his hands on your middle.
It was quick and sweet, just a brush of lips against lips.
When you pulled away, you both had your cheeks red.
-Merry Christmas, Ben-you whispered.
Maybe your holidays weren’t going to be as bad as you originally thought.
SURPRISE @mazzelloiii, I’m your Secret Santa!!! I hope you enjoy this and I hope you have a merry Christmas ❤️❤️
You’d say you couldn’t believe you were sick on Christmas, but that would be a lie. Between the late hours you’d been pulling at work (Christmas presents were really getting more expensive every year) and your unhealthy diet (you couldn’t help it that no one thought to serve veg at those holiday parties!), you really had NOT been kind to your immune system.
As you blew your nose for what seemed like the five thousandth time, a knock came on the door. You dragged yourself off of the couch in your blanket cocoon and shuffled over to see who it was… but before you could, Gwilym, Joe and Ben came barreling into your apartment.
“Wh- what are you doing here??” you sniffed, drawing your blanket closer around you.
“We knew you weren’t feeling good,” Gwilym clarified, shaking the snow off of his head, “and it’s Christmas, so we wanted to bring you some extra cheer!”
“By extra cheer,” Ben clarified, “we mean cold medicine, tissues and some tea.”
You felt yourself smile for the first time in what felt like ages. “Boys, you didn’t have to.”
“Of course we did,” Joe grinned as he set the bag of goodies on the table. “We couldn’t have you being a Scrooge just because your nose is stuffy.”
“And my throat’s sore, and I have the chills, and I-”
“Oh shut up and drink your tea,” Ben chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
Gwilym put the kettle on while Ben and Joe argued over what the lighting pattern of your Christmas tree should be, and you just settled back on the couch and felt your heart thaw. You couldn’t believe you had three such amazing friends to spend the holidays with.
Once the kettle had been poured, the tree was finally on a pattern everyone could agree on, and the four of you had smushed onto your couch, you turned on the TV to a random channel to watch a Christmas movie. “What do we want to watch, gang?”
“Love Actually,” Ben and Gwil asserted at the same time as Joe said, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” Sensing another storm about to brew, you rolled your eyes and said, “I’ll pick one, I’ll pick one.”
Settling on Elf, you leaned into Ben’s shoulder and let Joe wrap his arms around you. And as you drifted off to sleep, you felt exactly as you should on Christmas- warm and surrounded by the people that you loved.
Aw this is so cute!!!!!! Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Hope you have a great Christmas :))))
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
theartofmadeline
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