exp(p)

🧩

[mcriszel]

on some nights like this one right now, i lie awake... doing the things i love: hobbies. musings. eating. and just letting the silence do its thing. i actually admire myself for being able to sit solitarily for how many days without talking to anybody ( except to my close kins). and on some point that is one of the reasons why i genuinely enjoy time with a friend or group of friends. i love being alone as much as i want to be around people and meeting new people. but what i desire most is to have even one person to whom i can comfortably share about anything... i will be the happiest... i do have one but he's not a texter so it feels like i'm doing all the talking... he do share a lot in person though. but i guess, i kinda accepted him to be like that... but i still do hope he recognize my desire for genuine human connections... the active exchanging of ideas. unfiltered emotions.

it is raining now as i am typing this very line. its a good night them though its already a.m.

[mcriszel]

Man

As the ocean's surface reflects the glimmering ray of the sun,

The voices under water with repressed emotions of man

Torn deeply when waves become stronger- 

While it softens when a melody appears from a nightmare.  - 

Sometimes a man whose ego is greater than his ground,

Speak his name as kings of kings,

From his mouth, He throw no thorns of roses,

Benevolent? What a disgrace!

And I told you so, 

So till the judgement your body will ache,

Untiringly like how river flows,

For if you stop, everything will be at stake. 

And once again at some point in time, in the darkest of the night,

Looking up at the sky, staring blankly ahead,

The wind then is cold whispering what is right--

And then began humbling oneself, continuing the fight. 

Ups and down, it's a dance don't be missed! 

Like a rollercoaster our life is,

Strength and power of mind bestowed--

Life is unfairly fair- the natural code. 

And you are a man, imperfect! 

But brave as the lion on every life's bet,

Scorching heat or the coldest of rain and wind- 

Jumping off the hurdles is your masterpiece. 

Even your tears sometimes is like the river,

On the smallest tinge of tragedy that this life could offer,

Even your hopes sometimes is like the glimmering lights,

Courage under your skin won't escape the heights- 

The heights of tomorrow's fortune and bliss,

And you're made of silver and exact, 

The doer, the initiator, the mirror- with no preconceptions,

Life's a journey and you own your destinations. 

- @mcriszel

[mcriszel]

Stability. Loyalty. Peace of mind.

At this age, you have to think long term. We can no longer afford wasting time. So, focus on things that matter in the long run. 🖤

[mcriszel]

Strangers from each other's point of view,

Wondering when and how-

Strings of love as opposite attracts,

Time flies so quick and love is magical-

Look at what we are now.

I've never thought I would fall for you,

I never thought I would be deeply in love with you,

I never thought you'd be one,

My home, my safe haven, and the best feeling-

I just did, and there's no turning back now. ♾️

@mcriszel

[mcriszel]

I just dreamed of you last night (at last!). The very usual setting I'm having with you. You were in your room weaving and as I came closer to you, you smiled quickly.

In my dream, I showed you something, sorry I forgot what it was. But, what I am not able to forget are those smiles again while you are looking in my eyes...

It was the last precious thing you gave me before November 25th… 

I miss you so much and it even made me so sad- to be nostalgic with the dream I had about you. And now I am crying again :(

...

Yet, I am really glad that I saw you again, even though it was just a dream. You made me feel that I am not really alone. I again feel how to be loved by you.  

That you are just there, still guiding me through the embrace of winds during my tough times and smiling brightly as I succeed in this lifetime, in every step I take. 

Thanks lola. I will remember you always.

[mcriszel]

Just as the lights went off asking for serendipity,

I began sccribling words, hoping a melody- 

Our yesterdays musing did hit my core,

I can't let go so I have to close it once more. 

It's bittersweet enough to tear every page,

To swift back and forth inside my cage, 

I've got nothing but something to lose- 

Along the folds we created with worldliness to muse. 

Dreams to be reached then wake me up from my fantasy- 

The place where our hearts are safe from reality. 

Memoirs are now locked deep in my heart, in vault- 

If ever I see you again, I'll let you read that one special note. 

//From the crumpled pages of Orphiccies@sfshines

[mcriszel]

Solitarily walking towards her destination,

Peace lighted her face of confusion,

Blabbing queries  that only wind can hear- 

Never ever care of what the trees would bear. 

Now, the moment has come out of ecstasy- 

The soothing air relaxes her bones of dismay,

Hope it is that she already  saw this coming,

To remain her sanity before the ending. 

To face thee with no masks feigning

Warmly accepted what she is seeing- 

You are only a companion of pure empathy

Like the sheets of tears that reside to join her melancholy. 

//From the crumpled pages of Orphiccies@sfshines

[mcriszel]

Clumsily headed to witness the sun beams- 

As the radio plays my favorite tunes of the mornings,

I then stumbled on my sheet of tears- 

From  last night's struggles and nightmares. 

Afraid to repeat the mistake again,

I grab my towel of decency- 

And then with thoughts laced with logic and mystery,

I went outside with the newest version to face thee- 

Swore not to shred a single tear,

Mask of smiles are prepared for every person who come closer- 

No one knows the real she- 

And I think that's never been a secret for thee to ask me.  

//From the crumpled pages of Orphiccies @sfshines

[mcriszel]

I saw this one old man, selling something on the street. 

Amidst the drizzling heat of the sun, his smiles are still genuine and sweet. 

As he looked me in the eye, I knew he told me one thing. 

"For better things to come,I am being patient in trusting..."

I saw this one loving mother in my school,

Facing the trying times she maintains her cool. 

As she smiled at me, I knew she's saying one thing. 

"My children need my light, So. I'll keep going."

I saw this young girl, with crumpled shirts on and is wearing no slippers,

She's smiling at me showing her white teeth that look like pearls.

In her mind I know she's saying something,

"I wanna be successful too before my ending".

And then I saw this guy making my heart beats in race,

Full of perseverance, determined to win at his own pace. 

And whenever he looks me in the eye, I know his telling me one big thing. 

" We are stars in the cosmos and are able to light as the brightest ones in God's perfect timing.

Remember that Darling. " 

Indeed, we are all unique stars.

Patiently keep on shining behind our darkest scars. 

No dreams to give up for we only live once. 

Yet, do not let the light in us blind our way for every chance.

@sfshines

[mcriszel]

How waves reminded me, how complex this life can be. And how it made me realize, what I am capable of doing at the end of the day. 🌊

@sfshines

[mcriszel]

@_6y9y5 💌

[mcriszel]

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up.”

-S.H

[mcriszel]

Tears are flowing and as it reached your lips you say that it tasted bitterly,

The sound of such laughters is echoing in your memory,

You tried ignoring the thought but it keeps on hunting you down, 

As the lyrics of your favourite song stabbed you, you plastered a frown. 

You did met a lot of people in your journey,

And they are sort of a ruffle in a joyful tragedy. 

Some of them pushed you into the abyss of despair

The cause of your depression which you considered a nightmare.

Along the thousand frowns that wrinkled your forehead,

There he is who did held your hand whenever you're worried,

The only one who can make you amazed,

The reason of your genuine smiles and why you were sometimes dazed.

As you lie awake, his laughters again now lingers in your mind,

Like a tragic movie tearing your heart as it goes like a rewind,

You cannot turn back time and change how the two of you ended,

So you really have to let it go and let your heart be mended. 

[mcriszel]

One day, I will laugh at all of these. These complicated times of confusion, searching and longing. For the sleepless nights and breakdowns. For the silent screams and cries. One day, I'll wear that one amazing smile- worry-free, fulfilled, and happy. The smile of success that will show how proud I am that I made it despite how horrible the battles I have inside. I'll congratulate myself for living braver and for always looking at the positive side of everything ; For forgiving people and myself. For learning the best lessons whole-heartedly and courageously and for holding on to my faith that no matter how painful it is to stumble in the darkness and no one is there, God will always find a way to pull me up.  

One day, I'll glow up stronger, braver, livelier, and happier than I am right now. Loving all the more the person that I've become.  So, Today, I'll just trust the process. 

God has a plan. And it's always for the best.🌻

[mcriszel]

Pinch me, squeeze my hand tightly.

Is it a dream? You have to save me. 

With a mind like this filled with rhapsody

Numbly agreeing that this is no fantasy.

I'm not mad or broken, pathetic and lonely, 

There are just some days that I find myself killing me,

So I have to find you and make you stay,

To keep me fulfilling my own promise - I will be okay. 

Hold me tight as I scream these lingering thoughts out, love.

Before I shove you away, hug me tenderly as I begin to sob.

With hands trembling - showing some hints of fear,

Stay with me and be my breather.

@mcriszel//illustrationfromPinterest