╰summary: Spencer is a goner for his girlfriend, and would do anything for her. On a rainy afternoon, he is suddenly very sure he wants to take the next step in your relationship. Only, he's very afraid he could do something wrong.
╰pairing: Spencer x reader
╰Warnings: pet names, Spencer is soooo in love, but so is reader, virgin!spencer, giggly first time, nothing too graphic, Spencer and reader both being so nervous but so in love they just enjoy sharing this experience, established relationship, no talks about protection (they had that talk beforehand, okay?!), Spencer wants the reader to have a good time and fearing he cannot deliver (spoiler: he can!), honestly this is love making at its finest
this is literally the first time in YEARS I've written intimate scenes (and definitely the first time since I've had experience myself), and it feels strangely vulnerable sharing this with the world, so please be kind <3
The rain drops were coming down hard against the windows of the apartment. In the distance, there was a thunder shaking the clouds. Distant, but audible.
Spencer had never shared the general public's stance on 'bad weather', as so many people liked to put it. No, the so-called bad weather was what had always calmed him.
The world somehow seemed quieter when the thunder was such a blaring contrast to it. And Spencer enjoyed the world a lot more when it seemed less loud. It relaxed him, the rhythm of rain hitting surfaces, and it made it easier to organize his thoughts.
Right now, as the storm was drawing closer, his gaze landed on you, book in hand, snuggled under a thick blanket he had wrapped you in not long ago.
Spencer and you had been dating for a little over three months now, and to say that he had never been happier would have been the understatement of his life.
For much too long, Spencer was certain he had been cursed. Not in the literal, mythical sense (his scientific upbringing was still a little too strongminded to really believe that). But in the loose sense of the meaning, yes, he had believed that.
Everyone around him had found love, they had started a family that he had so desperately craved himself.
Before he even knew how to approach a human of the female gender, Spencer had been certain he wanted to become a father one day. He loved children, of any kind, of any age. And he desperately, undoubtedly, wanted to give his child the fatherly love he had never gotten.
So why didn't it ever work out in his favor? It's not like he wasn't open to relationships. Sure, he was aware that he wasn't the most obvious choice for some women. He knew he could come across as awkward; he'd been told that countless times, both in a loving and in a mean way. Either way, he had internalized that notion.
Additionally, he was hesitant about physical touch. Agreed, not the best start to a relationship. But he had been sure, once the right person would come along, it would not be a problem.
And roughly one year ago, when you joined the team, he knew all of his waiting had not been in vain. Sure, it had taken some time (eight months) and some persuading (by Derek, Penelope, and Rossi) to ask you out, but once he saw the sparkle in your eyes and a giddiness as a response to his question, he knew it would be worth it.
And it had been. It might sound cliche, and he would not believe it himself had he not experienced it, but it felt like all of the stars finally aligned for him and brought him you. God, you were making him poetic.
You, perfect, flawless you.
You would roll your eyes at him would you hear his thoughts, he knew that all too well, and for a moment he was glad he was alone with his thoughts, alone with turning and twisting you in his mind to come to the conclusion he had drawn a long time ago; you were the love of his life.
A lazy, lopsided smile tugged at his lips at he took you in, drank you in, even. He simply could never get enough of you. Wasn't even really sure about how he got so lucky.
He watched your eyes scan the pages of the book resting on your lap, watched your fingers sprawled across the book, holding it in place while your other hand held a cup of tea close to your mouth, sipping on the lukewarm ingredients.
A sense Spencer had yet to completely familiarize himself with overtook him, again.
He wanted to touch you, he wanted to kiss you, to devour you.
Spencer had known he would eventually give in to the physicality so closely entwined with relationships once he really loved someone, but he had never anticipated it would happen to quickly, so violently, even.
He was no newcomer to kissing and making out.
But when he first kissed you, it seemed as though something in his genetic make up just changed. He knew it wasn't biologically possible, though he didn't seem to find a plausible explanation, either.
Ever since then, Spencer had the feeling he had to control himself around you, like your touch had somehow transformed him into nothing more but a wild animal, driven by primal wants and needs. He didn't really know the protocol around such things. Sure, he had done things before. But otherwise, he was a virgin in the majority of ways that counted.
He had told you pretty early on, and you had not even blinked at his confession. His worries about your reaction had all been in vain, and it felt as though a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders and lungs when you didn't laugh or belittle him about it.
''You don't mind?'', he had asked, cheeks still unusually warm from his previous confession.
Your brows had been tucked together in genuine confusion. ''What? Why would I?''
And that was that. He thought it would take a while until he wanted to take that step. And again, like with so many aspects revolving expectations he had had about his first relationship, he was utterly, undoubtedly, wrong.
You had been with other men. He knew that. What he also knew, though, was that none of these men had been particularly kind to you whatsoever. So, naturally, he wanted everything he did for you to be as perfect as you deserved it.
Gaze still locked on your form, storm still raging outside, he suddenly jumped from his seat across the room from you and rummaged through the endless piles of books he owned.
''Whatcha looking for, handsome?'', you mumbled into your tea, gaze not lifting from the words on the pages.
Spencer tried ignoring what that simple pet name was doing to his central nervous system but failed utterly. His heart beat stuttered and he grinned boyishly into himself.
''I'm searching for a book on sex,'', he blurted, never having seen the sense in lying.
He heard you choking on your beverage and whipped his head around to you. ''Are you okay?'', he asked hastily, crouching on the floor in front of you within seconds as you continued coughing.
You nodded in reply, hand on your chest to calm your breathing, cheeks hot with the topic in question.
''Wha- I mean, eh...why?'', you brought out, pulse hammering in your neck and chest. Spencer's cheeks were also beginning to take on a pinkish color.
He blinked and furrowed his eyebrows, like he so often did before he tried to explain another complex train of thoughts his mind produced.
''Well, I know you've been with other men. And I haven't been. With other people, I mean. So I figured, I should further study what techniques there are to...uhm...to make you feel good, I guess?''
At this point, he was a blushing, rambling mess, and although your cheeks were pink as well, you wanted nothing more but to kiss the embarrassment from his face. You were incredulous, how could this man even exist? A man who wanted to research techniques before he ever touched you?
You shook your head in disbelief, and for a brief moment, Spencer thought he had said something wrong. But he quickly identified your love-struck grin he was lucky enough to have become familiar with.
''You're unbelievable. And I mean that in a good way,'', you mumbled, face still flush but giddy, Spencer could basically see the happiness on it.
Still, Spencer didn't really understand what you meant by that.
How could it be that the most endearing person on earth also happened to be your boyfriend?
''Spence,'', you whispered, smile still adorning your lips, as you pulled him in closer to you by his cardigan. He was still on his knees on the floor, crouching in front of the couch you sat on.
As soon as you touched him, he was a goner, he was basically putty in your hands. He had that lovestruck look on his face as his eyes transfixed on yours.
''I understand that you might be a little nervous, but I assure you, you don't have to be. You can do absolutely nothing wrong.''
''Well, of course! There are a lot of things I could do wrong for exam-''
''Spence,'', you cut him off. ''You love me. I know that. You love me more than any man who has ever touched me. And with that, I promise you, you will know what to do. You will know what's right.'', you explained, voice in a whisper, hands still holding his cardigan as you saw his gaze drop down to your lips.
Spencer cupped the back of your neck with one of his large hands and pulled you into him, your lips brushing his as you grinned into the kiss and he reciprocated.
Even after weeks of being able to getting used to it, you hadn't yet. The feeling of Spencer's lips on yours was a new one every time your lips connected. You felt lightheaded almost instantly, and you scolded him internally for ever thinking he could not know what to do with you.
''You're right, you know,'', he mumbled in between kisses.
He pulled away, though not far, never far, to look at you, your face in between his hands, his thumbs stroking your skin, eyes lovingly holding yours. ''That I love you,'', he whispered, and you felt even dizzier.
''I'm always right,'', you giggled in response. ''And I love you too, you know,'', your voice was back to a whisper as Spencer placed light kisses across your jaw and neck. You let your head fall back, and he hummed knowingly in response.
Yet, this was not entirely out of the ordinary for you, yet. He took almost every opportunity he could get to show you just how much he loved you. It was what he said next that made you realize it was different this time, what made goosebumps break out on your whole body.
''Wrap your legs around me, I don't want to do this here,'', he whispered, then immediately kissed a spot below your ear, making you shiver.
You caught his eyes, both in surprise and in question.
''Spence, we don't have to-''
''I know what. But do you seriously think I don't want to? I can barely think of anything else,'', he confessed, the heat coming back to his and your cheeks.
You wordlessly wrapped your legs around his waist and he picked you up without effort. His lips found yours again, capturing them in loving kisses again and again. His hands were on the back of your thighs, and on the way to his bedroom, he let one of them deliberately slip to your behind.
You knew it was wrong to compare him to the men you had been with. But it didn't feel wrong, given he won every point without even trying. His kisses weren't hungry, they were curious, loving. His hands on your body weren't searching for more, they weren't possessive, they were curious. He wanted to explore every part of you in the most innocent way possible, and with each and every touch, he made you feel like he appreciated you, not like he wanted to own you, but like he wanted to love you, even more than he already did, if that was even possible.
Your heart was hammering in your chest as you ran through your last shower routine, wondering whether you shaved, but as Spencer lay you down gently onto the mattress, eyes finding yours, being both sure and excited at the same time, you knew it didn't matter. It was Spencer. He loved you more than anything. And you did, too.
Carefully, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your sweatpants, looking into your eyes for confirmation, which you gave with a firm nod of your head. He slowly, cautiously, pulled the pants down your legs, and embarrassingly, you started trembling as soon as his fingertips touched the exposed skin of your legs.
He placed a few light kisses to your thighs.
''Are you okay?'', he asked as he noticed the trembling of your legs.
''Mhm,'', you mumbled in reply, catching his gaze. ''Just a little nervous, is all,'', you replied in a hushed tone.
Spencer almost couldn't believe his ears. One of your hands cupped his cheeks and he leaned into your touch. ''Of course I am, baby.''
With your underwear still on, you sat up and pulled off your shirt, revealing your bare chest. Spencer cleared his throat and you were uncertain whether his eyes would fall out of their sockets before he could avert his gaze to someplace else.
You unbottoned his cardigan, which he took off in one swift move, before you tugged at the hem of his shirt, as well. He pulled it off and then you sat there, bare chest to bare chest, both heaving with heavy breaths and anticipation.
This time it was you who lunged forward, grabbing him by the back of his neck and pulling him against yourself. Spencer gladly followed and pushed you gently to lie back down again.
He continued kissing you while you felt him pull off his sweats. For a brief moment, you wondered whether he kept on his underwear, as well, but then you felt him warm, flush, against your stomach. The both of you shuddered at the contact, to which a fit of giggles erupted from your connected mouths.
Spencer then slowly pulled your underwear down your shivering legs and searched your eyes for any uncertainties. ''Are you sure?'', you heard him ask.
''Yes. Yes I'm sure,'', you nodded. He leaned his forehead against yours and you both took a moment to close your eyes and breathe and feel the other.
''Just...Sometimes first times, they..um... they don't last very long. I want you to know that that's perfectly normal and please just... don't pressure yourself for me, okay?''
Spencer's chest felt all kinds of warm at your concern, and he nodded.
To your surprise, the next thing you felt were Spencer's fingers at your core, and you gasped in surprise. He drew soothing circles against the part of you that needed him most.
With every hiss, every moan that escaped your lips, you felt him twitch against your stomach.
It took him not more than two minutes to have you come completely undone before him. As soon as you were certain you could breathe again, you smacked his arm.
''Ow! What was that for?'', he grinned, perfect teeth on display. ''For lying to me! There's no way you have never done this!", you exclaimed, faking an angry scowl.
You pulled him down to your face, engulfing his lips in a lazy kiss. ''I told you. You'll know what to do,'', you mumbled against his lips.
At this point, you could feel him against your entrance, and any tiredness he had just induced you with was replaced by adrenaline again.
You smiled widely at him, eyes glistening with sureness, with happiness, as you nodded. Spencer was trembling too, now, and he quickly found one of your hands and entwined your fingers to ground him, before slowly, carefully, pushing in.
A shiver was ripping through both of your bodies, and it was not hard at all for Spencer to push all the way in, as you were more than ready for him. Though he was a lot bigger than you had anticipated. Your gazes met, both surprised, both immensely turned on, both bodies feeling on fire, which made the two of you erupt into a fit of giggles again.
Spencer brushed a strand of hair out of your face and peppered your face with light, loving kisses. You had never felt so loved.
''Is it okay if I move?'', to which you nodded in reply.
So Spencer started moving in and out of you, slowly at first, and you felt him fight off his release immediately. The feeling of him shivering, restraining himself below your touch, made you clench around him, earning a groan in return.
''Sorry, sorry,'', you giggled, and he huffed out a laugh in response.
''No, I'm sorry, I just-'', he met your gaze again, and his eyes softened, the stress he had put on himself only moments ago falling off of him once you were in his field of vision.
The hand that was not clasped by his own cupped his cheek again, a touch that said 'I'm here. You're fine, you're okay.', and he relinquished in the feeling of being understood.
He took all of his courage to move again, and he willed himself not to come simply by the feeling of feeling you, of being as close to you as humanly possible. Somehow, he felt you on every of his nerve endings, and he never wanted to do anything else, ever again.
After finally setting a pace that had you moaning and squirming beneath him, there's nothing else to do for him but let go and come undone. He moaned and trembled and you held him through it all.
He rolled onto his side, afterwards, pulled you in and placed kisses onto the top of your head. Then, sheepishly, he asked ''Can we do that again sometime?''
You prop yourself up on his chest, his fingertips caressing the back of your very sweaty back, a grin on your lips. ''Of course, baby. Anytime you want.''
Then you let him pull you into him again, lips meeting in kisses, in giggles, and in the pure happiness of having found a person that means everything to you.
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