Until Everything Blows Up in Your Face
(Some spoilers ahead!)
Hi friends! 👋 After chapter 120, I couldn't help but reflect a bit on our beloved Twilight and how his character arc is being shaped.
From the very beginning, Twilight’s identity has revolved around his deep conviction that love and a “normal life” simply aren’t meant for him.
It’s no coincidence that, in the very first episode, while he's playing the role of Robert, the entire focus of the scene centers around one simple question:
“Have you ever thought about getting married?”
From the very beginning, this rejection of emotional attachment is framed as a core pillar of Twilight’s character. Saying goodbye to Karen doesn’t faze him. And yet, there’s one line that gives him away:
It’s not that love doesn’t exist—it’s that he’s chosen to ignore it. To suppress it. Because opening up emotionally means revisiting a pain he’s not ready to face.
Love isn’t foreign to him. It crosses his mind, of course. But he’s made the conscious choice to push it away. Because loving means risk—and he already knows what it feels like to lose everything.
If we briefly revisit his childhood:
Redacted was a child who was emotionally open, sensitive, expressive… traits that didn’t fit in a world on the verge of war. His father—stern and rigid—seemed determined to toughen him up, perhaps thinking it would protect him. But all it really did was build a wall between them. His mother, on the other hand, was his first safe haven: a warm, gentle presence who taught him what it meant to feel secure. And then there were his childhood friends, those who shared his games and held onto the last fragments of his innocence.
One by one, they all disappeared from his life.
After that complete loss, Redacted didn’t just change his name—he changed the way he exists. He became someone who lives to avoid pain, who hides behind his mission, behind lies and roles. Because if everything is just an act, then nothing can really hurt him.
And what about Yor?
At this point in the story, it’s impossible to ignore it: Twilight has slipped, stumbled, and continues to fall emotionally every time Yor is involved. And we’re not just talking about subtle gestures—his actions betray him, over and over again.
From trying to seduce her in the most awkward way possible, to opening up about his mother and his real childhood. From defending her when others criticize her, to sparing Yuri’s life—even though he poses a direct threat to his mission. And let’s not forget his constant need to protect her, his concern for every little gesture she makes, or the way he completely falls apart just from seeing her smile.
Twilight already knows that Yor affects him deeply.
She invades his thoughts to an overwhelming degree. She unsettles him, moves him, throws him off balance. And the worst part—or perhaps the most revealing—is that what he truly wants is simple: for her to be okay.
To be happy with their family (with him)—all under the convenient excuse of keeping the mission on track.
Even at this point, Nightfall is the one who knows better than anyone: Twilight isn’t acting normal—not when it comes to Yor.
Twilight doesn’t think like a spy when it comes to Yor. He loses all objectivity, and his emotions override his training. He doesn’t act with precision or calculation—he acts like a clumsy, insecure man with no real emotional tools to navigate this.
Just look at the level of anxiety attacks this man goes through… It’s a complete mess
In fact, Yor’s emotions shouldn’t matter, as long as she continues to see their agreement as viable and plays her part. And yet, Twilight feels that she’s not truly satisfied with him—that something’s missing....And that thought eats away at him.
What he tries to resolve with logic ends up as emotional chaos. Because Twilight isn’t an efficient spy around Yor—he’s a man who constantly fails at keeping control.
So, when will he finally admit what he feels?
Probably a thousand chapters from now… because Endo clearly enjoys watching us suffer slowly.
I have a feeling Twilight is destined to experience a much longer, more intimate, and more painful character arc than we might expect. One where the very emotions he’s repressed will eventually explode in his face.
Accepting what he feels won’t be easy. For him, falling in love isn’t just “letting his guard down”—it means breaking away from everything he has become. Twilight doesn’t just live as a spy—he is his mission. He’s built his existence on an unspoken vow: “I won’t allow myself to lose again.”
And in order not to lose, he chose not to love. In order not to love, he chose not to feel.
What’s interesting is that, unlike his past as a soldier—where he did grow disillusioned with the system and lost his motivation—he has yet to question his role as a spy. He hasn’t reflected on his own humanity beyond the success of his missions. But it’s only a matter of time. Because loving Yor and Anya will eventually lead to something far greater: facing his guilt.
We’ve already seen, in small moments, how his guilt toward Anya affects him. So the idea of possibly being rejected by them too must be eating away at him.
That conversation between McMahon and Yor suddenly makes even more sense: How will Twilight cope with the idea of his family discovering the truth? Could they accept him? Could he accept that Yor is an assassin? How will he process the fact that Anya was an experiment—and that, silently, she’s known everything from the very beginning?
I get the feeling that the more he tries to get closer to Yor (while still trying to avoid his own feelings), the deeper he’ll sink into a hole of denial he won’t be able to escape. Every step he takes toward connection, trust, or vulnerability will only drag him further into the emptiness he’s been trying so hard not to face
Even if, at some point, Yor opens up to him—and he plays with her feelings (consciously or not)—let’s hope not—the most likely outcome is self-sabotage. He’ll pull back. He’ll shut down even more. Because that’s what he’s always done: build walls. Fake kindness. Run away, dressed as a functional man.
Until there’s nowhere left to run.
And then, without disguises, without masks, without an escape… his feelings will explode in the worst possible way—right in his face.
