Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.
Al Capone (via bl-ossomed)

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@me-vs-mind
Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.
Al Capone (via bl-ossomed)
following back
We took it too seriously,” she said. “We were making plans for twenty years in the future when both of us knew this wouldn’t last. "He said he was going to marry me. We were going to travel the world and live in an apartment with great glass windows and three cats. "Oh and I knew it was a cliché but it was so addicting to think about. And I admit there were times I believed it might actually happen.”
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #169 (via blossomfully)
I laughed because it hurt too much to cry.
Anonymous (via wrist-scars)
"Mom, why do the best people die?" "When you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?" "The most beautiful ones."
holy shit (via raysofthesun)
He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.
(via aureat)
i dont like getting yelled at i literally stand there and burst into tears
and they’re like WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!!?! It’s because you’re fucking yelling at me you shithead
Tonight I listened to a voicemail you left me three months ago. In it, you told me to go fuck myself. I still remember that night. I still remember those words rolling off your tongue so gracefully. I remember wondering how someone so beautiful could be so cruel. Two months ago I called you at three A.M. I expected you to ignore it, or to send me to voicemail; those were two of the things you were best at. You answered and I felt my heart begin to race; you probably thought it was because I missed you, but truthfully it was because I didn’t expect you to answer, and because I really had to pee. I asked you how you were and you sat there quietly and confused. It was like you forgot that I existed and that I was once a part of your life. You told me “fine” and I smiled. That was the last conversation we had. I made sure to let go of you, and every negative word that was said, in a peaceful way. Fast forward two months, and I still wonder how you are. I still wonder how your dog is and if you’ve seen any good movies lately. If you ever heard me say this, you’d probably blush like you used to whenever I said something sweet. You’d probably think I think these things because I still love you, that I still want you. But that is not the case. You see, six months ago I was jumping through hoops to please you. To make sure that you were happy before myself. To make sure that I was the one causing your happiness. But it is not six months ago. It is now. And now I simply remember you as a person I gave my soul to. A person I told secrets to at 4am and fucked to feel a sense of closeness. A person I loved, yes. But it is not six months ago. It is now, and now I miss you. I miss the way you called randomly just to ask how my day was. I miss the way you seemed to care, even if you didn’t. I miss the friendship and the secrets and the stories. And maybe one day things will be different. Maybe you’ll call me on a Tuesday afternoon and ask how my day was. These are the things I think about before my eyes slowly close and I am finally rewarded with sleep. But for right now? Go fuck yourself.
(via skinfilledthoughts)
have you considered that maybe i am not pleasant? maybe i wear lipstick so that you will see my pretty pink mouth wrapping around a coffee cup lid and be distracted enough not to notice that i am intelligent and powerful; a threat. maybe i draw my brows into high arches so you will look at my unimpressed skepticism and overlook my spiteful glare as a trick of my silly, girlish routine. maybe i wear my heels so high and thin so that i grasp your attention with the sway of my hips as i listen to the click-clack-click against the floor and know that if you should try to overpower me i walk on sharpened knives. maybe when i laugh at your worthless jokes i am really baring my fangs waiting patiently for the day that i sink them into your neck. i am not made of porcelain pleasantries; you will find that these things are my armor to keep you at a distance so you do not step on me and shatter my fragile control. i am not a husk — i am not wilting. i am turning my head so that the fire blazing through my eyes does not catch on the accelerant of your sweaty palms and burn your bones to dust. i am not your pretty girl; i am a fury, a faerie, a phoenix — a forest of werewolves and wendigos that will carve out your chest so that the next time i paint my pretty pink lips i will taste the copper tang of your dying breaths.
R.K., I Am The Wolf Only Barely Contained (via 231895)
Wow.
(via bec-keen)
Dream 1
It was a facility. We didn’t know that, but it was under a centre. Once you enter, you won't be able to get out. How did we get there? I can’t remember, it was all a blur. Four people including me, got trapped in a paradox of endless suffering. The centre was an eerily, empty place. It was divided into many sections, the Domini, the Tudor, and a few more sections I can’t seem to recall. When we first arrive at the center, we’d be on a transport machine that’d asked us in a cold, robotic female voice where we’d like to go. Regardless of what we chose, all the places would lead to the facility if we weren’t careful. Let’s say we chose the Domini. In that section, the shops would be empty, barren, but open. We could step inside, look around and interact with the other people that seemed to be oblivious as to where they were. On the right side of the wall would be a glass wall that stretched for meters until it reached the other section. All sections are interconnected, but it takes a while to reach the end of one, that is, if you don’t accidentally stumble into the facility. The glass would be steaming with water condensation, and if you tried to look below, there would be unfathomable darkness. During my time there, I found out two ways to enter the facility and one way to get out for a while until you find yourself back into the centre. To get in, you’d either jump into the abyss or talk to a ten meter tall creature that would ask you if you’d like to go with him. I jumped in the first time, reaching endless corridors of doors with or without handles, leading to other corridors or your eventual death. I’ve only ever seen the creature take people in. I never knew how he could persuade them to walk onto his palm and let him lead them to the chasm. I had four friends when I came here. We all jumped down the abyss with no sense of reason, just a feeling of need to be down there. It wasn’t curiosity that was driving us; it was something more. When we dropped to the ground, it was just me and the girl. The two other boys got separated. As we walked around the corridors, the girl became odd. She started giggling every once in a while until she suddenly became catatonic. I was scared, but she awoke and told me, “Hey let’s go into this room!” I obliged, but walked behind her carefully. She went through two sets of doors which were unhandled on the other side. I was wary of this fact, but she pranced through the rooms. I knew something wasn’t right when the last door she decided to go through had no light whatsoever emitting from it. I stopped in my tracks and watched the door closed. She called my name and then started to scream. I was terrified. I banged on my door and realized I could pull it open with my finger nails. I needed to help her, but not in this state. I needed to find the boys and help me at least open all of these doors before I could help her. I ran, remembering my turns and counts. Five doors, right turn, three doors, left turn, one door, turn-. I stopped in my tracks. I saw an old lady in a wheelchair, just literally, slowly dying away. She began shrivelling up, but before she disappeared completely, she said my name and something that sent me chills down my spine.
“You left me in that room to die.”
I felt like I was going to cry, but then I saw a door in front of her. It was an opening to the outside world. I couldn’t believe it. I ran back into the corridors to find the two guys I was with. I needed to find them soon; this place was insane. Two hours later, I found them. I mapped out the facility quite well in my head while I was running around. Thank god they were still together. They were grateful to see me and we ran back to the exit. The old lady was gone. We recognized where we were, not far from our home. We ran and ran until we saw our parents. The girl was right beside them.
Then the next day, our parents told us they wanted to go to a shopping centre. We were excited and agreed. We arrived and walked through the door. Then we froze.
We were greeted with a cold, robotic female voice.
“Where would you like to go today? The Domini, The Erise, The Alias, The Tudor or the Hall.”
As to get out, you don’t.
I’ve just avoided my visit to the corridors again and again.
I’ve been doing so for a long time.
This is my one hundred fifty eighth time in this world.
I killed one hundred fifty eight copies of me.
And if you looked at the first letter of each section,
You would understand what awaited you in the end.
Or, you could wake up.
#2 July 18, 2013
So here's a new outlook in life. I realized that, hey, it's okay if i don't become a doctor or another prestigious job. It's okay that i don't earn stacks and stacks of money. It's okay that I don't live in a mansion or I'm not well known. Why am I living in this society where I have to give myself so much stress and hardship because of marks and money. Because I disagree with "money can't buy you happiness", i know that money can buy you a sense of false happiness, like nice clothes, nice technology, nice house. It's what we ever wanted. But I realized that i'm totally fine living in a cozy apartment with enough food and someone I love. It's perfectly okay. I want to travel the world more than ever, actually giving "Live Your Life" a meaning. I don't want to live for somebody else and everybody's expectations. I want to live for me. I want to travel the world and see places a majority of the people haven't heard about. I want to scuba dive in beautiful coral reefs and go parachuting. I want to go on adventures in forests and breathe fresh mountain air. I want to be happy and free.
I wish I could be an animal in the tropic. As humans, we deprive ourselves of freedom and happiness with the shallow thoughts of being rich and famous. But as an animal, they can wake up anytime of the day, find a meal and take a nap whilst being immersed in the environment and actually LIVE life." For human beings, a life of such simplicity would be possible if one worked to produce directly his daily necessities"
So live life with simplicity and relaxation.
That's what I'm going to do from now on.
2 Paths and 1 Trail
You are my sun and my moon and all my stars. You are the light that glows for me, guiding me back to the place where i belong. The phantom traces of past tear tracks are slowly becoming less and less visible. My mouth has found a different position than the constant frown that has made itself home to my face.
-
Back before, there were only two options that ran through my mind like a broken record. To live life without knowing what happiness is or to just end life right then and there. Struggling to make the choices, I decided to tread slowly on the first option, hoping a rail will appear someday for me.
Day and night i've been walking the path, waiting and waiting. I passed through the monsters and obstacle that proved to be more difficult than what my limited imagination prepared me for. My mentality was diminishing and all I wanted was that small path to happiness.
But one day, I did see a path. So narrowly paved amongst the side of the road. So risky to take, as I could see no end nor light to the path. A risk I took, hoping to end the current path that made me walk in circles for years. A path that I believe with my whole heart was worth it.
I hope that you think I'm worth it too.
Our Souls
Do you believe in souls? That there's an "after" after-death. That we can still be alive even when we're not. That there are souls that were meant for each other? When two souls fall in love, what happens to their vessels? The vessels are tormented with the absence of the other, the presence of the other through holding hands and saying words.
Souls don't have memories, nor do they understand what time is because after all, that's not important. There is no second thought of distant or anything else because the only thing that's important, is when they're both together.
So what does the soul feel? The soul feels the absence of the others. Since souls do not understand the meaning of distant or time, separation does not seem to be temporary, but permanent. So is this why every time you say goodnight, i really feel like you're saying goodbye?
Roads
There are many roads that lead to sadness or happiness in life. There's always a fifty fifty chance, but one decision can significantly increase it to a point where there's only one result. I have three roads in my life. One road leads to one person. Currently I'm walking the road towards the person I'm with now. I'm not running to this destination and I'm walking in hesitation. It's not the future I particularly desire. There's two more roads. One I'm sure of the outcome of and the other is rather ambiguous. I'm drawn to one of these two, but the outcome of changing my directions to go to either of them will be ... pretty disastrous. So what's going to happen now? I'm confined within three choices,three people. I don't want to play this game and I'm tired of trying to see the road ahead of me. Then, I realized there wasn't out in this game. The only option is to play or die. What happens if I don't to do either?
Strangers and Thoughts
Do you ever just walk by a person and think that, "Damn, this person has a life. This person is literally thinking something right now or worried about something or happy about something." Every time I walk past the person, I do a guessing game based on how they look. If they look sad, I think about how he got in a fight with his girlfriend or if he and his friend got into a disagreement. If they look happy, I wonder if their boyfriend proposed to her or if she got the position she wanted. I play out their whole life situation just at one glance because I would like to think I'm not the only one in this world that's capable of thinking. I want to be empathetic and try to be understanding when someone is rude or not. It's just mind blowing that everybody else is just living a life like me and you. We should stop thinking about how our lives suck or how amazing it is and just think about what we can do to help others because god knows, they could have it better or worse than us, but who cares? We're the only ones that can help each other so just let others know that you always have a shoulder they can cry on or a hand to hold.
Beforelife and Afterlife
I am not afraid of dying. I am not afraid of a painful death. I am not afraid to jump in front of a car nor am i scared of overdosing on pills. What I am scared of is what comes after death. There are quite a few possibilites i contemplate about. One, life comes after death. Second, heaven and hell comes after death. Last, nothing comes after death. I dread the first, am indifferent about the second, and frightened of the last. I dread the first because if I took the step to actually kill myself, then it obviously means no, I do not want to live again. But sometimes, I think of us living as capable energy that travels from the dead to the living. Then there's the whole cycle of living again and again and again and again. One time you live a life that's amazing, becoming famous and liked, another life you're normal and boring and another where you're hated on. I don't want that. I want out. I want to be fully out. I did not sign up for this nor do I want to see this through. Thinking about the second option calms me down when I think about death. After I die, I guess my soul leaves my body, but I can still look after the ones I love. But when I say this, it's kind of ironic right? Why would I want to die if I have people I love. Maybe it's because I'm tired and unhappy. I don't know, but I want to stay on the world as something else, but can observe people without having to worry about myself. I'm frightened of the last one. Nothing comes after death and I guess you're just ... dead. I don't want that. Not at all.
Then why choose die?
Because I'm curious.
Time
Why am I sad all the time? Maybe because I'm holding onto things that will never be the same again. Maybe I'm sad that people are changing, but the memories I still hold onto are still the same. If I had a chance to go back though, would I? After I see how things unravel and how people turn out to be, would I still want to share those memories with them and be betrayed in the end? Would I decide to leave them and not go through this ordeal? It's funny how things play out. We shouldn't meddle with time though, because we already had our chance and it's time to move on.