Dilation: In a Dystopian World Where You Have to Use Dildo-Shaped Physical Therapy Tools to Strengthen and Stretch your Vagina
Having a vagina is weird. It bleeds. It is prone to infection. It looks different from all the other vaginas in the world. And for those of us with vulvodynia, it hurts all the time. Party.Â
This can make sex difficult or impossible for some of us. Penetration can be painful. Thrusting can be painful. Even something as simple as touching the tissues can cause pain. For many people with vulvodynia, this has created a love-hate relationship with themselves, sexuality, and romantic relationships.Â
Some of us have not ever been able to have sex without pain, because some of us have had this condition since birth- and the pain was noticed immediately as it was mixed in with our youngest memories - or as soon as we tried inserting a tampon for the first time. For some, this was a condition acquired later in life- and in a debatable better or worse fashion, this means we have enjoyed pain-free sex and living at one point, only to now be in the predicament where sex is only painful.Â
With our painful sexual experiences in tow, we speak with doctors, and we ask for help. Getting to this point, for many of us, has been a journey requiring a lot of grit. But unfortunately, a lot of us receive horrible advice despite our courage. We are told to drink a glass of wine before sex, to tell our boyfriend to get another girlfriend, or to just try relaxing. I am very lucky to say this has not been my experience.Â
I can say that I have worked with a physical therapist who has been supportive, kind, and caring. She helped me create attainable goals for my mobility and sex life, and she listened to me when I was overwhelmed and couldnât stand the pain.Â
One tool she gave me, which I would like to address in more detail, is vaginal dilators. What are dilators? Wow! I am so glad you asked. That is very thoughtful of you.Â
Pictured above are my three vaginal dilators and the water based lubricant I use with them.Â
They are tools used to expand the vaginal walls, improve elasticity, and potentially allow for comfortable intercourse. To use, one inserts the dilator (with huge amounts of lubricant) into the vagina and leaves it in for a short period of time. One can also put slight pressure on the dilator in order to focus on stretching certain vaginal and pelvic muscles. Afterwards, they are washed and dried, similar to how one would care for a sex toy. They come in many different sizes, so that a comfortable size can be found, and eventually one may move onto larger sizes if desired. They help because they stretch out the vaginal muscles, provide neutral/positive touch to the tissues to hopefully change how they perceive touch, and give an opportunity for you to interact with your vagina in a gentle and kind way.Â
I used to use these religiously, once a day for 10 minutes. I would lie on my bed and look at my phone, listen to music, or just focus on how my body felt while I did it. With this condition, we become medically sensitized to our vulvas, so this became a very normalized activity. After enough pain, we are willing to do a plethora of weird and unusual things in order to perhaps, someday, feel a little bit better. I started out by using the smallest dilator, then eventually I would use the small one to prepare for the larger one. I have not yet tried the thickest dilator, but using the smaller ones will help me prepare for that day.Â
Pictured: Three dilators with hand for scaleÂ
I used the dilators for several months before I noticed a difference in my pain. In fact, my symptoms became worse for a while. This is, unfortunately, normal. I am happy to say though, that both my physical therapist and vulvar specialist have noticed an improvement in my pain. It can be hard personally to notice the difference in pain, since I am in pain all the time. But for them, the fact that I didnât jump off the table in agony when they used their fingers to apply pressure to my tissues showed great improvement!Â
I recommend trying dilation, with the supervision and support of your doctor (ideally a physical therapist). It doesnât work for all people, and for some I know it can actively agitate their symptoms. What is both wonderful and horrible about vulvodynia is that each case is unique- and the ways to ease ones pain is often also individualized. At minimum, dilation forces you to connect with the area of your body where you experience such pain- to really listen and feel how your body responds to pressure, penetration, and stretching. You have to lie there, quiet, and listen to what your body tells you (that is, when youâre not looking at your phone). And this alone can make an impact on your mental and physical health.Â
Some of you might wonder if this has helped me in my sex life. While I know I would be able to have sex if I tried, I have taken a break from most sexual activity in order to reconnect with my body. Some people would consider this a defeat. I think it is a temporary resting period, so I can be prepared for the day I do one day decide to engage in sexual activity again. Vaginal dilation did help me get to this point, and perhaps it can help you, too.Â
Vaginas are weird, beautiful, and integral to our very beings, and the tools to heal them can be equally strange and confusing. In a world where chronic vaginal pain can be a norm for so may people, we are happy to use all the tools we can get.Â
Do you use vaginal dilators? Would you? Iâd love to know.Â
