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Hey guys look it's my first spam message!!

Your brain is just an Ouija board and every single experience you've had is a hand guiding it to the next response

#late night post #some experiences are powerful enough to save a keybind on the Ouija board #(aka trauma and whatever the positive of trauma is)

I spent like 40 minutes doing nothing but riding a scooter generally at 15+ mph and let me just say I can NOT feel my fingers after that trip

#and I have to repeat this to get home #the joys of not being able to drive #mostly because I just haven't gotten a license yet #owie :(

Reaches behind my bed to look for my phone and experiences the horror of my nail hitting the baseboard and doing a 90° turn instantly

#:(#I just wanted my phone

I think the fact that the ONLY single thing (to my knowledge) phineas and ferb were umable to overcome is the speed of light, and even then they still got really close, like probably 80-90% the speed of light.

#phineas and ferb #y'all were able to fix a collapsing space-time continuum but couldn't make ftl boots smh my head #also they should've like evaporated or smth every time they used the boots #which means phineas ferb and Candace are all immortal #via ultra enhanced regenerative powers

Remember kids

Twitter users aren’t real! If you use twitter actively, you may suffer from being an NPC, and should seek medical help by uninstalling the Twitter app and deleting your account :)

#shitpost #but not really #twitter users can't be real people please prove me wrong though

*Sets your playback speed to 1.5x and watches as you try and fail to comprehend your everyday household chores*

Mad props to the dude that I watched go halfway across the main street before riding down the middle of the road (two lanes on either side) and then cut between some cars to get onto the sidewalk

#and all on a scooter???#I aspire to be like that guy #what confidence bravery or uncaring disposition #or a mix of all three! must you have to do this

I was talking to my dad a couple days ago and the whole time the cat was just having the time of his life shoving himself inside a bag, and I'm just sitting here thinking to myself "what are you looking for? What deep secrets do you discover inside this empty bag?"

#cat activities #cativities? cactivities?

I was just chilling in class and somebody asked whether they should draw a cowboy or a russian, and teacher suggested a cowboy russian

#needless to say I'm suffering now #art prompt

Lots of snow today :)

#but no snow day :(

Sleeping would be easier if my body was warm and my face was constantly experiencing a cool, comforting breeze

#but that's not physically possible :(#night night post

I'm not a real person, I'm just propaganda to get people interested in being vaccinated and becoming autistic :)

#shitpost

I think I'm depressed lmao

#tune in next time #for when I don't get a diagnosis and just go touch grass for a while

*Blows a kiss to my enemy, causing them to combust into flames instantly*

#d&d #d&d incidents

Sleeping is like a council meeting where you have to give all 32 members a good argument and if any of them vote no you instantly wake back up

#it'll make us happy in the morning #nnnnnnaaaah. we wake up at 3 am I think.#please just let me sleep

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

neurotypical people will be like "yeah loud noises bother me too" and meanwhile i once had to sit in a closet clutching a pillow sob-rocking for 2.5 hours because a fire alarm went off for a few seconds

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

to all the people in the notes crying bc their fire alarm goes off every time they try to cook

you can put a plastic shower cap over a fire alarm to prevent it from going off. (taping a ribbon/string will act as a reminder to remove the cap when you're done cooking)

zombombie

This post makes me realize how far I've come with...I don't have the right word, but it's easier to deal with loud noises now. I remember once I went to see some fireworks when I was a kid and the noise had me sobbing in the back of the car for at least half an hour. Nowadays I still flinch at sudden loud noises and lose all concentration if any significant noise is going on outside of my task, but it's *better*. Still absolutely despise physical contact beyond hand-on-hand though

#actuallyautistic

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