Mmmm Green Beans

Oh the terrors

[meangreenbeanz]

Pictures I took to say goodbye to summer. I am happy for the fall, but there’s something bittersweet about loosing all the sunshine and happy greenery of summer. I embrace change, but summer always leaves an empty feeling in her absence that the frigid autumn can’t fill

"August evenings are especially stricken with melancholy - as if the ghosts of all past summers came rushing to haunt my heart"

-from Letters of Summer Past (Listy Tamtego Lata VI)

"It was September. In the last days when things are getting sad for no reason."

- Ray Bradbury, "The Lake", The October Country (via wordsnquotes)

“That old September feeling, left over from school days, of summer passing, vacation nearly done, obligations gathering, books and football in the air ... Another fall, another turned page: there was something of jubilee in that annual autumnal beginning, as if last year's mistakes had been wiped clean by summer.”

-Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

[meangreenbeanz]

*on a phone call with my mom*

Me: yeah I think it’s getting bad again. I went to the gym today, im always going on walks, eating lots of greens, drinking water and trying my best to sleep but I never really can. I’m doing all the healthy things, but they just feel impossible. I don’t know why I just feel terrible all the time—

Mom: —no you don’t

Me: what do you mean?

Mom: you said you had a good day when I talked to you yesterday. You don’t feel terrible all the time you just feel bad now and are generalizing

Me: well sometimes I just say “im good” as the default. And I still do fun things, but I feel like it takes all of my energy and I have no motivation anymore. I care deeply about my grades, so I do the homework and I study, but it’s draining and I feel sick and it hurts

Mom: no, you’re really smart. You’re just feeling lazy because these classes are too easy. It’s not depression

YALL. This hurts. I’ve been lately feeling like something is fundamentally wrong with me. I don’t know if it’s medical, autistic burnout that comes with being undiagnosed and good at masking (she also doesn’t believe me about that) or just pure depression winning

And every week I tell myself I’ll do better I’ll eat three balanced meals a day and go to the gym for more than 20 minutes and I do, but I fall out of habit by the end of the week and am stuck skipping class to lay in bed and feel bad about myself.

I don’t know what to do and no one believes me because i have good grades and a sense of humor

And maybe her point about over generalizing my feelings and ignoring my happy moments is valid, but… I don’t know what to do with that because everything sucks most of the time

[meangreenbeanz]

i’m hungry all the time lately. and angry, full of rage. i’m restless, bored, can’t sit still. always fidgeting, picking at my skin. i only want to lie in bed. i can’t move. feel the artistic impulse i must create no one can stop me from making art. i want to smear paint on the walls, dance to the music in my head, run through the streets, run till im out of breath, feel the burning in my lungs, sharp pain in my ribs, run until i can’t anymore, never stop running, never cease. no motivation to do anything real anymore happiness is a fleeting dream. studying makes me sick. but im always sick my stomach hurts, dark cloud of constantly feeling like there must be something more than this. what am i working towards? becoming the one i hate? where does this lead but mundane piece of a corporate machine inevitable destruction . this angers me. all angers me but i mustn’t scream i must instead attend lecture and politely raise my hand and attentively pretend like the quotidian is worthwhile and study like i care because i do care, i care so mush and i wish i didnt, but i care so much that it hurts and i let that define me. i want to destroy something i want to shout and be wild and free unbothered joyfully expressive of all things i am hungry yes metaphorically i crave meaning but also physically hungry i must eat all the time i need i need i need

[meangreenbeanz]

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed—and gazed—but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

-William Wordsworth

[meangreenbeanz]

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold

-by William Carlos Williams

[meangreenbeanz]

Come, my friends,

'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Though much is taken, much abides; and though

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

-Ulysses, Lord Alfred Tennyson

[meangreenbeanz]

“ I don't know exactly what a prayer is. / I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down / into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, / how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, / which is what I have been doing all day. / Tell me, what else should I have done? / Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? / Tell me, what is it you plan to do /with your one wild and precious life?”

— except from “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver

Photos taken on a rambling walk by the cow pastures!

[meangreenbeanz]

If anything, this is more of an invitation

[meangreenbeanz]

Welcome, Spring!! The air was perfumed today with roses and sunshine!

[meangreenbeanz]

Here’s a photo dump from an abandoned construction site. I still don’t know what to title this collection, if you have ideas, let me know :)

[meangreenbeanz]

Do we think the snake is mostly neck or mostly tail? Here’s a helpful visual:

The snake is mostly:

Neck

Tail

Voting ended onFeb 21, 2024

[meangreenbeanz]

The best part of Mardi Gras, objectively, is the giant glowing alligator.

[meangreenbeanz]

My favorite part of Mardi Gras is making weird little bead creations :)

[meangreenbeanz]

There’s only one singular trumpet player in our ensemble, yet our director (who writes the parts himself) consistently gives him parts labeled “second trumpet”

[meangreenbeanz]

Photos I took of an abandoned house. Inside, I found hundreds of National Geographic magazines, but they were in poor condition.

[meangreenbeanz]

Photos I took of bugs under a microscope

Who would have known that butterfly wings are scaly? Bugs are surprisingly hairy

[meangreenbeanz]

So my grandma is out of town and asked me to check up on her cat because she was worried about the cold. I sent her this: