Let’s mess with me...
All at once. Issues stacking, motivation lacking. Wanderlust gone and yet the worst hasn’t come? Life has gone wrong with me and for some reason i took a different path. I took a turn on the highway and drove off to the little side roads. Some may be rough and difficult to pass but once i’m through it... i can’t wait to feel that rush of joy and happiness. I can’t wait to scream and shout what i’ve accompliced. I can”t wait to show them where i’ve been. I used to be the sillent one but i got sick of it and decided to raise my voice. Here’s what i’ve learned so far. Here’s what i’ve been up to lately.
I found true love, lost it and got back at it again. You’re free to judge but let me first talk about the issue. Hurting and loving, such a small line between them. Let me talk about the confusion and how many times i got blown away by the cruel other people can create. And what about work and passion. There’s nothing more painfull than the feeling of rejection. But fast forward to 2017... here’s a little update. Issues stacking, motivation lacking. wanderlust is gone and i believe the worst hasn’t come.. yet.
Love life:
My boyfriend and i broke up last year around this time. Thruth to be told... i was devestated. I felt like shit. And with thruth to be told... i could have slipped into depression. I was so heartbroken and in pain. I just couldn’t life anymore. My life got so nasty and painfull. There were nights i cried my eyes out and the only thing i could see was him. I’m gonna be honest... i though about ending my life. Cruel to say and even know it brings up tears just thinking about that time and that thought. Many times i thought about it. many times i could have actually done it. But something inside of me held me back. Something in my body kept me from doing something really, really stupid. Back then i thought about my funeral, i thought about the way i would or could end. i thought about the newspaper i would show up in, i thought about the weather it would be. i thought about the people that known would react (inculding my boyfriend). but then it hit me. I thought about my family i would leave behind. I thought about the pain i would give them. I would leave them devestated and heartbroken... just the way i was feeling at that time. It’s such an cruel feeling. It hurts just thinking about it.
