Low Taper Fade Jamie

She/her, This is a blog for stupid musicposting (God save us all) I get up, get up, and the day is ruined again.

[mechaneondemon73]

[mechaneondemon73]

One of the greatest songs of all time

[streethorrrsey]

Meowmie Stewart

[nurse-w1th-wound]

Solar and logical, decadent symmetrical, angels are mathematical ☆

It's MY art school project and I WILL make it based on a schizophrenic gay british band

[mechaneondemon73]

Chocolate girl animal collective save me chocolate girl animal collective

[mechaneondemon73]

I wrote some painfully corny lyrics cuz I’m on my meds idek tbh (content warming for vague gross body descriptions and sex but this is Xiu Xiu blog lmao)

“They have yet to figure out how to cage a thing like you

Their modern sciences will always (> 3) finger them (NO LUBE!!!)

They refuse to study a freak like me too

For fear that too much Windex (tm) has been used

Please rescue my nonexistent Benjamins from evil bank account

I pledge them to you, my ideal stranger

Thank you for separating my fear response from my erection

It was getting hard (el oh el) to tell if I should scream or cream

Pink yellow black pink yellow black pink yellow

No lover letter complete without its stamp

Pink yellow black pink yellow black red green

My blood and bile spell out the return address”

[mechaneondemon73]

4chan Jamie Stewart: “Your acne is like a gem, mine, I swear, is brimstone”

[mechaneondemon73]

[mechaneondemon73]

yea alright

[mechaneondemon73]

IM VERY RESPONSIBLE WITH MY MONEY.

[mechaneondemon73]

It’s funny how Suha has such a different meaning to me than the intended takeaway. I’ve discussed suicide a lot with one of my best friends right now who feels the same way about it and life in general and in typical Gen Z fashion we call each other “twin”. I’m watching my twin want to die and I want to hump that cop too. I wonder if Jamie would find that funny if we ever spoke or if this is the worst parasocial relationship ever and they’d cut open my forehead with a roofing shingle

[mechaneondemon73]

A Kill Rock Stars mix but DESPITE RELEASING IN 2003 THERES NO XIU XIU ON IT… YOU HAD KNIFE PLAY AND MAYBE A PROMISE (I DIDNT CHECK) TO WORK WITH. W Deerhoof and Unwound though

The rest of the haul btw

[mechaneondemon73]

La Forêt is like the most ignored Xiu Xiu album ever for no good reason that shit slaps but nobody talks about it

[uboatheflesh]

Today, I have outlived the release of this record by 7 years. Would be nice if this record would be less relevant, and was simply detailing a difficult time in both my life and in our shared history that has long since been confined to the past. Sadly our world had other plans. So did my autonomic nervous system. It never ceases to surprise me when somebody states that this record helped them come out. If being trans is social contagion that spreads by promising happiness, then this is probably the worst advertisement for 'transgender ideology' conceivable. Probably because it is evident that transitioning has nothing to do with happiness at all. I am still not a happy individual, and have come to accept I likely never will be. If you start using a utilitarian calculus on your own life - and your life has been a difficult one simply because of who you are - then you quickly come to some dark conclusions. That is exactly how I ended up in the ER of St. Vincent's Hospital months prior to this records release. I didn't realise this record was 'honest'. In reality, I censored the lyrics heavily in order to obscure references to real people using metaphor. Stuck on what to sing about, I was told to "write what you know". I followed this advice literally. I wasn't really aware of the taboo around singing about the topics of the record things I discussed - depression, dysphoria, regret, sex work, abuse etc. It is honest simply as I did not read the room. I did not realise that for most people in music social convenience and money were more important. Things are more difficult now than ever. They may be difficult for the rest of our lives. But what makes lives bearable is not happiness. Happiness means very little if you are surrounded by lies. Suffering likewise becomes unbearably pointless without reference to a truth. Without truth - and acting faithfully upon that truth - nothing is bearable. That is why we have such high rates of attempted and completed ... well, you all know the story of the cover already. However, I'd still like to make a case for remaining alive. -- 2026 marks 10 years since I came out and began medical transitioning. As of a few days ago, I am on the waitlist for a sex change (yes, sex can indeed be changed!). I tasked for a BA too, as Ritalin seems to keep me too thin and flat for my liking. The list is free but the wait is years long - and I still have a lot of rehabilitation from chronic illness to do before getting a surgery that will mess me up for months (and will itself require more rehabilitation). However, the very fact that such a service exists - provided by the Monash Gender Clinic - is a privilege, even if it is slow. The wait is likely going to be more painful than the recovery, the dilation or the inevitable complications. I thought I had minimal dysphoria regarding my genitalia, but really it was cope. It built up slowly over time the more I neglected it, to the point of it wrecking havoc on my self-confidence and relationships. I'd like to wear a bikini or use a change room without my life being in danger. I'd like to have a comfortable bath without bubbles or sex without zoning out. I just want to be done with it, so I can move onto the next problem. Sorry, chasers. But turns out despite all the truthfulness I allegedly demonstrated in my music, I still wasn't being totally truthful with myself. --

And that is really what the record is about. Admittedly it has taken me years to really understand my own record, as I was very dissociated while making it (while abusing dissociatives). It isn't primarily about depression, or any specific mental malaise. Many cis people seem to get the record too - so it is more than about being a stereotypically depressed transsexual too. It's about something else, perhaps. While it is true that truth is good, it is not even remotely pleasurable. It has nothing to do with happiness. It is often completely indifferent to our wellbeing. For Plato, escaping the cave is certainly not pleasurable. It is easier to remain in there seduced by the puppets casting funny little shadows on the walls. The light outside hurts. It's too bright. But there are far more important things at stake. "Slowly, [her] eyes adjust to the light of the sun. First [she] can see only shadows. Gradually [she] can see the reflections of people and things in water and then later see the people and things themselves. Eventually, [she] is able to look at the stars and moon at night until finally [she] can look upon the sun itself." (edit mine) Upon seeing the sun for the first time, would it not make sense for this prisoner to feel a deep and profound grief? Would there not be a period of mourning all those years misspent in the cave? The discovery of a truth is not joyous - truth rarely has anything to do with joy at all. Truth hurts. Facts don't care about feelings. Why is truth so slow, and so difficult to encounter? Why is she so fragile that it can easily be redacted without consequence, or shattered under the butt of a gun? This mourning is also melancholia, as not some external object that is lost, but ourselves. We are nothing without the truths that make our life intelligible and bearable. Once you start seeing truth as painful, suddenly the horrid age we live in makes a lot more sense. Might as well just seek (sadistic, nihilistic, empty) pleasure instead. It is certainly easier. So I guess that's the message: be honest with yourself even if it makes everything worse. Live for something more than happiness. Don't survive merely out of spite, as spite alone does not grant a life meaning. Nor does happiness. Something more is needed. Live for a truth that cannot be calculated, even if it tortures you. No love, artwork, scientific discovery or political revolution - or transition - can be reduced to a mere utilitarian calculus. You don't need to believe in a god to commit oneself to the Absolute. You won't have fun, and you won't be happy. There's unlikely to be any reward for doing so in the hereafter. But you will be able to bear the life that you currently have. You will have a life that makes sense. Love what you will never believe twice. Fight for it too.

Happy valentines day -Xandra

[postpuke-medcall]

[mutilnation]

jaime stewart kawaii edit

[nurse-w1th-wound]

The three genders: Haus der Lüge horse, Horse Rotorvator and Hee Haw donkey tag yourself